


Lost Woods

by NeverBeenACorpse



Series: Drarry: Lost Woods [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood and Injury, Boys Kissing, Child Abuse, Explicit Language, Falling In Love, Fist Fighting, Graphic Description, Hate, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Male Slash, Requited Love, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Trust, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:40:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 104,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4689377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverBeenACorpse/pseuds/NeverBeenACorpse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has been kidnapped from Hogwarts, and Draco is part of the plan. But a faulty Portkey takes them both to an unknown location, and without any way to know where they are or what they're doing there, they have to survive.<br/>It's the 5th year of their Hogwarts-education, with some non-canon changes and hints.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something went wrong

**Author's Note:**

> The story continues for quite some time even after their journey in the woods, and I've ignored most of the Order of the Phoenix so far. There may be other changes from canon as well, as I've focused a lot more on the relationship and interactions then the actual books and HP-history.  
> There's some graphical sex-scenes later on, hints of serious abuse, graphical violence (mostly in the beginning), graphic self-harm scenes, sexual and romantic themes, and some homophobia (but only from specific characters).  
> And a lot of nice things as well, but I don't feel the need to warn about that <3  
> Leave kudos and comments, and I PROMISE I'll finish this! It's just gonna be a lot of story until it's done ^^

Something had happened.   
As they touched the Portkey, the familiar pull in his stomach was there, but as they were swept away, he felt that something was seriously wrong.   
He tried to let go but it was too late and he couldn’t even scream for his father, and on the other side were that familiar shape, that black hair and burning scar he hated, this was not right, this was not as it was supposed to happen!   
His feet touched ground, his knees weak but he let to of the Portkey and drew his first breath still standing, and screamed.   
”FATHER!”  
The only response was a thud of a body next to him, and he turned around with light feet and heavy heart and saw the same hair, the same thin, scrawly body in dirty black robes and lost breath. This was not the plan, this was not part of the plan!  
The lifeless body all but forgotten, he turned around, and saw his surroundings with a paniked eye - trees, bushes, grass, a still river not far away, an overgrown stone wall crumbling with time and the blue sky above them.   
This was not where he was supposed to be!  
”FAATHEEER!”  
The sound echoed back at him, and he began to loose control. His knees gave away, his hands tried to catch his fall but failed and he lay in a sprawling pile of limbs and ropes and still with his wand in hand. Not that it would do anything now. His father, and all other Death Eaters, were locked away in a safe space, unreachable by any magical means, all until the ritual was complete. To which his part was important, crucial even, and now…   
”FAAAATHEEEER!!”  
He tried to think, unable to get any whole ideas to form, he slammed his fist into the dirt around him, digging his fingers into the earth in desperation, forehead laying against the cool, damp ground. He hated filth. He hated nature; it was wild, uncontrollable, unpredictable, filthy, but he couldn’t get his priorities right, he couldn’t even think. 

”FUUUUCK!”  
”SHUT UP!” The voice was not his, he realised with a chock. Fuck. Potter.   
He rose, quick on his feet before Potter got his bearings back, before he got the upper hand, and threw his fist into a punch aimed att that disgusting mudblood-face. He felt several instances of sharp pain around his knuckles as his fist made contact with Potters face, especially his glasses - the metal bent, glas cracked, the damped sound of skin and flesh pressed together with force, a soft crack as cartilage got torn lose and misplaced inside the skin.   
As Potter hit the ground, his body almost lifeless at first, only to move his hands to cover his face, especially his nose, and Draco stood ready above him, fists clenched and a hateful scorn all over his pale face.   
”THIS IS YOUR FAULT, POTTER! Where the FUCK are we? FATHER!” he screamed, first at Harrys moaning form and the into the woods around him, turning in a circle in hopeless vain.   
He didn’t get a response and looked down at his captive again, placing a heavy foot in his side and hearing the breath leave his writhing body.   
”What the fuck did you do? What did you change? How the fuck could you have known about the Portkey, Potter?” When he only moaned as an answer, Malfoy put another kick to his ribs. ”ANSWER ME!”  
A sob came from the writhing form, and Draco realised he might not be able to talk if his nose was broken. Hunching down beside him, he grabbed Potters wrists and forced them away from his face. The sight was quite gruesome, but not as bad as it could have been. The glasses were bent and cracked, but still keeping together, and there was no flowing amount of blood pouring from his nose, just a small smudge over his upper lip. With a quick flick of his wand and a casual word, the bridge of the nose shrank back and straightened, leaving an unbroken nose but still a minor nosebleed and the pain of a slowly healing crack. He even made a minor repair to the broken glass in Harrys glasses.   
”Fuck you Potter, answer me! How did you know about the Portkey? How could you have tampered with it? What the fuck did you do?!”  
Harry glanced back on blank eyes, unable to focus but trying to meet Malfoys eyes, trying to get his bearings on where he was, what had happened, anything from the past few hours. Malfoy shook his shoulders and continued to scream, demanding and answer to a question which wasn’t his to answer and his head got slapped into the ground and his sight blackened for a moment.   
”Stop, what the fuck!” Potters hands reached up and tried to grab Malfoys cloak, his arms, get him t stop, but his strength was fading and he felt the edges of his thoughts blur together. ”Stop…!”  
As Potters body lost it’s last strength Malfoy realised what he was doing, and let his shoulders go, settling down on the ground beside him. He wand laying next to him on the ground, but he didn’t really know what to do, so he reached forward and slapped Harry across the face.   
”Wake up!” But nothing happened, and another wave of panic got to him, and he was soon leaning over the lifeless body before him, wand in hand, though without a clue of what to do now. ”Potter? Potter, wake up, stop this! Where are we? Potter?”  
A thin moan got out of Harrys throat and his arms began to move, his eyes even opened to reveal a thin glimpse of green irises before another moan and then his whole relaxed.   
”Potter?” No response. ”Potter! Potter, seriously, you can’t leave me here…!”   
Harrys arms shot up and grabbed Malfoy by his shirt and pushed with such force that they both fell over, Harry on top, struggling to pin Malfoys hands to the ground. Placing his knee on one side and trying to not get kicked by Malfoys thrashing legs, he got hold of his wrists, pushed them down, and forced Malfoy to lay somewhat still. His eyes were wide open and staring into Malfoys with such hate and force that he stopped struggling, locked in Potters gaze, hands pinned to the ground and the full weight of potter on top his midsection.   
”WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHERE ARE MY FRIENDS?”  
The pure force in Harrys voice was enough to scare Malfoy enough that he forgot to answer, which gained him a headbutt and he almost screamed as his scalp bounced of the dirt under him.   
”ANSWER YOU FUCK!”  
”I DON’T KNOW!” Malfoy screamed.   
”YOU’RE LYING!”   
”NO! Stop! This wasn’t supposed to happen! you weren’t supposed…”  
”WHAT?”  
”Your weren’t supposed to follow! It wasn’t supposed to be you! I don’t even fucking know where we are, fuck, I don’t know what even happened back there!”  
Somewhat more calm, still with hate in his eyes, Harry said ”You’re lying. Where are my friends? What happened to them?”  
”I don’t know! I promise!”  
”Your promise ain’t worth shit, Malfoy!”   
”You fucking…!”  
With a sudden pull he managed to get one of his hands free, and aimed a punch to Harrys head, but Harry deflected the blow. It made him weaken the hold of Malfoys other arm though, and soon they were both struggling to control the other, Harry using his whole body to remain on top and Draco writhing on the ground and trying to place a blow on something vital.   
”Stop!”  
Harry was sitting still now, only deflecting blows and pinning Draco with his legs, but Draco didn’t stop punching.   
”STOP! Seriously! This won’t solve anything!”  
”Then fucking get off me!”  
Draco stopped struggling long enough for Harry to roll off and get to his knees some distance away from Draco, who sat up and mindlessly straightened his robes as they stared each other down.   
Silence lasted for some time, until Harry broke it.   
”Why did you hit me, jerk?”  
Draco was a bit taken aback; it was not the first question he expected. ”Because you fucked up the plan! How the fuck did you change the destination on the Portkey?”  
”I didn’t do shit! I had no fucking clue what was going on! I had just woken up from a fucking poison-induced fainting, I don’t even knew what was happening!”   
”Fuck off, Potter! What did you do?!”   
Potter stood up and screamed down and Draco ”I DIDN’T DO SHIT YOU LITTLE ASS-FACE!”  
Draco got to his feet and ready to hit him again, fists clenched at his sides, but Harry backed away and put his hands up, palms facing Draco, indicating they both should just stop.   
”This isn’t gonna get any fucking easier if we end up killing each other, so stop trying to hit me, ferret-face!”  
Feeling a well-known warmth flush his face at the mention of that embarrassing episode, Draco threw a punch, without really aiming, and Harry easy sidestepped.   
”DON’T FUCKING CALL ME THAT!”  
”Stop trying to hit me and I might, ferret-face!”  
”SHUT UP!” But he stood his ground, fists clenched tight but at his sides, some muscles in his arms spasming, his face still warm with embarrassment, but not trying anything. Both stood still, eyes locked and bodies ready, in case the other tried something, and finally Harry stoke again.   
”I have no idea of what just happened, or where we are. What I do know is that I was at Hogwarts, then something made people panic and run, I got stuck and something hit me. Next I know I’m surrounded by Death Eaters, and you…”  
”Fuck off Potter.”  
”… and I panicked, okay? I didn’t know what I was doing, I just grabbed something, and suddenly I was flying through space with you and knocked cleanly to the ground. So why the fuck did you hit me?”  
Draco tried to think of something, see through Harrys lies, but he didn’t know what to think.   
”You’re a fucking liar Potter.”  
”And you’re a dirty ferret…”  
”SHUT UP!”  
”… without his fucking father to help him. How fucking sad.”  
”At least I didn’t get kidnapped with a fucking first-class poison and a minor distraction!”  
”Oh, fucking focus on that, ass-hat, while I try to figure out where the fuck we are!” Harry turned his side to Draco and scanned the surroundings, getting sight of the crumbling wall, but never turning his back fully to Draco.   
Draco tried to calm down, but his blood was pounding and he was sure he was still blushing. His mind raced with theories about what had happened, why Potter was here with him and why they were both in the middle of fucking nowhere, if the plan had failed, if the Death Eaters even knew what had happened and if his father would blame him for all this. Of course my father’s gonna blame me, Draco realised with building fear. This wasn’t supposed to happen, I fucked up, and now Harry’s here with me, I don’t even know where we are, he’s gonna be so angry with me…   
Dracos eyes fell to the ground and he started hyperventilating, remembering his fathers wrath throughout his childhood, those few special episodes were it wasn’t just disappointment at his failures, but full out wrath. His thoughts got stuck in the same dungeon where they’d taken Potter, before the Portkey got them away, he heard his father scream at him as his mother stood by the side, her scowl more prominent then the times they were forced to mingle with Mudbloods, he tried to think, to apologise, tried to…   
”Draco? What’s happening?” Harry turned back to Malfoy only to see him standing paralysed, body shaking as with fever, eyes wide and locked to the ground. ”Malfoy?”  
”I fucked up, he’s gonna be so mad, he’s gonna let You-Know-Who punish me, fuck…”  
Harry took a few steps closer, almost close enough to touch but careful to still be able to jump back or block in case of a sudden punch, like earlier.   
”Draco? Are you okay?”   
”okay?” Draco meet Harrys eyes, his look wild and scared. ”How can I be okay? My father’s gonna punish me, he’s gonna hand me over as a failure to the Dark Lord and they’re gonna… oh Merlin…”  
Harry was too chocked to know what to say. This was not what he expected.   
”I was supposed to… The plan… I need to get back! I need to get back NOW!”   
Harry put up his hands before him as Dracos pose went from scared to hysterical to furious in just a few seconds. ”Draco, we don’t even know where we are, how could we get back?”  
”I don’t know, I just need to! I can’t stay here!”  
”But we don’t even know which way leads somewhere!”  
”I don’t care, I need to… If I get to some kind of city, of house, or something, then we could… Maybe there’s a spell…?”  
”Draco…”  
”Shut up Potter! You’re supposed to be dead! You’re not…!”  
”Well fuck me if I don’t drop dead right here and now, but I left my oven on and forgot to feed the cat!”  
”Stop doing that!” Draco pulled out his wand and pointed it at Harrys chest. ”I could kill you here and now! Don’t think there’s anything stopping me!”  
”Right, like that’s gonna help anything! You know what happened last time someone tried to use the killing spell on me, I got a fucking scar and they died! You think you’re stronger then Voldemort, the fucking Dark Lord of the Wizarding world, then fucking try it! Good luck bringing proof back to anyone who cares though, unless you’ve been working out in secret, but I’ve heard even a weightless body is fucking impossible to carry long distances!”  
Draco looked witless, mouth slightly agape and eyes unfocused, wand still pointing straight at Harrys chest. The lack of a burning comeback made Harry think again, and he actually saw Draco; the white knuckles around his wand, how his eyes didn’t really see anything present, the cold sweat across his forehead, and recognised that this wasn’t just the present mishap; this was trauma at a much deeper level. And Harry had long experience with the symptoms of PTSD, how it was to live through hell at the smallest flashback, and his anger at being threatened to death all but disappeared. Instead, he tried to be calm, but fear still held him; he had no idea what had caused this flashback in Draco, and there was still a wand pointing pretty much at his heart.   
”Draco…”  
”No, you listen, Potter! This is your fault, and those filthy Mudblood ’friends’ of yours! If they’d just stayed where they belong, if they would just stop infiltrating the Wizarding world and destroying everything around them with their filthy touch…”  
”Draco! Stop!”  
”… you don’t get it! You don’t get what it’s like to always have to be there when they’d fucked something up! Every time some Mudblood tries to pass new laws, making it easier for their kind, every time some Muggle almost walked into our society, every time I had to be the one to take the hell they caused! Every time…”  
Harry didn’t dare go closer, but he had to, and with hands raised he hoped Draco wouldn’t notice the small steps he took to get closer. ”Please, put down your wand, we…”  
”NO! ’We’ can not! There’s no ’we’, there’s just you, a filthy Mudblood, the one who had to destroy everything, all the time! I’m so sick of being the one who gets punished for it! I’m so fucking sick of your undeserved fame, of your pet Mudblood, that Granger, always getting higher grades then me! Do you know what he does to me, every time she gets more praise then me? Do you?!”  
”Draco, I understand…”  
”NO YOU DON’T! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE, TO NEVER BE ABLE TO SLEEP! TO SPEND WEEKS HIDING THE BRUISES! To… to not be able to…”  
Before Harrys eyes, Draco let his wand fall, and he fell to his knees.   
”I need to get back, I need to explain… This wasn’t my fault!”  
Harry walked closer, slowly, until he could reach the wand lying on the ground. He kicked it away, but Draco didn’t seem to notice, or care, and when Harry kneeled down beside him he saw Dracos eyes; they were bloodshot, but dry, not a single tear down his face. His breathing was shallow, he had a hand over his chest and looked at nothing that Harry could see, but he still knew that face, that pose. Creeping closer on his knees, he sat down just beside Draco, not close enough for their legs to touch, and extended a hand, slowly, to touch Dracos shoulder.   
As soon as his hand touched the robe over Dracos back, Draco jerked, and turned to face him, staring right into his eyes but without seeing them. He kept quiet though, his breath still uneven and shallow, and Harry let his hand fall to his knees, but kept his eyes locked with Dracos.   
”I’m sorry.”  
Draco pulled back a bit, ar surprised Harry could talk, but didn’t break eye-contact.   
”I’m sorry for calling you names earlier.”  
”No, you’re not.” Dracos voice was thin, almost below hearing.   
”I’m sorry I didn’t understand earlier.”  
”What, what do you…”  
”I’m sorry I… Draco, I’m sorry for being self-centred enough to not realise what you’re going through. All these years…”  
”I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
”We don’t need to talk… about that… now, we can talk about, like, how was your dinner?”  
Draco squinted at Harry, surprised at the change of topic, but his eyes were still bloodshot, his hand still over his chest.  
”I… well, I had some vegetables and potatoes, and some beef, I think, though it tasted different the usually. I guess it was some meatless product or something, which was strange, but I guess it was nice. Better then what they served last week, anyway! That stew was really weird. Don’t you think?”  
”I… I guess so.”  
Harry suppressed a thin smile at the progress. The only thing important now was to get Draco back from his memories, to get him to become himself again. Mindless discussion went a long way trying to handle a broken mind at it’s breaking point, until the feelings and circular thoughts were somewhat under control.   
”My favourite food is treacle tarts, you know. They should serve them more often.”  
”That’s not even food…”  
”I know, but I like it a lot anyway.”  
They were silent for a while, and Draco managed to get his breathing almost back to normal, and Harry let himself almost smile.   
”Draco, I’m really sorry, I should have understood, I mean, I’ve been going through almost the same thing, I should have seen the signs much earlier, but, I guess, I was just too self-centred, I…”  
”What the fuck are you talking about?”  
Harry paused, not really able to continue. But he didn’t know where he was, why he’d been transported here, and really, there was a bigger chance of getting home if he and Draco could help each other out. Alone, they might not make it, and he’d just learned something new about this person. Something that made a lot of difference. And he felt like, if they were supposed to not kill each other out here, maybe he should share something that Draco might understand. Something that could weigh up what Draco had just showed him, so that they were on the same side of the scale.   
”Do you know anything about the muggles I grew up with? They… well, they were not closely related to me, but the only family I had, so I guess it made sense to leave me with them when my parents died, but I wish with everything in my being that it could have been different. I mean, they weren’t that bad, they didn’t hit me that often and I only had to make breakfast during work-days, but sometimes they could be… well… Sometimes it really hurt. And sometimes, when I’d done something, or when Dudley, that’s my cousin, told his parents I’d done something, they wouldn’t feed me, and sometimes it went days without a proper meal for me, because they had this lock on the scrub that was my room, under the stairs, so I couldn’t really sneak out and get anything, and… well, sometimes I really wish I could have… you know, not been there, but… it wasn’t really all that bad, lots of people have it worse. And it made me so much more happy when I realised I’m a wizard, and that my parents were wizards, and… eh…”  
Harry trailed of, loosing both words and breath, and he didn’t really want to talk about this.   
”I’m sorry, because I should have known what you were going through and done something, anything, but… I was stuck in my own thoughts, and there was magic everywhere, and everything was so… strange. And then, well, I guess we didn’t get of on the best of ways at first, and suddenly everything was so… I never wanted to be famous, and I guess you hated that about me, and I didn’t understand that then, so I began to hate you back, and…”  
Silence, again. Harry didn’t meet Dracos eyes, but knew he was being watched.   
”We do you tell me this?”  
”Because I want to get home, and I’m probably not gonna do that by myself, and I’d like you not to kill me on the way. And, because I’m sure I can help. Not much, but… I’ve realised, it helps knowing someone that can relate, and maybe even understand, what you’re going through. Doing it alone… that’s the worst thing I can think off. And I’ve almost been killed by Dementors, so I guess I have some knowledge of what I’m talking about.”  
A thin smile, and he managed to look into Dracos eyes, and see that they both were different, but not so much. And he wanted Draco to know that, if nothing else. In the quiet moment between thoughts, their knees almost touching, and Harry felt the need to reach out and lay his hand om Dracos knee. His arm jerked, but he didn’t do it, he didn’t dare.   
”Fuck you Potter.”  
Potters smile disappeared.   
”You think your Muggle-family is anything like my own? My father disciplined me, made me a better person! You’re just a Muggle-loving shit, and you’re nothing like me! My father taught me what was RIGHT, was was JUST and how people like YOU destroy our community, our bloodlines! So what if he hit me - he was right to do so, I was stupid, unruly, and he did what was best for me!”  
Draco got to his feet and away from Harry, breaking contact, staring down at him as he sat still on the ground.   
”I should fucking leave you here you know, let your friends find your half-eaten corpse after some beast got to you. It’s what my father would want, it’s what the Dark Lord would want, I fucking know so, they all want you dead because it’s all YOUR FAULT!”  
Draco began to pace, kicking leaves and stones, not looking at Harry who had gotten to his feet.   
”You say you fucking know and that you’re sorry but your not, you don’t fucking know shit, you just think because you’re all that high and mighty and because everyone loves you and because you’re Dumbledores fucking pet that you can say fucking anything and that’s okay but it’s not! You’re just a fraud, with a Muggle-born mother and you’re not even smart! Everything your do is just what that fucking Granger told you, but you still take all the glory from it, the ’Great Harry Potter’ saves the fucking world again! You have no idea what you’ve done, you’re so fucking busy trying to lick everyones ass that you don’t even realise…” Draco got quiet with a jerk, then kicked the wall with such force that stones broke loose from it, and he just screamed at it.   
Harry had no idea what was going on but he knew that it might not be a good idea to attract too much attention. He took a few steps closer and wanted to tell Draco to calm down, and without thinking he placed a hand om Dracos shoulder.   
Draco spun around and meat Harrys eyes - wide open, brimming with tears, bloodshot.   
”He told me to fuck you so that you’re be broken, me father told me to fucking rape you to demoralise you because he was so fucking disgusted with me. You fucking know what that feels, don’t you, as you know fucking everything about everyone? To have your father tell you to rape someone, to… fuck.”  
Dracos energy seemed to be depleted, as he leaned his back to the wall and just slouched down onto the ground.   
”I can’t fucking do something like that. I know it’s disgusting to be… like this, and I can’t even do anything useful with it! My father has been so forgiving, and patient, with every mistake I’ve done, with the… failure I’ve become. Of course he’d hit me, I don’t fucking deserve anything else! I’m just a disgusting freak, and I can’t even do a single task right!”  
Harry kneeled down beside Draco, put a hand on his shoulder and just sat there quiet, for a while, as Draco leaned his face on his knees, which he hugged close.   
”I knew they’d kill me, it’s all I’ve ever been good for, and now I can’t even do that!”  
”Draco… you really don’t deserve to die.”  
”You’re the one to talk! I’ve done horrible things to get the Dark Lord to get to you; I’ve almost killed you myself with all the things I’ve done for the Death Eaters, and everything has gone wrong! And then they gave me this… last assignment… and I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t do it. Even if it’s you, I just couldn’t do it.  
”I knew they’d kill me today, that’s what the Portkey was about. I don’t know what they were going to do to you, probably something awful but they didn’t trust me with anything, of course, I’m just a stupid brat, not a Death Eater. They never said anything else then that I should take the Portkey and what I should do when I arrived, but I knew what they were going to do, really. It’s not like it’s a secret that You-Know-Who kills anyone that doesn’t deserve to be part of the Death Eaters. I’ve just been the kid of one, and father’s always been loyal, so they spared me because of that. I know it. I’ve seen how they look at me.”  
”Draco…”  
”Fuck you Harry. Don’t come and say you’ll save me or something, or that the idiot Dumbledore will protect me. I know what I’m good for, and it’s not serving. Only thing I’m good for is dying.”  
As Draco became quiet, Harry didn’t know what to think, or say. He’d sometimes thought that Draco might have a hard life, but he never thought anything of this, and he’d really been to preoccupied with fighting Voldemort and just surviving. But he knew that feeling Draco displayed right now; that hopelessness and depression, and he knew that words weren’t gonna do much good.   
So he sat down next to Draco, with his back against the wall, and watched out over the forest before them. Their clothes touched, the heat from their bodies touched, and none of them had anything more to say.


	2. Be very quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending a night in the forest, Harry and Draco have left the worst fighting behind and try to figure out how to get back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is a bit more serious, but still not at my full HP-potential. I still had a lot of research to do to even get the simplest spells down, as it were some time ago I read/saw the stories, and I apologise for any misspelling as well! English is not my main language :3

A lot of time later, he didn’t know how long because he might have dosed off once, Harry got up to his feet.  
Draco moved to get his wand, only to realise his wand-pocket was empty, and he began to look around. Harry, who remembered were he’d kicked the wand earlier, moved to pick it up and toss it over.   
”Why do you have my wand?” Draco asked as Harry picked it up.   
”I didn’t have it, I just knew where you’d dropped it. Here, catch!”   
Dracos eyes widened, but he managed to catch the wand before complaining. ”You can’t just fucking throw wands like that! Don’t you know how dangerous it is? What if you’d accidentally cast a spell or something, before you threw it? No wonder you don’t think twice about starting a fire with wood, seriously.”  
”You really don’t believe I have better wand-control then that?”  
”I wouldn’t trust your wand-control more then I’d trust you with a fire, ass.”  
”Yeah because I’ve survived Voldemort so many times because I’ve just been lucky enough to not curse myself first.”  
”Yeah, something like that…” Draco muttered, as he made a place for his fire, and then muttered a charm to get it going. It was a purple-tinged flame that didn’t create a lot of light, but Harry could feel the heat from were he stood, just a little further away.   
He stood there a while, unsure what to do. Collecting wood had mostly been a way to act and not think, and it had somewhat worked as neither of them were yelling och fighting anymore, but he was really unsure about what to do next. He understood hating the ones that hurt you, to try and rationalise their behaviour ever, but Draco was different it seemed, and he didn’t know what to do with all this knowledge. Had Lucius really ordered Draco to… rape…? He wouldn’t put it past Voldemort to kill someone, or even hurt them before killing them, but this was so absurd. How could the Death Eaters even think this way? Were they really so evil?  
He shook the thought from his mind, he wouldn’t get an answer here and now anyway, and moved to sit by the fire. It was beginning to get dark, and the cold came creeping, and even though it was late summer, bordering to autumn, neither of them had prepared for being outside for long. They both only had their basic school-robes, which were quite adequate to endure both the ht summer days and chilly summer nights, provided you had a castle nearby when it got too chilly. They had not.   
”Where do you think we are?” Draco asked, as Harry sat down opposite the fire from him and leaned against the wall.   
”I have seriously no idea. I didn’t even know this was a Portkey, I only reached for it because you did.”  
”Well fuck you too Potter.”  
”You’re saying you’d rather be alone out here then in my charming company?”  
”I’d rather not be here at all, but thanks for spelling it out to me. I really need your stupid sassy ass to keep me entertained it seems.”  
”Don’t blame me for this - I’ve as little control of this as you!”  
”I still don’t believe you, and I am going to blame you for it. You can try to stop me and I’ll just leave you here, without a fire, and let you hope Voldemort finds you before a hungry beast.”  
Harry leaned back, tired of fighting, even when it only was sharp words, and changed the subject instead.   
”What kind of beasts do you think are out here anyway? We never really covered unknown forests i Defence Against the Dark Arts.”  
Draco was quiet for a while, and Harry turned to see what he was doing, but he was just staring into the dark outside of the soft, purple light of the fire. Harry almost thought of asking again, or commenting on something else, when Draco spoke.   
”I wonder what father is thinking now. If they know we’re even gone yet.”  
Harry turned back to stare at his own spot of darkness, it was really getting dark fast now. It must be past midnight, he thought, or else the trees block out more of the light then he was used to. He looked up, and it did indeed seem that the canopy above them were thick and unrelenting.   
”What were you supposed to do, anyway? If I’ve not followed along.”  
”I was supposed to go to a secret place, and prepare for… well, for a coming ritual.”  
”Which kind of ritual?”  
”Fuck off Potter, I’m not gonna tell you anything about that. There’s a reason knowledge is on a need to know basis among the Death Eaters, and I’m not gonna spill any of it to you. No matter where we are.”  
It was wort a try at least, Harry thought, and looked back up att the canopy above them.   
They were quiet for quite some time, Draco fibbling with something on the ground and Harry drifting away in his thoughts. It was really quiet around them, the wind through leaves and branches, some small mammal sneaking through the undergrowth, a bird chirping some distance away.   
Harry was brought back to the present by a grumbling noise that only grew louder, and looked around in alarm, only to realise it was his own stomach. As if their bodies were thinking the same thing, Dracos stomach gave off an impressive grumble of itself soon after.   
”Do you think anyone will find us soon?” Harry asked, without really hoping for an answer.   
”I don’t know. They might be looking for you, but I should be at the… eh… a secret place right now. Maybe they’re not even looking. Preparing takes hours, at least, and you’re with me, so… ” Draco shrugged and continued to look down into the ground. ”Maybe they’re just going about as planned, even without you, if they think you’re safe with me.”  
”Safe clearly being a relative term, were I’m concerned.”  
”Fuck off” Draco answered but without real sting.   
Harry looked over and tried to formulate how he was gonna bring up the subject of food.   
”Maybe… maybe if they’re not really looking for us, we might be here for a while. Guess we could… I don’t know, it’s getting cold, and I’m getting really hungry.”  
Draco was quiet for a while before answering. ”Do you always think with your stomach, Potter?”  
”Well… eh, not always, but…”  
”Liar.”  
”You’re to speak, you’re practically made of lies, ferret-face.”  
”Stop calling me that!”   
”Well, help me find some food and I might think about it.”  
”You’re a fucking idiot, you think I won’t actually kill you if I need to?”  
Draco was standing now, hand on his wand, full attention on Harry, who had gotten up to a crouch. Harry surveyed the sight for a while before answering.   
”No, I don’t think you’d kill me in cold blood at least, and I know you’re just as hungry as I am. I heard your stomach earlier, you know.”  
Draco looked like he might say something, but didn’t, and Harry got to his feet.   
”okey, it’s fair to not call you ferret” Dracos face twitched and fingers curled, but didn’t grip the wand or bring it out. ”after everything, I don’t think we’re gonna be much better off just sitting here all night. And like I said earlier, I don’t really think we’re gonna make it far without help, especially if we’re alone in here, so I do think your best option right now is to actually work with me.”  
Draco thought for a while, but ended up letting his hand fall to his side and relaxing his stance, but with eyes still looking for trouble and never leaving Harry. ”okey. Fuck it. I’m too hungry for this anyway. Do your thing, and good luck finding a fucking buffé out here, but please tell me if you do!”  
”Ass. I’m gonna pull out my wand no, to get some light. Please don’t fry me just because you got scared or something.”  
”I’m NOT scared, okey, so fuck off!”   
”Please, feel free to continue insulting me, I love it when you talk dirty.”  
Dracos face reddened, and Harry muttered lumos and walked off before he could come up with some comeback or throw a curse at him. 

Draco stood still by the wall, trying to think of something to do. He couldn’t just kill Harry, because, well, because You-Know-Who wouldn’t want him to, and because he didn’t really know anything about the wild outside of what the school had taught him and he hated to admit it, but it would probably be easier if he got Harry to help him get back. He could turn him over then, if they reached some sort of civilisation and got hold of some way to contact his parents.   
Restless, he started to pace, and even got his wand up for some light. He thought about getting some food, but had no idea what to look after, so he began to survey their surroundings. The wall had been part of something, but was just a free standing corner of a house or fence. It made for good cover from wind, as long as it didn’t rain too bad. He didn’t see any other structure nearby, but his light wasn’t that bright, and it really was dark. He didn’t dare walk too far from the purple fire, in case he got lost, convincing himself it was only because of how good a cover the wall made, but he was beginning to get scared. Darkness had never been a true friend, no matter how much he’d wanted it to.   
The fire sat outside of the bend in the wall, so he moved it ’inside’, as he liked to think of it, and removed some of the worst rocks and branches. If he was gonna stay here any longer, he at least wanted a comfortable place to stay. He made the fire a bit bigger, and warmer, and continued to make a decent place to sit down.   
When done, he sat down, and sat still for a while. What the fuck had really happened? He didn’t have any idea you even could tamper with a Portkey after the destination had been decided. And what would happen to the plans? At the thought, he felt the anxiousness rise up in him again, and suddenly he couldn’t seem to breath properly. He didn’t know when Harry’d be back, he didn’t want to stay here alone any longer, he didn’t know how the Death Eaters would react, but in reality the real fear when he thought about his father. What would father do to him, once they got back? If they ever got back? He needed to get back, there was no other option. It wasn’t his fault. Father would listen. If he brought back Harry alive and paralysed his father would be proud.   
He tried to tell himself that, over and over but he still couldn’t breath, he couldn’t focus, he feared what would happen when he got home, he was so scared…   
Suddenly he stod up. I’m not scared! A Malfoy is never scared! He almost shouted it to the woods, he pulled down air and stood facing the dark outside of the timid light of the fire, but then remembered that Harry was out there somewhere. He’d showed so much weakness already. Harry’d be bound to use it against him if he ever got back. Would father trust what Harry said about him, would father…   
He didn’t want to give Harry any more fuel for revenge, so he kept quiet. But he need to do something, or else the thoughts were gonna eat him. He took out his wand, whispered lumos and searched the ground for leaves and anything to make the ’camp’, as it was starting to become, more habitable.   
The work consumed him, or he let himself be consumed, and when Harry came back he didn’t notice at first.   
”It’s getting real nice here, you know.”  
Draco froze, ready to cast a curse. Harry meet his eyes and seemed unfazed, or made a good job of hiding it.   
”It’s nice you made a space for me as well. Would be uncomfortable to sleep too close the first night, you know.” Harry smiled mischievously and Draco felt his face flush and turned away, pocketing his wand. ”Or maybe I’d have slept on the ground, which would have been somewhat more comfortable. At least then I’d be able to make some space..”  
”What do you want, Potter?” Draco had sat down on the space which he thought of as his, and he was still flustered because he’d been too consumed by not thinking about anything that he didn’t notice he’d made a separate space with leaves and moss for Harry.   
Harry dumped a pile of things by the fire, wrapped in part of his cloak, but Draco didn’t give it more then a glance.   
”Found some berries that are edible, I think. I tasted some and I’ve not died yet, so I guess they’re okey, looks like regular blueberries anyway.”  
”Just like you to eat something before knowing if it’s edible.”  
Harry just looked at Draco with tired eyes, and sat down on the other comfortable space against the wall, and started to sort the findings in different piles.   
Draco didn’t really know what to do with himself. It was getting cold, but the fire helped, and he didn’t need to put his hands in his pockets to warm them, but he didn’t know what to to with them, so he did anyway. His eyes were the same; he didn’t want to look at Harry, but there was nothing else going on, just the fire and the darkness, and neither did much good for his ’thought-free’ mentality. So he found himself time and again looking at Harrys hands, as he sorted the berries and leaves, and picked them clean of dirt and the odd insect.   
”Do you want some?” Harry extended an hand toward Draco, filled with berries.  
Draco felt that he’d been caught, but refused to let his face flush again, he’d done that so many times already, and he really didn’t want Harry to see anything more of his thoughts and feelings. He snatched the food, but didn’t really want any. He was hungry, but he didn’t really want food at all. He was still way too anxious. 

Harry sat still, eating his share, just doing nothing. Trying not to think too much, but the fact was that Voldemort was still out there, maybe not looking for him right now, but planning and terrorising his friends. He was sure of it, a grim determination that showed on his face.   
”The dark insulting you or something?”  
”Not yet, but it’s looking at me strangely.”  
”If the darkness if looking back at you, you might have bigger problems.”  
”Such as some big and scary monster, like, I don’t know, Voldemort, is hiding there?”  
”You-Know-Who is not a monster!”  
”Yes he is. He doesn’t even have a nose, or human eyes. And his favorit past-time is killing people. To me, that’s kind of the definition of a monster.”  
”He kills Muggles, like those you’ve grown up with. Or do you love your abusive and fucked up Muggle-loving family, because you know you deserved to have the shit beat out of you?”  
”You’re the one to talk, with a father that would sacrifice you to his master without a doubt!”  
”He would not! He loves me! I’m the one disappointing him all the time!”  
”He’d still hit you enough to make you hyperventilate and the thought of disappointing him!”  
”HE HAS THE RIGHT TO! HE LOVES ME AND WANTS TO MAKE ME BETTER!”  
”Do you really fucking believe that? He doesn’t love you, he never has, he just wants a happy little minion to do his dirty work…”  
”SHUT UP! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!”  
Draco was standing and Harry was on his knees, both flustered with indignation and anger.   
”You have no fucking right to talk about my father!” Draco shouted down at Harry.   
”And you have no right to talk about my family!”  
”So fucking stop doing it!”  
”As soon as you do it, ferret-face!”  
”DON’T FUCKING CALL ME THAT!”  
Harry was just to get up and shout something even worse, and Draco looked ready to punch him, but a sound from the forest made them both keep quiet and listen. It was like a big shuffling among the undergrowth, and suddenly both of them realised that they’ve been screaming their throats out in an unknown forest, with no idea of what lurked behind the trees.   
”Fuck.”  
”Get out the light!” Harry whispered urgently.   
”You get it out, what is that?”  
”I’ve no idea hos to put out a magical fire, and I don’t know whats out there but I’d rather not find out!”  
”Then why are you still talking?”   
”Because you’re still not doing anything about the fire!”  
”Oh.” Draco whispered back at him, crouching down to extinguish the fire, and suddenly they both sat in the darkness, barely able to see each other or even their own hands, and quietly listened for another sound.   
”Do you…?”  
”Quiet!”   
Another shuffling, and both of them scuffled closer to the corner, not taking their eyes from the darkness or their backs from the wall.   
”Move!” Harry said as he almost collided with Draco.   
”You move!”  
”No, you…!”  
A sound, like growling or scraping or maybe just the same shuffle, but closer, made them both shut up and crowd together in the corner of the wall.   
Harry could feel his heart pounding, hear the sound of his own breathing and felt Dracos breath close to him.   
Another sound, this time definitely some kind of growling, probably from a really big creature with lots of fur and teeth and maybe it was a bear, hope it was just a bear, he really hoped it wasn’t something magical that could smell their scent from across the forest.   
They sat as still as they could, listening for anything other then the wind through leaves, and every chirping bird made both of them jump and they had all but forgotten their earlier fight.   
They heard some more shuffling, and Harry could bet it was moving away from them, but Draco still had his arms around Harrys and he could feel both their heartbeats, uneven and fast, but still didn’t see anything outside of their little corner.   
Later, almost hours but probably minutes, they heard a growling again, but this time so far away it was barely audible over the wind. Harry began to relax, though he didn’t move or talk, and Draco was still as tense as before.   
They sat like that, cuddled together in the corner of the free-standing wall, breathing over each others skinn, and feeling each others heartbeats. Harry was tired, but too alert, too scared to do anything other then keep awake, and he didn’t dare move in case Draco began shouting again. Time went slowly, but the dark seemed to make more sense the longer he looked at it, and now when he’d relaxed a bit he wasn’t so uncomfortable. It was at least warmer when they were so close, and he didn’t dare create any kind of fire.   
He might have dosed off, or maybe time went faster when he was just waiting, because he could see the sky beginning to brighten very slowly.   
Letting go of the last terror from the night, Harry closed his eyes and fell asleep quite instantly.


	3. Finding food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunger and fear of the beasts that might be lurking in the forest drives the boys closer, and forces conversations and situations that might not have happened otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos and thanks for reading <3   
> I might have some grammatical errors in this series, tell me if it's something major and I'll try and change it. English is not my native language, but I try :3

When Draco woke up, he knew nothing of where he was, or why. First he didn’t think much of it, he’d get to know when he needed to, and there’d been no need to get up early for a long while.   
Then he began to think about classes, and school, and felt a bit irritated at being forced to sit through classes yet another day. Then he remembered his preparations, but he knew he’d not sleep before everything were perfect, and he did have quiet some time for himself anyway.   
Then he heard snoring, and remembered the Portkey, and the plan, and that Harry had come even though he wasn’t supposed to, and how they’d ended up in the middle of the forest, and how during the night…   
He jerked upright, eyes wide open, looking down at his wrinkly robes, looking back at a Harry who were still asleep with mouth somewhat open and head reasting back again the wall. Draco still saw the impression of his head and shoulders among the wrinkles on Harrys robe, and scuffled away before standing up and thinking about where he’d walk off to.   
”’Morning.”  
Draco spun around and saw Harry stretch his arms above his head, and he tried not to think about how he’d slept against Harrys chest and hoped with all his might that Harry wouldn’t know or notice or ever mention it or…   
”Did you sleep well? Think my arm got a bit stiff by how you hugged it last night.”  
He knew. He knew and now he looked up at Draco, and smiled. Draco felt the heat rise in his face and spun around, thinking a lot of thoughts and none of them happy. 

Harry wanted to snicker at how he’d gotten Draco so flustered with such a small remark, but he didn’t, because he remembered the fight last night and how they’d almost gotten eaten by a bear, or something, because of it, and didn’t really feel like getting into another screaming contest. He took some pride in Dracos inconvenience, even though it was just a petty revenge, and got to his feet.   
His stomach grumbled loudly at the provocation, and he had no idea of what they could eat around here. He thought of how some people at buggs and snails, but he didn’t feel that desperate, and tried instead to remember where he’d found blueberries yesterday.   
He walked up beside Draco, but not close, and stretched some more. Draco still refused to look at him, and no matter how stupid this pompous ass really was, he hadn’t lied much yesterday. He just couldn’t be as angry at Draco anymore, not when he knew what kind of family he’d grown up with. Harry thought of his own childhood-’home’, with the beatings and the small cupboard under the stairs, how that little place had sometimes seemed like the only safe space in the world. He shook the thoughts before he got caught in them - he knew they’d not been right to hit him, he’d learned that during his years at Hogwarts, but it was still easy to get stuck in the mentality that they’d really been justified in how they’d hurt him.   
He shot a look at Draco, but didn’t linger, because he didn’t really know what to say. No matter how much he knew the feelings that Draco might be going through, and what he’d want to say, they were not in the same space, or even the same page. Harry was still quite pissed at Draco for being such a jerk, and how he’d probably gotten Harry into this situation to begin with, and he was sure Draco felt the same. Not great for beginning conversations about abusive guardians.   
”Are you hungry? I think I remember where I found the blueberries from yesterday, if you wanna come help.”  
Draco was quiet, like he hadn’t heard Harry at all. Harry straightened his robes, not that it did much, and tried to manage his hair, but it was unruly as always, and even took off his glasses to inspect the damage. They were a bit bent, but nothing really broken or anything, which was a bit weird, he thought. Draco had punched him square in the face yesterday. Speaking of damages… Harry began to feel his face with his fingers, trying to see what damage he’d sustained yesterday, but beside the flakes of dried blood under his nose, nothing but a few scratches that might have come from trying to scour the bushes for food.   
”I healed your nose, okey? You wouldn’t have been able to answer any other way.”  
Harry looked up, but Draco was still not really looking at him. His pose was a bit more relieved though, and his words were actually without any real malice, just a hint of the regular drawl.   
”Well… Not sure I’ll thank you for it, since you’re the one who punched me to begin with. But I appreciate you not leaving me unconscious in a strange place with a nose that might be broken.”  
Draco snorted, and Harry didn’t even try to decipher it.   
”I’m gonna go look for something, I’m really hungry.” Harry waited for a response, but didn’t get any, so he gave a snort of his own and stomped of. 

Draco didn’t want to think, but couldn’t stop it. He knew the thoughts were bad, and disgusting, but he didn’t have any energy left. His father was going to kill him, or let You-Know-Who do it. The realisation had become acceptance, and he had gone from paralysing fear to… he wasn’t sure. It didn’t really feel like anything at all. Not much different from the times he’d been seriously punished, and were he’d spend hours cleaning wounds and healing bruises. Feelings were always surprisingly absent at those times. He’d always thought it was because his fathers lessons were working, but now he was not so sure anymore. This wasn’t a lesson. This was a failure. Why didn’t he feel like it?  
His stomach grumbled, but it seemed distant, and like it was just pressing a need that it knew would be ignored. He really wasn’t hungry, even though his stomach hurt because it was too empty. But the thought of anything resembling food just made him nauseous.   
Following Harry seemed like the most logical idea, but he didn’t want to, and couldn’t make his limbs move anyway. He just stood there, contemplating his actions and their consequences. The sun was rising, and the heat began to return, but he didn’t feel happy about that at all. How long until they noticed his absence? Should he began to walk? But where?   
Draco did know a spell that pointed out north, but what good did that do when he didn’t know how much north he was? They had no map, no landmark, and only a few fallen down walls.   
Looking around, he wondered if there was anything else here. Why build only one suspected house in the wilderness and then let it crumble? This trail of thought gave Draco some energy back, and he began to slowly comb the area, looking for any sign of settlement or civilisation. 

Harry didn’t find the same spot of berries as yesterday, but he did find a apple-tree, and some berries he was sure wasn’t poisonous. He even tried some, and while they where bitter, he didn’t die or feel to bad over it, so he picked a bunch.   
Having nothing but his robes to hold them in, he thought of transforming a basket or something, but didn’t know what would be easier. After finding both a rock of medium size and passing quite a few branches and bushes what could probably be made into something useful, he took a chance on a smaller bush and pictured a nice-looking basket.   
It worked, but he soon realised it wasn’t the most comfortable way to carry food. The apples weighted more then he’d thought, and having them on only one arm made it hurt quite soon. Maybe it was enough anyway.   
When he choose to walk back, he used his wand and spoke a small charm he’d learned in earlier years, that showed him which way he’d been walking. Finding his way back was much easier in morning light, but he didn’t wanna end up alone in a forest and didn’t trust his sense of space out here, so better safe then sorry.   
When he returned he found that their place close to the wall was abandoned, and he didn’t see Draco.   
At first he didn’t believe Draco would sneak off, not out here, but how much did he really know about Draco? He knew more now then he’d done the same time yesterday, but that was not nearly enough to know how that blonde idiot would handle unforeseen events.   
”Draco? The fuck did you go?”  
Harry didn’t really want to shout, because he still remembered the sounds in the night, and didn’t want to draw too much attention to himself.   
”Draco? I found apples.”  
Putting down the basket he began to walk around their little camp, keeping eyes up for signs of anything. The thought hit him that maybe Draco hadn’t gone voluntarily. Maybe the beast had returned while Draco was alone. Maybe the Death Eaters where lurking close by, and this had been some kind of plot to get him to drop his gard. It did seem like a stupid theory, but he still couldn’t top himself from thinking about it. About what they’d do to him if they found him again. What they might have already done to his friends…   
”Is there anyone out there? Hell…!”  
”Don’t shout! Don’t you remember last night?”  
Harry spun around, wand ready to defend himself, and as he saw the blonde mop of hair and grey eyes he almost let a curse slip, before he remembered that Draco wasn’t supposed to be his enemy out here, at least not right now.   
”The fuck did you go? Did someone come here? Did the Death Eaters…?”  
”Sh, Harry, I was just looking around!” Draco sounded defensive, but his drawl seemed more forced then usually.   
”What where you expecting to find? A highway out of here?”  
”I was just looking! What else am I supposed to do? Sit down and wait nicely for someone to save me? Build a house and prepare to live here forever?”  
”I don’t know, you could have left a… like, a sign or something, so I knew if Voldemort had taken you or… something.”  
Harry heard how stupid it sounded as soon as he said it, and he didn’t really get why he was so irritated that Draco was actually trying to find out where they were.   
”Seriously, what could I have done? Left a bouquet of flowers and an ’I’m sorry, but I’m trying to locate our surroundings’-note? Why are you even doing this, Potter? Don’t fucking tell me you missed me, pathetic ass, I know you’d be just as happy as anyone to see me drop dead.”  
Draco ended the conversation by kicking a rock and walking away, seemingly in the direction of their ’camp’. Harry looked after him and tried to think about what he’d said, and why he’d been so thoughtless, but his stomach growled even more intensely then before so he soon followed, trying not to think about the food they’d probably serve at Hogwarts right now. 

Draco returned to find a ragged and ugly basket filled with apples and berries, which seemed to be at most halfway mature. It was better then nothing, and walking around had made him become hungry for real, so he took one of the bigger apples and sat down.   
Harry arrived right as he took a bite, seemingly trying to step on every branch and dried pile of leaves on his way. He sat down on his own space, adjacent from Draco and with his back against the wall, and grabbed the basket.   
”That has to be the most ugly basket I’ve ever seen.”  
”Yeah, well, it’s not like I had a lot to go on for inspiration.” Harry responded and shoved a handful of berries into his mouth. ”Do you think they’re looking for us?”  
Draco didn’t respond, because he didn’t want to think about it. They should be looking, and they should have found them; there were a lot of charms and curses to find someone, and he didn’t really think this place was in any way protected against prying eyes.   
”I don’t know. They should have discovered I’m not where I should be by now… Father was supposed to come help me, and give me new orders today.”  
Harry thought about it for a while, looking out into the forest. ”Do you think they who changed the destination on the Portkey might have sent us to a protected place? In the sense that they can’t find us here?”   
Harry said it like it wasn’t anything special, just another thought, but it hit Draco hard. What if they couldn’t find him? What if his father was looking, but couldn’t find him?   
What if You-Know-Who thought this was his fault? That Draco was the one behind this all? What if they blamed him, for all of this?  
Suddenly Draco couldn’t breathe. He looked down at the half-eaten apple and felt his stomach turn. What if they think this is my fault?  
”Draco? What’s happening?”  
What if they’re searching but can’t find us? If the place was protected by old charms, if the walls had crumbled but the magic stayed strong, what if they who’d changed the Portkey also had charmed both of them to be undetectable?   
What if You-Know-Who would punish him, like he’d punished traitors?

Harry saw what was happening to Draco, that he couldn’t breathe, the apple falling to the ground and eyes that where staring, wide-eyed, at nothing. He hadn’t really thought this place was protected, he hadn’t given it a second thought before asking, he only thought about keeping a civil conversation, but he should have realised it was going to hit Draco harder. Draco had a lot more to fear - Harry was going to die if they found him, but he’d faced his death so many times that he knew how to handle the fear.   
But Draco was different. He still feared his father, and on top of that Voldemort, who’d torture and kill him just in case he had any information. And if Harry was right, Dracos father would be able to do it to him, or worse, because Draco being his son and his responsibility.   
”Draco? I’m sorry, I didn’t…”  
Draco was shaking and starting to hyperventilate - no matter how much Harry wanted to blame him for everything, he knew what Draco was going through, he knew the paralysing fear that came with trauma, that it was much worse then anything else.   
He couldn’t sit by and watch. He got to his knees, thinking about what to do, not sure how Draco was going to react, but Draco didn’t seem to be there anymore; he was locked in his own mind, in the memories and fears that his father instilled in him since so long, and Harry wanted to protect him. Harry knew what it was like, going through this alone, he’d done it many times before while locked into his cupboard or a school bathroom, filled with fear of going home, and he wanted to hold Draco just because he knew. He got closer, reached out and pulled Draco close, hugging him with all his body, trying to give Draco what he’d never gotten himself. 

Draco couldn’t think. He didn’t know what to do. Thoughts and memories flooded him, nights he’d been locked in the dungeon, weekends without real food, the pain of a belt against his back. He couldn’t get away. He couldn’t stop it.   
Father… Father would be so disappointed. He’d be so angry. And, in truth, Draco was terrified of his father.   
Everything was cold. Everything was the dungeon, cold wall against his back and chains holding his hands above his head, hours passing without being able to pass out or barely close his eyes, hours of thinking about nothing but the metal chafing his wrists, hours of cold dark night in a dank cellar…   
He sensed arms holding him, a heart beating close to his ears, warmth across his body and clothing against his face. It didn’t help; he was still trapped in the dungeon. But it didn’t make it worse, so he didn’t resist, and instead closed his eyes, trying to listen to the beating heart instead of the empty dungeon. 

Harry felt shivers running through Dracos body, and he leaned his head against Dracos and carefully stroked his back, and held him tight against himself. Leaning back against the wall, Dracos head against his chest, he sat there and tried not to think all that much. 

It took a long time for Draco to calm down. Not much went through his head, even though he knew that it was Harry holding him. He wanted to hate it; hate Harry for seeing him like this, secrets he’d hidden so closely for so long, but there wasn’t any place to hide out here. No bathroom to hide in while the worst fear took him, no hidden rooms or empty classrooms in which he could pretend his reality was different.   
He’d thought so long that he needed his father to love him. He still wanted that love. But he didn’t see how he’d ever get it now.   
So he stayed where he was, in Harrys embrace, and let Harry see him at his weakest. Not that it was anything he could change, not now. But no matter how much he wanted to hate it, he couldn’t think any dark thoughts about it, and he couldn’t lie to himself and say that he didn’t feel better like this. 

As Draco began to calm down, Harry began to relax. Draco wasn’t shivering, and was breathing normally again, but Harry still held his arms around him, and so far Draco hadn’t pulled away. Maybe he didn’t want to. Maybe I don’t want him to, either, Harry thought. Quickly dismissing the thought he tried to think of anything else, even though the feeling remained, and he still held Draco close.   
Instead he focused on the basket with fruits. They hadn’t gotten anything real to eat since yesterday, and he really was hungry. He tried not to think about it too much, but his stomach disagreed and launched an aggressive rumbling noise.   
Harry froze. Fuck. This must have been the best way to destroy everything. He felt his face flush, being brought back to reality way too quickly, embarrassed by his body and it’s sounds, and with a feeling that made his face flush even more; the feeling that he didn’t want this moment to end. And that feeling scared him, because he didn’t want to think about why or how. Probably it was just because he empathised with Draco. He’d been there, felt these things, hidden from friends so they couldn’t see the extent of his fear, but he’d had Hermione, and Ron, with their clever words and lojal actions. What did Draco have?  
His stomach interrupted his chain of thought and made another, more aggressive rumbling, and Harrys face was more hot then it’d ever been before. This was not the time for his body to began talking on it’s own!  
To his surprise, he heard a muffled sound he realised was - giggling. First scared, looking around for any intruders who’d misstake the situation for something else then two enemies sharing strength in a traumatising situation, but he realised Draco was shaking. He even felt a hand grab part of his robe, while Dracos form shuddered against Harrys chest.   
Harry was really caught by surprised, but the laughter was contagious, and he did see the absurd in this situation, and soon he was giggling as well. Not that he planned to, and it just made him fluster more, and for a while they both got caught in it, still just holding onto each other.   
When the fun eventually rescinded, Harry just sat still. He didn’t dare move a muscle. Not less then a day ago Draco had threatened to kill him, and he really didn’t know what was gonna happen now, so he didn’t move. His heart was beating, and he hoped Draco wouldn’t hear it, wouldn’t think about it, or wouldn’t think of it as being nothing else then… Harry thought of a lot of reasons, all from fear of dying, of Voldemort, to relief that Draco wasn’t gonna kill him right now, and back to fear that maybe he would. None of those reasons really fit perfectly, so he concluded it had to be a mixup of them all, as it couldn’t be anything else. And he hoped Draco didn’t think anything else about it, either.   
Trying his best not to move he felt that Draco was tense, unmoving, and he got scared that he’d think Harry was holding him back, so Harry let his arms fall to his side and suddenly Draco was sitting up again by his own, with his back against the other bend of the wall, and Harry felt the cool forest air press against his chest where Dracos hand had held his robe, where Dracos head had rested, where his body had been close to his own. It was just that he got cold, and Draco had been so warm, and nothing else that made his heart slow its beating.   
Draco reached for the basket, and Harry didn’t dare look at him, just as Draco seemed to avoid meeting his eyes. They both got a few apples and berries each, in quiet, not even touching when handing over the basket.   
Harry focused on his food, what little there was because he was really hungry. Like really hungry. Not that he had anything to talk about anyway. The quiet was nice, he told himself, the quiet ment that no one had found them, that they where thinking about ways to get back home, that they thought about where to get food… All the things one would think when stuck in the woods with someone they barely knew.   
That Harry still felt the weight of Dracos head against his chest was just because it was warmer this way. And he kept thinking about that laughter and how he’d held his hands around him just because they were both lonely. He hadn’t seen his friends for more then a day now. That’s why this silence felt so… nervous.


	4. A Strange Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enemies try to bridge the gap between them, by talking about regular things, like their favourite food. Somehow it all ends in fighting, but in the end they come to know truths both about the other, and themselves.

Draco didn’t want to think but his mind was really working and he couldn’t control his thoughts. Why had he stayed in that embrace so long when it only made him seem weak? Weakness was bad, and he was showing it to his fathers worst enemy! Wasn’t Harry also his own worst enemy? He should kill him, hate his guts, but he was sitting here eating fucking fruit with him! This shouldn’t happen! But now it was happening. And the silence was pressing. He really wanted Harry to say something.   
But nothing about earlier. Nothing about Dracos weakness. Nothing about… grabbing his robe. Or giggling. Why’d he done that? There was nothing funny about any of this! Maybe it was just a backlash from the negative feelings before that? The body worked in strange ways. Yes, it was probably that. And Harry laughed because he’s an asshole. He probably laughed at Draco. At how weak he was. How pathetic he was…   
”What’s your favourite food?”  
”Eh…” What had Harry said? Food? What did Draco really like? Tomato soup, of course, but he’d never tell Harry that. ”Well… roast duck is nice.”  
Harry snorted, and Draco actually managed to sneak a look and see that is was accompanied by a smile. ”Kinda of pompous, don’t you think? Seems more like what you’d say, more then what you’d actually like.”  
Draco looked down. Was it something he’d said that made Harry think that? Not that he’d actually tell. ”Eh, what’s your favourite?”  
”Treacle tart.”  
”Yeah, you said that yesterday… eh, but what real food do you like?”  
Harry seemed to think for a while. ”Not really sure. I love the buffé after the Sorting Hat-ceremony. Can I choose that?”  
Draco smiled. ”Yeah, I guess you can. Doesn’t really say much about you, as it’s so much food, but I guess it counts.”  
”It tells you that I like food, and that I like having a lot of it to choose from.”  
”It does. Makes you seem gluttonous as well, which really suits the Famous Potter-aura.”  
Draco smiled, and looked up to see if Harry would see the joke, but he hadn’t noticed that Harry had leaned forward, elbows on his knees and legs crossed, and looking directly at Draco. Their eyes meet and Draco lost what he’d thought to say, because those eyes where so honest, so carefully curious and with a hint of a smile. He realised that they actually sat quite close. That their knees where touching. That Harrys face was close to his. Close enough to…   
Draco wanted to look away. Some little voice in his head wanted him to look away. But he didn’t. Harry had lost his smile, and his eyes where an open question. Draco didn’t want to know what question. He didn’t want to know what he’d answer.   
When Harry didn’t look away, Draco wondered what Harry saw in his eyes. Thinking he should turn away, he closed his eyes and relaxed, and stopped thinking. Something soft, and hot, and a bit dry touched his lips. He pressed his lips back. 

Harry had no idea what he was doing. Or why he was doing it. Or where it would lead.   
When Draco closed his eyes, but didn’t pull away, Harry didn’t think. He hadn't even thought to do anything. Suddenly he was leaning closer, his eyes closed as well, and suddenly he felt a pair of lips against his own, and a jolt of warm energi flashed through his body. When the other lips pressed back, Harrys toes curled.   
It didn’t last long. He was leaning way to far forward and his back hurt. He pulled back, just enough to not touch, but he could still feel their breaths mingle. He looked at Dracos face, his lips and nose and those red puffs on his skin. When he pulled back a bit more he saw Dracos eyes, and lost the smile he didn’t knew he had. Dracos eyes where conflicted. Harry saw hate, anger, but also resentment, and a quiet sadness.   
Draco looked away. He didn’t say anything, and Harry sat still, keeping just as quiet. Maybe he’d misinterpreted something. Maybe this was really wrong, not just really wrong. His mind began to spinn. Why had he done that? What was he thinking this would go? How could he have, of all people, done this to Draco?   
And what would he think of Harry now? Would he only hate him even more? Harry didn’t know what to think. What to do. He thought about what had happened yesterday, what they’d done and said. He leaned back against the wall, not relaxed, just to be able to think. What had Draco said? That he thought himself disgusting? Was this what he meant? Had Draco been talking about this?   
”You’re not disgusting.”  
Draco spun his head and fixed Harry with a stare that actually scared him, but he wanted to say this, so he continued.   
”You are not disgusting. It’s… it’s never wrong to feel. Sometimes it’s not ok to act on those feelings, but it’s never wrong by default. You’re not wrong to… to feel, eh, like this.”  
Draco snorted and stod up. ”You’re just trying to justify yourself. It’s disgusting. Father was right, that you’d be like this as well. That someone as fucked as you would be so disgusting as well.”  
Harry wanted to stand as well, but didn’t trust his legs. He didn’t feel like there was any energy left, that the kiss had taken it all, or maybe given too much back and his body didn’t know what to do with it. Might have something to do with his blood being misplaced, as well.   
”Your father is not right about this, it’s…”  
”YOU DON’T KNOW MY FATHER! You don’t get to say anything about him! NOTHING!”  
Harry was set back by the sudden change, and he let Draco stomp off into the woods. But when his heart got back to it’s somewhat more regular rhythm, he got up and followed. 

Draco felt a strange anger inside him. Harry had insulted his father, his father! There was a strange weight on his chest, like he couldn’t breath properly, and he didn’t want to think but his lips remembered, they still tingled where Harrys had touched them, he still felt his breath over his face, those eyes with their open question. How could he ever think Draco would want anything like this? What made him so sure this was okey, he hadn’t even asked, he hadn’t even done anything to warn against this! It was all Potters fault!  
Draco stopped, and rested against a large tree. He didn’t want to think, he didn’t want to feel, it was all so disgusting, so wrong, he didn’t want to think about it but he couldn’t stop it!   
He roared, head against the tree, let his anger and frustration and revulsion at it all just pour out because he didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t run from his thoughts. He’d never get his fathers love, he was just a disgusting fag and he didn’t want to do this anymore!  
When his breath was gone he just stood there, panting, a great pressure behind his eyes all the way up to his head but no tears, he wasn’t sure he knew how to cry anymore, and he felt something touch his back.   
He spun around, wand ready and pointing at the neck of Harry, who had sneaked up behind him. Harry just stood there, unthreatening, hands loose against his sides and neck stretched so not to let Dracos wand impale it.   
”This is all your fault! You’re trying to trick me, control me, fuck with me, but it’s not gonna work, never! You’re just a disgusting pig who everyone loves because they believe you’re fucking special but you’re not! You’re just a dirty orphan, a disgusting fucking fag, just like my father thought!”  
Harry was quiet, meeting Dracos gaze with calm eyes, which only made him more angry, more confused. He wanted Harry to beg for forgiveness, to admit to all his plans and manipulation, he knew he could handle Harry like that. This just made him more confused, which he hid behind more anger.   
”I don’t care about being a fag. About being gay. It has never been important enough to need thinking about.”  
”Well how LUCKY some of us are that they don’t even have to THINK about it!”  
”That’s not…”  
”I don’t fucking care what you meant! I don’t fucking care what you think! It’s disgusting! It’s fucking abnormal! It’s…”  
”But why does it matter?! You said so yourself that your father want to kill you, so why do you still care about what he think!?”  
”BECAUSE HE’S RIGHT!”  
”No! He’s not! You’re not disgusting, never!”  
”Shut up! You’re wrong! Shut up!”  
”I will not shut up until you fucking calm down!”  
”THEN STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!”

Harry sat back at their ’camp’, knees under his chin and arms around his legs. He had gone back, after Draco had begun threatening him, and acted like he was seriously going to curse Harry. Still being a bit afraid that Draco might actually do that, Harry got quiet, but stood there, matching Dracos staring contest, and then without any ceremonies of goodbyes turned and walked away.   
He had walked around a bit, not sure of his direction, not giving a single fuck about where he ended up. Sure, he’d almost kissed Cho once, but other then that, he didn’t know anything about it. He’d never even kissed someone, not like this. And now the one he’d kissed, the first real kiss ever!, was threatening to actually turn kill him, or just turn him over to Voldemort and let that monster do it.   
This was not what Harry had thought it would be like. Though, if he’d expected roses and a shining moon he’d been really surprised if it came true. But then, how could this be any worse?  
It would have been an interesting story, if he’d had someone to tell it to. But not only was he all alone here, except and idiot that threatened to kill him, but even if he got back this was nothing he’d tell Ron and Hermione. Oh, yeah, it was strange, being taken to a strange, unknown forest, but you know what? I got my first kiss! Yeah, Malfoy where the only one with me. No, I didn’t kiss a tree, neither a wild beast. Yes, I did kiss Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. Yes, the Draco Malfoy, also known as ferret-face, pompous asshole, and idiot jerk. Yes, I know he’s kind of my arch-nemesis after Voldemort, but you know, he had really soft lips, so…   
Not a discussion he’d ever want with Ron within teleporting distance. And that was pretty much everywhere, except Hogwarts, and he’d never admit it within the Hogwarts area either. Never ever ever.   
So why’d he done it?   
Maybe he’d got a concussion after Draco broke his fucking nose yesterday. He still had a black eye to prove it. Maybe he should heal it, but he couldn’t be bothered.   
Or maybe this was really a nightmare, induced by Voldemort? He had created mind-castles for Harry before. Voldemort had always been present though, which made Harry look over his shoulder quite a few times, but no snake-face in sight. Maybe some of the other Death Eaters had the ability to create this. But why would they? To demoralise both him and the Malfoys? Why? Lucius was the most lojal Death Eater, except Bellatrix and Wormtail.   
Or, maybe, this was real. A strange, weird reality in which he’d actually kissed Draco. Draco Malfoy. Yes, the Draco Malfoy!   
Maybe it was just a regular nightmare, and he’d soon wake up in his bed under the cupboard and fight some spiders for the few tattered clothes he owned.   
Maybe he didn’t want this nightmare to end.   
Fuck…   
When the twilight began to set in, and the sun seemed somewhat low, Harry got out his wand to point him back to the almost non-existing camp where he’d be most likely to actually find some help. Why else would he have been brought here? It must have been someone trying to look out for him. But why here, and where was here?  
As Harry walked back, he found some more fruits to eat, and even saw a rabbit, but he didn’t know how to kill and cock it, so he let it go. He didn’t transform a basket this time, the last one had been both ugly and cumbersome. This time he hade a basic backpack. Not that it became any better. He really needed to work on his transforming skills when, if, he got back to Hogwarts. But at least he got a big haul of edibles with him.   
Still mulling the days events in his mind, Harry sat by an improvised campfire and grilled some apples.   
He was still quite flustered. And angry. And… embarrassed. Along with the cramping muscles all over his body from sleeping strangely, and carrying his uncomfortable backpack back to camp.   
It had been quite some walk. He’d have thought they’d both gone just a bit away, so that they might see the camp and it’s wall by just taking the right turn, but he’d been way wrong. It was almost completely dark now, and he still hadn’t seen Draco again. Good riddance, he tried to think, but something in his chest hurt every time he did, so he just focused on grilling his apples.   
He didn’t do a good job. They where dry and burnt and way too hot. He ate them anyway, because he was still hungry, and at least it wasn’t just regular apples anymore. He was really tired of apples now. If he ever got back, he’d never eat another apple for the rest of the term. Maybe even life.   
Not that he’d expect to life a long life anyway.   
It was getting real dark, and real cold. Harry didn’t want to extinguish the fire yet, even when he thought about the thing that had lurked around last night. Because of the warmth, and the light, and the grilled apples. Even though the grilled apples where really bad. And the light only made him more sleepy. And the warmth… well, he did like the warmth, but it didn’t felt like a good enough reason.   
Really, he just wanted Draco to come back. It was getting lonely. Harry could handle lonely, and alone, and isolation. But he really wanted Draco to return.   
So he kept the fire going. 

It was cold. Really cold. Draco was shivering, and somewhat hoped Harry would see. So he’d have a reason to go back.   
Now, instead, he just stood there, next to a tree, acting like he really was invisible. Which he hated. Living with his parents he’d learned to stay invisible, to be impeccable. This didn’t feel like the same thing, but it reminded him, and he hated himself because his mind wouldn’t let him be. He didn’t want to think about that! He didn’t want to remember being beaten, being punished, being yelled at and sneared at and embarrassed in front of the entire dinner party because his father found it to be a good joke. A good lesson.   
Draco loved his father. At least he really, really wanted to. But somewhat, not enough to actually think the thought, he was beginning to dislike him. Not his father. Just Lucius. Lucius were the one to handle out the worst beatings. The one to hang him in the dungeon overnight. The one to… never learn Draco how to swim.   
His father would have done that. His real father. The one that took his baby sister. It was a thought he’d made up when he was really small, just a few years but not enough to start Hogwarts yet. That Lucius wasn’t his real father.   
But in the end, it was just wishful thinking. Like how he’d ever be able to talk friendly to Harry ever again. Just empty wishes. 

There was a nagging feeling that Harry was being watched. Maybe the beast had somehow snuck back. Maybe it was something else, something more sinister. Could be just his imagination as well, being stuck in the dark, unknown woods usually did things like that to people. He kept watch, not that he could see anything in the dark, but he had his wand out and his back against the wall, so he wasn’t really scared. Maybe it was just Draco coming back.   
What if it was Draco? Harrys heart seemed to skip a beat, but got back to regular so fast he wasn’t sure anything had happened. He couldn’t ignore the jolt through his body as easy, the same kind of chilling warmth that came and went before he even got to feel it, just as when he’d kissed Draco. It was a strange sensation, but he really liked it. It tensed his body and…   
There was a noise in the darkness. Something else then the popping firewood and sparkling flames. Something moving through the undergrowth.   
Harry got to his feet, pulled his wand and shouted ”WHO’S THERE?”  
”It’s just me, you idiot! Seriously take that down or you’re gonna blind me.”  
Draco walked into the light of the fire, palm facing Harry and looking at Harrys wand, which was pointing directly at Dracos face.   
Harry lowered the wand. ”Sorry. Could have been anyone.”  
”Have you even seen a living thing out here?”  
”I saw a rabbit.”  
”That’s why you were shouting and pulling your wand on me? Because you feared the rabbit would be back.” Draco let himself down next to the fire, saw the apples Harry had put on a stick and were currently trying to grill. ”What is that? Are you trying to dry the apples?”  
Harry sat down again, and began pulling the apples from the stick. They weren’t any better warm anyway. ”Trying to grill them. Maybe it made them taste like something else then apples. I remember Dudley, my cousin, loved candied apples, and they where kind of warm. But these just get burnt.”  
”okey, but why the stick? Why not just levitating them?”  
”Eh… I’ve been looking, you know, keeping watch. Didn’t want it to distract me too much…” Really, he just hadn’t thought about it.   
”Hm, right.”   
Not knowing what more to say, Harry just sat there, quiet. Draco didn’t say anything either.   
It felt really weird.   
Harry wanted to say something. He didn’t know what. But he wanted to say something. He tried to open his mouth, but no words came, so he propped some berries in there instead. Handed some over to Draco, but he didn’t take them. Harry let them stay between them, just in case.   
”Should… should I put out the fire?” Harry felt his voice like it was someone else talking trough his throat, and it sounded strange. Draco shrugged, and Harry went back to looking into the flames, not quite looking at Draco, but not looking away either.   
He let the fire continue to burn, because it would have been way too cold otherwise.   
And the darkness would have made the silence even more unbearable. 

Draco was cold. He didn’t care. He wondered if he could fall dead now, so he didn’t need to think any more. There was too much he needed to be worried about, too much he couldn’t handle thinking about, and it had been a misstake to come back. Once he’d seen Harry by the fire he just couldn’t walk away. And now he sat here, eating found Harry’d found that could be dangerous, and he had nothing to say.   
He wanted to apologise, but he’d never do that. Not in front of anyone else then father and You-Know-Who. Not that either of them would accept an apology, they’d most definitely kill him instead. Less messy, just one spell and levitate the body to a fire or over a cliff. Poof! Gone. Missed by no one.   
What was there to lose? It’s not like he could go back. If You-Know-Who didn’t kill him, Lucius would, or worse. There were a lot things Draco feared over death. Right now, it did seem preferable. He didn’t even see what else to do with his life.   
In the end, all his life had been for two reasons: service to the Dark Lord, and to uphold the prestigious Malfoy name and bloodline. By means he didn’t know, and couldn’t control, all of that was now gone. Just by a single rogue Portkey.   
If he did apologise to Harry, then what would happen? Nothing. Harry probably hated him just as much as ever. Maybe even more. Being stuck without company from any real allies could do strange things to people, like when would Harry, the famous Potter, the Boy Who Survived, actually want to kiss him? Draco Malfoy, single son of a lojal Death Eater, in volunteered service to the Dark Lord, who’d made his life hell since the first day at Hogwarts. Of course Harry didn’t want him.   
Nobody wanted him. 

Maybe it was all his fault. Maybe Harry should have known better. But why were Draco here, if it was all his fault?   
There were so many thoughts, and Harry really didn’t want to think them. He looked up at Draco and saw him cradled up inside himself, eyes staring at nothing and arms around his legs. Like he was the prime example of loneliness. Harry tried to think of a lot of things, mostly bad things, like what Draco’d done to hurt Harry, to make his life miserable, but he couldn’t take his eyes of this, and somehow Harry realised this was the real Draco. That everything he’d done at school was something else, a charade forced by oppressive parents and the expectations that came with the name he bore.   
And then, as soon as Harry’d thought that, he couldn’t feel anything else then sorrow. Harry himself had gotten out, he’d gotten a letter (or, well, quite a few hundred, but who’s counting?) and a half-giant had told him he were a wizard, and suddenly his entire life had changed. Draco, being raised by famous and even powerful wizards, didn’t have anyone to come and change his life. He’d live with this his entire life. No matter his choices, he’d always be a wizard, and the son of a Death Eater. Unless there was another unknown world out there, but wouldn’t Dracos letter inviting him there already appeared then? Harry smiled to himself, not showing it outwards.   
When Harry looked at Draco now, he only saw the broken person he thought he’d never be again. He saw weekends locked under the stairs, he saw the red eyes and angry face of a drunken father-figure before the punches came, the thoughts of joy when a day went by without an incident. And he saw the lonely boy with nothing to loose, nothing to gain, with a razor hidden under the bed in case the thoughts became overwhelming.   
And he couldn’t stand sitting there, by the same fire, with his back to the same wall, and not do anything. 

Draco felt something touch him, and jerked back, surprised and scared, his thoughts too dark to be anything other then insidious, but he looked up and saw the dark fluff of hair, the black and dirty Hogwarts-robes, and green eyes that weren’t looking at him. Harry had moved to sit next to him, their shoulders and legs touching, and moved to get comfortable. Draco stared under his dirty fringe, not wanting to meet those green eyes, and with no idea what Harry was doing.   
They where sitting close enough that he felt Harrys body press against his side, and somehow this made him feel worse. Why would he do this? Why would he come this close? The fire was radiating enough warmth for neither of them to shiver. The dark was pressing but not frightening. And he were sitting next to him, Draco Malfoy, the boy he’d hated for years.   
He should move away. He should walk off, never come back, leave Harry to rot away, to starve when the food ran out, to get captured when the Dark Lord found them and then killed, disposed of, after hours of torture.   
Just like what Draco was expecting when, if, he got back.   
And still they sat there. Neither of them moving. Harry had gotten comfortable, and Draco couldn’t move. He told himself he wanted to, that he wanted nothing more then to draw his wand and curse Harry with the worst he got. But he didn’t, and realised he couldn’t. Realising this, he hated himself, but he really didn’t want to hurt Harry. He really didn’t want to hurt him. So he sat still, looking at the fire, with the warmth of Harrys body right next to him. 

The pressing silence became comfortable. Harry felt Dracos breath, his warmth, he told himself he even felt the heartbeats. He kept his hands on his thighs, then his knees, then just by his side, but they felt strange, and he wanted to do something with them. He wanted to hold something. Someone. But he didn’t dare. So he sat still, and focused on just breathing.   
”I’m sorry…”  
It took Harry a moment to realise something had actually been said, and what. He glanced at Draco, who hadn’t changed posture and where still looking at the fire.   
”I’m sorry for threatening you…”  
Harry tried to think about what to say. He looked back to the fire. Did he really need Draco to ask for forgiveness?  
”I know you hate me anyway, I just… wanted to say that.”  
The words reached Harrys ears, then his head, then he realised what had been said, and stared at Draco.   
”I don’t hate you. You might have been an insufferable little shit at times, but I do not hate you!”  
”You don’t need to…”  
”Of course I do! I don’t hate you! This… this thing, here, right now, it’s not hate! I might have hated you, or what you’d done, but that was… that wasn’t because of you, that was because of Voldemort, and the Death Eaters, and now that I know… Look, I know what it’s like to hate someone. I hate a lot of people. Mostly my foster family, and Voldemort, and sometimes I even hate Dumbledore, because he was the one to leave me with the Dursleys! But… but I really do not hate you. I… eh…”  
Harry lost track, leaned forward. This wasn’t what he’d supposed to say. He’d thought a lot, and this wasn’t what he’d thought about, not even close, but as he said it, he knew it to be true. The Dursleys had a special place inside him, the darkest space shared only by Voldemort, and he knew they’d always be there. But Draco wasn’t even close to that space, and he knew that, he just never had realised it. And now he’d almost said it, without even thinking it. That was the scary part, because he had no idea how Draco would take that. Or even how he himself would take it. Whatever had happened, he wasn’t ready to even think the words yet, least of all say them.   
”You should hate me, you know. I wouldn’t take offence. I know I deserve it anyway…”  
”Stop!” Harry turned to face Draco, shifted his legs to sit with Draco in front of him. ”You are not saying that.”  
”Fuck you Potter, of course I’m saying it, it’s true!”  
”No, you shut up, it’s not! I know myself, I know what I feel and I don’t hate you! I have never hated you!”  
”Stop lying to me! I hate it! I hate how everyone keeps lying to me, telling me it’s gonna be okey, it’s gonna be alright, but it never is!” Draco was facing Harry now, shouting, but Harry stod his ground.   
”I’m not gonna lie! I have no idea how we got here, how we’re gonna get out of here, I don’t care right now! You can’t think I’d kiss someone and then hate them! Why the fuck would I do that?”  
”I don’t fucking know, why did you kiss me?”  
”Because you’re cute, okey! Because I think you’re fucking awesome! Because… because I respect you, do you understand? I know what it’s like to never have a home, never have a safe space, to rather kill myself then continue living this hell! I know, okey, I know! And I don’t want you to go through that anymore! I just… I just want to hug you, okey?”  
”Then why the fuck don’t you!”  
So he did. Harry almost launched himself against Draco, put his arms around him and held him. Standing on his knees, bending his back in a really uncomfortable angle, pressing Draco back against the wall.   
”I’d never hate you, okey? Don’t fucking say that to me agin, ever!”  
”But what if I hate you, ever thought of that? What if I think you’re useless, horrible, Mudblood…”  
Harry hugged harder, squeezing Dracos face against his shoulder, pressing his own face down against Dracos throat.   
”Don’t say that, please. Just don’t.”  
Draco may have mumbled something, but the robes muffled it and Harry wasn’t listening anyway. His back ached, his knees dug into the ground and rocks pressed trough his pants, he didn’t care he just held his arms tight around Draco and tried to think everything positive and supporting he could, just in case Draco could feel that energy.   
Then he felt hands circling his waist, slow and unsteady but they came to rest against his back, arms around him, and he squeezed Draco harder and let himself fall down on his ass again. Draco moved with him, so that they sat next to each other again, heads resting on each others shoulders and arms circled around each other, only pressing harder the longer they held on.   
But finally, they let go. Their heads still close, hands still touching, but no longer hugging as intensely.   
The fire burned and they stayed close, Harrys hand found Dracos and they fell into each other, fingers intertwined, and Harry moved to hold Dracos head against his chest as they fell down, not really sleeping but as close as they could. Still leaning against the wall, Harry let Draco lay down with himself as support, and thought that this wasn’t all that different from last night, except the hands.   
But before he fell to an uneasy sleep, he thought that it wasn’t really anything like last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO: KISSING!


	5. Another night in the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last night were nothing like either Harry or Draco had ever thought possible, but the situation they're in doesn't change, and they're still stuck with each other in an unknown place.   
> Though that has become much less of a burden then it was yesterday.

When the sun began to rise, Draco didn’t feel like trying to sleep anymore. The fire was only coals, and he realised Harry had used actual consuming fire, which was totally idiotic since they could both have been burned to death, and anything lurking could have easily spotted them. Giving of a sigh of the stupidity of this Muggle-raised boy, and how that seemed to effect everything he did, he sat up straight and stretched his tense body.   
They’d almost slept, and almost been awake for hours, and Draco hadn’t dared move in case this had been unreal. He didn’t want Harry to wake up and realise this had all been a terrible misstake and tell Draco how he’d really felt, that he just wanted to make Draco comfortable enough to be able to exploit him later. As long as they both stayed completely still, it was like this was actually real, like this was actually happening, and even though Dracos arm had lost feeling some time ago he hand’t done much to shift position.   
But now, when the sun was slowly making a way up, and a slight twilight made the forest around then unreal, it was like the whole world was different. Like if everything was the same kind of strange as Draco sleeping in Harrys arms, like this world had become something weird and all rules where upended, and now even the most strangest things could happen - and it would be okey.   
Draco felt Harry shift next to him, and looked back to ask ”How was sleep?”  
Harry stretched and massaged a part of his shoulder and back, and gave Draco a thin, but still real, smile, which Draco felt mirrored on his own face. ”Uncomfortable. Not sure I’ll ever get my spine back to normal again.”  
”Sorry.”  
But Harry just smiled, for real this time, and looked straight into Dracos eyes. ”Don’t be. It was worth it.”  
”Having a bent spine for the rest of the life only for spending one night next to me? I don’t believe you.” He didn’t, but he still felt a blush cover his face, a warmth that came from somewhere deep inside him.   
”Of course it’s worth it.” Harry said, and reached out to pull Draco close, giving him another hug.   
”What if I’m not like this really, and I turn you over to You-Know-Who as soon as possible? Would it still be worth it?”  
Harry just hugged him harder. ”Yes. Because I can do this without you trying to kill me.”  
Draco pulled back, looking at Harry. ”But what if I where to kill you, right here and now, just because I feel like it? Doesn’t it scare you?”  
Harry put his hands over Dracos, which were resting on his knees. ”I face death every year, almost every day since Voldemort came back. I was scared earlier, yesterday, when you ran off. I didn’t know if you’d come back, and if you didn’t that… that it’d been my fault.”  
”It wasn’t your fault, I just…”  
”I should have asked. Like, really asked. You don’t just do that to someone, without actually asking. I didn’t plan to, but still, I should have…”  
”It’s… it’s okey. I wouldn’t have… ”  
”But it’s not okey! And if you hadn’t agreed to it if I’d asked then it would have been less okey! I did something that you didn’t want to! That’s never okey!” Harry looked away, began to lean back, clearly distressed and getting worse.   
”No, no, that’s not what I meant! I just… I just wouldn’t have understood, like, I wouldn’t…” Draco lost words. He didn’t know what he was going to say, or what he’d really meant.   
Harry looked back at him, their eyes meet and held, and he smiled, Draco smiled back, he laughed, looked down, flustered, and Draco realised Harry was just as unsure as he was. This made him just look at Harry, just seeing him, his unruly black hair, the dirt-stained face and robes and the black circles under his eyes.   
”You look like shit.”  
Harry looked up at him, eyes wide, and when the words really hit home he burst out laughing.   
”I look like shit? At least my hair isn’t filled with leaves!”  
Draco immediately reached up to touch his hair, before he realised Harry was just messing with him, which Harry saw and it only made him laugh harder.   
”At least I give a damn about how I look, unlike you!” But even though Draco tried to sound angry, or irritated, he couldn’t help smiling.   
”I know.” Harry said, and turned back to look him in the eyes, hands on Dracos, faces much closer then before. ”That’s what makes you so bloody damn cute.”  
Dracos face became red hot, and he just stuttered, trying to get something clever to say, but Harrys face was so close, his breath over Dracos face, their noses almost touching, and those green eyes where open, looking into him, seeing him, kind.   
”Can…” Harry lost his breath, and his face became red, but nothing else changed. ”Can I kiss you?”  
His voice was almost too low for Draco to hear, but he did, and he couldn’t talk. He wanted to say a lot of things, a lot of smart comebacks and all those thoughts he had before, and was even tempted to give in to the small voice that wanted him to hurt Harry, still, but he couldn’t. He could barely breathe.   
”Y… yes…”  
Draco didn’t know what to do with his eyes, so he closed them. His hands where still under Harrys, so he didn’t need to move them. His whole body felt strange, itching, like he needed to move but he couldn’t, and then he felt soft lips touch his own, hot breath exhaled trough his nose, and a course of energy went instantly trough his whole body, from his head to his midsection out to his toes. The skin on his arms contracted, the small hairs rising, and Harrys lips were really soft, and warm, and Dracos heart were pounding harder then he had ever thought it could.   
Their lips pressed together, and Draco stopped breathing; his lips parted, as did Harrys, and he could breathe out, feeling Harrys breath in his mouth, over his face, and it was hot, damp, like the tips of his tongue touching Harrys.   
He didn’t know he’d moved his hands before he felt Harrys chest touch them; the thin frame of the boy before him, his lungs pulling in air and his heart beating hard. Another pair of hands were searching slowly up his own side, getting stuck in his shirt, almost touching skin. There were just one layer of fabric between Dracos hands and Harrys chest; only one thin layer between Harrys hands and his chest. This knowledge made his whole body move, like the same energy that had coursed trough him as Harry first kissed him, and he pulled Harrys body closer, now both of them standing on their knees in front of each other.   
He could feel almost all of Harrys body against his own; he could feel his lungs pulling air, his heart beating hard, his stomach against his own, his thighs next to his, one between his knees as one of Dracos was between his, and he could feel, pressed against his own and between their stomachs, Harrys erection. This, above all else, this was what made his hands circle Harrys waist, his lips press harder against Harrys, pulling his body so close it hurt. Their tongues where touching, not really sure what to make of them, it felt a bit weird, but Draco still pressed Harrys body against his, he needed to feel this, he could barely think, barely breathe, Harry moved his mouth down to Dracos neck and nibbled, kissed, pressed his face against his shoulder. Draco did the same.   
That’s how they stood, for a while, just holding each other, pressing their faces against the others neck and shoulders, Draco holding Harrys waist tightly and Harry grabbed part of Dracos robe over his back.   
”This is so fucking wrong.”  
Harry breathed the words into Dracos robes, and Draco hugged him tighter.   
”This is not what I’d imagined when I grabbed that Portkey.”  
This only made Draco laugh, which went from a giggle to laughter to roaring. It was just so absurd! When had anyone ever thought this would happen, here and now, just because a Portkey sent them to the wrong destination? It was just too much, and all the anger, embarrassment, and fear just rolled out of him like laughter and he couldn’t stand so he fell back, connecting with the wall and just half-laying, half-sitting and laughing his ass off.   
Harry joined him, sat next to him and they laughed until they had no breath left in their body, tears streaming down Dracos cheeks, his hand clutched in Harrys, head on his shoulder, all energy spent. They sat there, watching the cooling coals, the trees, the sun that was almost up by now, and Draco didn’t think. He didn’t need to, and it felt like Harry where in the same space as him.   
”Who’d have thought of this! Harry Potter, the Boy who Survived, making out with me, Draco Malfoy, single son of the notorious Death Eater Lucius Malfoy!”  
”Don’t forget to add ’pompous ass’!” said a giggling Harry.   
”And Dumbledores pet student!”  
”Fuck you!”  
”Fuck you too!”  
Their foreheads touched, still holding hands, still smiling. and Draco let out a great sigh.   
”Why are we doing this?”  
Harry was quiet for so long that Draco because unsure that he’d actually heard, but then said ”Because it feels nice.”  
Now Draco became quiet. What more was there to say? It did feel nice, and he had no idea why they were doing this. But it felt that there were still things to talk about, words he needed to get out, if nothing else then to get it out of his system.   
”But… why are you doing this?” Draco looked up into Harrys eyes, and pulled back, and Harry let him get out of his embrace, but he didn’t let Draco let go of his hand. ”You’ve got so much to loose. What if…” Draco looked away, shamed by his own thoughts and his fathers words that still echoed in his mind. ”What if this is nothing more then a trick? Something the Death Eaters cooked up, on orders from the Dark Lord, to get you to… trust me, let your gard down, I don’t know?” He looked into Harrys eyes, tried to see deeper into his mind, to see answers to his own questions. ”What if this is nothing more then a ploy?”  
”Then… then I guess I’m really fucked.”  
Harry smiled, a thin, humourless smile, but his eyes said something else. They made Draco interpret what Harry’d said differently, in a way that made his body tense, his breathing stop, his heart to skip a beat.   
”So… eh… but…”  
Harry smiled, pulled Dracos hand closer and Dracos whole body followed, and kissed him. Draco didn’t know what to do with himself. His hands where strange, his body warm where Harry touched him, and he wanted to pull back, didn’t want Harry to see, to feel how hard he’d become, he didn’t… But Harry didn’t seem to care. Draco felt a hand stroke his waist, down his stomach, over his thigh, all while kissing him and holding his hand. As Harrys hand began stroking the inside of his thigh, slowly creeping closer to his crotch, Dracos breathing became shallow, his lips tense and unmoving, and when Harrys fingers touched the fabric over his erection, something made him pull back.   
”I’m sorry, I’m… sorry, this wasn’t, I mean, I…” Harry pulled back as well, took his hands and kept them close to his chest, not looking at Draco, clearly ashamed.   
Draco didn’t know what he’d done, and less why. He still felt this was… wrong. Lucius words in his mind, that it was wrong, disgusting, the rage when Draco had told him as a child that girls were ’icky’, that he didn’t ever want to kiss one, he’d rather play with his male friends forever.   
He looked away, pulled back his legs and hands and closed in on himself, to hide his erection and his shame and his repulsion at what he’d thought, why he felt like this, and how close he’d come to… he couldn’t even think it!  
”I’m sorry. Draco, I really shouldn’t…”  
”Just… just don’t… talk, don’t talk, just… don’t.”  
Harry looked up at him, Draco didn’t want to meet his eyes but he saw that even though the shame were still there Harry’d understood why Draco had pulled away.   
”Draco… you’re not weird. Well, maybe a little weird, but you’re definitely not disgusting. This, nothing of this it… it’s strange, but mostly because, you said it yourself, who’d have thought we two, of all people in the world, would end up here, like this? But, there’s nothing wrong with it.”  
Draco hid his face in his arms, closing in on himself. He didn’t want to hear, he already knew how wrong this was, he didn’t want Harry to say something to make that change, he didn’t want to meet that part of himself. For years, his whole life, he’d hidden this from everyone, he’d even had girlfriends! There was nothing Harry could say that would change that.   
”It’s… it’s not even unnatural. Like, I used to think magic was nothing more then fantasy, and then I learned about this world, and my mind was blown, but it didn’t make any of it less real, just because I’d learned that it wasn’t ’natural’. And it’s the same with everything else; we’re not meant to only, like, there’s so much else then just, uh… hm, look, there’s nothing wrong with doing what you enjoy. Never. As long as no one takes harm, and as long as everyone involved knows the boundaries and expectations of each other, then there’s nothing wrong. No matter what someone else says. As long as you actively want it.”  
”Easy for you, maybe. You didn’t get chained up just for saying a compliment to a guy.”  
”Not in a dungeon, no, but I’ve spent quite some time looked under the stairs… And one of the favourite swear-words that Dudley, my cousin that I lived with, learned and loved to use was different versions of ’gay’. I’ve been called ’fag’, and ’gay’, and disgusting for almost all my life. He’d even… he’d insinuate that I’d enjoy, eh, getting raped… sometimes he threatened to do it himself…”  
This made Draco look up. Harry was now sitting next to him, not close enough to touch, and he was looking down into the ground, a pained expression on his face.   
”He’d… tell things, to his parents, and… and they’d punish med, because they always believed him, and never me, and it was… eh…” Harry quieted, seemed to think something over, and then come to a decision. He began unbuttoning his shirt, nothing sensual and not looking at Draco, still with a pained and determined expression, but it still made Draco blush. Before Draco could get any questions out, and he had a lot running around in his head, Harry pulled down the shirt from his right shoulder, and showed Draco a uneven scar right under his armpit.   
”Once, when Dudley had… told Vernon, that’s his father, about something that he’d made up, I think it was something about me… blowing of some dude in the school bathrooms, maybe, I don’t know… but of course Vernon believed him, and not me, and it wasn’t really meant to hurt me this bad but Vernon hit me, and I fell over their coffee-table. It was made of glass, and metal, and it shattered, and… well, they didn’t want me telling the hospital anything, or to get the social services involved, so they tried to patch it up, gave me some painkillers so I wouldn’t wake the neighbours, and locked me in my ’room’ under the stairs.”  
The scar-tissue was ragged, like it had been healed by a novice of worse, and Draco could see that it hadn’t been taken care of properly.   
”I know now that they’d needed to sew it, and maybe they would have eventually, but next day it had almost healed, and they just patched it up again and never spoke of it again.”   
”Wait… sew? What would they sew?” Draco asked, surprised.   
Harry gave a thin smile and looked at him. ”It’s what Muggle-doctors do. They can’t very well cast a spell or make a potion, so they’ve come up with a lot of clever ways to patch people up. One of them is sewing the skin together, with a special kind of needle and thread that doesn’t infect the wound.”  
”They… actually sew people together?” Draco couldn’t hide the incredible repulsion he felt at these news, but Harry laughed.   
”Only for some wounds, and it’s not everything they do. They have these, eh, think of them as poultices that make bad bacteria die and not infect the wound, and a lot of other ingenious solutions…”  
”I know you’ve lived with Muggles for quite some time, but I don’t think it’s anything ’genius’ about sewing people like they’re common rag dolls.”  
”I knew you’d say that, but it really works most of the time. That’s the most incredible thing really, that they’re made so much to help sick people get better without magic. Don’t think they’ve always gotten it right though, they’ve had some terrible practices earlier, but they’re really getting good at what they’re doing.”  
Draco still felt disgusted with the idea of sewing people, but he had no other solution to the problem, so he didn’t linger on it. Harry had begun to cover up his scar again, and Draco felt a pang of sorrow for him.   
”How long… how many years have you lived with those Muggles?”  
”Since Voldemort tried to kill me. So, my whole childhood. They told me my parents died in a car crash, and didn’t tell me anything about magic, so I never knew this world existed until Hagrid pretty much hunted them down and told me.” Harry smiled at the memory, and Draco almost smiled with him. ”Hagrid where the one to drag me away from there as well, at orders directly from Dumbledore. I still go back there, every summer, because of Dumbledore… I’m not sure why, I asked him and he said something about family, but… I wished he didn’t…”  
”You’ve… never told this?”  
”No… He has so many reasons, and no matter what you think, I don’t have him on speed-dial…”  
”What?”  
”Eh, it’s a Muggle thing. I mean I don’t talk to him about everything. He may be more to me then regular students, because he’ve done so much for me, but we’re actually not that close. He doesn’t know all that much about my life.”  
”The way you two meet all the time, and how he has your back, really says something else.”  
”I know, and that’s what most people think, but it’s usually never anything else than Voldemort that we talk about. There seems to be a whole lot to talk about concerning him…”  
”Yeah.”   
They sat quiet, Draco thinking about what he’d learned and about what life would have been without You-Know-Who. But it was such a big difference, that he didn’t know where to start.   
”And, you know… I still don’t think you’re disgusting. Sometimes you’re a jackass and a pompous fool, but that’s not your fault. You were just born into the wrong family, I guess, during the wrong time.”  
”I still can’t believe you…”  
”I don’t expect you to, not now. I just want you to know. I don’t think you’re weirder than any other of my friends, and especially not more weird then me, and you should know that.”  
Draco wasn’t sure Harry noticed, but he did. Harry referenced to Draco as a friend, aside every other friend he had, and that small thing made such a difference. There was warmth inside him, not just from the sun above, not just from the taste of Harrys lips lingering on his own, but that Harry actually seemed to think of him, Draco, as his friend.   
It wasn’t like he didn’t have friends. Some he’d known for years, even before Hogwarts, and he did trust some of them, but it felt very different when Harry said it. Like it wasn’t even a big thing, like them being friends were nothing all that strange. He couldn’t help smiling, and the more he tried not to the bigger the smile grew, so he tried to hide it in his arms, still wrapped around his knees, but Harry must have noticed.   
”And I actually wasn’t lying before. I really think you are cute.”  
Draco looked up to see if Harry was joking, or just pulling his strings to get a reaction, but Harry was just smiling and looking at him, and Draco were still smiling and now he was blushing and tried to hide himself, tried to disappear from Harrys view but he still felt those green eyes upon him and then he felt arms gently circling him and holding him.   
”Especially when you smile, and your whole face is filled with dirt.”  
”Hey!”  
But Harry just giggled and hugged him tighter, not even looking at him.   
”You don’t look better at all, just so you know. I might just cast a charm on your hair to keep it tidy, and there won’t be a thing you can say to stop me.”  
”Good luck, I’ve never been able to do anything about it. It’s like it has it’s own magic.”  
”Hehe… a ’messy hair’-curse.”  
Harry tried to stifle a laugh. ”Yeah, just like your ’pike up the arse’-curse.”  
”Fuck you! At least I don’t slouch like you.” Draco tried to sound indignant, while doing his best not to laugh. ”You look like some strange animal, with your messy hair and slouching stance.”  
”Didn’t you hear, that’s why Voldemort tried to kill me, he couldn’t let anyone live with this kind of hair. He might be the most powerful dark wizard ever, but he just can’t let such an insult to style go unnoticed.”  
”So this whole war is just because of your messy hair?”  
”Yup, all the way.” Harry was looking up now, trying to look serious but failing incredibly.   
”It really is messy.”  
”Yeah, like your face when you scowl.”  
”Shut up Potter.”  
”After you.”  
So Draco went quiet, still hugged by Harry, still looking at him, into those green eyes, so nervous he didn’t move. Harry was also quiet, smiling, and once again Draco tried to breathe but couldn’t, and he really, really wanted to… so he was really, really still, because he didn’t want to encourage anything, but he didn’t want to let go.   
Harry leaned in, and Dracos lips were dry, pulsing, he swallowed, closed his eyes, and Harrys lips touched his cheek, lingered, and pulled away.   
”I won’t kiss you again, I know I asked but I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with, and if you still think it’s wrong, then I won’t do it.”  
Dracos eyes were open, looking at Harry, not thinking anything, but still thinking a lot of things, all things he wanted to do, all things that could go wrong, what if someone were watching, what if father would know, was this really wrong or was Harry right? It didn’t feel wrong.   
Without thinking Draco put a hand over Harrys neck and leaned in to kiss him. His lips were soft, like earlier, and warm and he opened his mouth and felt their tongues touching, just barely, still unsure what to do with them, there were so many things he didn’t know how to do!  
”Have you… uh, how many have you kissed before?” Harry asked, still close enough for their lips to almost touch.   
”Uhm… I kissed Pansy, a few times, at the Yule Ball and at a dinner party at home, but it wasn’t… like this.”  
”I haven’t… well, I almost kissed Cho, once, but our lips barely touched, so I don’t think it… counts, or anything…” And this made Draco look up at Harry, because he hadn’t really believed that Harry hadn’t ever really kissed anyone.   
”But what about the girl you asked to the Yule Ball?” But Harry just shake his head. ”No one, not even Hermione? Or, I don’t know, Ron?” But this question only made Harry laugh, and the sound made Draco smile and sent another jolt down his spine, as the combination with his hand against Harrys neck and how close they were made his crotch begin to pulse, softly pressing against his pants. He should end this, try and get home, this was wrong, but what i Harry was right, what if it was okey to feel this, what if… Draco placed another hand on Harrys hip, and it didn’t feel wrong at all, especially when he felt Harry shiver softly when he did.   
”I’ve… I guess I’ve been busy.” Harry said, before kissing him again, this time with hands on Dracos waist and back, and Dracos fingers grabbed part of Harrys robe at his hip, moving with him until they were laying down, at least Draco was laying down and Harry was on his knees above and next to him, still with their lips pressed together and it didn’t feel wrong so how could it be?  
He felt Harrys hands over his chest, waist, and he couldn’t keep his own hands still; they touched Harrys robes, his chest, his shirt, the small split between shirt and pants where Draco could feel his tank top, still tucked into his pants.   
Harry breathed into Dracos mouth, lay down next to him and Draco turned to face him. They weren’t kissing anymore, just staying close, hands gently touching each others bodies, resting for just a little bit every time they got a finger inside the other ones shirt. Draco felt Harrys hands over his back, under his robe, and he himself had his over Harrys chest, and stomach, and waist, not consciously pulling up Harrys shirt but it seemed to shift higher with every movement. His eyes were closed, as if he didn’t see it wasn’t real and then it wasn’t wrong, maybe… But he wanted to see.   
Green eyes meet him, and a warm smile, and his whole body was instantly warm and he smiled back, pulled in closer for a kiss, a few sticks got in the way and a stone bruised his hip but it was nothing, he could live with that.   
Of course they couldn’t stay like that forever, even though Draco didn’t want to move away, and Harry lay just as still as him, but both their stomaches gave off a building rumbling, which made them giggle, exchange a few insults and a few ’fuck you’ and another kiss, and then they sat up. Still holding hands.   
”Do we have any food left from yesterday?”  
Harry looked around. ”Like, two apples and some mashed berries. Some ants, too.”  
”So I take the apples and you’ll take the ants?”  
”Draco?”  
”Hm?”  
”Fuck you.”  
”Well, if you insist…” The words came over Dracos lips before he’d thought them, and they made his face turn burning hot. Especially when he looked up and saw Harry with a grin on his face. Then he was too embarrassed by how his mind didn’t always seem to tag along, so he stood and took a few steps away from their camp.   
”Draco, wait…”, and Draco heard a ruffle behind him and felt arms around his waist and Harrys body pressed against his back. ”I’ll never do anything you’re not comfortable with, I promise you.”  
Face burning with embarrassment, but Draco did feel calmer at that. And that’s when his stomach began to grumble.   
”Hum… Maybe we should find some food again?” Draco could hear Harrys smile, and with a halfhearted snarl he walked off in the direction he thought the apple-trees where. Looking back at Harry, he said ”Aren’t you gonna come?” and then continued to walk. Behind him, he heard the soft footsteps of Harrys boots, and almost smiled.   
”Draco! You’re going the wrong way! The apple tree is over there!”  
Even more flushed, Draco stopped, and turned, ready with a biting remark, but he saw something else, something behind Harry, something with a human form.   
”Harry…!” he almost whispered, and Harry, who’d followed him into the woods before shouting out, immediately turned around, and dropped to the ground with the word ”Hide!”. Draco didn’t know what was back at the camp, but didn’t want to take chances in case the beast they’d heard were back, and did the same, dropping flat against the ground and never letting Harry out of his sight. 

Harry had seen something, movement, and he wasn’t gonna take chances. No matter if it was a beast, or someone who’d found them at last, he didn’t want to be taken by surprise, and in case they were malevolent he wanted to be able to get the jump on them. Looking over the grass and bushes of the undergrowth, hoping their dirty black robes were enough to hide them from sight, he saw the shape move around the pice of wall where they’d mad camp. Not daring to cast a spell, not before he knew more about what was pacing, it took a while to see that it was a human shape. Still not convinced it was entirely human, he let go of Dracos mouth and indicated that he should stay quiet, while Harry began to slowly creep forward.   
A bit closer, sure he’d still not been seen, he saw the typical robes of a grown wizard, regular dark working robes and hat, but that didn’t calm him. It could still be a Death Eater that finally had found them.   
”Harry? Are you out here?”  
”Fuck!” That was, without a doubt, the voice of Severus Snape. Draco seemed to have heard it as well, because of the sudden intake of breath behind Harry.   
”Draco? Anyone there?”  
Harry wasn’t sure what to do; he knew Snape was Dumbledores double-agent amongst the Death Eaters, but he had no idea who Snape was working for now, being here, obviously looking for him and Draco.   
A rustling behind him made him turn and stare at Draco, who seemed to be frozen in mid-motion, almost beginning to rise but still laying low.   
”You should know I’m alone, and I’m not here to do the Dark Lords bidding. I’m here to take you back to Hogwarts.”  
Draco meet Harrys eyes, chocked and mouth open, and Harry shook his head slowly. They didn’t know what this was about, they didn’t know how Snape had found them or why he was looking for them here and now, and Harry didn’t wanna take any chances. Wand in hand, he swore inwardly about not having his Invisibility Cloak with them, and tried to think out some plan that didn’t end with him and Draco being chained.   
”Draco, stop this nonsense. I know you’re still around here, anything else would have made You-Know-Who find you immediately. I’m giving you the opportunity to come here without me using charms and hexes to find and control you.”  
Again, Harry looked back, shaking his head, but Draco meet his eyes and, almost pleading, on the verge of being openly sorry, stood up and began to walk towards their makeshift camp and the calling voice on Severus Snape.   
”I’m here, Professor!”   
”Draco! Where is Potter? Have you two managed to not kill each other out here?”  
Harry knew their small chance at jumping Snape was all over now, also stod up, with wand still ready along his side. ”I’m over here as well. What are you doing here?”  
Snape made his regular scowl at Harrys lack of maner. ”I’m still your professor, and while you may not what to believe it, your saviour. Without me you’d been chained up and tortured, probably even dead by now.”  
”Well, sorry, sir.”  
”Ungrateful as always, I see. Not that I thought letting you live in the woods for a few days would make your manner any better, but even you shouldn’t have descended into barbarism this fast.”  
Harry left that remark be, because he still didn’t trust Snape, no matter what Dumbledore thought of him, and even though he wasn’t pleased with Snape being the first one to come get them, he was incredibly hungry and tired.   
”What happened, sir? Why were we sent here?” Draco asked, seemingly more relieved at meeting Snape then Harry was, which made sense. Being Snapes favourite student, as well as the son of Lucius, made for quite a different approach then the one Harry got.   
”I’ll tell you on the way back. I’m sorry, but I didn’t have any time to get you two alone and explain before this happened. It’s a good thing you didn’t try to run away from here, as that would have ruined everything. Come.” Snape held out his arms to both of them. ”I’ll Apparate us all out of here, come.”  
Draco shot Harry a look before grabbing Snapes arm, unsure and a bit warning, and Harry understood. Everything that had happened here was a secret; when they got back, they’d admit to not killing each other, but nothing else. All that had happened were nothing no one except them should know, not now.   
It was going to be their secret. And Harry understood.   
With nothing else to argue with, and what was he going to do even if he somehow knew that Snape was going to bring them right back into Voldemorts grip? There was no way he could stay here much longer, they’d been on the verge of starving and he’d rather know what’s going on then sit quietly out here. So he grabbed Snapes other arm, and felt the uneasy pressure from all sides at once, and everything went black.


	6. Wise words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape had appeared out of nowhere, and while Draco were a lot faster to give him his trust, Harry weren't inclined to do the same. But anywhere felt better then the forest, and food would be nice.   
> But the silent agreement between them, to keep the kiss a secret, tears at them both, and they can't seem to keep apart for long.   
> Especially not since Harry worries far too much, and not without good cause.

Draco was used to Appariting, as his father and the Death Eaters had brought him along that way, and he even knew the basics even though he hadn’t gotten permission from the Ministry of Magic yet, but Apparition usually worked best if you knew where the place you wanted to go was, relative to the place where you currently where. And showing the first signs of starvation, with no idea of where he was, he didn’t feel comfortable trying. But even then, he was more used to it then Harry, who bent over and retched when they ’landed’.   
”Shape up, Potter! I’m going to bring you directly to Dumbledores office, so follow me. You too, Malfoy!” Snape said before turning and walking with his regular hurried pace down the corridor in which they’d ended up.   
”Harry…” Draco said as he looked down, not wanting to get left behind and make anyone think he’d done it for Potter, but he didn’t want to leave him here. ”Are you okey?”  
”Yeah, just peachy” Harry responded, standing somewhat upright and began to walk after Snape. ”What about you? I mean, can you believe Snape actually didn’t lie to us? Scary, right?”  
Draco stifled a smile and began walking after Snape, who’d stopped at the first turn to see if they were indeed following. As Snape scowled and hurried off before them, Draco tried to think about what to say, how he could tell Harry that what had happened, out there in the forest, had to be a secret no one could ever know.   
”It’s okey” Harry said quietly, squeezing Dracos hand and looking him in the eyes. ”I won’t tell.” With a last squeeze, Harry let go, and hurried after Snape like nothing had been said, leaving Draco with a warm feeling. His hand still felt Harrys, and he could even taste him on his lips still, but an emptiness was growing inside him as he watched Harry walking before him. Not that the emptiness was unusual, he was very much acquainted with feeling nothing and having an empty space where he guess others had a heart, but this was different. The linings of the emptiness were warm, his lips were aching, and his arms wanted nothing more then to hug that person walking in front of him, and all this made it so incredibly much worse. 

Dumbledores office was the same as last time, with just a few adjustments: a dining table with 5 chairs and lots of food and drink. Dumbledore himself stood beside his desk, petting Fawkes, and looked up when Snape entered with Harry and Draco in tow, while McGonagall paced by the windows and were the first to look up when they entered.   
”Oh, thank goodness you’re back!”  
Dumbledore turned and smiled at them, clearly relieved. ”I’m very happy to see both of you back here alive and well. I’m sorry for not informing you about our plans, but there just wasn’t time.”  
”What plan? What did you do?” Harry asked, looking at everyone except Draco.   
”Potter, take a seat.” Snape sneered from behind him, while McGonagall interrupted with a much more thoughtful ”Severus! They’ve been trough enough for you to act like that! Please, sit down and eat; we’ll explain during the meal.” she added, directed at Harry and Draco.   
”Yes, please; we couldn’t be sure of much after you’d taken that Portkey, and we didn’t have the means to give you each a backpack of necessities before you disappeared. I do hope you’ve both been able to find some food during your days away, and Snape has informed me that you never went outside of the village.” Dumbledore said as he sat down, and began to nibble at the fruits on his side of the table.   
Giving up on getting anywhere without real food in his stomach, Harry sat down and ravenously began to shuffle food to his plate and his mouth. He was dimly aware of Draco doing the same, sitting down on the other side of the table, which made so much sense, but it still felt empty not having Dracos warmth close by.   
”Snape, as you might have guessed, was responsible for hexing the Portkey, and while we’d known where you’d ended up, there was no way to get there and rescue you before now.” Dumbledore was talking and Harry was listening, but he was too hungry to focus on anything other then food, and part of his mind were still occupied with Dracos wellbeing. It was a strange feeling, thinking this much about Draco, wanting to be so close to him, but after what they’d just been trough it made sense. He wondered dimly if it had been serious; if it would have happened any way other then this, but he didn’t have any answers.   
”There are a lot of powers on the move out there, and right now Voldemort is assembling his army” Dumbledore continued, ”and, I’m afraid there is no way to avoid it now. We knew what we were getting into when Professor Snape first came to me with this plan.” at which Harry stopped. He didn’t dare anything more then a glance and Snape, and even though he did know more about him then most students, he had a hard time trying to imagine Snape, of all people, planning to rescue Harry.   
”Sadly, it seems we were mostly right in our assumptions. Voldemort is preparing for war.”  
Draco looked up, and Harry saw he hadn’t eaten much, while Harry had emptied and refilled his plate at least once. A lot of different emotions was on display in Dracos face, and Harry realised he may not have known much of this, of anything that’s been brought up since they returned. Snape was his godfather, that Harry knew, but it seemed like Draco had not known he was also a spy, which were very logical but it still amazed Harry. People really seemed to think of Draco as a pure Malfoy, the perfect son to his father. Harry knew that wasn’t true, but how could anyone else know how much Draco feared his father? They’d nearly killed each other before Draco let it show, and Harry had then already known the signs, as he knew them rather intimately himself. But for someone who didn’t know, or hadn’t been so close as they’d been these days… Hogwarts was a big place. It was easy to keep secrets if you needed to.   
And that thought made Harry loose his appetite. They had shared a lot, and he regretted nothing, but being back here… it was not gonna be the same. Not at all. Draco was still stuck in the personality he’d built himself, based on his fathers wishes, and Draco had a way with words. It would have ben easy for Draco to keep ’close’ friends and still never divulge his own inner sides, even to himself.   
”Draco, I’m sorry if I’m not giving you any details other then the ones needed right now, but I don’t have that choice. This is not about personal feelings, as you can ask Professor Snape about later, but something much more sinister. Sadly, we’re about to go to war, and in that, there’s no neutral side. I will do nothing to force you, and if you make your choices I will respect them, however they might hurt. As long as you are a student here, you are under this schools protection, as well as my own personal care. I know your father, Lucius, does not think highly of me and I will not force you to choose between family and friends, but you may come to realise that others may not be as thoughtful. If Voldemort is not stopped before he has assembled the powers he need, which I sadly think will not be possible at this time, then others may force you, or make that choice for you.”  
Dracos face was white, eyes locked at his fork, which lay still beside his hand, as Dumbledore paused, seemingly equally tired and ragged as Harry felt.   
”I do not expect you to make a choice now, Draco. But I want you to know that you are always welcome here. The password is Jelly Beans, and it doesn’t matter which time of the day it is. I don’t sleep that much either way” Dumbledore added with a smile. ”And your godfather does care a lot for you” a light and noncommittal scoff was heard from Snapes corner, ”and you already know where he most likely resides at all times.”  
As Dumbledore turned to look at him, Harry realised that he’d promised to not tell anything, to keep everything between them secret, and that it meant more then just not speaking the words, but also not in any way make people doubt that their rivalry was still as strong as ever. That meant, among other things, not to be caught staring at Draco, not with the amount of worry and empathy that most definitely showed on his face. He’d never been good at hiding his feelings, and now he hadn’t even tried.   
”Harry. I don’t know what has transpired between you both during these days” to which Draco made a low sound of disgust, ”but I seem to notice that you have not killed, or seriously hurt each other, to which I’m relieved. I do not believe, contrary to many of my students and even a few of the professors, that either of you have it in you to cause serious harm to another conscious being, least of all each other.” Harry looked up, surprised, but then remembered that Dumbledore did like to think positively of everyone, no matter their history. ”With that said, I hope that you’ve both found some amenity toward each other, and if not then I will apologise in advance, but I wish you too keep your mind open to new alliances. Your friends and classmates are worried about you, and you may tell them some of what has transpired here, as goes for you Draco,” quick glance to Draco who still hadn’t moved, ”and, I know you both have been going through hard times, and have a lot on your mind, but I wish that you do not let this opportunity fall away from you.”  
Dumbledore gave of a sigh, looking from the other boy to Harry and then back.   
”These times that we have before us may be among the most pressing either of us has ever known. War, if it comes to that, is never pretty. And it’s only made worse, by not knowing your allies from your enemies, or your friends from your foes. While I expect no such thing, I hope, with most of my heart and a bit of my mind as well, that you may find it in each other to lay aside past rivalries, and embrace a future as friends.”   
There was quiet in the room. Like the quiet was a unique presence, a Professor without body or voice, or some obscure magical being that had pressed itself amongst them, a weight to Harrys heart and chest as well as a lack of any other sound. He did not look up from his plate.   
”Harry, you make take all that you wish from this table with you, and I’ll send an house elf with some refreshments to your dorm, as well as a note to your friends Ron and Hermione that you’re back, and that you’ll see them right after you’ve taken a long bath.” There was a glimmer in Dumbledores eyes and a knowing smile, and Harry almost smiled back. ”You may not tell anyone about the plans, and suspicions, that you’ve heard about here, but I’m sure you’ll tell Hermione and Ron either way, so please keep this just between them and us. I may call you back tomorrow, or when I have news about our situation, but until then you’re free to get back to your regular routines.”  
”Thanks, sir. But…” Harry almost continued that sentence, but his words were lost, and he glanced from Dumbledore to Draco before standing up on shaky legs.   
”Don’t worry about Draco, dear. There will be no additional punishments to either of you, but there are a few words I do need to share with Professor Snape and Draco alone. McGonagall all show you out and back to your dorms.”  
McGonagall nodded towards everyone present, and indicated that Harry should follow her down the stairs. With a last look at the Headmaster, and a glance at Draco, which made Harrys stomach sink further as Draco was still an unhealthy pale and unmoving, he walked after McGonagall and continued back towards the Gryffindor tower. 

Draco did not want any of this. He felt the filth of Harrys hand all over him, and it made him think about nothing else then the last kiss and that look when Harry said he wouldn’t tell anyone. It all made him feel dirty, used, broken.   
Dumbledore made him stay only to get a few words with Snape, and to tell him to ’not tell anyone, or else I’ll have to…’ something something, he didn’t hear the words, he didn’t care, his life was over either way. Father would hate him. You-Know-Who would kill him, no matter what Snape and Dumbledore tried to debate in front of him, no matter if he knew it wasn’t his fault and there’d been nothing he could have done.   
Because it wasn’t about loyalties anymore. Not since he kissed Harry.   
He thought of his mother, who’d never seen him cry. Tears were for the weak, so he’d never shed any. Father had seemed proud when he understood that, to keep his face neutral no matter what, to never show emotion except when he needed to. Emotion was a great way to control people, especially ’good’ people such as Muggle-borns, who didn’t know better then to trust their own ’instincts’. Draco knew better. He knew that longing for Harry was nothing more then weakness. A crack in his nearly perfect shield, to be used by all who knew it. Especially Harry himself.   
When they were all done, and Draco had made promises he didn’t care to remember, Snape lead him away down the corridors toward the dungeons. At least Snape knew that words were unnecessary. The quiet was easier.   
The dry, cool air down in the dungeons were a comfort; Draco had spent many hours down here, forgetting about the world and the people in it, and sometimes it had actually worked. He wished he was alone right now, because no matter where Snapes loyalties lay, they weren’t with Draco, he was sure. Who could ever respect someone who’d kissed another boy? He new he’d never, not as long as his fathers words echoed inside him.   
”I trust you to keep yourself safe, Draco. The password is ’Adamant’.” They where in front of the passage into the Slytherin dormitories when Snape stopped and looked down at Draco. Draco didn’t look back.   
”You should get some sleep, and there will be more food and refreshments waiting for you in your dorm.” Snapes voice became lower, even with a hint of concern. ”Take care of yourself, Draco. There are people who care for you, deeply.”   
Not anymore, Draco thought, but didn’t show. He just nodded and began to walk towards the hidden door, Snape watching for a while before retreating to his quarters.   
Of course, Draco had no intention of going to bed, or meeting people that had once been his friends. As he heard the door behind Snape close, he walked away from the hidden door and deeper into the dungeon, without any goal in sight. 

Harry couldn’t sleep. He kept thinking about Draco, and about all this, and he really was tired but he just stared up into his silken roof of the bed, and couldn’t stop thinking.   
When he’d returned to the Gryffindor tower, he’d been welcomed with joy and love. Hermione and Ron had hugged him and told him how much they’d missed him, how worried they’d been, and even his classmates where there to tell him alike sentiments.   
A few tried to ask what had happened, where they’d been, and why he’d been gone, but he didn’t really answer any of them. He gave a few looks to Hermione and Ron that said he’d tell them later, and soon enough people stopped asking and the twins where making their own theories, accompanied by Seamus and Dean and a few youngsters.   
Everything seemed so normal.   
All Harry could really think about was Draco.   
Being quiet wasn’t that unusual for Harry, especially at times like this when there were things he’d lived through and couldn’t talk about, and people seemed to understand, even though he got a few concerned looks. But he didn’t seem to fool Hermione. Just a few hours later, or maybe much less as Harry had lost all sense of time between his own memories and thoughts and the antics and well-wishing of his house-mates, Hermione gave Harry a pointed look and made excuses for him to go to bed early. Not that it was really early, especially since it wasn’t any classes next day, but Harry took the hint and gave Hermione a smile before walking up the stairs to his bed. Down below, before he closed the door, he was sure he heard Ron argue with Dean about not going after him; seemed like Ron had understood what Hermione had done. Harry felt a wave of gratitude toward his friends, because he really didn’t have it in him to be social right now and act like everything was okey and that Malfoy… Draco… was the evil genius behind it all. Everyone had noted that he’d also been gone, so it played a big role in whatever theories were going round.  
But he could think of nothing else then those grey eyes as Draco said ’yes’, and the kiss that then followed… and the feeling of their bodies so close and how his hand had almost touched…!   
And now, Harry lay in bed, staring at nothing, thinking about everything at the same time as well as never getting a whole thought alone. His chest hurt. In the commons room he’d eaten a lot more, which was because he was really hungry and because it gave him all the more reason to be quiet, but now there was nothing to distract him, and his stomach was full, and no other feeling inside him had the same force as his heartache. Dimly, he thought that he actually missed Draco Malfoy, but he was so different now. Everything felt different. How could a few fucking days do that?  
Everything was dark now. He’d thought of getting the Marauders Map, but hadn’t. He had no reason to spy on Draco, no matter how much he wanted to see that small handwritten name walking around the Slytherin dorm or staying still in his bedroom. For hours he’d been awake now, only exchanging a few words as the other ones came to get some sleep, and now it seemed like the makeshift party downstairs had really died down. It must be really late.   
And he could still not sleep.   
Beside him, Ron snored.   
Without a thought, Harry reached into his trunk, grabbed the Map and his Invisibility Cloak and checked so no one else in the room was awake to watch him, and darted out the door.   
On the way down the stairs he put on the cloak, in case a few late-nighters were still up and about, and hurried toward the portrait of the Fat Lady.   
”Who’s there? Hello? Or is it just another prank?” he heard behind him as the Fat Lady checked why someone had opened and closed the door. ”Damned children, I was just getting my beauty-sleep…” she continued as Harry turned a corner and marched into an empty room.   
Sitting down on the floor, he pulled out the Marauders Map and his wand, whispered ’I solemnly swear that I am up to no good’ and began checking for the name Draco Malfoy.   
After a while he realised that Draco wasn’t anywhere near the Slytherin commons room, and a cold feeling gripped his stomach. Where was he, if he wasn’t asleep? Worried, he began to look on other floors, in other parts of the castle, getting more and more desperate to find the name he was looking for.   
Finally, when he found Draco, he let out a breath he didn’t knew he’d been holding and immediately set out to the empty rooms where Draco were present, not giving anything else a single second thought. 

Draco had wandered the castle for some time, mindlessly. He’d ended up a few floors up, and when he realised he was most definitely breaking curfew, he became a bit more conscious of his surroundings. What he didn’t want now was to run into mr Filch or any of the Professors; they’d reprimand him, ask what’s wrong, demand to know what he was doing and walk him back to his dorms. All he wanted was… he didn’t really know, but it wasn’t that. It was like he knew a lot of things, but only about what he didn’t want, and anything else was just… not there.   
He tried to think about stuff he liked, before. Quidditch. Tomato soup. Potions. Teasing and scaring first-years. Nothing felt important. He was dead anyway.   
When he really looked up, he was in an unknown room. Not a classroom, more like a makeshift storage or excessive furniture and interior decorating. He didn’t feel like walking anymore.   
A bit into the room, he found blankets, and a some old quills and ink-pots. Sitting down, he checked the in-pots, which had dried a long time ago, and picked up a quill. The feather-part was messed up, broken, and the point still had dried ink on it. He pealed of a few flakes. Pressed the point against his finger, and felt a prickle, a drop of blood forming when he pulled the quill away. Putting the point into the small drop of blood, and drawing a straight line down his finger, to his palm, to his wrist. The blood didn’t continue, as it had been such a small wound, but he felt the cold metal of the quill against his wrist, saw the purple lines as his blood pulsed underneath, his skin stretching as he bent his hand back but kept the quill in position. A small point of pain. He kept still, then pulled away. Blood.   
It slowly trickled down his arm, only a finger-width and not more, and it tickled his skin. He stared at the small line of blood.   
A Malfoy never cries.   
But it seems like they can bleed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for sad feels - I'll try to not keep this cliff-hanger up far too long.   
> Thanks for staying with me and my boys and I promise you there will be both happy feels and sexy times and sad feels and nice friends all around later <3


	7. May the wounds heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dracos mind is filled with conflicting emotions and thoughts, and sees no light at the end of it.   
> Harry races through the castle, worried that something might have happened, and finds that he care more for this new friendship then he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be blood and wounds, but also hugs and deep conversations, paired with finding comfort in a new friendship that might be deeper then they realised.   
> Though it shouldn't have been too hard to guess <3   
> I wasn't proud of the previous chapter, as I'm not all that good at describing the senior characters in the HP-universe, even my own AU, and now I'm getting back into my comfort zone <3   
> Enjoy! And leave kudos and comments!

Harry had never been in this part of the castle, surprisingly enough. It wasn’t usually used for classes, a quite some distance away from the Gryffindor tower, but he’d prided himself in knowing all parts of the castle by foot. Obviously, he’d been wrong, or at least fooled by the Map to think he knew. Right now it didn’t really matter, because he thought of Draco, that maybe he’d been taken by Death Eaters, maybe they were interrogating him, maybe they were doing things to him, hurting him, making him talk…   
Harry needed to know, and he needed to be there for Draco if this was the case. The thought that he was late, too late, crossed his mind time and time again, and he could only think about how stupid he was in promising to ’not tell anyone’. Why not? What was so forbidden about this? Why wasn’t he allowed to feel, to think, to long for someone when those feelings were obviously answered? Harry remembered how Draco had stuttered when he said ’yes’, how his eyes had closed and how they’d laid back, Harry on his knees over Draco so that Harry could feel, and see, and taste those lips and that neck and touch the blondes body; his chest, his waist, his stomach, his thighs, his erection…   
The look they shared when they thought danger was near. How they’d held hands.   
Why weren’t Harry there yet?!

Draco had blood on his robes, but that could be gone by the flick of his wand. Instead, he stared, mesmerised, at his forearms. There were several cuts, some quite deep, and Draco marvelled at how he felt the skin break, the flesh part to let the sharp end of the quill in, how it took a few seconds for the blood to fill the wound. How it looked when it was fresh, and when the blood started to fill the wounds. He couldn’t stop looking at it.   
Just as he couldn’t stop himself from making new cuts, next to those already bleeding over, spilling blood over the blankets under him. 

Harry brought out the Map again, checked his position relative to Dracos and found he was near, really close. He looked up to see several doors, and Draco should be behind the third, and Harry wanted to run there and burst in with wand out, hexing anyone trying to hurt Draco, but he had to be smart.   
Silently he closed in on the door, and silently he opened it, wand ready, letting his eyes adjust to the dark inside. So far no sound, but what i the door creaked, or if the floor was unsteady. Harry sneaked inside, realised no one was there, nothing strange was happening, and he was afraid, but the Map wouldn’t show Dracos name unless he was alive, so maybe Draco wasn’t in danger. Maybe he was just alone up here.   
”Draco?”

Draco jumped as he heard his name, then looked down at his arms, at the quill, at the blood-spattered blankets. There was no way to hide this. But why should he? He was dead anyway. Let Harry see. Let him marvel at the failure that is Draco Malfoy.   
Draco smiled, and stood up as Harry came close enough to see him. 

The first thing Harry saw was Dracos blonde hair, his smile, and his heart skipped a beat and he started to smile of relief but then Draco stood, and Harry saw his arms. And the blood slowly dripping from them.   
”Hey, Harry. Fancy meeting you here at this time of day. Out taking a walk, are we?”  
Harry couldn’t breathe, and the smile that had begun on his face was gone, and he felt himself go pale.   
”Draco… what happened?”  
Draco looked down at his arms, still smiling, and Harry saw a broken quill, dark with blood, in his right hand.   
”Draco… did you do this?”  
Draco didn’t say anything, the smile still on his face, but it was a humourless smile, and as Harry meet his eyes he became scared, because they weren’t the shining grey he’d seen in the forest, filled with something resembling joy as they lay close, sleeping close and waking up close, but now those eyes were empty.   
The quiet stretched, and Harry couldn’t move, and Dracos face was plastered with the gruesome smile and Harrys was a pale nightmare until he heard a drop of blood reach the floor, splattering out over the rough stone under them, collected in small pools of blood. Harry drew a breath, let his Cloak fall, and dropped the Map.   
”Draco, we need to heal this. Are you feeling lightheaded, dissy?”  
Still not talking, but Draco didn’t hinder Harry when he came closer, and when Harry carefully reached out to touch Dracos arms, his smile faltered, and fell.   
”I’m going to heal this now. okey?” As Harry reached out to take Dracos hand, he never let go of his eyes, and Draco didn’t hinder him. The hand was cold, and wet, and Harry didn’t think about why, and with a last look at Dracos face he looked down to point his wand, whispering ’Episkey’ while holding his hand steady.   
As the wounds began to heal, he focused on the other arm, and did the same spell again, and making sure he hadn’t missed any wounds, and added a quick ’Tergeo!’ to get the worst of the blood away. He made another inspection, saw no wounds still unhealed, and put down his wand to grab hold of Dracos other hand as well, before looking up into Dracos eyes.   
”Why did you do this?”  
Draco made a small, halfhearted smile. ”Because a Malfoy never cries.”  
Harrys knees were already weak, and at this his whole body wanted to collapse, but he stayed standing and only walked closer to Draco, putting his arms around his shoulder after letting go of his hands. He buried his face in Dracos robes, hugging him tightly, and after a while he felt hands circle his waist.   
They stood like that. Harry holding Draco tight and Draco almost hugging him back, for an unknown time.   
”Come” Harry said, as he slowly and reluctantly let go, and instead took Dracos hand and lead him deeper into the big room.   
”Where are we going?” Draco asked, voice so neutral it sent a chill down Harrys spine.   
”I don’t know. ”   
They didn’t walk long before they found a couch that looked really out of place, but it was good enough.   
Harry lead Draco there, and sat down, pulling Draco down beside him, and Draco didn’t do anything to resist.   
”We really should be going back.”  
”I know” But Harry had no plan to. He shook of his shoes, and tucked his feet in under him, and leaded his head against Dracos shoulder. Still holding hands, Draco seemed to be frozen, but soon enough he relaxed, and put an arm around Harrys shoulder.   
They sat like that, for quite some time, before Harry shifted, and pulled Draco down in an embrace, where they both lay on the couch with Dracos head resting against Harrys chest.   
”I… I was so scared, when I saw you so far outside you dorm. I thought… I thought that maybe something happened to you. Maybe some Death Eater had gotten to you, which sounds silly now, this is Hogwarts after all, but I was scared and couldn’t… I couldn’t sleep. They tried to joke, about me being stuck with you for days, and I tried to laugh with them but it… it hurt too much. I…” Harrys chest seemed tighter then usual, like he couldn’t pull down a whole breath, like his heart had taken up a much bigger place then it should, ”I was really scared for you, Draco.”  
”But… why?”  
”I…” Harrys hands grabbed tighter around Dracos arms and shoulder, ”because I think… I think I love you.”

It was so quiet, that Draco barely heard the words Harry said. He thought, for a moment, that he hadn’t. But Harry held him so tight, pressed his head down against him, and his whole chest vibrated under him.   
Draco looked up, rested on his elbow, and looked at Harrys face. There were a tear, falling slowly down his cheek, and his eyes didn’t meet Dracos.   
”Why?” Because Draco didn’t understand. How could anyone love him?  
”Because you’re beautiful, with your blonde hair and… those times when you smile. I thought I, eh, I really thought I hated you, for a while, because you were so damn mean at times, but… I think I never really did hate you. Ever, I just wanted to because… because it’s so much easier then love. You can hate someone without knowing anything about them, but now, when I saw… when I saw how scared you were, of your father and everything, I just realised that you and I, we, eh, we aren’t that much… different. And after that… I couldn’t pretend to hate you anymore. I just couldn’t.”  
Draco heard it all but it was so distant, like words spoken inside his head when he himself was far outside it. He could see them both, laying there on the dusty sofa in the unused storage room, far from anything else in the world, and when he did, he thought that for a while, this might work. The thought hit him and he realised that yes, he did want this to work, he wanted to lay here with Harry and he loved the feeling of Harrys hand in his own, Harrys heart beating against his chin as he leaned his head against his chest.   
What if it was true? What if Draco really did deserve to be loved?  
He crushed the thought. Of course he didn’t.   
But for now, he could allow himself to pretend. For now, he could imagine the world didn’t exist, and everything that mattered was Harrys heart beating, their hands intertwined, and the memory of his lips against Harrys. 

As Harry opened his eyes, he realised he must have been sleeping. The room was still dark, but he could see the dust floating in the rays of light from a few dirty windows, and he wondered how long they’d been here.   
Against his chest, he felt the heavy weight of Draco, and as Harry looked down he smiled. Yesterday, when he’d found Draco, he’d been terrified. But, he realised now, he wasn’t surprised. Being a child of a Death Eater can’t be an easy life, and what Draco’d said yesterday, about how Malfoys never cried, it had really stuck with Harry. He knew that feeling, of not being able to let you feelings be known, to pretend and to hide, and he still did it. Even though he had amazing friends, and he’d gladly give his life for them, he knew there were things they’d never understand. Both had been growing up in families, with parents that actually loved them, and supported them, and Ron might hate his siblings form time to time but they all really did love each other. Harry had never had anything like that, before he came to Hogwarts, and even then he was sent back to the place where he’d been so damaged.   
So he could understand the hopelessness he’d seen in Draco. The indifference about living or not. And he realised, with Draco still sleeping in his arms, that he would do a whole lot to help Draco. Because everything he’d said, was true.   
He really did love Draco. 

It was fear that woke Draco up. He didn’t know what he’d dreamed about, but he knew that his lungs refused to inhale, that his heart was blocking his throat, and that terror got his whole body locked down. He literally couldn’t move, and that only made the fear stronger.   
”Hey, easy. I’m here.” Draco heard as arms circled him and pulled him closer, and the paralysing terror eased away enough for him to breathe, but still held his body in lockdown.   
”Just breathe, breathe. Focus on that. There’s no one else here but me, and I’m not gonna leave you.” The words were whispered into Dracos ears, and he felt the hot breath and recognised Harrys words, and what had happened yesterday, and how Harry'd healed his wounds and pulled him down on this couch. Had Harry really stayed for the entire night? He could see rays of light in the room. How long had they slept?  
Was anyone looking for him?  
”Sch, sch… I’m not gonna let anyone take you. I’m not gonna leave you alone again.”  
The arms around Draco were tight, firm, and he could rest in them, and relax, as the worst paralysis let go.   
”How… how long have we been here?”  
”Not sure. Probably a few hours. I don’t think we’ve missed breakfast yet.”  
An almost-smile threatened to appear as Draco looked up, and saw Harrys green eyes smiling down at him. They were so close, and Draco actually felt… almost safe. Almost.   
Harry moved a hand to hold Dracos face, to keep it close to his own. ”I’m sorry. For not being there, for not realising sooner, for letting you go yesterday.”  
Those words, spoken with a soft voice, made the cold tendrils inside Draco recede. ”Don’t be.”  
”But I am, and I promise to make it up to you.” A moment of hesitation. ”I don’t think I can be by your side 24/7, as we have so many different classes, but I want you to be able to contact me no matter what.” A thought filled paus. ”I’m not sure which is the best way, I guess I’ll ask Hermione…”  
”No! No, don’t do that! Don’t tell them!” The cold began to creep back. What if this reached father?  
”I’m not gonna tell them. I’m not gonna tell anyone, unless you let me.” Smile. ”But I’m gonna ask. I think I can use some of my homework for an excuse, or just… Maybe just ask if she knows if cell phones work in Hogwarts.”  
”Cell phones?”  
”It’s a Muggle thing, use to communicate over great distances. Really handy, and not bigger then your hand, to fit into your pocket.”  
Draco didn’t really understand. ”Like… a fireplace?”  
”No, you can’t travel with them” Harry said and smiled, ”you can just talk to each other or write things, and the other person will get the texts almost instantly, and you don’t have to know where someone are to be able to call them. As long as they have connection, it’s no worries.”  
”Connection to what?”  
”Well… the mobile network, I guess. Not 100% sure how they work, I’ve never owned one as the Dursleys didn’t deem in necessary, but I know Dudley used his for a lot of different things and Vernon was always getting work-calls.”  
”That’s… And there’s no magic?”  
”No, all electricity, metal and plastic!”  
”…What?”  
Harry laughed, and kissed Dracos forehead. ”I don’t know, beautiful. Maybe they are magic.”  
Draco blushed, as Harry continued to talk about the strange things that Muggles had invented, and how he’d talk to Hermione about using them in Hogwarts, seemingly unaware about how he’d affected Draco with that little word. Beautiful. Harry had said it before, but not so carelessly, not so without thought and almost like it was natural.   
Somehow it made Draco almost believe in it. At lest now, when nothing else existed, he could believe himself to be beautiful in Harrys eyes. 

They lay there for a while, talking and joking, not doing anything else then just being together and pretend that this could work. But after a while, Harry felt hunger grab him with such force that he couldn’t ignore it anymore, and he had to walk away.   
”Draco?”  
”Yeah?”  
”Do you know what time it is?”  
”Eh…” Draco searched for his wand, and cast a quick Tempus. ”About nine, a bit over.”  
”Doesn’t breakfast disappear around 10 during weekends?”  
”Yeah, but… I’m not really hungry.”  
Harry smiled at how Dracos stomach betrayed him, and kissed his cheek softly. ”Can I walk you there?”  
Immediately Dracos eyes became wide, and Harry added ”No, not like that, I just wan to.. I just don’t wanna leave you alone. Here, at lest. I… I could walk us to the Great Hall, and then leave you so we could enter at different times, or… Or, I could use my Invisibility Cloak! Of course, then I could walk next to you and no one would know!”  
Draco’s eyes were wide, filled with thoughts Harry couldn’t see, until they seemed to focus on something and slowly Dracos mouth opened. ”Invisibility Cloak? You have one of those?”  
Blushing, because no one was really supposed to know that but he’d let it slip anyway. ”Eh… yeah, it’s from my father…”  
”Oh.”  
Draco still looked scared at the thought, but not as much, and as the thought settled in he seemed more comfortable with it.   
”I promise to not out you, but I really want to make sure you’ll be okey.”  
Draco looked at Harry and returned the smile, which was among the cutest things Harry had ever seen.   
”Sure. You can take me there.”  
At which Harry smiled, and hugged Draco close, and almost laughed but only let out a happy sigh and he could feel that Draco wasn’t as tense right now and that, just that feeling was wonderful and it made his heart beat faster.   
”But…” Draco added, pulling away. Harry looked into his eyes, grey and beautiful, and during the silence he began to fear that something was amiss. ”But only if…” Draco paled, but still got redder, which was fascinating to see. ”… only…”  
As Draco focus on his words, and breathing, Harry sat still, a soft smile on his face, because now he suspected what Draco wanted to ask and he’d let him take his time to get his courage together.   
”Can… can I…” A pause, enough to swallow and get another breath, ”Can I kiss you?”  
It was a soft, almost nonexistent whisper, but Harry knew and leaned in a bit closer. ”Yes.”  
And then Draco did. The distance between their lips was short, and Draco pressed his lips against Harrys fast, like he didn’t want to get second thoughts, and Harry let him, and put a hand behind his neck and another firmly around his waist and Draco didn’t seem to know what to do with himself and, well, Harry didn’t know any better but he knew he liked it when Draco held him, so he took one of Dracos hands and placed it at his waist, before putting his own hand back on Dracos, pressing him closer, digging his fingers into Dracos robes as Draco separated his lips.   
A quiet moan escaped from Harrys mouth as he let his tongue touche Dracos, and let his hand travel over Dracos body, and the same kind of electricity as before went through his body but didn’t disappear, but lingered inside his stomach, around his fast-beating heart, and in the lower part of his abdomen.   
Draco lay next to him now, both of them pressed against each other on the small couch that was clearly not meant for two people laying on it, and Harry could feel almost Dracos entire body against his, and that only made his hands want to grab more, pull him closer, he wanted to put his hands inside Dracos shirt but grabbed his robe instead, forcing himself to not do anything other then moving his lips and tongue. He wanted to respect the other ones boundaries, and not make anything that could make Draco uncomfortable.   
Instead, he focused on the kiss; to gently lick Dracos lip, biting it, touching his tongue against the upper lip and try to circle it around Dracos tongue. His hands held steady around Dracos waist, as he felt hands uncertainly stroke his back. He smiled as he pressed his lips tightly, before pulling back just enough to let his tongue play around Dracos lips and then closed his own lips again, and pressed them against Dracos. The soft moan that sounded then was not from Harry.   
For a moment then, they just stayed still, lips pressed together and hands holding onto each other, and just let themselves breathe, to not think, to feel with just a few layers of cloth between.   
Draco were the one to pull away, and Harry looked up to smile at him, reaching a hand to touch his face, stroking a few strands of hair that had become plastered against Dracos damp forehead, even giving his nose a gentle kiss. At that, Draco almost giggled.   
”Stop. You’ll embarrass me by making me feel like this.”  
”What, happy?” A gentle smile and Harry let his hand rest over Dracos neck.   
”No, just… it’s just so bloody cute.”  
”You’re so bloody cute.”  
”Fuck you, Potter.”  
Leaning in to let their lips almost touch, Harry whispered ”If you insist.”   
Harry could feel the heat from Dracos face, and expected him to respond, or pull away, or something, and he hadn’t really thought this through before just blurting it out. He pulled back again and didn’t meet Dracos eyes. ”I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say that, I mean, I respect you more then just blurting that out without thinking.”  
”No, no… it’s okey. I… It’s not like it matters much anyway, right? I’m already dead, so I might…”  
”No! Don’t say that! You’re not dead, you’re not gonna die, I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you!”  
Draco just looked into his eyes, and Harry wasn’t sure what he saw in them. Harry begun to sit up, and dragging Draco with him so that they sat next to each other on the couch, Harry sitting crosslegged and facing Draco while Draco was still recumbent and only supported by his arms.   
”I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you, and neither will Dumbledore or any of the Professors or, I don’t know, your classmates.”  
”But Harry… It’s not like they really care. Dumbledore just wants a spy among the Death Eaters, obviously, but as soon as they find out what I really am they’ll just hate me.”  
”No, they won’t. No one is going to hate you just because you aren’t straight! It’s just your father talking, but no one here in Hogwarts are gonna hate you for it! I know they won’t, there’s several non-straight couples only among the Gryffindors, and no one thinks there’s anything strange about it.”  
”But Harry…” Draco wouldn’t look him straight in the eyes. ”I’m a Malfoy. There are no gay Malfoys.”  
”Then why do you have to be a Malfoy? You are not only your name, no matter who your parents are. I’m Potter because my father was, but I could be Evans because of my mother, or I could make my own name. People will call you stupid things, but it doesn’t matter, because they don’t define you, only you do!”  
Draco just smiled sadly, and shook his head. ”But I’m a Malfoy. You have a Muggle-born mother, of course it’s gonna be different, but being Pureblood is so much more then just blood. Don’t you see?”  
”No, Draco, I don’t! And few others, outside of those that are Pureblood, even care. You can be what you want, and your father doesn’t control you.”  
Draco just continued to shake his head, oblivious to whatever Harry tried to say, which first made Harry angry with him, but he forced himself to be calm, remembering the night before.   
”Draco, I just want you to know, that I… I do really love you. Merlins beard, it feels like my face is gonna burn up, I do hope you appreciate how I’m humiliating myself for you, seriously, how can I even blush this much…  
”Anyway, I wondered if we could walk to the breakfast together, or, well, almost together.”  
Daring himself to look at Draco, he found a pair of grey eyes looking at him and it was like he fell in love again, just looking into them.   
”okey. But only if we use the cloak you had. Seriously, how did you get that?”  
Harry blushed. ”From my father, as I said, but I don’t know where he got it, really…”  
”It must be old then. Doesn’t these wear out after a while?”  
”Well… I mean, it wasn’t like my father personally gave it to me, it’s been with, ah… a friends of his, who sent it to me as I started Hogwarts. Maybe the, eh, friend refreshed it? I don’t know, really…”  
For a while Draco just looked at him, but seemed to let the subject drop and they made to stand up and gather themselves up. As Draco brushed off his clothes and did his best to straighten them out, Harry just tucked his shirt into his pants and drew a hand through his hair. It was a weekend, after all. Instead he smiled as Draco continued his struggle with the creased clothes, and went to get the Cloak. Seeing the Marauders Map, still where he’d dropped it, he made an effort to put it in his pocket without Draco noticing.   
”I can get under the Cloak, and you can just walk like normal to the Great Hall. I’m gonna be by your side though, so you know.”  
”okey,” Draco said as he brushed his hands over his robes a last time, ”but first I need to go to the bathroom.”  
”No worries,” Harry said and shook the dust of the Cloak. ”I’ll wait outside.”  
And with that, and a last hand-squeeze, and a shared look, Harry donned the Cloak and they walked out of the room. 

Inside the toilet-stall, Draco didn’t bother using the toilet; instead, he rolled up his sleeves and inspected his arms.   
Harry had really done a good job. There wasn’t even any visible scars, at least none that would stay for more then a few days, and only where the deepest cuts had been. There wasn’t even any blood left.   
Letting his hand slowly run over the skin of his arms, Draco realised that the heavy feeling inside him would have caused him to cry. But he was a Malfoy, and Malfoys never cry, so the only thing that happened was that his face became set in a distant expression, with the hint of a smirk when needed.   
With his garde up, he exited the bathrooms, and began walking like nothing was different, and he could almost hear the soft footsteps behind him, indicating that Harry was following, as promised. He didn’t let himself linger on that thought, either.


	8. Friends and other humans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tries to talk to his friends, but they have a hard time understanding what he's saying, as none of them has ever lived anything else then happy lives.   
> Draco tries to keep it all inside, but Pansy knows him too well, and won't let him keep secrets that she'd know would hurt him.   
> And the Headmaster himself has gotten his eyes up on the newly returned students, and their need for protection both from their own minds and those that would do them harm.

Harry saw Draco enter the Great Hall and then set of for a quiet corner where he could take the Cloak of and go find his friends. At the thought of Ron and Hermione he wondered what they’d think, and what he was going to tell them. They must have noticed he wasn’t there this morning, maybe that he’d been gone during the night, but Ron had been asleep. Maybe he could just tell them that he’d gotten a bad dream and walked it off?   
Wouldn’t have been the first time if so, but usually he’d leave a note… but, he’d just gotten back from several days alone with Draco, as they all knew. Maybe they’d ’understand’, and not ask too many intruding questions. He loved his friends, but he’d promised Draco, and he hoped he wouldn’t have to choose.   
As he entered the Great Hall, Cloak stuffed under his shirt, Ron saw him immediately and waved, with Hermione turning to look as he did. Harry smiled and waved back, and with a quick glance to the Slytherin table where Draco sat with his goons and friends and a plate of food in front of him, he walked over to his friends.   
”Hey Harry! Where’ve you been?” Ron said.   
”Just wandering.” Harry gave them a quick recap on where he’d been the last few days, and with whom, at which both of his friends gasped. He didn’t tell anything other then that they’d eaten some fruits and fought, but not violently, but it was enough to get Rons imagination going.   
Ron didn’t start talking before Harry were done, but his voice was still loud enough for those around them to hear and Harry winced inwardly. ”I got this terrible dream that you’d been kidnapped and put in a closed room! Imagine waking up after that, and seeing your bed empty. Bloody terrifying, it was.”  
Harry forced a smile and began picking at his food. ”Yeah, well, I had a nightmare or something, can’t remember it, but I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, so…”  
Ron slapped his back. ”I understand, mate. Must have been worse for you, you were the one to be alone with bloody Malfoy, nightmares are the least I’d expect, right ’Mione?”  
”Ron, you really shouldn’t talk with food in your mouth.”  
”Yeah, well, avoid the subject, why don’t you…” Ron continued to mumble something about ’not my bloody mother’, but Hermione ignored him and turned to Harry.   
”Are you okey, Harry? Don’t let Ron scare you, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad…”  
”It was bloody Malfoy, ’Mione!”  
”… as I was saying, I don’t think Dumbledore would have put either of you two in any real danger. He really does look after you, Harry, and I don’t think he’d ever put his students in any real danger.”  
”You do remember he sent me and Draco out to the Forbidden Forest as first-years?”  
At that, Ron snickered, and Hermione shared Harrys half-smile.   
”I know, but really, you had Hagrid and Dumbledore couldn’t have known what was hurting those unicorns, right? You even had your wands, right?”  
”Hermione, we know you want to think the best of the Professors, but seriously, sending Harry out with Malfoy? Even you have to admit that’s pretty stupid. They’ve been trying to almost kill each other since first year!” Ron added to the debate, while Harry sat still with his eyes mostly focused on his food.   
”Well it’s not like it were the first choice, I’m sure, but nothing happened there, right Harry?”  
Harry froze at that, because how would he answer? So much did happen out there, but all he could think about were those grey eyes and soft lips and that’s not something he’d ever tell at the tables in the Great Hall, and not only because he promised not to say anything. He was sure Ron wouldn’t abandon him, after all they’d been through, but things would change between them if he knew.   
”Well, eh…”  
”See? It was so traumatising Harry can’t even bloody think about it!”  
Hermione gave Harry and apologetic smile and turned back to her food. ”Sorry, Harry, I’ll not press you on this anymore. Even if you didn’t kill each other it couldn’t have been easy.”  
”That’s what I said!”  
”But I still think Dumbledore had only the best in mind, and seriously, Ron, don’t talk with your mouth full! Either way, I think we should change the subject. Did you look anything on the homework I showed you yesterday? We made some new potions that I believe you’d need to research more, but they weren’t all that hard..”  
”Don’t listen to that, they really were!” Ron whispered to Harry, who snickered at how his friends were still the same, with Hermiones head planted in her books as she recapped the lost days to Harry, and Ron making faces every time she mentioned homework.   
They finished breakfast and made way to the library, at Hermiones insistence, and Harry did his best to be part of the normal routine between the three of them, but he could feel that his smile never reached his eyes and that he had a heard time to follow everything they talked about. He wanted nothing else then to walk away and see to that Draco was okey. But that wasn’t gonna happen anytime soon. 

Draco had managed to avoid the questions on where he’d been the last few days with halfhearted jokes and a few insults, but he knew that Pansy hadn’t been fooled, and as people began to make their own theories, Pansy caught him with a piercing stare. She really had an eye for sensing the underlying problems and always knew what questions she needed to ask to get the answers she wanted, but she also knew that timing was vital. Draco made his best to mentally prepare himself for the interrogation that would come, for even after their romantic relationship had failed they had kept a close bond as friends.   
But as he saw Harry at the Gryffindor table, talking carelessly with his friends, he finished his meal early. He had no desire to stay and play pretend. Draco retired to the Slytherin commons room with Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle in tow, and letting himself become steered into a more secluded corner of the basements, he watched Pansy send Crabbe and Goyle on an errand to fetch a few books from the Library (that they didn’t need for at least another few days), she sat down opposite from him and looked him over.   
”You’ve been through a lot, it seems. What have happened to make you this gloomy?”  
”I really don’t want to talk about it…”  
Pansy scoffed softly and leaned back. ”You never do, but when you’re this dreary I take it upon myself to make sure you’re not gonna go jumping of any towers around here.”  
”Don’t worry, I’ll use a rope instead.”  
”Ha ha, you’re so funny Draco. Seriously, though, is there anything I can do? Because seeing you like this only makes the dark down here even darker, and you know we don’t need that.”  
Draco didn’t answer. Usually the banter between them would sheer him up somewhat, to use his vocal skills to assemble clever insults, but he was stuck in his thoughts. How could this cheer him up if he wasn’t feeling anything?  
”Draco, look at me. What happened out there?”  
At that, he stood up to walk away. What could he say? But Pansy got a hand on his arm and held him down, not forcefully but enough that he needed to make an effort to disentangle himself.   
”okey, you don’t need to talk about it, but you know I’m not gonna tell anyone. Being out there with Potter, of all people… Have you even talked to your father yet?” Draco continued to be quiet, and Pansy sighed.   
”I understand, I think, how much your father means to you…”  
”No. You don’t. And now, with this fucking meddling, Dumbledore has ruined everything. I failed my task. I wasn’t even given a proper responsibility, because I’m not…” Because I don’t have the mark yet, was all he wanted to say, but knew he couldn’t. ”… and how I can’t contact my father? We could barely talk before everything went down and now Dumbledore’s sure to be reading everything he sends and monitor everything I do! Did you know how fucking hard it was to even start this? To get all this planned, to..!”  
”Draco, seriously, you need to quiet down!”  
”Why? Because you’re afraid? Like there’s anything worse then hanging out with a failed son of a fucking Death Eater!”  
”Yes, if said son doesn’t fucking shut up!”  
”You told me to talk and now I’m supposed to shut up? Because I said the wrong things? Fuck you Pansy.”  
This time, no one tried to stop him as he stood up and walked out of the Commons room, meeting Crabbe and Goyle on the way out but not even sparing them a glance.   
He still had his bag over his shoulder. There was at least one spare quill in there, unused, and as he walked with no real place in mind, it was all he could think of. As long as he could find a quiet, lonely place. 

After both Harry and Ron had refused any more studying, on claim of temporary insanity or at least a need for fresh air, the three of them went outside to lounge in the cool evening air, talking about nothing and looking at the Forbidden Forest in the distance.   
It was nice. Like everything was normal. Not like Voldemort was out there, not like Draco covered in selfmade wounds, not like lips that should never meet…  
He couldn’t continue this.   
”Excuse me, I’m gonna… use the bathroom.”  
”Sure, Harry. Will you come back here or shall we meet in the Gryffindor Tower later?” Ron answered, not even looking up.   
”Yeah, lets meet at the Tower, I’m kinda getting tired anyway.”  
”You couldn’t have gotten much sleep last night, Harry. We promise to not keep you awake more then necessary tonight.” Hermione said, smiling at him and he forced himself to smile back.   
”Thanks. And, eh, don’t worry if I’m asleep when you get up. I’m actually really tired.”  
”No worries Harry! See ya later!” Ron waved, Hermione turned back to lean on the wall they’d sat down next to, and Harry walked towards the castle. With every step, he felt lighter as well as his mood darkened; once inside the gates, he pulled out the Cloak and the Map, quickly whispered ’I solemnly swear I’m up to no good’ as he donned the Cloak. The only thing that interested him now were Draco. 

As Draco made his way through the castle, making excuses on being tired and having way too much homework to anyone he met, he could still feel the insides of his arms, healed and barely scarred, and that only made him feel worse. In his bag, there was a spare quill; unused and safely packed in cloth. As he left the crowds behind and dwelled deeper into the castle, the sharp end of the new quill was all that he could think about. 

Harry spent time with his friends, making up for lost days and avoiding remarks on how he’d survived alone with Draco, pretending to be too swamped up with homework (which indeed was true) to care (which was not).   
As hours passed, he barely got any work done, and he just couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d seen yesterday; Draco sitting on the floor, blood-covered arms, inflicting self harm on himself and only smiling as Harry walked in on him. Every time that thought arose, Harrys heart seemed to shrink into a tight, dark ball of worry and sadness. He, if anyone, knew the hardships of being raised by people who didn’t show affection, but unlike Draco he’d gotten the means to escape, while Draco was still stuck.   
But as they began to pack up their things to prepare to leave the Library, Harry saw another student, a Hufflepuff if he remembered correctly, talk into what seemed to be a cellphone. Suddenly Harry was in a lighter mood, a smile even got to his face, and Hermione seemed to notice the change and smiled back.   
”What got you so happy, Harry?”  
A bit taken back, feeling caught with his thoughts about getting a cellphone for Draco, he pretended to cough before answering. ”Well, eh, I thought I saw a Hufflepuff back there, talking into a cellphone. You know anything about that, ’Mione?”  
Ron looked confused. ”Whats a cellphone?”  
”Oh, it’s this wonderful Muggle-invention! It lets you talk and write to people in real time, without any fire or owls, and it usually has a lot of other applications, like games and calendars etcetera.”  
”Do you know if they work inside Hogwarts, though? Since people can’t even Apparate within the grounds, I always thought there wold be way to much interference to connect to the network?”  
Ron seemed to kinda give up, and instead let of a big sigh and a few muttered words which seemed to include ’Muggles’ and ’bloody’ at least twice, as he took point to lead them on to the Great Hall and lunch.   
”Well, my parents gave me a cellphone the first semester here, but it didn’t work, as I’d suspected, and after that they got used to the owls so I haven’t really thought about it since then. But it’s true, a lot of things have happened and I guess the newer models could, theoretically, work around Hogwarts, especially since they’ve made so much progress with the 4G network and all that… I’ll have to do some research, but if it’s true, then my parents would be delighted! They’re always writing about how much they miss talking to me about schoolwork and such, and it would be interesting to explain how a regular day at school is.”  
”It sounds awesome.”   
As Hermione continued talking about the implications of modern technology aside ancient magics, Harry let himself smile, and began to plan how he’d get cellphones to both him and Draco as soon as possible. 

The room was quite small, and dark. A bit damp and cold, but it only made it better. Draco felt at hime here. It felt… safe.   
As he cut another wound on his already bleeding arm, he smiled, and promised himself not to let these ones be healed. 

As lunch neared, he followed his friends to the Great Hall and actually tried to talk carelessly, but he became more and more quiet and barely ate anything. Hermione gave him worried looks, Ron joked about it being Malfoys fault, which only made Harry feel worse. Yes, it was Malfoys fault, but only because he couldn’t stop thinking about him hurting himself.   
In the end, he just couldn’t take it anymore.   
”I mean, ’Mione, being stuck with Malfoy must have been hell itself. We’ve all fought off You-Know-Who a couple times, but Malfoy is just such a ferret, you know? While You-Know-Who is all about power and death and inflicting fear, which makes you use your instincts to survive, Malfoy is worse because he’s just so bloody irritating, you know? All those small things, like smirking and dropping insults, it’s just more then fear for your life, and more, you know, psychological.”  
”Ron…” Harry said through gritted teeth.   
”Like, you know how quite Harry’s been, but think about all the mental warfare Malfoy must have put him through, I mean, he must have learnt from the best, and…”  
”STOP! JUST FUCKING SHUT UP!”  
Both Ron and Hermione, and even those few that sat next to the three of them, looked up and stared at Harrys sudden outburst.  
”What, I’m just talking, it’s not like I’m gonna spill some bloody secrets…”  
”You don’t fucking get it, don’t you?! Draco is not evil! Draco is not trying to control me, and he’s not a spoiled brat! You don’t fucking know what he’s been through, with your mother and father and siblings and happy fucking family home! You don’t know what it’s like!”  
”Harry, wait, calm down, I’m sure Ron didn’t mean…” Hermione tried to interrupt, but Harry just stood up, making many more students turn their heads.   
”I DON’T FUCKING CARE! Neither of you fucking know what it’s like to be alone, to be abandoned, to be fucking beaten close to death by those who’s supposed to protect you!”  
”Harry, what are you talking about…” Hermione tried to understand, while Ron just seemed chocked at the explosive reaction he seemed to be the cause of.   
”You’ve both lived such fucking happy lives with such fucking happy families that you don’t even know what it’s like! How it changes you! How it makes you do things you never ever wanted to do! I managed to escape, by coming here, but Draco doesn’t have that option, don’t you understand? HE CAN’T ESCAPE!”  
”Harry, mate, you can’t seriously feel sorry for…”  
”YES, I CAN! BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE!”  
A hand touched his shoulder, and Harry spun to meet the eyes of Dumbledore himself, who seemed to try and say something but Harry didn’t let him.   
”AND YOU! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO LEFT ME WITH THEM! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO LET THEM DO THIS TO ME!? And for what? So I’d be protected? How the fuck could this have been better then dying?”  
Without another word, and ignoring the stares and words trying to stop him, to make him turn back, he rushed out of the Great Hall, and as soon as he was outside the doors he slipped his Cloak, which he’d had under his shirt all day, over his shoulders and ran away. Some surprised gasps from onlookers as he disappeared under the Cloak, but it didn’t matter now. He only wanted to get away from here, and find Draco, and apologise. 

The worst need was over, and now Draco just sat there, looking at the wounds on his arms and the bloody quill. It was fascinating, to see the blood form and flow, and to feel it trickle slowly down his arms and the sound it made dropping to the ground.   
As he watched all this, thoughts about his father and the Death Eaters didn’t seem all that pressing. So what if they caught him? He was already dead.   
Summoning some basic bandages, transforming them from blank parchments from his bag, he wrapped up the worst of the wounds, those that didn’t stop bleeding vigorously. For a while, he thought about letting them be, but as he tried bending his arms, the blood made the sleeves of his robes stuck on the wounds, which caused enough pain for him to vince, and he realised he needed to dress the wounds, or at least the deepest ones. Tightening the end of the bandage, he tried again to flex his arm, and felt some of the wounds move against the bandage, but it wasn’t bad. It really only made him feel more living.   
With the worst of the wounds taken care of, he focused again on the still bleeding ones, with the quill still in his hand. 

The Marauders Map showed Draco in a distant part of the castle, but it also showed a shortcut there, and Harry hurried. There were a few tears on his face, but he didn’t have time to cry, and the anger at his unsympathetic friends and Headmaster had his face in a scowl. He shoved someone out of the way, got a few very surprised calls and insults but no one knew what had hit them, and he didn’t care. As he passed through an hidden passage behind a portrait, he paused to look another time at the Map, and Draco were still in the same spot, so he hurried through and out into the empty corridor.   
”Draco!” he shouted, as he exited the passage. ”Draco, please, I’m sorry…!” But there wasn’t any reply. Harry looked the Map over, and searched for the place where Draco should be, only to find a locked door.   
”Draco… Draco, I know you’re there, and I’m… I’m so fucking sorry! I thought I could pretend that everything was alright, but it’s not! I… can’t leave you alone, again, I just can’t. Please, Draco… let me in…”  
”Harry?” A soft voice came from within the door.   
”Yes, me. Please, Draco…”  
A click from the lock was all Harry needed to swing open the door and fall to his knees in front of Draco. The room wasn’t much bigger then a cupboard, and it made Harry remember the times under the stairs, the darkness and the terror of monsters hiding there and the hunger of way to many days without proper meals…   
”Harry.” The affection in that single, softly spoken word was enough to get Harry back to reality; to meet those grey eyes, to feel that this wasn’t the humid air of the closed cupboard, and to remember what he was doing here.   
”Draco, I’m sorry I left you, I never… I want to be there for you. Please, I…” swallowing, he let go of whatever insecurities that held him back, ”… I want to be with you. I don’t care about what the other think, because I can’t stand this. I can’t…”  
But he was stopped as a soft hand touched his chin. Once again he looked up into those grey eyes, and saw a smile on that face, behind the damp, blond bangs.   
”Harry… it’s okey. I… I understand. I… I want to be with you, too.”  
Everything else disappeared, and Harry almost fell forward into Dracos arms, hugging him tight and pressing them both against the wall behind them. Dracos arms hugged him back, with the same fervour, and Harry kissed his neck, his throat, his cheek and his forehead before looking him straight in the eyes, stroking his fingers over Dracos face, and giving him a proper kiss that was requited with the same desperate longing.   
Breaking the kiss, but not the embrace, Harry smiled a tired smile and said ”I’m sorry, for everything. For not seeing you earlier, for refusing your hand, for not understanding before, and for leaving you twice since we came back.”  
”It’s okey Harry. I don’t hate you for it. In fact, the opposite. I love that you’re here, now. I love that you came to find me yesterday. I… I love you, Harry.” A thin, but serious, smile, as those grey eyes looked straight into his own green ones.   
Years of worry and sorrow fell away at those words. He would still be damaged by all he’d been through, and there was still a war to be fought, but at those words, everything else shrunk in importance.   
”And I love you too, you pompous git.”  
Draco giggled and Harry snickered and they shared another kiss, lips tight against each others as Harry could feel the salt from his tears and the dry spots on Dracos lips.   
”But… how do we solve this? I mean… I can’t be with you all the time. We have different classes, and we sleep in different Houses, and…” Draco whispered as they pulled apart.   
”It’s okey, I think there’s a way to do this. You know those cellphones I talked about earlier, those Muggle-inventions? I think they might work here! Then we can always talk, or text, or… then I can always find you, no matter where you are.”  
”So far you haven’t been having much trouble finding me when I hide…”  
”Well…” Harry could tell him about the Map, but this wasn’t the time. ”I’ll explain that one later, but I want to be able to talk to you no matter what, and even though I can find you I can never know what you’re doing, so… Eh, that’s if you want to, of course, uhm…”  
”Harry” Dracos voice was soft, and as he reached to touch Harrys face he saw the bandaged upper arms, and the undressed wounds with traces of blood still along Dracos arms, and Harry lost face for a moment, but Draco pulled his face upp and eyes back into his own. ”I think I hate you for your stupid Gryffindor ways of caring so much about me. Like you’d throw your life away for me. I’ve barely kissed you, like, a dozen times, and you’re here, now, telling me you’ll never leave me again. Do you understand how frustrating that is, for a Slytherin like me? Where’s your sense of self-preservation, of the dignity that wouldn’t let you fall to the floor just because you saw me here?”  
”I think I might have lost that in the forest?” Harry joked, which made Draco laugh just a little.   
”Stupid Gryffindor brat…”, but the words were filled with affection, and Harry couldn’t resist letting Dracos face rest in his hands.   
”You selfish Slytherin jerk.”  
Their faces were so close, breaths mingling and Harry could feel Dracos hair touch his face and forehead, and Harry just sighed.   
”You know… I made quite the scene in the Great Hall earlier.”  
”Oh? Why?”  
”I told Ron and Hermione about being alone with you, but nothing else, more like that both you and I were stuck out there and we didn’t kill each other and ate a few berries, but after that Ron just wouldn’t shut up about you. Saying things like ’nothings worse then being alone with Malfoy’, and comparing you to being almost killed by Voldemort and I just got sick of it.   
”I mean, I tried to change the subject and just be quiet and ignore him and even told him to stop but he just wouldn’t listen! So I guess, I just lost it. Told him he doesn’t understand, what it’s like, never having a loving family, and as Hermione tried to meddle I shouted at her too.”  
”What… what did you say?”  
”That they don’t understand. That they’ve been brought up by loving families, and had no idea what it’s like to be alone. And, that you do. That I managed to get out, but that you… that you can’t escape. I, eh, I didn’t tell anything big, or any details, I was just so pissed off at how they could shit-talk you like that, without knowing anything, and… And at myself, for doing it just as them, earlier…”  
”Harry…”  
”I didn’t know! Or, I didn’t understand, and that hurts so much now! Sure, you were an fucking ass at times but that’s no reason to not see! You’re just like me, you’ve been through this shit I’ve had to deal with, and all I’ve done so far is believe myself better then you?”  
”Harry, it’s okey…”  
”No, don’t tell me that! It’s not! What if we’d continued that? If I’d never understood? What if…”  
”Harry!” Draco took his face, pulled back his look and put some distance between them. ”It’s not your fault!”  
Harry was quiet, just looking into those grey, serious eyes, knowing what they must have seen.   
”I… I know. But it still feels like it.”  
Draco smiled. ”That’s okey, I guess. Not like it’s easy to solve. Just don’t fucking say that again.”  
”okey. As long as you promise the same.”  
There was a quiet, unsure moment, as they both looked away.   
”Well… okey. I promise.”  
”I promise too.”  
Smiling, relaxed, they kissed, and it was warm and close and Harry felt Dracos hands around his shoulders and he felt warm all through his body.   
Pulling away, Draco asked ”So, what happened then, at lunch?”  
”I stood up, and I think everyone were looking at me, and then Dumbledore came up to say something but I just screamed at him too, about leaving me with the Dursleys, before running to find you. I think they might be looking for me.”  
”Can’t have The Boy Who Survived running amok through the castle, can we?”  
”I guess not.”  
Pausing, just being close to Draco for a while, before Harry made to stand up, and held out a hand to Draco to do the same, but Draco sat still, looking at Harrys hand without taking it.   
”Can… can we really make this work? It just seems so… hopeless.”  
Harry got down, squatting, and took Dracos hand.   
”We’ll solve it. We’ll find a way to communicate when we can’t be together, if the phones doesn’t work, and we could maybe take turns in each others Houses. If… it you’d want to stay with me, that is, in my bed, at night, eh…” Suddenly Harry couldn’t meet Dracos eyes, and he felt his whole face flush because he had not thought that line of thought through before blurting it out, and he had no idea how Draco’d take it, but after all his father had done to him it couldn’t bee in a good way…  
But Draco just smiled. ”I… I think I could do that.”  
”But… won’t your father know? And… Voldemort?”  
Dracos face paled, but his smile soon returned, only somewhat diminished. ”Well, I have Professor Snape on my side, it seems, and Dumbledore said he’d protect me…” Looking up to meet Harrys eyes, Dracos smile seemed to finally reach his eyes. ”And I got you, The Boy Who Survived. I can’t be that bad off, can I?”  
”I guess not.” Harry smiled back, and bent in to kiss him again, a real, deep kiss this time, before pulling back and taking Dracos hands in his, looking at the wounds on his arms, carefully stroking the unbroken skin around them. ”I… I won’t heal this. Not unless you… unless you really want med to. These are yours, and I really don’t like seeing you wounded, but… I’m not gonna force you or anything.   
”But, please, just remember - I’m here for you. I’m always here for you, from now on, Draco. Whatever you need, I… well, I’ll try, but I’m not gonna promise you the moon or anything.”  
”It’s okey, I don’t like the moon anyway.”  
”Ass.” Harry said, smiling wide.   
”Git.” Draco responded, with a last kiss, before Harry stood up and awkwardly tucked the Invisibility Cloak under his shirt, and then helped Draco to his feet.   
Standing there, just holding each other, they were still for quite some time.   
”How… how do you think they’ll react? About… about, eh… us?”  
Harry was silent for a while. ”I… don’t know. But, I want you to be there… If it’s okey with you, else I’d, uhm, it’s okey if you don’t want to, but…”  
”Harry. I’ve already lost everything. There’s nothing for me left to loose. Except you, I guess.”  
Looking into each others eyes, Harry felt relief like he’d never felt before, and just stood there, unmoving, before gently taking Dracos hand, and moving away, facing the end of the corridor that led back to the Great Hall and the crowds that were sure to be gossiping about what had just happened.   
Looking back at Draco, a gentle smile on his face and a great weight lifted from his heart, Harry asked ”Shall we go and meet them to find out?”  
With a smile, Draco let his sleeves fall down over his wounds, neither of which were bleeding profoundly anymore, and walked after Harry, holding his hand tightly, to meet the rest of the school. 

Walking down the corridors and stairs of the castle, with Harrys hand holding his, was one of the most nerve-wracking things Draco had ever done. He really was terrified.   
But it was a very different kind of fear than he’d felt before; he knew what it was like to fear pain, and humiliation, and punishment in all it’s forms, but this fear was not that, not at all. It was a nervos fear, taking hold of his body enough to make his knees weak and eyes unfocused, but he held onto Harrys hand as they walked so close to each other that their hand might not be seen. But why shouldn’t they be seen? The voice inside Dracos mind, the voice of Lucius, still spoke with hate and disgust over how he held the hand of a boy, of Harry bloody Potter as he walked through the school, but that same hand made him hold on.   
His hand were warm and sweaty and his arms began to throb with pain, and the rough fabric of the sleeves rubbed against, even pealed of, the soft scabs that were forming over the wounds. But he didn’t let it show, because it was not a weakness; it was what kept his fathers whispering voice inside him at bay, every time fabric touched wound, or dried blood, or the sensitive skin in between, he let the pain pulse through him and it made him focus; it made his mind… icy. Controlled. And in that, he could find power, and Harrys hand let him stay grounded, human, and as they met the first students, who of course stared even though they tried not to, Draco could meet their eyes and actually smile. And it wasn’t even the disdainful scowl of a smile he’d otherwise show the halfblooded students, but a actual smile; thin, crooked, but happy, non the less.   
Until they reached the rest of the crowds. Then the nervs got too much, and Harrys hand were the only thing keeping him sane, and he rubbed his free arm against his body, feeling the stinging pain to make himself calm.   
”Harry! Where did you go? What… Wait, is that Malfoy?”  
Weasel. Of course, they were Harrys closest friends, and Draco scowled before he could stop it, but then he felt Harrys hand tighten around his own and looked up to see Harrys face in a tense mask, and realised that maybe Harry were as nervous as him. After all, Draco remembered, it was Ron who’d made Harry loose his calm.   
With that thought Draco gained confidence, and turned to stare at Harrys friend as they approached.   
”Yes, I’m Malfoy, and it’s nice to see that you have learned the ability to remember at last.”  
Rons face turned as red as his hair and as Draco gave him a crooked smile he carefully shifted to show that he was indeed holding hands with Harry. Just in case Ron actually thought that starting a fight was a good idea right now, which he looked to be thinking about.   
”Ron, Draco, please… it’s nothing bad, or so, just… We need to speak with Dumbledore. I think Drac… eh, Malfoy might be in danger.” Harrys hand hugged Dracos hard enough to hurt, and even though Draco felt like he might fall into a pool of nervous convulsions anytime soon, he did his best to stand tall and hug Harrys hand back.   
”But… that’s Malfoy, Harry! What..?”  
”Potter! Malfoy! Would you please follow me to my office?” Dumbledore strode out from the Great Hall, seemingly without noticing that he’d effectively interrupted Rons baffled questioning.   
Not letting go of Dracos hand, Harry gave a reassuring smile to Hermione and Ron, who’d only looked even more perplexed at this turn of events, he began to walk after the Headmaster, who’d already traveled halfway up the stairs to the next level.   
Leaving the crowd behind them, Draco looked back once and was met with a lot of really confused looks and some whistling, which made his face burn and he quickly turned to focus on keeping up with the Headmaster and Harry, who practically dragged him by the hand, seemingly forgetting Dracos wounds. 

Outside of Dumbledores office, were Dumbledore had already reveled the way in, Harry made a quick pause, to look at Draco and give him a reassuring smile, he hoped, before letting his hand go. The stairs up to the office were not wide enough to hold two people, so it would have been easier, but Draco quickly grabbed his hand again.   
”Please…”  
The word was nothing more then a whisper, and made Harry look back again. Those grey eyes were filled with insecurities, and he felt a wave of affection towards Draco at that. They’d shared a lot in these few days, but everything could be explained by their temporary exile and the mental pressure on them both, but this was more then that. Seeing Draco show this level of emotion, to trust Harry to see him this emotionally weakened and ask for Harry to comfort him, even with such a small act as holding hands; it made Harrys heart melt.   
”Of course” he said, as he grabbed Dracos hand and walked onto the moving staircase. Behind them, the opening closed, and soon they stood in Dumbledores office, seemingly alone with the Headmaster and the portraits on the walls.   
Dumbledore stood by his desk, and looked up at them as they entered. ”Close the door behind you, will you?”  
”Of course” Harry answered, and closed the heavy door behind him.   
There was a moment of silence, as Draco and Harry stod on the other end of the office from Dumbledore, still holding hands, and with Dumbledore either looking over them or just choosing the right words, Harry couldn’t tell. He could feel a flush on his face, but was determined to play this through as he’d started it, and looked in front of him at the portraits, with Dracos hand firmly in his own.   
”So… I overheard that you might believe yourself be in danger, mr Malfoy?”  
”Y… yes, Headmaster. I…” Draco didn’t look up from the floor, and his voice trailed off, so Harry cut in.   
”By sending him into the forest with me, we think the Death Eaters might suspect Draco to be the one behind this, and my own escape. He’s told me about…” Harry wanted to tell Dumbledore about Lucius, not everything but enough to make it clear that Draco wasn’t safe at the Malfoy Manor, no matter if the Death Eaters suspected him of anything or not, but this was Dracos life; Harry had no right to tell anyone. He would trust Dumbledore in most things, but he knew Draco didn’t share that conviction, and after he’d told Draco about how it was Dumbledore that’d left him with the Dursleys, he wasn’t sure if the blonde would ever share his trust in their Headmaster.   
”It’s okey, I guess, Harry… Sir, there’s a lot… eh, that is, I don’t think…” Taking a deep breath, closing his eyes, Harry could feel Draco relax before saying the rest. ”I don’t think I’ll ever be safe at the Malfoy Manor, sir. I… I will do nothing to incriminate my family, but I fear… I fear that I will come to harm, if I return there, or if Lucius… father… comes here for me.”  
”And I agree, I don’t think it’s safe for Draco there, so I believe he needs protection against the D… eh, if his family tries to either contact him or take him away from here.”  
Dumbledore had walked around his desk, and were now sitting down behind it, hands under his chin and an seemingly intense interest in the boys before him. Harry didn’t know what more to say, and as Draco also became quiet, the silence in the room became slowly pressing enough for Harry to turn his eyes down on the floor before him out of nervousness, but he had a lot to say, and a lot to demand, so he didn’t let the energy disappear. They’d come this far, they couldn’t give up now!  
”Sir, I really think…!”  
”Harry, please. Take a seat. You may do the same, mr Malfoy.” With a flick of Dumbledores wand, two chairs positioned themselves in front of the desk, and Harry blushed a little as he noticed they where positioned close enough for them to continue holding hands. Draco hesitated, and Harry thought he must have noticed the same thing, but they did as they were told and sat down, facing Dumbledore.   
Another wave with his wand, and a bowl of small candies flew out of a bookcase behind them and landed on the top of the desk.   
”Please, feel free to take some” Dumbledore said, indicating the candy-bowl, before taking one himself.  
Draco were still, only staring at the wall behind Dumbledore, but Harry relaxed a little, and even reached for a candy.   
”Boys, I’m not gonna assume too much, but I want you to know, that there is nothing I won’t do to protect my students - no matter which family they’re from, or whom they happen to fancy.”  
Harry looked down, forgetting his candy, feeling his face blush like it might catch fire soon. His hand seemed to lose an impressive amount of circulation, as Draco squeezed it way too hard to be comfortable, but he didn’t do anything to stop it. Sure, this was what he’d suspected everyone would think about them after all this, but it was another thing to sit in front of the Headmaster and hear that it was okey to fancy whomever that happened to be.   
”Sir…!” Draco managed to say, through clenched teeth. ”I…!”  
”Draco, I know you have a complicated relation with your family, especially your father. If the rumour is correct on this, Lucius does indeed have a lot of… rather hateful views on things that should be seen as nothing other then normal.”  
”Sir, that’s not…!”  
”Draco, you need to realise - I know what you’re trying to do. Both of you. Why you’re here.” With a quick look at Harry, Dumbledore continued. ”There’s nothing wrong with feeling, especially not anything alike love, of any kind, no matter if it’s just friendship or other…”  
”Please! Sir!” Harry looked at Draco, who’d glued his eyes on the floor, and Harry tried to send reassurance to him by squeezing his hand harder.   
”… and I understand the hardships that people might encounter because of just love. In fact, I know it better then most other wizards, sadly.”   
There were such sadness in that sentence that it made Harry look up, only to see Dumbledore holding his hands in front of him and looking down at his desk.   
”Living can be a truly challenging thing in this world; loving can be even more dangerous. But, with that said, I’ll answer the questions you asked earlier; as you long as you both stay inside Hogwarts grounds, I will do all in my power to protect both of you. As long as you are students in this school, and as long as I am Headmaster, you both have my guarantee that no one from outside will ever hurt either of you. ”  
The door behind them opened, and Harry turned around to look while Draco sat still with a red face and still looking at the floor.   
”Ah, Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape… please, sit down. It seems there is greater troubles out there then I imagined earlier.”  
”Does this have anything to do with mr Potters outrage at the lunch-table earlier?” McGonagall asked as she transformed a chair before the desk and sat down. Snape remained standing a bit behind them all.   
”Only part of it, I’m afraid. There seems to be other pressing matters that we didn’t foresee, in combination with the ones we’ve already discussed.”  
From the corner where Snape stood, Harry heard a light scoff, and as he glanced at his potions-professor, he saw that Snape was staring at his hand holding Dracos. But he only seemed surprised for a moment, and collected himself again as Dumbledore continued the discussion.   
”Mr Malfoy here has requested that he shouldn’t return to the Malfoy Manor, and that he’s afraid that members close to his family will seek him out on Hogwarts grounds, because of what has transpired since mr Potter was kidnapped from the school. Mr Potter has supported this request, and that’s why both of you are here; as Head of these two different Houses, I ask for your thoughts on this matter.”  
”I, for one, know how dangerous Lucius Malfoy can become, if he feels he has been crossed. There is nothing to indicate that Draco here is in any way to blame for the failed plan, but as he is Lucius only son, I’m not sure if that’s enough to protect him from his wrath, should it be needed…” Snapes voice trailed off, leaving the room empty with unspoken thoughts about what Lucius might put Draco through if he got the chance to.   
”And I can vouch for the truth behind mr Potters words. It is true, that he isn’t always the most truthful student” Harry could feel the pointed look Professor McGonagall bore into his neck, ”but he has never done anything to consciously hurt either his friends or his… allies. To be perfectly clear, he hasn’t even lied to hurt his enemies, as to this point.”  
”It’s nothing less then I expected then. But it still poses a difficult question to answer - how to we best guarantee both of these students protection? As it is, we know we’re most likely headed to war with dark forces, and that in itself is a great threat…”  
”Sir…” Dumbledore looked up at Harry as he spoke, and Harry cleared his throat as he prepared for what he wanted to say.   
”Well, go on. What’s on your mind, my young student?”  
”Well, sir… I don’t want to divulge anything either of us rather keep to ourselves, for now, but…” He took a deep breath, and continued. ”But we’ve learned a lot about each other in the last few days, and I believe I can help in keeping Draco, eh, Malfoy safe. I think we have a lot in common, and therefore there’s a lot that I can do to… eh, to…” There were so many things Harry wanted to say, but the words didn’t come, and he didn’t want to say something that might reveal what either he or Draco had been through in their childhood. He just couldn’t talk about that, not with these professors here, not… As he felt Draco squeeze his hand, he glanced up to see those grey eyes looking at him through a blond fringe, with a reassuring smile underneath. The worst tension inside him let go, and he looked up at Dumbledore again, only to see the Headmaster smile knowingly at him.   
”I have no intention to keep you two apart, Harry. I’m a firm believer in the power of connection through understanding, which it seems you two have reached in these last few days.”  
”But, Headmaster, if I may be so bold…” Snape added, with his usual drawl.   
”Speak up, Professor Snape; after all, that’s why I called you here.”  
”Thank you, sir. But I’m sure it hasn’t escaped you that these two boys are nothing more then teens, and while mr Malfoy have showed a great skill in at least one subject, Potions that is, I most definitely doubt their ability to… properly look after each other. After all, they’ve been no friends so far during their stay here, at Hogwarts, if I remember correctly…”  
”Severus, you can’t seriously believe this to be some well played ploy, can you?” McGonagall added.   
”I’m only voicing the need for caution, in these most trying times.”  
”I’m afraid Severus do have a point here, Minerva. Even as it pains me to think so, especially about two so outstanding students as these, we stil have to be properly prepared for any possibility.” Turning his head to the boys once again, Dumbledore continued in a much more serious tone. ”I realise the strength needed, from both of you, to come to me and make this request; however, as much as I’d like to believe every word you have been telling me now, I still have to prepare for the eventuality of deceit. Severus, could you please take mr Malfoy here, and make some basic preparations into securing his safety?”  
”Yes, Headmaster.” Motioning to Draco to follow him, Snape made for the door, but Draco didn’t get up without a long look at Harry. So many thoughts and emotions went through his grey eyes, as they surely did in Harrys own, and in the end, Draco let go of his hand. With a last touch, Harry let go as well, and they shared a last look before Draco descended the stairs after Snape, and the door closed behind him.


	9. Secrets and how to handle them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape realises Draco is bleeding, from self-inflicted wounds none the less, yet Draco refuses to let him help. And Harry, who had to stay with Dumbledore and McGonagall a bit longer, decides it's time to tell Ron and Hermione about his childhood. Sadly, they don't really understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting! Got stuck in other dimensions and fandoms, and the whole holiday-crap on top of personal problems. Bleh. But back now, and I'll still got quite a long way to go with this one <3   
> This chapter contains confrontations and hurtful arguments, but there will be fluffy feelings as well. Just not right now, I guess.   
> Please leave kudos, comments and if you want, spread this work <3

Leaving Harry was harder then Draco thought it’s be. Harrys had had been the only sure connection to the weird reality they’d made for themselves now, after walking through the school, holding hands, and throughout this conversation with the Professors. Letting go had been a pure show of willpower, and he could still feel the warmth of Harrys hand in his.   
”Draco, I don’t know what happened that led up to you and Potter holding hands, and I’m not gonna ask. That is your decision, and only between you and Harry, no matter how curious it is. What I do wonder is, what made you two seek out the Headmaster at this time?”   
Snape looked down at him, that signature hard gaze glued to Draco, but Draco knew it was far from malevolent. His godfather never treated him with the same disdain as other students, and even thought it might not look like it, Draco knew there was an ounce of affection behind that stare. But right now, he didn’t feel like playing along, and as he kept quiet, Snape continued to talk.   
”After I’d finished my lunch, I heard there had been some ruckus at the Gryffindor table, but didn’t think much of it. Then I got a pressing message from Dumbledore, calling me to his office as soon as I was able, and I got curious. The only thing I learned on the way up from the Dungeons were that it was Potter that had caused the commotion, and when I got to the Headmasters office, I still did not know why that had been.   
”But, seeing your manic hold onto each others hands, I suspected that Potters friends might have been partly to blame. They, as a trio, never did hold much love for you, and I’d always thought it to be because of Potter, but I realised that the most vocal of them had alway been Weasley, and after seeing your hold on Potters hand, I began to think if this aptitude for vocal disruption from the Weasley sibling might have been to blame for this sudden chain of events.   
”I hoped that, sharing time together alone, you and Potter would refrain from killing each other and hopefully settle some of your differences. It wasn’t any part of the plan, but it was a vain hope I held, that you’d… both of you, understand some things about each other. No matter how much I dislike Potter and his heritage, it hurts me more to see my godson under such pressure as you’ve been under. Stifling the worst of your animosity towards each other would have made your… burden, so to say, lighter.”  
Draco didn’t say anything, didn’t even show his face or look at Snape, but stared at the ground as they walked downwards, and were soon in the entrance to the Dungeons.   
As they entered the chilly underground corridor Snape changed his pace, and Draco felt his eyes on him, but kept his own look on the ground before his feet, even as Snape kept the silence and the whole tension between them seemed to change.   
Suddenly Snape stopped in the middle of a corridor, and Draco was so surprised by this that he momentarily forgot to ignore his godfather, and glanced at him. Snape was staring at him, but not at his face or some distant part of him, but on his hands, and sleaves, and as Draco loked down he saw a single trail of blood down his hand, occasionally letting a drop of blood from his fingers. Ashamed, selfcounsius, he tried to dry the blood on his robes without Snape noticing, which was unnecessary because as soon as Draco tried, Snape grabbed into his wrist and pulled back his sleeve, which made Draco wince as the scabbing wounds had dried into the fabric, and as the robe was pulled back another wave of blood slowly trickled from the wounds down to his elbow.   
Snape stared, for a moment seemingly out of breath, which Draco noticed was a very rare occurrence, but that didn’t in any way make him less ashamed.   
”Draco… what is this? Why didn’t you tell earlier, these need to be healed, I need to take you to Madam Pomfrey…!”  
”No! Don’t!”  
Chocked, Snape stared at him at the sudden outburst, before collecting his wits again. ”Draco, these wounds needs to be inspected, and healed!”  
Draco tried to get his arm back,wincing as the struggle made his skin stretch and bend around the wounds. ”No, don’t, these are mine, I’ll…”  
Letting go of Dracos arm, Snape stood still and just looked at Draco in a way he’d never seen before, and the insecurity in Draco only pushed his anger to the surface.   
”Draco…”  
”No! Don’t talk to me like you know! Don’t say that you understand or anything! These are mine and you’re not gonna heal them away just because you feel like it!”  
”Draco. Did you do these yourself?”  
”So what? What’s it to you, why do you care?!”  
Without another word, only glancing at him as Draco tried to cover up his arms again, Snape began to walk down another corridor, which Draco knew led to his office.   
”Draco, please follow me.”  
Draco wanted to say ’no’ and refuse anything Snape wanted with him, but the change of tone in his godfathers voice and the way he just glanced at him now stopped the thoughts before they reached his mouth, and he actually followed.   
Getting to the Potion-masters office and the adjoining storage, Snape just walked in and began rumbling among the ingredients and potions, seemingly ignoring Draco as he stood, unsure, by the now closed door.   
After a moment of searching and pressed silence, Snape walked back to Draco with an potions flask with yellow liquid and a small jar.   
”Drink this.”   
”No.”  
The stare he got was pure force, and Draco did what he was told without saying another word.   
”That’s for your loss of blood, and the eventual infection that might take hold in the wounds otherwise. It will do nothing to actually heal them, but it will make your body able to handle them on its own.” Putting away the now empty flask on a table nearby, Snape opened the jar to reveal a bleak poultice, that surprisingly enough didn’t smell much of anything.   
”This you’ll need to administer around the wounds, to keep the skin fresh and flexible, as to minimise the scar-tissue forming, and to decrease the time the wounds need to heal properly.”  
Draco accepted the poultice and let out a low ”Thanks…”, before putting it in his bag.   
Snape looked him over for a while, his face impassive but that in itself was proof enough that he was worried.   
”Draco…” Paus, as he seemed to search for what to say. ”Remember, that you can always come to me if there’s anything you need. I will not ask about this again, unless you choose to tell me on your own, but I don’t want you running around with untreated wounds. Do you understand?”  
Draco could only nod, and after a nervous silence, Snape indicated that he could go, and added the demand that he went straight back to his dorm to take care of wounds. With a nod, and without meeting his godfathers eyes, Draco turned and walked back to the hidden entrance to the Slytherin Commons Rooms, mulling over what Snape had told him. 

Professor McGonagall ad Dumbledore discussed the safety of the students while Harry sat unmoving, and then his Head of House was sent out on her own mission from Dumbledore. After that, it was just Dumbledore, and Harry, and a sleeping Fawkes in the corner.   
Dumbledores inquisitive eyes looked him over, and Harry felt the pressure of the silence around them, only broken by the low shuffling and mumbling of the portraits around them. After some time, Dumbledore were the one to break the silence.   
”I will not demand answers to these questions, Harry, because I know a lot about wanting to keep secrets even from oneself. But I know that there was something more to this request for safety, then just the suspicion about Malfoys father. And I want you to know, that I value your bravery in coming to me with this, even though it is not my place to make decisions about where my students go during holidays and breaks. There is still a whole while before the next holiday, which is true, and if until then we get definitive proof that Lucius might do harm to his son, if we sent him home, then I’d have the right to ask the Ministry of Magics division of Childcare about refusing Lucius the claim to his son. Until then, the only things I can do is keep you safe while you’re both in school, no matter how much it pains me to know what might transpire, were I not to keep a special eye on the both of you.”  
”I, eh… I just don’t want him to get hurt, anymore…”  
”I understand, you don’t need to doubt that. But there’s only so much I can do, as Headmaster, to secure the safety of my students, and sadly, sometimes it’s just not enough.”  
Meeting Dumbledores eyes, Harry saw sadness in them, and he thought that maybe this had happened before, with other students. Maybe they were not the only ones, and Dumbledore wanted to help them, but couldn’t.   
”Is that why you left me with the Dursleys?”  
”Yes. Had I had any claim to your guardianship, or definitive knowledge that they’d treat you badly, then I would have gone after it. But I didn’t, and to act on your own sense of justice when the laws claim you have no right to do so, would only have made your situation worse. This way, I could keep an eye on you from afar, knowing where you lived, instead of being barred from ever coming near you again. The laws and processes we have to guarantee the safety of our children only work under the best of circumstances, and far from every case is solved without hurt.”  
”But.. why don’t we change it?”  
”Because it’s much harder to induce change, then to patch up those broken by the system.”  
Wordless, Harry just sat and thought about this. He’d thought that maybe he was a unique case; not every kid lost their parents soon after birth, only to live with hateful relatives. But as he saw in Dumbledore, this was far from the first case he’d have to abandon in favour for the system itself, least he’d loose all ability to ever help someone in need again.   
”Just know this, Harry; if there’s something I, and my Professors, can do to help, we will. But as we’re nothing more then housing and teaching you, we don’t always have the ability to actually induce change.   
”I wish for you two to look after each other, but it seems you’ll manage that on your own. For this, I’m truly happy, and hope that you manage to help solve each others worst scars.  
”And with that, I do believe it’s time for you to get back to your friends. They both seemed rather chocked at this turn of events, and will most definitely have questions for you. Do you feel safe in meeting with them now?”  
”Yes, I think I can handle it. It’s not like we haven’t disagreed on things before, and we still manage to be there for each other.”  
Dumbledore smiled, and indicated for Harry to stand.   
”You already have the password to my office; please, if anything comes up, come find me.”  
”I’ll try, sir.”  
Harry answered Dumbledores smile, and closed the door behind him, and during the time down the stairs, he tried to understand what had really happened. Everything just seemed unreal, much more so because he didn’t really have to fight for his life. Defending himself against Dark wizards were one thing, and it had nothing to do with walking hand in hand with a boy he loved through school.   
Outside, he found both Ron and Hermione waiting, looking confused but relieved as they saw Harry.   
”Harry, what’s going on?” Hermione asked.   
”I guess a lot of things. Uhm… should we return to the Gryffindor Tower, and talk there?”  
Both nodding, the trio made their way to the Tower, with just a few gossipy whispers following them. Both his friends seemed to wait with all the pressing questions until later, and when they walked into the Commons Room it was easy to get a isolated enough space to talk.   
Ron were the one to start asking, right after they sat down and before Harry had even shifted his chair to meet their eyes and close anyone else out. ”Mate, what happened out there?”  
”Eh…” They were his friends, his closest and pretty much first friends ever, but no matter how close they were, how do one talk about this? The whole thought was absurd, and he knew it, but… ”Draco knows, because he’s been through… eh, wait, I mean…” Flustered, Harrys wished they could hear his thoughts instead, because forming all these feelings into words were impossible.   
”What are you talking about Harry? Did you two talk a lot during these days?” Hermione held a much more understanding face then Ron, and Harry smiled at how different they were.   
”Well, yeah, we talked about a lot of things. You know, after the first fights were I’m pretty sure Draco broke my nose…”  
”The bloody bastard!” Ron almost got up of his seat, but Hermione put a and on his arm and they all ignored the few looks they got.   
”Actually, he healed it pretty much instantly. We were both quite scared and confused.”  
”No shit, mate, but how’d you two even end up out there?”  
”Oh, well… I don’t really remember. I told you they probably drugged me, the Death Eaters, and the last thing I really remember is walking around Hogwarts grounds with you two after classes.”  
”Typical you to get kidnapped the moment we doesn’t have you in our sight” Hermione said with a smile.   
”Yeah, I guess it’s part of being Voldemorts prime enemy… Anyway, the next thing I remember is standing, someone holding my arms up and it’s pretty dark, and they’re talking but I don’t know about what, I was still quite out of it, and then I saw Draco, and Lucius telling him something, and Draco reaching for this small coin or something on a table, and I guess I just… I’m not sure if I fell or consciously tried to reach it…”  
Hermione snickered goodheartedly.   
”… but, what happened anyway was that both Draco and me touched it, and apparently it was some sort of Portkey because the world around us just disappeared and suddenly, poof! Me and Malfoy, stuck in a forest, Merlin knows where.”  
”Why didn’t you two try and walk away?”  
”Where to? I only know how to point to nearby places with my wand, and North and South, but nothing else. And we had no idea where we even were, or what way we might walk. What if we walked the wrong way, and only ended up deeper into the woods, or if we got lost or… I don’t know, but we kinda just stayed put. If someone had sent us there, then maybe they’d come get us sooner or later.  
”First, as said, we just fought.”  
”Sounds like the Malfoy I know. Bloody git, wish I could…!”  
”Ron! Seriously!”  
As Harry continued to explain, he left out a lot of details. What he told them was more or less that they, he and Draco, fought throughout the first day and night, before being forced into silence by the suspected bear or magical monster, and that they went to gather food next they. And, that they talked, a lot, during the coming days. About what they’d been through, even though Harry didn’t give his friends any details (’You know how the Dursleys wasn’t always the nicest to me? Apparently Lucius wasn’t such a prime parent either.’ ’I fucking knew it! No matter what he’s telling people!’ ’Ron, seriously…’ ’What, it’s true!’). He did love his friends and he’d trust them with his life anytime, but as he’d shouted to them at dinner (he blushed as he remembered, but Hermione told him it’s no big worry, as they understood he’s under a lot of pressure, and Ron nodded agreement), they just wouldn’t understand. And either way, he didn’t want to tell anyone about what he’d learned from Draco, about all the things Lucius had put him through, because those were not his secrets to tell, not even to his own best friends.   
As he got closer to when Snape came to take them back, he’d told them about most things, without mentioning details about what they’d talked about, and without mentioning that they’d… that they’d kissed. Several times. He caught himself stuttering a little, couldn’t really meet his friends eyes and hoped by Merlins beard that they wouldn’t notice the small flush he felt growing on his cheeks as he consciously didn’t mention anything around that.   
They weren’t greatly surprised that Snape were the one to fetch them at last, as Harry’d told them that Dumbledore trusted the Potions Professor for some reason, and Harry gave a short recap of what Dumbledore had said during their makeshift dinner back at the castle.   
”And then, after I’d come back here, to the Tower, and talked to you and everyone else, after I went to bed I somehow couldn’t sleep. Everything the Professors had talked about, and why Draco had needed to stay longer then me, what they’d talked about, if they were gonna punish him for something…”  
”Would serve him right, he’s probably the one behind your kidnapping…”  
”But how could he have gotten Harry out of the castle by himself? Not that you’re that big, Harry, but Draco really is tawny. Can’t imagine him even lifting his trunk without the help from Crabbe or Goyle.”  
Again, Harry prayed by Merlins big white beard that his friend didn’t notice the flush over his face as Hermione mentioned Dracos ’tawny’ body, because it made Harry remember how it felt to hold him, that warm waist under his hands, his chest pressed against his own, their growing erection next to his own, only a few layers of cloth…  
”What do you think Harry? Could Death Eaters really have gotten into Hogwarts to take you?”  
”Eh, what? Uhm, yeah, maybe, I guess. I mean it’s not like they had to get into the castle or anything…”  
”They probably just kept watch for us walking around there. Maybe the ferret told them where we usually hang, don’t you think?”  
”I guess, but it’s not a big secret that we take some time after classes to walk around the ground, most students do that anyway.”  
”I still think that ferret-face is behind it all, anyway, bloody bastard.”  
”It really doesn’t matter much though, does it? Not now, when they’re both back and well. So, Harry, what really happened this morning?”  
Hermione turned to look at Harry as she said his name, after mostly looking at Ron during their debate about whether Draco was behind the kidnapping or not, and Harry thought he’d gotten the worst blushing under control, at least until Hermione so suddenly mentioned this morning and Harry realised he desperately need a paus to collect himself.   
”Excuse me, I just gotta… be right back.”  
He left his friends to continue their debate about what they thought about Draco now, while he went to the bathrooms to get a moment for himself, hopefully to temporarily flush the memories out of his head.   
Though that proved easier thought then done. 

Draco sat alone in the shared bedroom, his classmates probably studying at the Library or spending time with friends around the Commons Room our the grounds outside, as he himself spent time carefully spreading the poultice over his arms. Careful not to let any of it into the wounds themselves, he took great care in rubbing the poultice over the skin in between the wounds, and it kept him focused enough to not think much about anything else.   
He had quite a collection of wounds on his arms now; the ones Harry’d healed yesterday were almost fully gone, while the new ones had begun to scab over completely. Snapes advice had been true, that the potion wouldn’t heal the wounds right away, but instead make it easier for his own body to do the work, and somewhere deep inside he was happy for that. With all the thoughts he didn’t want to think and feelings he didn’t want to feel right now, this was the only thing that made him calm down enough to restart. Gently rubbing his skin, letting the poultice do its work, there were some pain, and he winced quite a few times as he pulled dried blood off with his nails, and generally cleaning the wounds of excess fluids and scabs.   
When he was done, it looked a lot better, and he’d even changed the bandage he’d made earlier, to inspect how much they’d healed already. Rubbing poultice around those wounds as well, he transformed some new bandages of excess parchment, and wrapped them gently around his arms.   
Inspecting his work, he felt somewhat proud. He’d really done a good work in taking care of his wounds, and it made him happy to see how skilfully he’d bandaged them, and when he bent his arms it didn’t hurt even close to as much it had earlier.   
Maybe he should focus on medi-wizarding, he thought with a dry smile, before beginning the process of packing everything away, including the now cleaned quill he’d used to create the wounds, into a small box he’d had some basic potions in earlier, but now they held some spare bandage, the rest of the poultice, the old bandages (he didn’t know what else to do with them, as he didn’t want to just throw them away for the house-elfs to find) and the quill.   
Carefully closing the box, and securing the small lock on the top, and wrapping it in an old robe he didn’t need, he made space for it in his trunk, arraigning his belongings around it to make it as little suspicious as possible. Inspecting his work, he then closed his trunk, secured it, and pushed it under the bed again.   
Feeling relieved, and curiously refreshed, he stood to walk out into the Commons Rooms to maybe talk a bit to Pansy. Maybe he owed her an apology. 

In the Bathroom stall, Harry got the Map out and activated it, checking where he’d find Draco Malfoys name. It didn’t take long, as he was apparently sitting in the Slytherins Commons Rooms, next to Pansy Parkinson and with Crabbe and Goyle within comfortable distance. Harry smiled, sure that Draco was comfortable at the moment, at least, and deactivated the Map before walking out to his friends again.   
They sat conspiratorially close, heads together and whispering about Malfoy and himself, most likely, before he walked up to them and sat down, ready to share in their debate.   
”Welcome back. Ready to tell us about this morning yet?”  
Harry was almost proud at how he didn’t even blush, hopefully, and that he’d figured out what to tell them and not. ”Well, I had trouble sleeping, guess I kept thinking too much, and barely got a few hours sleep before I gave up. Then I wondered what Draco was doing, so I looked at the Map and found him, so I went there and we talked a bit and then I went to the breakfast and you know the rest, I think.”  
Both Hermione and Ron just looked at him strangely, and Harry lost a little hope in his improvised version of reality, because they didn’t seem to fully believe it.   
”okey, why not, but you weren’t in your bed when I woke up to go to the bathroom. Think that might have been, maybe around 2-3 am, as the sun hadn’t begun to rise yet.”  
”That’s almost no sleep, I mean, I shooed you off just before midnight, I think?” Hermione looked from Harry to Ron and Harry felt his story fall apart at the edges.   
”Eh, well, I don’t really know how long I actually slept…”  
”But you must have spent hours with Malfoy! What did you talk about, and why wasn’t he in his dorm? Couldn’t he sleep either?”  
Both of his friends looked really confused, like they wanted to believe his story but there were a few too many holes for it all to pass without question, and Harry didn’t really know what to actually tell them. There was no way he’d tell them all that really happened, with Dracos bleeding arms and the couch and how Draco’d looked when asking if he could kiss him…   
”Harry, it’s okey if you don’t want to tell us, I’m sure you have your reasons for keeping secrets, but don’t lie to us.” Hermione actually looked a bit hurt.   
”I… I, eh…”  
”Harry, mate, what happened? Did Malfoy do something, or what? Did he hurt you, or was it something else, or..?”  
Keeping quiet, closing his eyes and just thinking for a moment, Harry didn’t know what to say. He tried to keep calm, but he realised that either he had to tell them everything, or admit that he wasn’t comfortable with them knowing. Neither option seemed very appealing.   
”okey. Why not. You’re my best friends, but you just have to promise to… to not, eh…”   
Hermione put a hand on his arm and said ”Should we go someplace else, with less people?”  
Harry nodded, and they did. Walking out of the bigger part of the Commons Room and into a more secluded part, that was almost like its own room but without a door, Harry thought about how they’d react if he told them everything. So far he’d told them about not having the best of childhoods, but he was sure they didn’t really understand the extent to which he’d been mistreated, and wondered if they’d react more to that then him kissing Draco. And Draco kissing him back. He couldn’t help smile, just a little bit.   
As they sat down, he sighed quite deeply, and settled with telling most of his own story, but leaving details about Dracos out. Including Dracos self harm; if he’d tell them about that, it would be after getting permission from Draco himself.   
”Well, to be serious, this is kind of weird, even for me. It’s like the last few days have been totally unreal, so I’ve just… I mean, I don’t want to lie to either of you, but I have a hard time understanding everything myself, so I guess I just tried to make sense of it all, before telling you. But… To start from the beginning; you know I grew up with Dursleys, and you know they treated me quite badly?”  
Hermione and Ron nodded, with several different emotions showing on their faces.   
”Well… you probably don’t understand just how… just how bad it actually was. It…” He paused, closed his eyes, focused on breathing before continuing. ”It was really bad. I…” He hesitated, but thought that he’d showed it to Draco already, so the least he could do were to show his best friends as well. He pulled down part of his robe to show them the scar by his armpit, the one he’d gotten from falling on a coffee-table after Vernon had showed him.   
”Oh, Harry!” Hermione seemed on the verge of tears, while Ron just stared, mouth halfway open.   
”This is just the most visible one, and I got it after my uncle showed me and I fell on a table that broke, and they refused to take me to the hospital and… well, they gave me painkillers and some bandaids. That’s pretty much it.”  
Hermione sat with hands over her mouth, tear in the corner of her eyes, and Ron still stared with his mouth open.   
”But… but that can’t be legal!” he said, as Harry got his robe back in place.   
”No. It’s not. But there wasn’t much I could do about it, as they had me locked under the stairs for about a week after.”  
”What?!” Ron seemed ready to get to his feet, to hit something.   
”But… what about your school? Your teachers?” Hermione managed to get out between her fingers.   
Harry shrugged; he’d expected something alike this, but it still made him feel hollow inside. ”They told school I was sick, the flu I think. I did get quite regular meals during that week, so at least that was pretty nice.”   
”What… Regular meals?”   
”Yeah, they didn’t always…”  
”WHAT?! Didn’t they even give you food?!” Ron was standing, chocked and angry at how someone could treat a human this way.   
”At least once a day, they did, unless I’d done something really strange…”  
Suddenly he was muffled by a big fluff of hair in his face, as Hermione had hurled herself at him.   
”Oh, Harry, why haven’t you said anything? That’s awful!” Pulling back enough to look him in the eyes, she added ”Does Dumbledore know? We need to tell…”  
”Yes, Dumbledore and McGonagall does know…”  
”They know and haven’t done anything? They still send you back there, every bloody summer!” Ron was speaking on the verge of shouting, and Harry winced, as he didn’t want people outside to hear.   
”Please, Ron, be a little quiet…”   
”Oh, sorry… But still, why haven’t they done something?”  
”They could call the Ministry of Magic, they have a Childcare Division that could take on this case and then you wouldn’t need to go back there Harry, we could…”  
”Hermione, stop, please, and Ron, they haven’t done anything because there’s nothing to be done. There’s no proof…”  
”But you have a scar! That’s proof!”  
”No, it’s not! How could I prove that they did this, and it wasn’t an accident? How could I tell anyone, without them asking the Dursleys for confirmation first, and do you really think they’ll just spill everything? ’Oh, yeah, we starved this foster child, and locked him in the cupboard under the stairs, but it’s okey because he got a mattress in there!’ Do you really think that they’d believe me, over those 3 and all their friends, and even if they did believe me, what could they do? It’s my word against theirs, not much else!”  
”But, Harry…”  
”No! Just stop!” Pushing Hermione away, he put his head in his hands and sighed. ”I used to hate Dumbledore, at first, when I learned that he actually left me there, with them, knowing what they’d think of me. But, it’s part of why I was up there, with Draco, talking to him, because he knew, and he couldn’t do shit! He has to send me back, every summer, because else the Dursleys could try and sue them for keeping me, or even kidnapping me, and then I’d not only need to spend summers with them, I wouldn’t be able to come back here at all!  
”Don’t you see? There’s nothing to do! And that’s why I dragged Draco to Dumbledores office, because of the off chance that me making the claim for him might make someone actually listen!”  
Both of them were quiet, and Harry couldn’t sit still and just got up and paced the small space of the room.   
”That’s what we talked about out there, about being… mistreated. That’s why I screamed at you during lunch, because you were just talking shit about someone who’d had it worse then me, because Draco is still stuck there! I got out, and only need to get back during a few months a year, but Draco always has his father over his shoulder, judging everything he does, spending every holiday in that Manor of theirs! That’s why I said that he understood… because he does. You’ve both been brought up by people who love you, in homes where you felt safe, but us, we haven’t ever had that. ’Home’ isn’t safe, it isn’t comfortable, it’s only filled with fear and painful memories.   
”That’s why I lost it during lunch. That’s why I walked to Dumbledore holding his hand. That’s why… fuck, that’s why I can’t stop thinking about him.”  
After that, all energy just rolled off him, dissipated out into thin air, and he was just left with nothing; a great gaping hole in his chest where there should be something, but no. Just a big, black hole of nothing.   
His friend were quiet, and he couldn’t look at them. He was ashamed at how easy he’d lost control, and he really didn’t want to yell at them, because they didn’t understand and only tired to help, but instead only making him feel worse.   
”I’m sorry, I shouldn’t yell… It’s just that, don’t you think I’ve tried? To get out? To escape or just… disappear?”  
”Harry, of course we know, but…!” Hermione lost her words before she’d even spoken them, and Harry gave a defeated sigh.   
”Please. I… I just need time, to, I don’t know, to… feel.”  
”Of course, of course. We’ll leave you alone, and, eh, think, or what you need, right Ron?”  
”But… it’s there something…?”   
”Ron, you heard Harry, and obviously there’s nothing we can do now, not here anyway. We… we need to study, anyway, you haven’t even done you Potions homework yet, have you?”  
”Hermione, you can’t be serious! How could I leave my best friend like this? Harry, mate, you can’t just tell us all this and just send us away, can you?”  
Harry looked up into Rons eyes, who tried to fathom the situation and everything it indicated; that his best friend had a lot more mental scarring then they’d ever thought, and that, after telling them about it, didn’t even want him around? Harry only felt sad at that, deep down in that dark hole in his chest, almost too deep down to notice.   
”Ron, you and Hermione are the best friends I’ve ever had, but… you just don’t get it.”  
Ron seemed to want to understand, but his whole face betrayed the hurt he felt at being sent away, at being told he didn’t understand, when all he wanted was to comfort his friend. Harry saw all this clearly, and it only made him more depressed, which only made the black hole deeper, and as Hermione pulled Ron away and he became alone, he just couldn’t take it.   
It was too much, all this feeling and stirring up memories and now not feeling and he needed to distract himself, he needed to get away from himself, he just wanted to disappear. Luckily, he thought, he had the means to do so, as he pulled the Invisibility Cloak from under his shirt.


	10. Making up and making out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco returns to Pansy, to confess and apologise.   
> Harry flees the scene at the Gryffindor Tower, without a thought of where to go next.   
> Luckily, the Invisibility Cloak is really handy, especially now that Draco knows Harry has it.

Draco found Pansy in the Commons Rooms, head deep in homework, and moved to sit down next to her. She didn’t even look up before she began to talk.   
”I could feel your gloom even before you entered the room, Draco. What do you want?”  
”I want to apologise.”  
This made Pansy look up, surprised. ”Well, that’s a first. But seriously, what the fuck did you do to the real Draco?”  
Draco gave a tired smile at that. ”Well fuck you too, Pansy, but seriously, yes, I shouldn’t have yelled at you earlier, and I’m sorry.”  
Pansy took a moment to carefully dry off her quill, put the lid on the ink-pot, and whisper a small charm to dry the ink on the parchment in front of her, before putting everything in neat piles next to her on the table, and then leaning on her arms and looked straight into Dracos eyes.   
”Who are you?”  
Draco couldn’t help snicker a bit at that, but the smile didn’t stay on his face. ”Pansy, I know I’ve become much more handsome during my time away, but you of all people shouldn’t be this affected.”  
For a moment Pansy just looked at him, trying to get answers out of his eyes or something, but as nothing incredible happened she leaned back and settled on the regular, mostly vocal way of interaction.   
”You tell me you have some big plan, and everything’s gonna be over soon and your father will get back his respect from our peers, but you won’t tell me anything about it. Then you disappear, for several days, without any indication that you’re still alive, only to come back, pick a fight with me before running of for several hours, then suddenly walking through the whole damn school with Harry Potter. Holding hands.”  
Draco felt his face flush, but he didn’t break eye contact with Pansy during her monologue.   
”Then, after yet another great disappearing act, this time to the Headmasters office, gossip tells me, only to run off again afterwards. And now, you come out here, telling me you’re sorry. For yelling at me.   
”I guess you could say I’m not really following this chain of events.”  
Letting of a deep sigh, Draco asked if she wanted to talk somewhere more private, and with a nonchalant shrug she obliged, putting her half-finished homework and books into her bag before leading the way to a more private room.   
As he got up to follow her, she motioned to Crabbe and Goyle to stay here, which they had no problem with. They seemed to be deep into some casual game, and only looked up to see where Draco and Pansy were going.   
The room Pansy chose were comfortable furnished with the usual Slytherin armchairs, puffy and ancient, around a small table. Already sitting in one of the chairs, Pansy didn’t acknowledge Dracos presence until he himself sat down opposite from her.   
”So. Draco. What have you been up to lately?”  
Sounding nonchalant and even haughty, she didn’t look up at him but instead inspected her own nails, but Draco knew this game and could see she were hurt by his earlier behaviour.   
”You already know the beginning, or some of it. I can’t really tell much, it’s so many secrets involved and people who don’t want to be known, but the important part is that I got an assignment to fulfil. It failed. I ended up deep in an unknown forest, with Harry Potter, and no one else.”  
”The only thing really impressive here is that you’re both still alive, then.”  
”Well, one of the first things I did do was to break his nose, so I got some cred from it. Not that it did much, as we were trapped there for a few days, without any real food or even proper clothes.”  
”Why didn’t you walk away, towards civilisation?” Pansy had stopped pretending to be ignorant, and were actually looking at him now, even thought she tried to look like she didn’t really care if he answered her questions. It was a perfect way to get a reaction, and usually a lot more out of your target then they might have intended; Pansy were a very sly Slytherin, after all.   
”We had no idea of where we were, Pansy, and you know how I feel about the outdoors. To walk in an unknown direction in unknown, wild territory? Please, you know me better then that.”  
A light scoff as Pansy looked momentarily away. ”Well, your incompetence around nature isn’t what I’m questioning; I know very well that you fear even the smallest tree” Draco made a visibly disgruntled grimace, but didn’t actually stop her from talking. ”But Potter has not showed any such fear, and he does have a habit of getting out of even seemingly impossible situations. Why didn’t he just abandon you?”  
”He were the one to insist on us staying together, something about a higher chance of getting back if we helped each other. Obviously I responded with yet another, well measured reply, that is to yell at him until we attracted some big beast. With my incredible charm I singlehandedly scared it off…”  
”Which means, you hid and hoped it would disappear on its own…”  
”It’s almost like you’re actively listening to me, amazing.”  
”Git.”  
But Draco just smiled. His arms itched, he’d gotten some promise on protection, and he’d kissed Harry. Somewhere inside his dark mind he could actually feel something close to happy, at least temporary, as they fell back in their comfortable banter.   
”How much did you tell him?”  
”I didn’t tell much, it was more like he already knew. I was going into a panic-attack, after hitting him, and he just… sat down with me, and told me he understood, and tried to talk about everyday subjects, like favourite food. It was… far from what I expected.”  
”If I would have believed everything you said about him since both of you started here, I’d have believed him to be some unholy abomination to society. You really never had a good eye for people, Draco.”  
”Well, I’m sad to say, but some of us have to focus on other things then gossip…” Draco effortlessly deflected the pillow thrown at him. ”But… it actually affected me. And I think… I didn’t know how to handle that.”  
Both went quiet, and Pansy reached out to squeeze his arm. It was comforting, because he knew that Pansy understood; even if they’d never talked deeply about their home and childhood, they both knew it had been hard. That’s one of the main reasons they’d become friends, and stayed that way; when he couldn’t talk about what had happened, he could just sit down next to her, and act like he didn’t exist. And she would understand.   
”I…” But instead of saying anything, he just rolled up his sleeves, and showed her his bandaged arms.   
Pansy wasn’t chocked, or even visibly surprised. Instead, she leaned forward to inspect the bandaging, felt with gentle fingers and pulled back when he winced, but didn’t stop.   
”When did you start?”  
”When I got back.”  
”Because of Harry?”  
”Yes.”  
Nodding, she accepted this without another word, and pulled at his sleeve to see the whole of his arm.   
”I got a poultice, and potion to drink, from Professor Snape, to help it heal faster.”  
”He knows?” She looked up at him, and he nodded.   
”Since earlier, just after meeting with Dumbledore. I hadn’t… bandaged them properly, and he noticed the blood.”  
”And he didn’t force you to Madam Pomfrey, or healed them himself?”  
”I… didn’t let him. And he didn’t force me.”  
She let go of him, after pulling his sleeves back down, and sat back in her armchair. With a thin smile she looked at him and said ”I think I like you godfather. He must have broken at least a few rules and regulations with not notifying anyone about this, and then letting it go unhealed.”  
”I know.”  
They sat quiet, Draco gently rubbing his arms, Pansy looking out the big windows at the fish swimming in the lake outside.   
”I don’t think I’m going back to the Manor again.”  
Pansy looked at him.   
”Harry forced me to seek help, and Dumbledore seemed willing to try.” A dry smile, at the thought. ”I guess it help that my father has the Dark Mark. Unlike Harrys foster family.”   
”He’s living with some Muggles, isn’t he?”  
”Yeah. And they’re… bad.”  
Pansy just nodded at this, not needing much more to understand.   
The quiet settled over them, as they looked out into the lake, watching the fish and other creatures swim by. 

There wasn’t any problem getting through the Commons Room and out the entrance to the Tower. People were coming and going, but it were few enough for him to easily steer clear of them. In a corner, he saw Ron deep in thought, while Hermione seemed deep in a book that Harry didn’t recognise. Neither seemed to suspect he was walking around with the Cloak, and he made a mental apology to them as he snuck out after a few third-years.   
It was still a while until curfew, but he kept the Cloak on, as he didn’t want his friends to realise he’d abandoned them after their fight, and he didn’t have the energy to talk either way. So he made his way down towards the Dungeons, invisible, only to stop and look at the Map that he was indeed on the right way. He’d only been down in the Slytherin dorms once, and then he’d been too occupied handling another persons body and to get a confession from Draco that he was indeed the one behind the Chamber of Secrets opening. Which failed, as Draco had no idea, and Harry had never thought about going down there again after that; until now, apparently.   
What he should do was apologise to his friends for fighting with them, when they obviously only wanted to help him, instead of sneaking away from them and hiding in another Houses’ dorm, just because Draco was there. But he couldn’t make himself turn around. The energy he’d lost in the fight with them, in trying to get them to understand that it wasn’t so easy as they thought else he’d done something by now, were too much. He just couldn’t face Hermiones tear-filled eyes and Ron so set for vengeance.   
Finally, he was there - but of course, he didn’t have the password. Cursing to himself for not thinking this through, he pulled back and watched, waiting to see if any other students would come by so he could sneak in after them. In the meantime he took another look at the Map, but Draco and Pansy hadn’t moved much, which made him a bit relieved that Draco at least wasn’t alone, but remembering what Draco had said about kissing her, earlier… He told himself that Draco explicitly said that it had been nothing like the kiss he and Harry shared, but it still stung enough for him to loose his almost non-existent smile.   
But he was pulled out of his worries by a group of Slytherin sixth-years, and managed to sneak in after them without a hitch. Pulling his Cloak tighter around him and putting the Map away, he thought about how he’d tell Draco he was here… but of course, playing a small trick wouldn’t hurt, the most disobedient part of his mind told him. 

Pansy had pulled out her homework again, and sat by the table with her quill hovering over the paper, deep in thought. They’d talked a bit about missed schoolwork, and their Professors, and just regular school-related things, when Draco heard a noise from the entrance to their almost-room.   
As Pansy didn’t look up, he didn’t think more of it, until he felt a warm breath of air over his ear, and the whispered words ”Hello, Draco” in a voice he recognised. Startled, he looked around.   
”Pansy? Did you hear that?”  
She barely looked up from her writing. ”Hear what?”  
”That…” He was cut short as the whisper added ”Bathroom” and Draco stared at the point where the voice should come from, perplexed, but then understanding dawned, and he even felt a bit impressed.   
”Don’t tell me you’re actually loosing your mind on me, now.”   
”No worries, Pansy, I’ll just…” Draco said, as he stood up, and motioned in the general direction of the bathrooms, and Pansy shrugged and went back to her homework.   
Feeling something brush past him as he exited their ’room’ and making way towards the bathroom stalls, he actually blushed a bit. Looking around, but of course not seeing anything strange, but he did feel a soft touch over his waist, which made him slow down, just for a moment, before it was gone again.   
Draco scoffed, with what he hoped was a bit indignation, only to hear a responding snickering from behind him.   
Entering the bathroom, he casually opened the door to the stall furthest at the back, and held the door open until he felt a soft flicker of fabric brush past him, and then went in himself, and carefully locked the door behind him.   
As he turned around, Harrys head had appeared, as well as his shoulders and arms as he’d pushed the Cloak back over his back, and the smile on Harrys face was filled with such warmth that Draco couldn’t help smile back, before he felt Harrys arms around his chest. He hugged back, and they stood there for a while, heads resting against each others shoulders and just felt the warmth and taking comfort in it.   
As they broke the embrace, not that they had much room to move about, Harry was about to say something but Draco put a finger over his lips to keep him quiet. He could hear someone washing their hands and another one entering a stall in another part of the room, and he didn’t want anyone to suspect anything. Harry just smiled instead, and put a hand on Dracos chin, stroking his cheek with his thumb, and Draco blushed but didn’t look away.   
They stood still for a moment, before Harry got out his wand, and with a questioning glance at Draco, who nodded, he cast a Silencing charm on the door and wall of the stall. Not enough to cancel all sounds, but enough for them to whisper without anyone noticing.   
”Hey.”  
”Hey.” Draco responded, with a face even more hot then before, and after Harry put down his wand, he put his hands around Dracos waist, pulling him closer again. There really wasn’t much room, so they were pretty much touching even if they tried not to, but Harry closed the small distance and Draco let him, holding his shoulders while Harry held his waist and then their heads were way too close and Draco could feel his breath and he looked into Harrys eyes, got a smile in response, and closed the last distance between them by letting his lips touch Harrys.   
It was like his whole body just relaxed, without him having known it was tense, as Harry responded with pressing his own lips back, sharing the soft kiss between them for a moment that could have been hours. Draco almost opened his eyes, to see Harrys mouth open and feel a tongue lick his lips, but closed them again and parted his lips, to meet Harrys tongue with his own, to taste those lips and circling the tip of his tongue around them; as his hands stroked Harrys back, getting under the Cloak, he pressed his mouth harder against Harrys and made him bend his back somewhat back, to almost touch the wall behind them. Placing a hand behind Harrys head, ruffling the always messy hair, smiling as he felt Harrys hands search for a way in under his robes, and putting his own hand around Harrys waist to pull his body even closer.   
The kiss broke as Harry lost his footing, and managed to sit down on the toilet, and Draco pulled back in surprise, but as Harry tried to contain his giggling, Draco smiled and grabbed his chin, turning his head up so that he could continue the kiss, more softly this time.   
Someone slammed the door and they both jumped, Harry already pulling his Cloak back over his head and pulling up his feet while Draco tensed, and checked that the door was locked, with wide eyes. The surprise was temporary, and they looked back at each other and tried to not snicker as they did. It didn’t work all that well.   
Harry stood back up, and gave Draco another kiss, still smiling, and Draco was shivering, from nerves of almost being caught and then the warm feeling that flushed him as Harry hugged him, kissed him, and it was just too much. He just stood there, kept standing by Harrys arms and his kiss, shivering like in the middle of winter, his whole body drained of energy.   
Harry pulled back, smiled, and Draco leaned in on his chest, hugging him back, trying to regain some of his body control, among the rush of adrenaline and he warmth of Harrys body.   
”Bloody bastards.”  
Draco snickered. ”Yes, fucking asses. They should be more considerate.”  
”But isn’t it the point of being here, that they shouldn’t know?”  
”Oh. I just realised. What if I’ve done the same, totally ignorant of how easy it is to scare the shit out of people in here?”  
”At least it’s the right place for it” Harry whispered as he tried to keep from bursting out laughing.   
”Oh, ha ha, you’re such a wordsmith you are.”  
”Pompous fool.”  
”Git.”  
Their foreheads resting against each other, just taking a moment to get their nerves under control again.   
”But seriously, why haven’t I ever thought of this? It’s the perfect way to scare new couples, especially if they don’t want to be found out. Imagine - walking in here, slamming the door, yelling ’I know you’re in there! I’ve already told Professor Snape!’ and then just see if anyone takes the bait.”  
”Draco. You’re a fucking evil bastard.”  
”Why, thank you, mr Potter! I didn’t know you thought so kindly of me! But I guess it’s just too hard to notice, with those thick glasses of yours.” Harry glared at him, a tired smile in response to Dracos glowing one, and were about to whisper something back but Draco cut him off. ”Seriously, I don’t know why you keep these, they do nothing for your face but make you look dumber, and you really don’t need that.”  
”Wow. Thanks. And here I thought you actually had a nice bone somewhere inside you, but guess I was misstaken!”  
”That depends…”  
Harry were about to answer something else, but then Dracos words hit him and he became flaming red, in nice contrast to Dracos own flaming face and blonde hair next to Harrys black, as he reached up to to take off those glasses, taking great care in not meeting Harrys eyes as they stared down at him. Putting the glasses in one of Harrys pockets, and then placing his hands again around Harry, he finally looked up to meet those green eyes, before leaning in for another kiss.   
This kiss were a little different. It were still the same, soft lips, that same gentle tongue and the same taste, even the same warm breath, but it felt different, in how they held onto each other, how they moved their hands more slowly, more deliberately. And in how they leaned their bodies close to each other, not just pressing for a close hug, but taking care to touch specific parts depending on which ones that moved. Before long, Draco could feel Harrys growing erection softly press against his abdomen, and he moved to pull Harry in closer, pushing his tongue deeper into Harrys mouth, leaning in on him with a firm hold on his robes.   
He even heard a soft, low moan as he did.   
This only made the kiss even more different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I get your attention? I got your attention, didn't I?   
> Love, and more to come <3 I keep my promises!


	11. Confessions and other sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Draco find some privacy in the silenced bathroom stall, but they don't have long before Dracos friend comes looking for him.   
> Later, Draco learns of secrets Pansy's kept from him, in return for his silence and discretion and maybe a secret of his own, while Harry sneaks back out of Slytherins Commons Room, unsure if he should head back to his own room or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't spell-checked this, but hopefully it's still quite understandable! <3 Lotsa lovs!

Harry held firmly onto Dracos waist, and robes, and felt how Draco pressed against Harry, his erection caught between their bodies. He knew there were Silencing wards around them, that no one outside would hear this unless they became louder, but he still tried to keep quiet. Even then, he couldn’t help the moan that came as Draco reached in, hands firmly around him, circling his tongue around Harrys, and Harry answering with the same. Not after what Draco’d said, and now he couldn’t get that image out of his mind, the one where they were alone, naked, that blonde body laying before him, those grey eyes and the feeling of being enclosed, invited…   
His whole body tensed, his face flaming hot, a soft whimper as Draco kissed down his chin, throat, searching his hands inside Harrys shirt; feeling fingers gently touch his skin, letting them stroke slowly over his waist, almost touching his stomach, before gently pressing up, over his chest, then his back, one hand down to his waist again while the other circled his shoulder, still under his clothes, as their lips met again, in a hungry kiss.   
For a moment he couldn’t do much; he couldn’t think proper thoughts, barely control where his hands and legs were, doing nothing impressive with his lips, until he gained control again, almost, enough to let go of his white knuckled grip on Dracos robes and put his hands on his chest, in between them. Gently pushing, hoping Draco wouldn’t notice but of course he did, and broke the kiss, the close embrace, and they stood there for a while, almost looking at each other but mostly just breathing.   
Harry tried to smile, but there were too much adrenaline and other chemicals inside him, and he was completely drained of energy by only that small push against Dracos chest. It was like his body hurt where Draco didn’t touch it, his lips swollen when Draco didn’t kiss them, and his erection throbbing uncomfortably when Draco didn’t press his body against it.   
”Ehm…” was all he could think to say.   
At which, Draco looked at him, smiled, and tried to not laugh. It didn’t work, and it was highly contagious; Harry laughed because Draco did, and because of the absurd in what they were doing, and in him not even being able to think straight, and everything that had gotten them here, in a bathroom, with Silencing charms around them.   
”Maybe… maybe we should, I don’t know, not make out in the bathroom?” Harry whispered, still giggling.   
”Why not, isn’t this the perfect, most not romantic place you could imagine? Being former enemies and all, it would just be strange to go on a date, wouldn’t you think?” Draco snickered. ”But at least people wouldn’t judge you too much, I guess, because I am such a dashing specimen.”  
”So you think everyone would go ’oh, finally!’ if they knew?”  
”Obviously, everyone knows you’ve been yearning for me since first year!”  
”Oh, sure, I see, because it’s not like you’ve been the one who’s obsessed over me since, I don’t know, you first saw me on the Hogwarts Express?”  
”Oh shut up.”  
”Git.”  
Another kiss, soft and light, Harrys hand stroking Dracos cheek.   
”Should we… I don’t know, go somewhere?”  
”Where?”  
”Eh… the Library, maybe? We both have homework…”  
”Yeah because no one will suspect anything if we go hide in the Library when it’s not eve finals yet.”  
”Well, why would they?”  
Draco gave Harry a very pointed look, and Harry really didn’t get it, so Draco sighed and whispered ”Because that’s the only place they’d be left alone. For longer stretches of time. In a quiet, secluded space.”  
”Oh.” Harrys eyes widened as he realised what Dra o hinted at. ”Oh…”  
”Seriously, Potter, you must have at least thought about it until now?”  
”Well… no. Eh… I hadn’t thought much about… this… at all, really. Guess I’ve had other stuff on my mind.”  
”But haven’t Ron and Hermione told you? I mean, they’ve spent quite some time in there, without you…”  
”Yeah, but Hermione… wait. Oh.” Harry just stood there for a while, quite flabbergasted. ”And I’ve never even thought about it.”  
Draco snickered and stroked his chin, which only made Harry flush more. ”I really can’t believe you’ve been so innocent. It’s almost unfair.”  
”You’re the one to speak, with that blonde hair and cute smile.”  
As Harry thought, this made Draco blush and look away, clearly flustered. Even too much to make a sharp comeback, which made Harry smile at him even more, and pulled his face closer to give one soft kiss.   
They stayed like that, with heads together, looking at each other and just… being close.   
”How do we do this?” Harry asked, an almost inaudible whisper.   
”I don’t know…” Draco responded, as soundless.   
”We can’t… do this every time we see each other.”  
”You don’t like our bathrooms? Too little gold for you, Gryffindor-brat?”  
”Git. You know what I mean.”  
But Draco only looked down to the floor, quiet.   
”Draco. It’s gonna be okey. The worst we’d have to worry about is which table to eat at.”  
”You know, green really would suit you. Because of the eyes, mostly.”  
”That’s gonna be our biggest problem. Matching gold and silver.”  
”You don’t know what pain it is to see those two combined.”  
”And you call me ’brat’.”  
”Some are just not as fortunate as others, I guess, being part Muggle and all.” Draco whispered, in an almost perfect imitation of his usual drawl, which made Harry almost recoil unconsciously, but then he just laughed softly.   
”But Harry… why are you even here?”  
”Eh… I, eh, I tried to talk to Hermione and Ron, about… about what I’ve talked to you about.” As Draco stared at him, he quickly added ”No, not about… this, but about what I told you about.. the Dursleys, and…”  
”Oh. They didn’t know?”  
”No, well, a bit, but not like this… they only knew a few things, like how I’d lived in a cupboard, but Ron has lived in a tiny room with lots of siblings around, most of all his life, so I don’t think he realised it hadn’t been anything like that. And Hermione is an only child, and I don’t think she understands just how… just how bad it can be, when you grow up with someone your age…”  
”How’d… they take it?”  
Harry shrugged, but didn’t meet Dracos eyes. ”Kinda like I thought. Just ’but we haven’t you said anything’, and ’we could help’ and so on… I yelled at them again, even though I just tried to apologise for what I said during lunch… guess it didn’t go that well.” As he looked up at Draco, with a thin smile to lighten the mood, he didn’t get a smile back, but he got a hug, which was really much better.   
”I’m sorry.”  
”It’s okey, they just don’t understand what it’s like. They’ve lived happy lives, you know? It’s not the same. To them almost everything seems impossibly bad. But what about you, with Pansy? Did you talk?”  
”Oh, yeah… she tried to talk to me earlier, before I… ran off, and you found me. I snapped at her, so now, after I got some help from Snape…”  
”Oh, right, I forget you’re his godson. Guess you do get different privileges then.”  
”Yeah… But he saw my wounds, on… my arms…”  
Draco wouldn’t meet Harrys eyes.   
”How’d he react?”  
”Eh… he wanted to heal them, first, but I… I didn’t let him. I just… they’re mine. I don’t just want them to, eh…”  
”Hey” Harry whispered softly, putting a hand on Dracos cheek, stroking his thumb over Dracos face, and holding his hand. ”It’s okey. I don’t need to get it, you don’t need to explain everything to me. I think I kinda understand anyway.”  
Draco just smiled back at him, relieved. ”He gave me a few things to make them heal better, though, but it’s okey. Don’t want them to become infected and scar my perfect skin.”  
”Self-centred git, you are.”  
”And you love it, don’t you.”  
”Yes.”  
Draco looked up, and lost his smile; he only said it as a joke, but the sincerity in Harrys face where enough to stop him momentarily, and he blushed.   
”I actually do, Draco.” Harry whispered, keeping Dracos eyes.   
”I… I do, too. Because… because you’re… it’s like you understand, Harry.”  
”I think it’s the same reason for me. Because I can see you, under all that. Everything your father and them want you to be. You’re much more.”  
They were quiet for a while.   
”Thanks, Harry. For seeing me, I guess.”  
Harry could just smile at Draco, and held a firm grip on his hand, when they both jumped at someone calling for Draco. 

”Draco, are you in here? It can’t seriously take this long to take a shit, even for someone as stuck up as you.” Pansy, of course. Damn her.   
Draco would usually respond with something equally insulting, but now he’d been caught of guard, with Harry seeing his every move and thought, it felt like, and he just lost his ability to talk for a moment, and blushed even harder as Harry tried not to laugh at the situation.   
”Draco, please, it’s not even anyone else in here now.”  
Harry smiled and gave Draco a kiss on his cheek, which made Dracos face burn even more, before he squeezed his hand a last time, and pulled up his Cloak. Suddenly, Harry was gone.   
”Aha! I know those feet! And I’ll stay here until you talk to me, Draco, no matter how awkward sounds you pretend to make.”  
As Draco turned to open the stall door, he heard Harry stifle a laugh behind him, and it only made him more flustered as Pansy. Sure, she was worried, otherwise she wouldn’t have come looking for him, but this was not the right time!   
”Dracoooooo!” she teased, as he unlatched the lock and opened the door wide and giving Harry extra time to get out.   
”Pansy, can’t I even take a shit without you babysitting me?”  
”If you’d only done that, then sure, but you didn’t even flush, which leaves two alternatives: you didn’t actually use the toilet, or you’re much more disgusting then I thought.”  
Another barely contained laughter from behind them that Draco hoped Pansy didn’t notice.   
”So, what were you doing, Draco?”  
”What’s it to you, anyway?”  
She gave him a very pointed look. ”You can’t show me your bandaged arms, tell me you did it yourself, and then disappear for over half an hour, not if you don’t want me to come find you.”  
”I haven’t been gone that long, have I?”  
”Yes, you have. You would’ve missed dinner if I hadn’t come to get you, so you should be thankful, even graciously so, for me caring so much that I’m not gonna let you starve to death.”  
”You’re right Pansy, I’ll make arrangements to raise a statue in your honour.”  
”Don’t forget the golden plaque, and I mean pure gold, no cheap illusion either.”  
”Oh, but I’d thought you’d like in black and yellow, since you’re being so damn Hufflepuff coming in here for me…”   
Pansy gave him a slap over the head, messing his hair, and as he reached up to fix it (after giving her a very disgruntled stare, because you do not mess with the hair) and as he turned to a mirror he realised that it was already quite messy. Oh. Pansy seemed to have noticed the same, because she smiled knowingly and just asked ”What were you doing in there, really?”  
Draco focused on fixing his hair, remembering how Harrys hands had run through it, just after they’d moved closer to… Draco blushed, which did nothing to diminish Pansys smile, and as he heard another very stifled laugh he just turned and glared at Pansy (and the empty space around her, just in case).   
”Shall we keep this discussion somewhere else, or hav you finally embraced your true calling and don’t want to leave your lair?”  
”Fuck you Draco. And by the way, don’t tell me what you did in there. Please.” Pansy said as she turned towards the door, still smiling, and Draco glared at her back. But as he did, he felt something touch him, and he just froze. Harry had just grabbed his ass!   
”Oh, fuck you P… ah, fuck it.” Couldn’t talk to Potter here, now, couldn’t let Pansy know Harry was here, invisible, and there was really no way to react to this right now. With a look at Pansy, who still had her back to him, Draco whispered ”I’m gonna get you back for that.” out into the air.   
He felt fabric brush his legs, and he let the door close behind him, and followed Pansy, who were already back at their semi-room.   
”This better?” she asked, as Draco entered and sat down opposite her.   
”Yeah…”  
”What’s happening to you, Draco?”  
”What?”  
”You’re not the same. Before you were gone for some days you were your daddys child, you did everything for him and your own honour and the purity of your blood. Now, you’re inflicting self harm, you’re talking to Dumbledore, whom you’ve always despised, about protecting you from your father, the same person you’d die for, willingly, just less then a week ago.   
”You’re not the same. I didn’t even need you to come to me, by your own, to apologise? For yelling at me? Draco, when have we ever done anything else then insult each other, and when have you ever felt the need to apologise for that before?”  
”I… eh…”  
Pansy looked at him a moment, then drew her wand and cast a Silencing charm on the room, and moving an armchair to block the passage in.   
”Something happened out there, wherever you were these days. If you don’t want to tell me then fine, but you just can’t lie to me. That’s not how this works. We promised to be friends, to be honest to each other, and if you’re gonna break that promise then you need to do it properly.”  
Draco stayed quiet, all memories of Harry gone, every single word he’d thought gone, and once again he was back where it all began, in a dungeon, black, cold stone and metal chains and the voice that didn’t talk but could still be heard…   
”You need to say something. Whatever you’re going through, snap out enough to say something. Else we’re done.”  
”I kissed him.”  
It was too quiet.   
”I… kissed him.”  
The armchair squeaked when Pansy leaned forward.   
”Potter?”  
”Yes.”  
Father will know father will know she’s gonna tell father and he’ll find me and he’ll take me back and he’ll…  
”okey.”  
I’m disgusting he’s wrong I’m filth on the floor, I don’t deserve life I’m worthless piece of trash…   
”I’m in love with a girl.”  
Silence.   
”So, you’re not alone. With keeping secret. With being…” he whole face contorted into a sneer ”’a filthy disgrace to all that is Pureblood!’, as my mom usually say.”  
The quiet was too deep, too consuming. Draco couldn’t breathe.   
”I don’t think she knows me. Maybe my name, but nothing else.” She smiled, looking into the distance, watching the fish in the lake outside the window. ”I guess there’s a reason we actually tried, to ’be in love’. All for our parents and our happy, happy families. And that were still friends, and happy enough to pretend when needed.”  
It was so strange. Like Pansy telling him she loved a girl. The first one he’d ever kissed, and tried to love. And this after he, Draco Malfoy, made out with Harry Potter! In the Slytherin bathroom! Isn’t it strange how dreams can play the most absurd plays on reality?   
Especially since the words she said actually had sound. And that the floor beneath him had texture, and the armchair were soft and so real.   
”I look at her every day, at breakfast. I even… thought that I maybe hated her. You know, for being so pretty, and perfect. Like all this was just jealousy gone haywire. But I couldn’t think of her that way. Not after…”  
”After what?”  
”Oh, just seeing her and her date at the Yule Ball, dancing and smiling and how even her friends were envious. And I just couldn’t hate her. So I tried to hate myself instead.”  
She didn’t look at him when she pulled up her skirt, showing her thighs. And the white scar-tissue covering her skin, from just over her knee up under her skirt.   
”I made some progress. I don’t really have the same sense of feeling here anymore” she prodded her thighs experimentally, ”on either side, it’s quite interesting. Sitting down changed a bit, and I can wear uncomfortable clothes longer then before, so it’s not all bad, after the worst of them healed up.”  
She pulled her skirt back down, and sat back as before, casually leaned back in her armchair, inspecting the fish outside.   
”I haven’t gotten any god-parent in school though, that could give me special medication. Or someone who’d walk through school with me in tow, demanding to speak to the Headmaster immediately, and actually getting an appointment.”   
She sighed. Draco leaned back. The Giant Octopus might be what moved in the distance, but he couldn’t be sure. It could be just some seaweed, or Mer-people. Maybe just fish.   
”Who is she?”  
”Granger.”  
”Perfect. We could go on a double date. I’ll force Harry to bring her, and we could go walking around the school grounds, find some Unicorns, buy some Butterbeer…”  
”Sounds perfect. I don’t know where we’d get the Butterbeer, though. It’s not like our parents are gonna sign the form to let us go to Hogsmeade anymore.”  
”Remember that time I saw Harrys head walking around in Hogsmeade, throwing snowballs? I’m sure he’d know some way.”  
”True. Hopefully it’ll be ok if we tagged along sometime.”  
”I’ll talk to him about it, no worries.”  
”Good. Then we have that solved.” They both turned towards each other, Pansys eyes filled with acceptance and sorrow even though her face held a smile. ”I’ll hold you to that.”  
”Right after I raise that statue. Black and yellow, right?”  
”Right.”  
They didn’t say anything for quite some time. But somehow they talked a lot in that space of silence, just looking out over the waters and its denizens. 

Harry got out of the Slytherin Commons Rooms soon after Draco had left the Bathroom; it was getting time for dinner, and students were passing through the secret entrance regularly enough for Harry to sneak out without any hitch.   
He made his way out of the Dungeons and into a side passage, checked his surroundings and pulled of the Cloak, stuffing it under his shirt. Fo a while he wondered if he really wanted to get dinner, and probably find Ron and Hermione and have explain we he’d run out on them again, but he couldn’t find anything else that wasn’t homework or left him alone with his thoughts, so he let his stomach decide.   
Making his way to the Great Hall he got a few looks, but that were nothing strange; he was the Boy who Lived, after all, and even though most students were quite used to it now, there were enough students in a big enough school to not pass by each other that often. So he let them stare.   
Entering the Great Hall were more strenuous then usual, and he stood outside its doors for a while before finally entering. Searching the room, he quickly found his friends, and sat down by them, as they greeted him with subdued voices and no eye-contact.   
Harry sat down, determined to act like normal, and began to pile food on his plate, all while his friends were quiet and just poked at their food.   
As his plate filled, they didn’t say anything, and he refused to be the first to talk. They were his friends, they should act like it! But as he got prepared to eat, his determination failed, and he sighed, fork in hand, looking at his food; his appetite wasn’t there.   
”I went for a walk.” he said, and felt how Ron gave him a quick look, while Hermione didn’t shift. ”Down by the lake. I didn’t see you as I went out.” He began to eat.   
”But we sat in the Commons Room until we came here, and we should have seen you go out. We didn’t even change seats.”  
”I know.”  
They all stayed quiet.   
Hermione opened her mouth, prepared to talk, but didn’t, and got back to stare at her food. Ron gave a minuscule shrug, and continued eating. 

”But now when you’ve come clean with me, I really do want to know what you were doing in the Bathroom stall for so long.”  
”Eh…” Draco couldn’t really tell, could he? Even if Pansy’d understand. Telling people, even her, about an working Invisibility Cloak just weren’t a good move.   
”Were you jerking off?”  
”No!”  
”Oh, don’t be shy, it’s not like I’d judge you for it, having kissed Potter and all…”  
”I didn’t!”  
”So, then , what did you do? And remember, no lying this time!”  
”I…” Fuck, this didn’t go as planned. ”Eh… can you keep a secret?” As soon as he said it he realised how absurd it was to ask that, now, and Pansy must’ve thought the same, as she threw her head back and practically roared with laughter as Draco felt himself blushing. A very common thing, these last few days, he thought indignant.   
”Merlins beard Draco! Didn’t know you had such a gift with humor!”  
”Of course you’d think that, with such a horrible sense for humor.”  
”Oh, Draco, my personal mood raiser. So, what’s this secret I can’t tell anyone of? Other then both of us being enamoured with the ’wrong’ kind of people?”  
”Well, it’s… eh…”  
”Don’t tell me you were shagging Potter in there or something, because that would have been really impressive, since you were alone!”  
”Actually…”  
Pansy turned to stare at him.   
”Actually is was more of a snogging session then shagging, but…”  
”My mind’s telling me that you’re joking, but you’re wearing your serious-face.”  
Draco gave her a winning smile, even though his cheeks blushed. ”It was really intense, if I should be honest.”  
”Seriously, Draco. We said no lying.”  
”Yes, it’s nice to see that you’ve been learning how to remember…”  
”But… How?”  
”Well, that’s the secret. Problem is, it’s not my secret.”  
”Oh.” Pansy looked at him in a while new way now, and he began to regret telling her. He didn’t need to be reminded of how disgusting acting like this were.   
”Honestly, Pansy, you thought I couldn’t get it going with anyone else then you? Not even I have that high thoughts about myself…”  
”No, no, it’s not that…” But she just continued looking at him, and he only became more and more self-conscious, and uncomfortable. This should never have happened, it was a misstake, and telling Pansy about it only made it worse because now she knew and could use it against him…   
”Was it the first since you came back?”  
”Because telling the Gossip Queen all about it would make everything feel so much better, pretty much like telling my father would.”  
”Draco, you know I’m not that bad. I just made the connection that… well, you’ve been up and down, and I think I understand how you could come back this morning and actually apologise. Because you spent the night with…”  
”NO! I did NOT have sex with him!”  
”Draco, I didn’t say that…”  
”Then why is it so important to know? What is it you gain from this?”  
”Nothing! I’m just happy for you!”  
”Happy? Because my family will abandon me, and I’ll be just another casualty under the Dark Lords reign when they’re done with me, and you probably hate me as much as they do…!”  
”No! You do NOT get to talk to me like that! Not efter all that I told you, about me and…!”  
”Told? You probably just made it up to get me to spill everything to you! Are you making your parents proud, are you? Is that it? Or did You-Know-Who offer you power? Control? All for bringing me down?”  
”Fuck you Draco, fuck you if you think nothing more or me then that, FUCK YOU!”  
”WELL FUCK YOU TOO!”  
Draco brought his wand out, moved the chair out of the way and stormed out of the Commons Rooms, ignoring the shouts from Crabbe and Goyle, still playing their stupid game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry :( They weren't supposed to fight, they just did, it wasn't in my control! And more drama to come, for good and bad, but also... well, more kissing and such :3 *happy space*


	12. A trip to the Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling way to confused with all the mixed emotions inside, Harry feel the need to get away from his closest friends, and go study without distractions.   
> Of course distractions, in the way of a special blonde, comes crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments <3   
> Hugs and kisses (and more, but that you have to read for yourself) :3

”You know what? This is great! It’s the perfect example on how to act when your best friend tells you they’ve been living through abuse! Just ignore and stay quiet, and pretend all the problems will go away! You know, I think I’ll write about this; ’The Boy Who Lived: A Guide to Handle Friends’. I’m sure it’ll be a bestseller right away, it’s such a big subject and everyone’s gonna be happier for it, because it’s so hard to know, right? I mean, who’d ever want to know their friend didn’t live through as happy a childhood as themselves! It’ll teach everyone to just keep it to themselves, because talking about it only makes it strange, and it makes your friends sad, and that’s just mean, right?”  
”Harry, please…”  
”Because who’d ever want to make anyone sad by telling them about how they’d lived most of their lives? No one wants to know that! Telling people about it is just stupid! You should keep all your problems to yourself, at all times, because else you might make someone a little less happy with the world, and maybe even destroy their illusion that the world is a happy, happy place, and why would you do that? It’s like stealing candy from a baby, just totally evil!”  
”Okey, Harry, we get it! We got it! Just stop!”  
”Oh, sorry, I just broke my own rule, that is; never talk about your problems with your best friends, especially when they can’t come riding in on a unicorn to save you, because that’s all to sad, really, everyone wants to save their friends right, even if they have no means to do that….”  
Hermione stood up, and Harry just looked at her as she stood there, insecure, not meeting his eyes. He didn’t feel a thing; the dark pit in his chest just ate everything he was supposed to feel and he just couldn’t stop talking, even though he knew he was only making it worse; even though he knew this was a really good way to loose a friend. But he just couldn’t stop, and the dark pit inside him ate everything else and demanded that he make everyone else feel just as empty inside as him.   
As she walked away, he stayed put and turned to call after her.   
”It’s okey, I understand, it’s hard the hear about this! Like that time when I was around 5 and they’d locked me under the stairs and I was so afraid of the dark that I couldn’t keep quiet and just cried all night and my uncle walked up to the door and roared at me to be silent! Because he couldn’t sleep!”  
As she went, Harry got most of the attention, but he continued to look after her even as she exited the Great Hall, ignoring every stare and whisper that spread around him, even as Ron sat there clearly conflicted in whether he should join his Hermione or stay with Harry. As Harry turned back to his plate, he didn’t look up at Ron as he spoke.   
”Go on, I think she needs someone to take care of her. It’s not like I’m in such a desperate need; I’ve been living with this for all my life already. I know how to handle myself. So strut away and save the day, it’s gonna make everything better, I’m sure.”  
”Harry…”  
”Go, before she completely disappears of the map. I’ll find you later anyway, I promise.”  
Ron looked at him doubtfully, but ended up standing and walking out as well, hurrying as he neared the gates out. Harry looked down on his plate, without any appetite, with empty seats around him, and just felt hollow. 

Draco entered the Great Hall alone, sitting down at the Slytherin table by himself, looking at the food before him and even grabbing some of it, but without any enthusiasm. Someone asked him a question, which he gave a snort answer and a sneer, before bringing up a book to look busy. He did have chapters to read, but he didn’t even care which page he turned to, he just didn’t want anyone to talk to him.   
And it worked, as he sat in silence in the mumble and clatter of the Great Hall, isolated inside a bubble of his own.   
When he looked up, he didn’t actually search for anything, and it wasn’t because of anything; his neck was getting tense, and he didn’t want to seem to lonely. But he saw Harry, at the Gryffindor table. He sat alone, fork in hand, eyes on his plate, just as isolated as Draco felt. And it hurt.   
Draco knew he wasn’t a very brave person, and it wasn’t anything he particularly cared for, but right now it hurt, and it was a really novel feeling. He wanted to stand up, walk over to the Gryffindor table, sit down beside Harry, and hug him, before getting food and starting a friendly conversation. He just didn’t want Harry to be this alone, not now, not when Draco knew what worked inside that mind. But he knew he wasn’t a brave person, so he stopped staring, and looked down into his book, until much later, when he dared look up again, and Harry wasn’t there anymore.   
And the hurt inside only got exceptionally worse at that. 

Harry didn’t know where to go. He didn’t want to talk, or be alone, or be around people, and he just stood in the hall outside the Great Hall, looking at nothing.   
What was he supposed to do now? He knew he should apologise to Hermione, and Ron, about how he’d acted, but he just couldn’t imagine himself doing that. They hadn’t apologised to him for anything, and he didn’t thought they would; what should they apologise for? Feeling bad that their friend had lived with abuse? That was absurd, and Harry knew it; they loved him, much more then he deserved, and he’d yelled at them and run away when they’d tried to understand, and help.   
This line of thinking did nothing to help liften his mood, and he knew it, but what other could he do?  
He thought of Draco. Of holding his hand, waking with him in his arms, and he felt an ache inside, around the edges of that pit inside him, but not enough to actually feel anything. This was just too wrong. He should never have kissed him to begin with, he should never…   
”Hey, Harry? What’s up?”  
The voice of Neville Longbottom brought Harry back to reality, almost, but with the hurt inside him still present.   
”Eh, hey, Neville.”  
Neville hugged his books close to his chest and as Harry looked at him he didn’t really meet his gaze.   
”I just thought you looked confused, you know, and didn’t want you to stand here all by yourself, so… eh, where’s Ron and Hermione?”   
”I don’t know.” Harry answered with a noncommittal shrug, looking away, and Neville stuttered before continuing.   
”Eh, well, okey, I mean they just, eh, I saw them walk away and then I saw you here, so, eh, well it’s not that I don’t, eh, you know…”  
”It’s okey Neville, I know you only mean well.”  
”Oh, thanks, I mean… eh, have you done the latest Transfiguration homework? Because I think I’m doing something wrong, and since you’ve been gona a few days, maybe you too need to work on it…”  
Harry smiled at Neville. ”Yeah, I could do it with you. Haven’t really had time to catch up with the workload yet, anyway. You’re on your way to the Library?”  
Neville nodded, a bit relieved it looked like, and they made their way down to the Library for a last chance of undisturbed studying before curfew. 

”Hey, Nott, ever heard about cellphones?” Draco asked his table-mate, Theodore Nott, to get away from his own dark thoughts.   
”Isn’t that a Muggle-made contraption?” Nott answered with raised eyebrows.   
”Yeah, but I thought I saw some Hufflepuff with one of those thing earlier. It’s just weird, seeing Muggle-made inventions on Hogwarts grounds.”  
”Yeah, I know what you mean. Overheard some younger students talk about them some time ago, about how they’d need to upgrade theirs to be able to make calls home or something. Feels strange that they have something Muggles made, that actually work here.”  
”It’s really weird, but I guess you can’t fault them, being Muggle-born and all, about not understanding the the need to leave their stupid Mudblood inventions at home.”  
”Yeah, true that.” Nott chuckled to himself and Draco suddenly just wanted to get out, away.   
”I still have some studying to do, but I’ll see you at the Dungeon later?”  
”Yeah, good luck!”   
But Draco was already up and away, a sudden need to disappear, to not exist anymore. He thought of Harry, and was disgusted with himself at how easy it was to bring those green eyes to mind, as he made his way to the Library, staying true to his word about studying even though he had no interest in actually doing so. 

At the Library, Harry tried to do some studying, but he was distracted. Neville tried to help, and asked quite a few questions Harry could answer, but the motivation just wasn’t there. It did help against thinking too much about his friends, but instead he got caught in thoughts about Draco. What could he do? He did know some places that sold cellphones, but he had no idea of how to get one, or two, for him and Draco. Not that money was much of a problem, but he doubted they’d accept Wizarding money, especially by owl. Not that he had many other ways of getting to the Muggle-world from here, except summer break, and it was a long time until next summer break.   
”Oh, Malfoy’s here.” Neville said, a bit nervous, and Harry looked up to see that, yes, that was indeed true; Draco were standing at the entrance to the Library, looking for a empty spot, when he and Harry meet eyes. For a moment the thoughts and feelings of unease was gone, and Harry looked into the grey eyes and saw the same response there, a memory of earlier today and the things they’d said and done. But Draco looked away, and Harry looked back down into his book, pretending as nothing had happened.   
”Wonder why he’s all alone. Do you know why he’s so different since he came back? He hasn’t bullied me even once, and it’s been over a day!”  
”Wouldn’t you be happy about that?”  
”I’m just… he seems so down. It’s like he’s not at all himself, and I wonder what happened to him. I mean I’m happy he’s not being all that mean, but I’m quite used to it anyway.”  
Harry didn’t know what to answer, so he didn’t, and for a while the subject dropped, and they were both quiet.   
”These… eh, these days, when you weren’t here… where did you go, Harry? I mean you don’t have to tell me and I understand if you don’t want to or can’t but…”  
Harry sighed inwardly and let his quill drop, and any pretence that he was indeed studying.   
”It’s okey, you’re my friend so I guess you have the right to ask.”  
”Oh. Was it something… I mean, you and Draco were both away, and you came back together, and…”  
Harry actually smiled a little, because Neville was not the one to induce himself in gossip, but this had obviously been a way to big story to ignore, even for him.   
”I can’t tell everything, obviously, because of… well, I can’t say that either, but yeah, both of us were gone, and then we returned, and now Dracos so very different. It really is a strange chain of events, right? Even I don’t really believe it.”  
”Oh.” Neville seemed confused, but not inquisitive, and Harry silently thanked him for that. The explanation seemed enough for him, and he went beck to his work, fine with not knowing all the details, but still worried enough to ask.   
”Excuse me. Is this seat taken?”  
”Well… eh…” Harry responded before looking up, and went silent as he saw Draco standing by their table, looking at him and Neville questioningly, with just a trace of his regular up-nosed pose.   
”Eh… mh… no…” Neville managed to say, very quietly, and Draco pulled out a chair and sat down, opposite from them, before Harry had even collected himself.   
”Do you know the answer to this weeks Astrology homework? I can’t figure out if my calculations are wrong or if I’ve missed something.”  
Draco picked up his books, and began to talk about homework so casually, and Harry was speechless with surprise, and Neville seemed to be in the same state of mind, but with a bit more terror in his face then Harry.   
As Draco looked up, seemingly casually, as none of them answered his question, Neville began to stutter something that might have been a reply, but was nothing more the incomprehensible mumbling.   
”Try not to shit yourself, Longbottom, it’s not like I’m demanding you to give me the secret formula of a long lost potion. If you don’t have the answer you don’t even need to answer. It’s quite simpel, really, if you actually think about it.”  
”Haven’t you got anyone to study with, Malfoy?” Harry asked, a bit amused by this turn of events, and at how confused Neville were; it was like the sun had fallen from the sky in front of him, and he didn’t know if it had meant it as a personal insult of not.   
”If you mean Pansy, then she hasn’t even had dinner yet, and if you’re thinking about Crabbe and Goyle, then I’ll be forced to turn you into Madame Pomfrey for temporary insanity.”  
”I didn’t knew you cared that much about my mental health, Malfoy. It’s really touching.”  
”Don’t fool yourself, Potter, to think that I’d do that out of concern for you health more then my own. What if it’s contagious, and with me this close to you? I’d hate to get any of the germs contaminating the Boy Who Lived.”  
Harry had a real smile now, just a tad bit mischievous, and even as Draco had his face buried in his books as he spoke, Harry could see that he was pulling his own fight against the need to smile.   
Meanwhile, Neville was looking like he was witnessing the ending of the world, and this only made Harry even more amused, and now he had a hard time not bursting into laughter.   
”By the way, Neville, I heard you’d melted another cauldron while I was gone. Did you do that on purpose because you missed me?”  
Nevilles face didn’t know what colour to turn into, and settled at a nice mix of white, red and green as Draco looked up at him, with a surprisingly serious expression.   
”Because if you’d only told me before, then I could have left you a gift, for you to remember my absence. A Remembrall, perhaps, so that you’d never forget the moments we shared. Or, wait, didn’t your gran give one to you a few years back? How stupid of me to forget.”  
Harry was starting to feel pity towards Neville, who had no idea what was going on and how to handle the situation, and seemed to sink deeper and deeper into his own seat at every word from Draco, but this whole situation was far to absurdly amusing for that. He settled with a compromise, and turned to Draco to divert his attention from poor Neville.   
”You know, Malfoy, I actually did do my Astrology homework earlier, if you’d feel the need to look it over, or would that damage your image, accepting help from me?”  
”I’d have nothing against looking it over, but only because I know it’s gonna be filled with errors. Seriously, you’d think your Half-blood brain would be any match for my own Pureblooded intelligence?”  
”Oh, I’m sorry, your pompousness, I just assumed your request for assistance in the matter earlier was because you did require assistance.”  
”Of course you’d believe that; it’s only because of my own superior heritage that I’m able to formulate such a misleading request.”  
”Eh, I’m sorry, gotta go, sorry, see you later Harry!” Neville blurted out as he got all his books in his arms and hurried out of the Library, dropping a few books and making a hassle of trying to get them back in his arms without stopping.   
When he was out of reach between the shelfs and corridors of the Library, Harry burst into a fit of giggles, and Draco made a great attempt to not do the same, with some progress.   
”Merlins beard Draco, why did you do that?” Harry whispered between giggling fits.   
”Well I can’t have you taking help from that idiot Squib if I’ll ever have the chance of defeating you in a fair duel.” Draco answered in a low voice, barely containing his serious expression.   
”Because that’s all to it; you’re worried about me being not smart enough to boost your ego. Nothing else. Not like, I don’t know, because you want me to yourself, or anything. Not that I’d ever think such a thing, or even purpose such a thing, or even mention such a insult to the basic laws of the universe.”  
”I’d expect nothing less of you, Potter, being the Boy Who Lived and Bumbleidiots prize student. Such an insult to the grand origin of all that is Magic is sure you curse whoever even think a thought about it.”  
Harry giggled, and looking around, Draco almost let himself do the same as he noticed that there were no one else within hearing distance.   
”So, what do you think about not moving deeper into the Library, and not finding a private space?”  
”I think it’s a perfectly terrible idea and I’ll never, ever consider something like it.”  
”Good.” Harry whispered, as he began to gather his books and supplies. ”I’ll not see you down in the northern corner, in the last empty study-room to the left.”  
”Of course not, Potter.”  
Harry took his bag and walked away, deeper into the Library, carefully steering away from any of the few students still lounging around in there. 

A moment later, Draco followed Harrys descent, but by a different path, carefully carrying his usual up-nosed pose as he did, until he got to the northernmost corner, standing outside the room where Harry had said he’d be.   
It was all so strange. He shouldn’t be here, doing this, but he were, and he did, turning the doorknob to open the door, to find Harry inside the small room, in an armchair by the table that took up most of the rooms space.   
Draco didn’t meet Harrys look as he entered, and closed the door; not even as he put down his bag, and books, and moved an armchair to sit down by the short end of the table, did he meet those intensely green eyes.   
But as he sat down, he looked up, and was captivated. There was still the hint of a smile, and those eyes were so clear, and honest, that he almost lost breath. As Harrys hand gently touched his own, his heart were beating in his throat, and he wished nothing of this were true.   
That everything were different.   
”I hate you.”  
But Potter just smiled. And kissed him.   
It was a soft kiss, nothing more then their lips touching as Harry leaned forward over the table, grabbing onto Dracos hand, staying there for a while longer then the kiss itself, looking into Dracos eyes with a sad kind of happiness.   
Trying to control the situation, as everything around him collapsed and his mind was laid bare before the green gaze of Harry Potter, he closed his eyes.   
”Why does it have to be like this?”  
”We can change it.”  
”But how?”  
”I don’t know, but we can. I’m not giving up on you.”  
Draco had to look him in the eyes, to see the truth, as he asked. ”Why?”  
Harry stayed silent.   
”Because I know there’s more in you then this. You can do so much more.”  
”But I can’t! I’m just…”  
”You’re human, and you feel. You even care, and that’s hard to break away.”  
Draco sighed, a hopeless smile on his face. ”Not for lack of trying, though…”  
There was some scuffling and the sound of a chair moving over the floor, and then Harry sat next to him, both his hands over Dracos, and resting his head on Dracos shoulder.   
”Everything’s fucked, isn’t it?” Harry said with a sigh.   
”So fucked.”  
”Everything’s going to hell and the Ministry won’t even talk about it.”  
”While You-Know-Who assembles his forces and laughs at them for giving him the time to prepare.”  
”And we’re just two students, with broken homes and damaged minds.”  
”And a crazy old Headmaster to support them.”  
”Don’t forget the Death Eater Potions-master, as well.”  
”Yeah, the two-timing fuck that is my godfather. Did you know he worked with Dumbledore?”  
”Yeah, I actually did. I don’t really know why, though.”  
”He probably gets some weird enjoyment out of if, being a spy and all.”  
”Yeah, probably. He’s probably sitting down in his Dungeon and thinking about it, all the time, just enjoying it.”  
”Curse you Harry, I did not need that mental image!”  
”What, would it be weird thinking about your godfather enjoying something?”  
”Yeah, seriously, can you even imagine his face in anything else then a scorn?”  
”Well, I’ve seen him angry a few times, so at least we know it’s not just his face that’s stuck.”  
”That would explain a lot though. What if he really is a nice, caring person that just can’t say nice things?”  
”Seriously, don’t make me think like that about him, or I might actually start to care what he thinks.”  
”Well, what else do you propose we talk about then?”  
”This, maybe.” Harry said, as he leaned in closer to Draco, and closed his eyes. Draco hesitated, but did the same, and kissed him.   
They both leaned in closer, their lips pressed against each others and Draco opened his lips as Harrys tongue gently stroked them, an let his own tongue meet with his, their lips open, pressed against each other, tongues exploring and touching and hands doing the same. The armchairs moved as they did, almost facing each other as they hugged closer, Dracos hands searching through Harrys robes and finding his shirt, his belt, the pants underneath, while he felt Harrys hands over his back, inside his robes, a soft moan as they traveled lower, pushing them in under Dracos thighs, softly squeezing his buttocks and thighs. Dracos hands pulled Harrys shirt up from his pants, touching the tank top underneath, feeling how Harry froze, momentarily, then a forceful exhale before standing up, pressing Dracos head back with his kiss, still holding onto his thighs, now standing between his legs as Draco were leaned back into his armchair, hands holding onto the supports of the chair, his whole body tense, heart beating and shallow breathing.   
Harry seemed to hesitate, and broke the kiss, glanced at how they were positioned; him holding Dracos legs, now almost at the knees, forcing them up and apart, him standing between them, bent over to push Draco back with his kiss, Draco now almost half laying over the back of the armchair, only holding onto the supports of the chair, breathless and surprised.   
”I’m s…” But Draco reached up and kissed him, deeper this time, and moved his legs just enough for him to be comfortable, while Harry leaned over him and answered the kiss with even more fervour then before.   
Draco didn’t think, he just felt; his own beating heart and blood rushing through his body, shallow breathing that ended in a moan or almost a whimper at each exhale, Harry taking a step closer and pushing him further back, pulling his knees higher, letting go with one hand to hold onto the back of the armchair with it. With the other hand he pulled Dracos leg a bit back, leaning a bit forward, letting their bodies touch; stomach to chest, crotch to stomach, and thighs to crotch. It was like Draco couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, only look up into those green eyes and try not to drown, especially when Harry let go of the chairs support to reach in under his shirt, under his tank top, touching his skin; the sides, the abdomen, up towards his chest momentarily before reaching down, letting a single finger reach in under Dracos belt, under his boxers, almost deep enough to touch the wild, blonde hair there.   
Draco looked up at him eyes wide and mouth lazily open, chest heaving with heavy breaths, as Harry leaned in to kiss him once again. 

The kiss was truly electric; he could feel every movement of Dracos body under him, every beat of his heart, every heavy breath and everything only made him loose himself a tad bit more then before.   
He shouldn’t do this, not here and not now, they hadn’t even locked the door properly, he didn’t even know if they could, or how long they were allowed to stay in here by themselves, or how long until the Library closed and they’d get thrown out regardless of their current situation.   
But he didn’t stop, he knew all this and didn’t care enough to be able to stop, and the energy pulsing through him only made it harder to think about anything else then those lips, that soft skin, those legs on either side of his hips, and even as he let Dracos legs go they stayed there, even positioned themselves around his hips, holding him tight, pressing him closer, as he reached behind Dracos back and pulled him up, Dracos hands grabbing hold of his shirt, circling his waist under his robes, pushing himself with Harrys held up against him, pressing their bodies together, Dracos erection hard against Harrys stomach.   
With a small twist of his body they were over the table, kiss unbroken and Dracos hands reaching inside his clothes, pulling one layer after another up from his pants, unbuttoning his shirt as Harry did the same with his, reaching for a belt-buckle to be unclasped and paused, just enough for Draco so slow down, break the kiss, noses still touching, and eyes open. Harry had gotten the belt unclasped, the zipper drawn down, and were looking deep into Dracos eyes, fingers hovering just above his skin, his boxers and the hardness inside them.   
”Can I… touch?” He asked, breathlessly, letting one finger almost stroke the erection, almost touch it, as he asked the full question with his eyes, and Draco looked back, the same amount of desire apparent in his face as Harry felt, and he saw a slow nod, Draco closing his mouth, swallowing, and Harry hesitated, cocked his head somewhat, and Draco gave an more visible nod, and Harry smiled.   
He pressed down his hands, and fingers, gently and slowly, savouring every small detail in the fabric of Dracos boxers, and the veins under it, the skin moving with his fingers, the warmth radiation from it and looking at nothing else then Draco as he let his palm touch it, his fingers circle it as much he could, and slowly moving his hand over the fabric.   
The sound Draco made then were the most hot, sexy sound Harry’d ever heard, or imagined; Draco let his head fall back against the table, he let his breath out and his back arched, pressing his crotch gently against Harrys hand, and body, and letting out a moan through clenched teeth that made Harry shudder; he leaned in closer, pressing Draco down against the table and pressing his lips hard against his neck, stroking Dracos erection and feeling how Draco tensed, relaxed, breathed, and all the sounds of his moving, breathing, heart pulsing and those hands grabbing onto Harrys robes, then he shirt, then his belt, and when Harry made space between them he felt Dracos hands reach his belt-buckle, unzip his zipper and reach with both hands inside his pants, around his hips, pants getting pressed down as he did, and Harry smiled and pressed his mouth against Dracos shoulder, chest, through the unbuttoned shirt and onto his stomach, almost.   
Still holding his hand around Dracos erection, he felt Dracos legs spread around him, feet touching the back of his legs and hands that held onto his ass, and waist, grabbing whatever cloth he found, and as Harry moved his hand he let the boxers move with them, exposing Dracos hard-on to the skin of his hand as he pressed his lips hard against Dracos throat, letting out a moan to almost match the one from Draco, as he circled his fingers around his cock and began to move.   
As he slowly began to stroke the shaft, he heard how Draco breathed in time with his movements, and Harry moved a little to the side to be able to get a better hold and more comfortable position to move his arms. Draco let his legs fall down, hanging over the end of the table, muscles in his thighs tensing and relaxing as Harry continued to move his hand. He broke the touch of his lips against Dracos throat, pulled back enough to see his face, his chest heaving, closed eyes and open mouth; Harry bit his lower lip as he looked down and saw the pulled down boxers, pants, and the open shirt gathered around the erection he held in his hand. He leaned back a bit more, and began to experiment with how he positioned his fingers, and how he held the foreskin, and touching which parts got the most sound out of Draco. As he saw Draco draw a deep breath, arch his back, grab onto Harrys clothes with whitening knuckles, Harry just smiled and pressed his crotch closer to Dracos as he began to move his hand with a steady, firm pace.   
Draco temporarily looked up, eyes behind a mist of desire and Harry leaned closer, stroking a hand up over Dracos side as he kept the pace of his other hand steady, leaning in closer to see Dracos reactions up close; the next time Draco opened his eyes, it was to Harrys smile and green eyes, and their lips pressed together in a deep, hungry kiss as Draco pressed Harry closer. But Harry relented, keeping their bodies separated by a thin layer of air, so that he could keep his grip on Dracos cock; stroking the foreskin firmly, faster, and as Draco pulled away from the kiss to moan and arch his back; harder.   
”N…no! Wait….wait…”  
Draco looked up into Harrys eyes and it was the most sexy look Harry had ever gotten; Draco was too close, the pleasure was too much, and Harry didn’t listen. He only smiled, bigger, keeping Dracos eyes as he took a firmer hold of his cock, and began to jerk with real force, making Draco whimper and shudder; making him lean up, forehead pressed against Harrys chest, hands grabbing his clothes and arms with a painful force as Harry didn’t relent.   
”I’m gonna… please…! Oh…” Harry pressed on, kissing his head and neck and holding him close.   
”Oh, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Nnngh…” With a hand already behind Dracos back, Harry hugged him close as his body shivered, and he could feel a warm, slimy substance cover his hand as the erection pulsated in his grip, with both the heartbeat of the blonde and the contraction of his genitals.   
”Oh… oh fuck…” seemed to be the only thing Draco could get out, among the deep breaths and occasional moans. Harry let his grip loosen, but didn’t let go, still feeling the hard cock in his hand, and focused on holding his partner close as the most intense moment passed, and Draco got his breathing almost back to normal, and his grip on Harrys clothes became less white knuckled.   
”F… fuck you, Potter…”  
Harry kissed Dracos forehead and said ”The pleasure was all mine. I’ve never seen something this sexy in my life.”  
Draco glanced up, but was too spent to make a reply, and settled with another ”Fuck you Potter” before pretty much collapsing against his chest.   
”Hey. Hey, don’t die on me now.”  
”Don’t think too high of yourself, Potter.”  
”Oh, I wouldn’t, but I’m not the one to release years of damed up frustration just now.”  
”So… so you think this is several years worth? Please… don’t underestimate my prowess, Half-blood.”  
Harry snickered. ”Ass.”  
”Git.”  
”Sexy git.”  
”Fuck you.”  
”So soon? Maybe I did underestimate your libido.”  
Draco just let out a growling sigh, and relaxed with his head against Harrys shoulder.   
”This is so wrong.” Draco said, almost defeated.   
”But why? We’re not hurting anyone. It doesn’t… well, okey, it does affect people, and it might hurt some, because, well, I’m probably going to fight Voldemort and hopefully you’ll not defend him because of this and… but he deserves to die, anyway.”  
”That doesn’t make it easier.”  
”Easy is boring. I’d rather make i harder.”  
”Curse you Potter.” Draco said, but Harry could hear him stifle his giggles.   
”Not that you didn’t enjoy it.”  
”You’re such an ass, Harry.”  
”Only for you, beautiful.” Harry said, as he kissed Dracos forehead, leaned his head back, and looked into the grey, questioning eyes before him.   
”I want to be with you. okey? I’m not gonna let you disappear from me.”  
Draco was quiet for a while, then a crooked smile seeped into his face. ”You know I broke your nose less then a week ago, right? And now look at us.”  
”You did heal it, and fuck you, but it doesn’t change anything now.” Harry stroked Dracos cheek. ”I… I really do want to be with you.”  
”But this isn’t ever gonna work.”  
”Fuck everything, then. I’ll make it work.”  
”Easy to say. Your friends already hate me.”  
”Well, I won’t blame them, you have been quite a git these years” But Harry just smiled as he said it, and leaned in closer to rest his forehead against Dracos, and closed his eyes. ”And no matter how good friends they are, they won’t understand, not like me. I… didn’t like you because I thought you were just an ass, but then… I realised you’re not. And now… I just can’t hate you. Ever.”  
”Do you only have two modes? Enemy and fuckboy?”  
”Please, Draco, don’t have such high hopes on yourself. I’ll need a lot more from you then just sex to be happy.”

Draco tried to not blush, and didn’t manage, and he tried to not take in what Harry said, because this was never going to work, but Harry said he actually needed him to be… happy. And Draco actually felt like that might be true.   
Which only made everything worse, because he couldn’t continue this.   
”Harry…”  
But Harry didn’t let him talk, he just hugged him closer. Draco felt comfortable there, even though his boxers and stomach were covered with sticky cum and Harrys body only smeared it out more, and he could still feel Harrys erection through their clothes, though not as rock-hard as before, but still very much there. And even though he he didn’t think about it, or want it, his own cock began to slowly fill out again in response.   
”Harry.” Draco began to squirm, trying to get free of the hug; this was so wrong, too wrong, and he didn’t want to be aroused by this, he should be disgusted with himself for actually letting Harry touch him, and it only became worse as he realised that he couldn’t get the thoughts of Harrys hand around his cock out of his mind. The more he tried, the more present the thought became, and his body responded to the memory and not his own will, and all he wanted was for Harry to touch him again, no, he wanted to get dressed, do a quick ’Scourgify’ and get out of here, he didn’t want Harry to notice, not again. It was bad enough as it was.   
”Draco? What is it?”  
”Shouldn’t we get out of here? What’s the time, even?”  
”Let me see…” Harry got his wand from the floor, were it had fell out of his pocket, probably as he’d shifted Draco from the armchair to the table, and Dracos face burned, with shame and guilt, and he began to quickly pull up his boxers and secure his pants and shirt, thinking he could take care of the mess later, just as long as Harry didn’t see him like this.   
”It’s still half an hour until the Library closes, so we’re not in a hurry yet… you getting cold?”  
”Eh, yeah…” Draco said, without looking up, trying to make himself small.  
”Hey, wait… Draco, look at me.” Harry came close again, but Draco had pulled his legs together and Harry stood by them, not close enough for their bodies to touch, but he let his hands rest over Draco waist and cheek, and Draco didn’t want to look at him, he didn’t want to be present, he didn’t want this to have happened. ”Draco, I’ve never seen something as sexy as this, or as beautiful, as you laying on this table in front of me.”  
”You don’t mean that…”  
”Of course I do, beautiful. I’ve wanted to do this since… fuck, since a really long time, I’ve just not… let myself think it. But seriously, I really like seeing you like this; you’re sexy, hot as fuck, beautiful with your shirt open and eyes all glazed over, like earlier. It was all I could do not to… not to cum as you did… just by looking at you…” Harry was red, out over his ears, and barely met Dracos eyes as he talked, but instead holding onto his shoulder and waist, standing close enough to almost kiss.   
”But this isn’t right! It’s disgusting!”  
”No, it isn’t! Your father is disgusting for making you think that! My uncle is disgusting for treating me like it was! You’re not, ever, disgusting. You’re just so… so bloody beautiful.”  
”But how could I be that? I’m not…”  
”Draco.” The change of tone made Draco look up, meeting a pair of honest eyes. ”I love you. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s the Death Eaters, and Voldemort, that’s wrong, and those that don’t let us be.”  
”But…”  
”No. You’re not disgusting. Not anywhere. Not even now. You’re only hot.” Harry looked down over Dracos body, and Draco wanted nothing more then to cover himself, but Harry held onto his upper arms and held him back, so that he could look Draco over. Pushing his legs closed, he hoped Harry wouldn’t notice how hard he was, once again, just as before, but of course that wouldn’t happen, and Dracos face burned and he couldn’t look at him as Harry saw, and blushed, and smiled, and leaned in to kiss him. Draco turned away, let Harry kiss his cheek, and stayed turned away, with closed eyes and Harry let him go, which surprised him, but then he felt and heard him jump up onto the table beside him, sitting so close their legs were pressed against each other, and Harry held his hand over them.   
”I’m sorry. I’m doing this too fast, I know, but… I shouldn’t do and ask when I do, I should talk to you first, and then ask, and then, maybe, plan to do it, and…”  
”No, that’s not it, it’s just…”  
”But of course it is that! How could it be something else? Every time after we do something, you always end up like this, and I feel so bad, because it’s me that pushed you to this, and I didn’t talk to you properly and learn what’s actually okey, before I did anything…”  
”Harry, seriously, stop being so self-centred! Don’t you think I would have said no?”  
”But that doesn’t matter! It’s still up to me to actually ask before I do anything!”  
”And you did! Curse you, stop being such a Gryffindor, you didn’t do anything wrong…”  
Harry didn’t respond, because he seemed to notice how quiet Draco suddenly got. Draco had not ment to say that. How could this not be wrong? Why did he feel this way, like it actually wasn’t wrong? It should be disgusting!  
”Draco, I’m sorry you have to… I’m sorry for not being there for you earlier. You’re right, I am self-centred… And I like this, too. Like, a lot.”   
Draco looked up to see Harry glancing at him, under that dark fringe of his, with what seemed like a shy smile, and Draco didn’t respond. He began buttoning his shirt instead.   
”Do… do you want help with that?”  
”No…”  
”okey.”  
Harry looked away, sitting next to him, carelessly swinging his legs, making the table shake somewhat. Draco tried to ignore it, everything; Harrys thighs next to his, his still unbuttoned pants, his carelessly leaned-back pose with hands behind him on the table, the slightly shaking table. And the mess over his own lap and abdomen. He didn’t like how he felt around Harry; and he really didn’t like how he felt right now, in this moment, just because he’d looked down unto himself right after he’d glanced at Harrys smile and now he just remembered how good it had actually felt, when he touched him.   
”Stop that!”  
”What?” Harry asked, surprised.   
”That swinging. It’s irritating.”  
”okey.” Harry stopped, and were now looking intently at Draco instead, as he continued to button his shirt. This were not better then before, because now Draco only became more and more self-aware and nervous. He could even feel the heat rising over his body and up to his face, as Harry just didn’t look away.   
”Merlins beard Harry, haven’t you got anything better to do?”  
Harry smiled, a bit mischievously. ”Nope!”  
Draco just sighed, trying to sound indignant and pretend to be collected, but the longer Harry looked at him the harder his heart beat. He finished his shirt and looked down on his lap, giving a sigh at the mess still there, now cooled down and uncomfortable.   
”Sure you don’t want help?”  
”Yes!” Draco sneered, hearing the humor in Harrys voice, and began looking for his wand. He didn’t find it.   
”I think you dropped it.”  
Draco just grunted and thought about jumping down, but hesitated; he were still quite depleted, and what he didn’t need now were to try and stand up and wobble, in front of Harry. He didn’t trust his legs to carry him properly, but he didn’t want to ask for help, and he couldn’t just let himself sink down onto the floor when he’d already begun the motion of standing up.   
Harry snickered.   
”Merlins beard Harry, you should be happy I’m not strangling you right now!”  
”I think I’d be quite happy if you did.” Silent wink. Draco had thought he couldn’t blush any more, and he’d been wrong.   
”okey. Fine. Fucking do you thing.”  
”Oh, help you?”  
”Yes!”  
”So you’re asking me for help?”  
”Yes!”  
”Me? A lowly Half-blood, being asked to help the great Draco Malfoy? I’d thought I’d never see the day!”  
”Curse you Potter!”  
”But I’m just want to be sure, I don’t want to do anything…!”  
”Just bloody Scourgify me already! And get me my wand!”  
”okey!” Harry jumped down, got Dracos wand from under the table, but didn’t hand it back immediately. As he stood up he just stood there, in front of him, looking his wand over.   
”But… do I have to use Scourgify?”  
”How else you’d gonna do it? With your mouth?”  
”Well… maybe.” Harry responded, still looking down at Dracos wand, twirling it between his fingers.   
”Eh…” was everything Draco got past his mouth, as every other part of his mind suddenly were occupied with the thought of Harry using his tongue to… Oh curse him!  
Harry glanced up at him, those sexy green eyes and those hot lips, now softly parted in a smile, and Draco could see them kissing his skin, he could see that tongue lick over his stomach, and those eyes glance up into his own while he were doing it, wearing that same smile and that same spark in his eyes…   
Feeling something softly poke him in the chest, Draco looked down and saw his own wand touching his now buttoned shirt, facing back at Harry.   
”Or you could do it yourself, you know. So, here.”  
”Eh… okey…”  
”It’s not like we got a lot of time anyway, and what you said earlier, and I shouldn’t, and…”  
”Eh…” They were so soft, lips touching his skin and tongue stroking gently, hands touching and fingers circling, and that hot breath and those sounds…! ”Eh, no, okey, thanks, eh…” Draco took his wand back, and tried to think about what he were supposed to do with it. Something about cleaning, licking, which spell, fuck…  
”I’m… no, I’m not gonna do anything, I’ve already, and you should… so, you know, Scourgify yourself, and then we could, eh, get back to our dorm or something, it’s curfew soon anyway…”  
Draco looked up and saw Harry scratch his neck, looking away, and realised that Harry was actually nervous, really nervous, and maybe he hadn’t meant to say that, just like Draco hadn’t meant to earlier, and Draco looked him over; quite short, very thin frame, green flickering eyes and that dark mop of hair on his head.   
”No. Please.”  
”What?” Harry looked up and met his eyes.   
”Do it.”  
Draco watched Harry think about what he’d said, realise what he meant, doubt that he’d actually meant it, realise that he actually did, blush as he realised that he actually did mean it, eyes flickering as he swallowed nervously and Dracos face burned, but he almost smiled. This was fun. No wonder Harry had thrown him up on the table like that earlier; he could get used to this kind of power, that with a few words make someone feel so much.   
Still doubting it, Harry took a step forward, putting away his own wand, and Draco leaned back on his hands, letting his wand roll away over the table, and he saw Harrys face as he went from nervous to accepting to smiling, to leaning in closer, hands gently on Dracos knees and Draco let him separate his legs to get closer, taking another step in between them and Draco swallowed, looking straight into mischievously green eyes, a crooked smile slowly spreading, his own breathing getting deeper, as Harry slowly leaned forward, over Draco, and Draco was stuck in his eyes, only glancing at those lips, as Harry were close enough to kiss, and asked: ”Really?”  
Draco nodded, and added ”Yes. Do it.”   
Harry smiled, a big, playfully naughty smile, before giving him a deep kiss, to which he responded with closed eyes and an uncaught moan.   
The kiss were intense, but short, and Harry began to move his lips down, kissing his way down over Dracos shirt, over his stomach, unbuttoning his soiled shirt as he breathed over it, Dracos own erratic breathing matching with Harrys movements. He could feel Harrys breath over his skin, over his once again hard erection under his boxers and sloppily buttoned pants. He could even feel the heat of Harrys lips as they hovered over his stomach, and only slightly over his crotch, before pressing down over his stomach, a tongue sticking out and gently licking… and then suddenly pulled back.   
”Hmpf! Uck, okey, that was not the taste I’d imagined. Merlins bread that’s bitter!”  
Draco looked up to find Harry wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, and it was so absurd that he just began to giggle, putting a hand over his mouth too late to stop it.   
”Harry, did you seriously think it was gonna be, like, Chocolate Frogs?”  
”Yeah, I know, sorry, but… I’m not sure what I expected but, well, not that!”  
”Stupid.” Draco sat back up again, and smiled as he grabbed Harrys hand and pulled it from his mouth, holding onto it. ”You’re gonna offer me something and then not even gonna go through with it?”  
”Oh, it’s not that I’m not gonna do it” Harry smiled, a bit shyly, ”I was just… surprised, I guess. But if you…?”  
”Well, I…”  
They were leaning closer, almost about to kiss, when the enhanced sound of a throat clearing made them both jump and scramble to get to their things and pull their clothes around them.   
”I wish to remind you all that you’ve got 10 more minutes before the Library closes. I repeat; 10 more minutes, and nothing more!”  
Draco looked at Harry, and saw exactly the amount of relief and nervous fear in his face as he himself felt.   
”Merlins holy beard and long nose, that scared me!” Harry said, grabbing at his heart in mock concern.   
”At least you weren’t the one who’s pretty much undressed!” Draco were beginning to pull his shirt down into his pants and went to get his wand for a quick Scourgify.   
”Oh don’t kid yourself, you look a lot better that way.”  
”Oh shut up!”  
And Harry did, after sending him a blow-kiss over the room, and turned around to pack his things.   
Getting his wand for the other end of the table, Draco muttered, finally, ’Scourgify!’ and watched his clothes dry out and stretch and all the leftover cum disappear from his crotch, but it did nothing to hide his hard-on that didn’t seem to understand nothing more was going to happen. He sighed and pulled his robes about him after, again, buttoning up his clothes.   
They both got their things and packed their bags in quiet, but stopped by the door, Harry waiting with his hand on the doorknob, hesitating.   
”I thought…”  
”That we should go by ourselves?” Draco finished for him, and Harry looked up at him.   
”It’s not that I don’t want to, but…”  
”My father would only kill me faster if he knew, so I think it’s a good idea. But…”  
”Oh?” Harry said, as Draco leaned in closer, standing just in front of him now, looking into his eyes.   
”I want at least something for all the things you put me through today.”  
”So you’re the one to make demands? I think it’s more likely that you’ll owe me something…”  
”Well… maybe next time.” Draco gently pushed Harry up against the doorframe. Harry grinned at him.   
”Next time.”   
And Draco leaned in, and Harry met him, their lips meeting and separating immediately, tongues touching, Harrys hands pressing Draco closer to him, Draco holding one hand against his chest as he pressed him against the wall, trying to enjoy without thinking.   
They broke the kiss, and with a small kiss to end it off, they went out of the room and walked away from each other, carefully not looking at anything in particular. Draco gave just a shallow nod to the Librarian as he exited out into the corridor, and walked away, down towards the Dungeons, keeping his head high and face neutral, as with every step he left something behind. He’d come no further then a few corridors, he actually turned around, but of course he didn’t see Harry anywhere, and it only made his heart fall even lower. When he got down to the entrance to Slytherins Commons Rooms, not even the thought of their kiss were enough to bring some kind of smile to his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This became quite long. I don't think I'm sorry about that. Couldn't have the boys just stand there kissing until I posted the next chapter. Better too much then a bad cliffhanger, I hope <3   
> ALSO SEXY-TIME AT LAST >:D


	13. All those nice little thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk with feelings and thoughts and experiences, the boys make their separate ways back into their Common Rooms, trying to live life as if nothing had happened.   
> But even thought they got friends to distract them from their own thoughts, it's not really enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why write one series when I can write ALL OF THEM >:D  
> Some cute little boys and their new experiences <3 Think of the first time you did anything sexual, thought of anything sexual, sought out anything sexual, and keep that in mind.   
> Leave kudos and comments and watch out for my eventual Patreon-page, NeverBeenACorpse <3   
> Love to everyone <3

Harry made his way up towards the tower, light on his feet and with a smile in the corner of his mouth. He kept thinking about what had happened, and the thing that didn’t stop playing in his head were when Draco had come to him, pushed him against the wall, and said ’next time’. Every time the memory of those words played, he smiled, shyly, and in combination of what he himself had thought about doing, had they not been cut short by time, and how Draco had… encouraged it… 

When he got to the Fat Lady he sobered a bit, thinking about what had happened last time he were here, which felt like days but weren’t more then a few hours at most, and how he hadn’t made anything better with his friends during dinner. It took the smile from his face, for a moment, but didn’t stop him, so he gave the password and went in. 

As he stepped into the Commons Room, he meet the eyes of Ron and Hermione, giving them a quick smile, and hoped they didn’t notice the hesitation he showed as he turned to walk over to their table. 

”Hey” he said, as he neared enough, and Hermione stood up as he did. 

”Harry, I just want to say that I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. I know you trust us, and you weren’t keeping secrets from us out of spite. And, I realise now, that I was way too emotional and demanding, without respect for the fact that you’re the one living this, and would have done everything you could have to change it… So, I’m sorry, for being unrational.”

”It’s okey. I know you’ve only meant well, and I guess it’s a lot to take in.”

Hermione looked instantly grateful, and gave him a big hug, and when they broke it Ron were standing there as well, ready to give him another hug, with the words ”I’m sorry as well mate, I know you have your reasons, and all.”

”Thanks.” Harry smiled greatly at them both. ”Thanks a lot.”

”Of course Harry, and I’ll promise to be more respectful when you choose to tell us anything, I promise!”

”It’s okey, I mean, part of the reasons I haven’t really told you earlier is because, well, you’ve both lived quite happy life, with happy families, and it’s… it’s just different. And, it really does hurt to talk about it.”

Harry sat down, as did the others, in the semi-circle they’d claimed by the fire, but far enough away for them to keep a somewhat private conversation. 

”Oh, and I really want to apologise as well, for earlier. I was a total ass at dinner, and I really shouldn’t have said all that…”

”Oh, Harry, it’s okey! It’s not like I understand how it works anyway, I mean I know a lot about the subject and surrounding theory, but I’ve really no idea of what you’re actually going through, and then have us to break down on you just because you told us and… well, I don’t understand, but it’s okey, I know you didn’t mean it really.”

”Thanks.” Harry smiled, and Hermione smiled back, and he felt a lot better. The smile that had disappeared outside the entrance were back, but he kept it down. It was something to accept that he’d been abused, and another to accept that he’d been… making out, and more, with a particular Slytherin which they’d collectively despised since first day at Hogwarts. At least on the same day. Some things could wait a bit. 

”So, what’ve you been up to today? Heard from Neville that he’d abandoned you with Malfoy in the Library earlier. I would hold it against him, if it wasn’t _Neville_ we were talking about, and I don’t think anyone fears Malfoy more then him.” Ron said in a conspiratorial stage-whisper. 

”True, he seemed really terrified when D… eh, Malfoy just showed up out of nowhere. Seriously, even I were surprised, especially since he were alone and all.” Though, Harry had been more happily surprised then Neville, but firs things first. 

”Still managed to scare Neville, poor thing.” Hermione added. 

”I’m surprised you didn’t just bolt when the ferret joined you, seriously. These last few days must have really done a number on you.”

”Well, yeah, I guess you could say that. We did have a lot of things to talk about.”

”Like who had the worst childhood?”

”Ron!”

”Well, almost. We traded a few stories, at least.”

”Oh, could you tell us some? You know, to use against him?”

”Ron, no, we’re not gonna use trauma against someone, not even Malfoy.”

”But only if he really deserves it! Like, if he tried to call you, you know, again. Can’t continue to hit him every time he does that, right?”

”It doesn’t really work as that though, Ron.” Harry added. 

”But it wouldn’t hurt, right? I mean, he is an aspiring Death Eater and all, probably.”

”We don’t know that, just because he’s been raised by people who sympatesize with You-Know-Who doesn’t mean he’s gonna end up the same.”

”But wouldn’t it make sense, just in case? What if…”

”Ron, I’m not gonna tell you any of his secrets, not anything more then I have anyway. They’re not mine to tell, anyway.”

”Seriously? You’re gonna protect him as well? ’Mione, is there any way to tell if he’s under an Imperious-spell of something?”

Hermione only gave Ron a very pointed look, and Harry smiled inwardly. They tried, and that was a big step, but they still had quite some ways to go yet. 

They continued to talk about nothing, and a bit about homework, but not much more about Draco, to Harrys relief. If they’d began asking pointed questions he’d probably have a hard time answering them. He’d never been all that good at lying. 

 

”Hey, Draco! Where’ve you been?” Crabbe beamed as Draco stepped into the Slytherin Commons Room. 

”Yeah, we couldn’t find you at dinner!” Goyle added. 

”I’ve been at the Library, so of course you wouldn’t find me.”

”Yeah!” Goyle responded, smiling, totally oblivious to the insult in Dracos words. 

”But why? We don’t have any tests yet for months!” Crabbe seemed genuinely confused. Draco shook his head. 

”Because we still have homework to do, unless you’ve actually forgotten.”

”Oh, yeah, and about that, could we look at yours? I don’t get this Astrology-question…”

Draco sighed audibly, but released his bag in the armchair next to Crabbe, who made an ”Awesome!”-expression and began looking for Dracos paper. 

”It’s by the Astrology book, obviously. Just open the covers and you should see it. I haven’t finished it yet, so don’t mess with it.”

”No worries!”

As Crabbe and Goyle began to go through his work, he let himself down into another armchair and just slumped, watching the fireplace that burned calmly. 

”Hey, ferret-face. Back from another dust with the scary small letters in the books? Must have been hard, I don’t think any of them actually have _pictures_ , either.”

”Hey, Pansy, nice to see you too. And very original, insinuating that I have trouble reading.” Draco didn’t even look up as Pansy walk up behind his chair. 

”Better then you’d come up with, either way. The fuck happened to you earlier?”

”You were talking shit, like you always do. Why shouldn’t I snap eventually?”

Pansy sat down in an armchair she’d moved to sit very close to his, almost facing each other. ”Because you’re the one to go on about how much _i hate you_ , even after I’ve been the only one here to even notice that you’re not feeling all that well. Oh, and you told me to go fuck myself, before storming out of here, and then being gone for _hours_. So, ferret-face, tell me; why shouldn’t I curse your sorry ass with the most disgusting hex I’ve got?”

”Seriously, Pansy, you’re the one who…” But Draco couldn’t rally find anything. She had actually tried to talk to him, and she’d even revealed secrets about herself, and that was something she _never_ did, not even under pressure. 

”I’m the one what? To care about you? Because that can easily arranged to change, I assure you.”

”okey, I know, I didn’t mean to snap at you earlier! I just…” He sighed, and added in a quiet voice ”I just don’t understand all this. Everything’s that’s happening. It’s just…”

”Too much? Well, too bad for you then, trying to solve everything by yourself and burning bridges around you. Tell me how it goes, will you? Or will rather slash your wrists and give it all up, leaving us all alone down here, with our secrets and ’friends’ and ’loving’ families? Is that what you’re aiming for?”

”Pansy, I…”

”No, it’s okey, because I understand, I mean it’s not everyone who has their godfather as their teacher and Head of House, as well as the interest of the one they care about, you know, unlike us who have pretty much _no one_ , and who’s crush is totally oblivious to their own existence!” Pansy was still whispering, low enough for no one in the room to make out the words, but her voice had a dangerously sharp note to it, and Draco would’ve backed away had he not already been pressed back against the back of the armchair. 

”Pansy, I didn’t mean it, you know that!”

”What I know is that you show me a pair of cut up arms, tell me you’re morose because of family and, well, let’s say _’friends’_ , and then you tell me to fuck off, and run away. Nowhere to be found, no way to contact you. So, pleas, tell me: how _did_ you mean it?”

”I’m sorry, Pansy, I’m sorry! I just… I don’t fucking know how to handle this, okey? I’ve no idea what I’m doing and I know I could be _killed_ pretty much anytime now! I’m not really myself, understand? I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore!”

Pansy scoffed and pulled back, but at least she didn’t continue her relentless tirade about him. She looked away, arms crossed, and Draco felt another pang as the dark pit in his chest grew another few sizes. 

”Pansy, seriously, I just… I guess I wasn’t ready to talk, not really, you know? I… oh fuck.”

”Yeah, _fuck_ , because for all that I know that’s what you’ve been off doing, while I’ve been scared shitless that they’d find you cut up in some scrub somewhere.”

Pansy were still not looking at him, but now Draco were really looking at her. He’d thought this were because of how he’d yelled at her (without reason, but he wasn’t gonna admit that) and left her alone at dinner, but he realised that she’d actually been worried about him. And that made him feel… a whole lot better, actually. Enough to even smile, a little bit. Of course, that’s when Pansy glanced at him. And saw his smile. And quickly seemed to forget that they were fighting. 

”Merlins beard, Draco! Seriously?”

”What? No, I, eh, no…”

”Merlins long beard and big nose you didn’t!” By now she were sitting leaned forward, looking at him with a knowing and way too happy grin, and Draco glanced about to see if there were anyone, or anything, around to save him from her assault. 

”I didn’t hurt myself, no…!”

”Oh, you’ve got to tell me everything. Every detail. I want to even know what brand of _boxers_ Potter has!”

”Pansy! Shut up!” No one reacted around them, as everyone in the Commons Room seemed busy with homework or socialising, and they were still talking with quiet voices. Not even Crabbe and Goyle seemed to react by how Pansy shifted between emotional outbursts, but none of this mattered to Dracos paranoia about being overheard, or by anyone making the connection about him being gone for so long without anyone of his usual friends. 

”Oh don’t be such a baby, tell me! What did you do? How did it feel? Was he inside y..!”

”Pansy! Stop!”

”Okey, okey, no worries. No need to make a scene.”

”I’m making a scene? You’re the one who..!”

”Sch, Draco, seriously, one could think you didn’t know how to keep a secret, acting like this.” 

Draco felt like he was gonna explode with indignation and shame and so many other feelings and Pansy just sat there, _smiling_!

”Pansy, what the fuck are you thinking? I get that you’re pissed at me for snapping at you but this is nothing to talk about _here_!”

”Oh I know.” Pansy said, overly casually leaning back into her chair again. ”I was just pushing your buttons. You’re so transparent, Draco. It’s not hard to guess what you’ve been doing, at least by how you acted when I asked.”

He felt his face drain of colour as she said so. _What if people know, what if they see it just as clearly as Pansy does?_

”Don’t give me that face Draco, no one else has any clue, and they won’t know until either of you tell them. The only thing they gossip about concerning you two is how likely it is that you two actually killed each other and now you’re both just Polyjuiced copies. Or that you’re both under an Impervious-charm, maybe. I’ve even heard some really strange theories, and I mean _strange_ , but nothing even close to reality yet.”

This didn’t really comfort Draco, because even if no one guess it, then they’d just never believe it, and then he’d never… fuck, why were he more worried about not being accepted as Harrys boyfriend then about the Death Eaters killing him?

_Wait…_

_Did I just think…?_

_About Potter?!_

The thoughts were too fast for him and he didn’t really know what were happening and he felt the colour drain from his face and then raise back and he didn’t know what he felt, or what he thought, or what he were supposed to do with all of this. 

”Most are still on about that neither of you were really gone, that Dumbledore had you do some secret mission in the Forbidden Forest or the Dungeons or some other big secret place, you know, like Potter and his Mudblooded friends did first year, with the troll and then in the end of the year spending weeks in the Infirmary and everything.” She paused. ”Draco, are you okey? Don’t barf on me or anything.”

It was an unexpected turn of conversation and Draco actually laughed. ”No, I won’t, I promise. Don’t want to ruin your spot clean reputation.”

”That’s right, I actually have a lot to worry about, unlike others who mostly just worry about being dead soon or not. I mean I have to worry about my hair, and my friends, and my homework, while other friends go around snogging unexpected people!”

”Yeah, can’t have those kinds of friends…”

”Precisely. The decent thing would be to at least invite me to join once in a while.”

”Wh-what?”

But Pansy didn’t respond, instead she put her hand over her mouth to hide her grin, and laughed. Draco were not as amused. Not that he could do a lot about it, anyhow. No way he was going to tell Pansy about… earlier. 

But he did have to admit, to his own annoyance, that he did feel better, knowing that Pansy did worry about him enough to be pissed when he disappeared. It made him feel somewhat less alone. 

 

Harry spent the evening doing nothing much, mostly talking homework. He hadn’t gotten much done in the Library, which Hermione had a hard time believing, but he got support from Ron that he had a lot more to catch up to then them. Not only had Harry missed classes, he’d missed deadlines as well, which only meant more homework. Hermione were’t convinced, but let it drop and actually did let him copy her notes, which Harry gladly did. 

Getting to bed were different. He talked a lot about the coming Quidditch-season with Ron before bedtime, and reassured Neville that it had been totally acceptable of him to flee the rampaging Malfoy, and he really had to keep his face in check as he held this conversation, doing his best to convince Neville that no, Malfoy hadn’t continued to be a git (much) after he’d left, and no, he totally understood, and well, it hadn’t been that bad, no, after Neville had gone. Ron seemed to notice Harrys amusement at the subject, but mistook it for being about the situation at hand, and not something that had happened _because_ of Nevilles retreat from the Library. Harry just played along. 

Getting tired wasn’t a problem - falling asleep weren’t as easy though. Laying in bed, hearing his classmates quiet snores and shuffling as they drifted off into sleep, he only stared up into his velvet red ceiling and listened to his mind running circles in his head. The image that stuck, and always came back no matter how much his mind worked around it, were what he’d done if he and Draco had been alone longer, and without interruption. Trying to get the thought to disappear into his dreams or at least until later, he realised that his body wouldn’t let him forget it, and his pyjamas were beginning to get really tight. 

He tried to think about other things, but came back to how he’d had his fingers around a hard, throbbing cock, and how it had felt when Draco climaxed, and the kisses they’d shared when he did, and how Draco had later leaned back on the table, looking at him, telling him to ’ _Do it_ ’… and seeing that bulge under Dracos unbuttoned pants, pressing through the unzipped zipper, almost enough to reach out of his boxers. Almost. 

The others in the room were asleep. He were sure they were asleep. For a while he paused, and listened, and heard nothing else then snoring and sleep-induced heavy breathing, and he really, _really_ , couldn’t stand it anymore. 

Unbuttoning his pants and pulling the cover to a small little tent around his midsection, he reached down and thought about Draco, how he’d sounded in that room, those sexy sounds as he touching him, kissed him, that look in his eyes after he’d climaxed. It didn’t take particularly long until he’d made a mess of himself, just like Draco earlier, and Harry just smiled as he fell asleep soon after.


	14. The friends of your friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pansy knows a lot of things about Draco. Enough to seek Harry out, asking him for help in keeping Draco save, and alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to comment on this one, except self-harm.  
> Love to you all, and be nice to each other, and most importantly, to yourself <3 You're wonderful and imperfect, and that's the best way to be anything <3

Continuing his usual banter with Pansy, Draco actually felt quite good. He even let her help him re-do the bandaging on his arms, and apply some of the poultice, after they’d locked themselves in the bathroom adjacent to his dorm. Slytherins weren’t as unforgiving about keeping different genders separate, as some other houses, so no one really thought much of it when they went into his shared bedroom. As Pansy’d said, it did a lot to ’cover’ his reputation concerning Potter, not that Draco had anything to worry about there she reassured him, again. Most Slytherins already knew she and Draco had been a couple from time to time, and they didn’t think much about it, them two being alone in a room with beds. Pansy actually snickered at the thought, and it took some seriously red cheeks and a few harsh words to get her to stop talking about it. 

”Don’t be such a prude Draco, I know what you’d do if it were Harry in here.”

”Pansy, I’m going to do horrible things to you for this.”

”Oh, no, vague noncommittal threats! My worst enemy!”

”Fuck you Pansy.”

”Well, why not, it’s probably what everyone thinks we’re doing anyway. Why prove them wrong?”

”Pansy, you’ve the worst friend ever.”

”Why thank you Draco, didn’t know you could be so loving.”

He even got some homework done after, when Pansy let him out and toned down the anecdotes, by trying to explain it to Crabbe while Goyle were stil working on copying Dracos answers, and did it without raining promises of gruesome bodily harm on either of them, which were a great achievement compared to other times they’d studied together. 

But later, when he were in his bed, isolated from everything else except the darkness and the green of his covers, the black hole inside him were still as present as ever. Like nothing had actually changed. And thinking about anything only made it worse. 

He didn’t know when he fell asleep, and his dreams were filled with nightmares, waking him up more times then he could count. 

 

The next day when Harry entered the Great Hall for breakfast, Draco were already sitting at the Slytherin table, glancing up at him as he entered. Harry quickly looked away, but smiled, and noticed how Draco avoided looking at the Gryffindors for the entire meal. 

They didn’t have any combined classes until Wednesday, and it wasn’t until lunch that Harry saw him again, when he entered the Great Hall, carefully Not Looking at him. It ached in him a bit, but he really understood, and he couldn’t really do anything anyway, but it still hurt not being able to even talk to him. His spirits were lifted when a second-year Gryffindor next to him got up a phone and texting. After a few questions to her, and some explanations to Ron, Harry got some advice on what kind of phone worked best on the grounds, and where to get them. She even offered to change some Muggle-money with him, as her parents hadn’t yet understood that the Wizarding world were fully independent from the Muggle one, and that Euros actually didn’t work with the usual Wizarding store. 

Happy with the progress and pockets filled with paper-money, which Ron really didn’t get (’But it’s _paper?_ Doesn’t it break easily? How do you repair them?’), he made his way to the owl-tower after classes, while Hermione and Ron went to the Library to study. 

When he got there he wrote a carefully constructed note about what kind of phone he wanted, his name and official Muggle-address, and another details he’d been informed were important. Hesitating for a while, he added ’Draco Malfoy’ as well, but his own address, and enough money for a second phone. It’s not like he’d miss the money much, and Draco could probably pay him back if he wanted to. Which made Harry smile, because there were a lot of ways he’d like Draco to pay him back, except money, but he kept the thoughts in the back of his mind for the moment. 

Saying hi to Hedwig, and ruffling her feathers for a bit, before giving her the letter and telling her where to go. She looked at him questioningly, but he insisted, and she finally flew off, but not after a final indignant stare at him, but Harry knew i wasn’t so bad. 

On his way to the Library to join his friends, he couldn’t resist taking a peak at the Map, to find out where Draco had gone. He’d decided that he should carry the Map everywhere, as it looked just like regular parchment anyway, and to be able to keep an eye on Draco. Harry still remembered the scene in which he’d found Draco the other night, with blood down his arms, and no matter how much he tried he knew Draco wasn’t just gonna stop because Harry wanted him to. 

It took a while to find Draco, but he seemed to be with another few Slytherins, wandering the corridors of the castle without any real goal in mind, it seemed. At least he wasn’t alone, and Harry had promised not to out him or do anything to make people suspect them. He sighed, but let it be, and cleared the Map before making his way to the Library. 

 

The day had been calm for Draco. Nothing interesting had happened. Regular classes, regular mealtimes, regular ’try not to stare at the Gryffindors’, and regular homework. 

It just felt so empty. 

 

At the Library, Harry found his friends deep in their homework; or, at least the closest they got, as Ron where groaning over the ’impossible’ questions, while Hermione refused to let him copy his work. Harry joined them, telling he’d sent an owl away to his godfather with just a bit of additional information about what he’d done since getting back, just so Sirius didn’t worry all that much. No harm in a white lie, especially since it wasn’t really a lie. He just hadn’t sent the letter yet. 

They talked for a bit, made some progress with their studies, talked a bit about the state of the Wizarding world with all that’s happened, and then went up to the Gryffindor tower to relax. 

It mostly felt like everything were back to normal, and neither of them asked about Harrys past or present, if it weren’t related to current events or homework, and for some time it felt really good. 

Almost like normal. 

Except it wasn’t, not even close. When Harry went to bed, he worried about Draco. He didn’t want to take another look at the Map, because he didn’t want to intrude on Dracos private life, and Draco had as much right as anyone to handle his own life in the way he felt best, but it didn’t stop Harry from worrying. 

And, after all that, he actually missed him. They hadn’t talked for the whole day. It were now more then a day since they’d actually met, or talked, or been even close. He wondered if Draco were okey. Draco had encouraged him, last they met, but that didn’t really comfort Harry much now, when they were both out in the part of the world where the threat from Voldemort, the Death Eaters, and Lucius among others, where for ever present. Even here, at Hogwarts. Harry had managed to get abducted on Hogwarts grounds, after all, and even though he had a lot of faith in Dumbledore and the Professors, there were still only so much they could do. 

Finally, he drifted off to sleep, with only a few nightmare-like dreams. 

 

Draco spent a lot of the night quiet. He tried to be part of the social interactions, but he didn’t feel it. It was like there wasn’t any point - he’d come over the worst fear for his imminent death, but he didn’t seriously believe this were going to last; sooner or later he’d be headed home, to the Malfoy Manor, no matter what well-meaning promises the Headmaster or anyone else threw at him. Everything he owned were in that Manor, every little part of him that he didn’t carry with him, and sure, his father hadn’t personally come to Hogwarts to drag him home, but that didn’t mean that he’d be protected if Lucius every tried to get him home. What would the Professors do? Force Lucius to leave his own son? Lucius would only throw the Ministry in their face, with all it’s laws and bureaucracy, and drag him away anyway. Even if they did manage to get the right to legally keep him here, still, they’d managed to take Potter from under Dumbledores nose - why should’t they do the same with him? 

He just kept thinking and none of the thoughts were happy and he tried to talk and be social, but he just couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t stop thinking. 

Laying in his bed, trying to calm his mind, it only became worse, the dark pressing in on him, forcing its way down his lungs with every breath, while sitting heavily on his chest, his legs, keeping his body locked to the bed frame, plastered against the covers and mattress, and his sleeping roommates snores becoming footsteps, their breathing becoming voices, whispered in the dark, his fathers voice calling him _’disgusting, freak of nature, disappointment! No better then the Mudbloods running around in the streets, the ignorant Muggles in their filthy homes, the idiot Ministry with all their laws and sanctions! The idiot Weaslys, Bloodtraitors! All of them! And you - you are the worst of all. A disgusting piece of Muggle filth, not fit to even stay in the Dark Lords shadow!’_

Draco found himself in the bedrooms private bathroom, hyperventilating, the cold tiles under his back, the white walls staring down at him, pressing him, turning black and the dripping water and the cold metal chains and he could hear it, the footsteps, the voice, his mother looking at him through the bars and just sighing before walking away. 

He couldn’t reach his quill. He couldn’t go back into the bedroom. He couldn’t move. He didn’t need to. 

They actually had razors in here. New, sharp razor-blades. For their newly grown facial hair. It wasn't even hard breaking the blades from their holdings, and only a bit harder tearing the bandages from his arms. Suddenly he found himself in nothing more then boxers, continuously cutting new streaks of red into his arms, and thighs, and the blood slowly pooled under his legs and he stopped. Looked. Made another cut. Looked. Blood on the floor, on his legs. Getting paper, deciding against cleaning it up, getting some bandages from the First Aid-kit on the wall, why did they even have that, but he guessed not everyone knew how to make a proper healing spell, he thought about getting the poultice but didn’t, dried the worst of the blood off his arms with paper, getting some bandages, taking care to wrap his arms and legs firm, but not too hard, getting caught up in the process. Looking down on himself. No more bleeding wounds visible. Some leaking through. More bandage. Looking back. Good enough. 

Surprised, because he hadn’t thought a single thought during the whole process. And now he felt… calm. It didn’t even hurt all that much, more like a small stinging when he moved to stand up, looking over the mess he’d made, grabbing a towel to clean it up, clean himself up some more, surprisingly no blood on his clothes, he fetched his wand and made the rest of the proof disappear. Not the razor though. He put that in his nightstand, under a few Chocolate Frog-cards, before falling into his bed, consumed, tired. 

He slept quietly. He didn’t even dream. 

 

The next day they had shared Potion class with Slytherin, which made Harry more nervous then he’d admit, being the first time he’d probably be interacting with Draco since the Library, and especially with all of their classmates looking on. 

He didn’t really need to worry, he realised as he entered the classroom, as Draco and his usual gang where seated in their usual spot within hearing reach of Snapes desk, while his own usual spot where further down. They shared a glance, which was nothing unusual, as they did have a reputation, and people didn’t get enough time to decipher their look. Harry thought that Draco looked strange. Not tired. When he sat down at his own table, with Ron next to him and Hermione pairing up with Lavender Brown one table down, he was beginning to worry about Draco. Had something happened? Had he heard from his father, at last? Was he just overreacting, and there actually were nothing wrong? Harry even blamed himself for not seeking Draco out yesterday, but then the class started and they needed to pay attention. Draco had paired up with Crabbe, while Parkinson sat one table down with Goyle. 

Harry tried to not giving him as much thought as he did - the potion they were supposed to make were quite complex, and it didn’t get better when Ron hacked the Ginger roots way too small, or when Harry managed to add some Bat Spleens instead of the Rat variety. In the third mixing their potion were more orange-black instead of the clear blue it should be, and Snape managed to pull at least 15 point from Gryffindor because of it. While trying to salvage what they could from the recipe, trying to make the potion somewhat close to what it should be, Harry looked up and saw Draco sitting at his table, just looking while Crabbe stirred the potion much faster then what were recommended, and only giving a few words advice when Crabbe then asked what to do next. This, if nothing else, made Harry worry for real. Dracos favourite subject were Potions; even Harry had to admit he was actually quite good at it, when he wasn’t being a smart-ass about it. Why didn’t he do anything? 

Ron made a sad kind of noise, and Harry turned to see what had happened now, and saw their potion turn green, which weren’t right anywhere. Snape hovered around them some more, pulling 5 mor points from Gryffindor, which made Ron whisper very unkind things when Snape turned his back at them again, and Harry gave him some encouraging murmurs of his own. 

When Harry got the opportunity to glance up again, he noticed that even Parkinson weren’t really paying attention to her potion, but instead looking at Draco with a unusually concerned scowl. So something really weren’t right with Draco. While he were looking, Parkinson turned over, and their eyes met for a fraction of a moment before Harry looked down, flustered, trying to act like nothing, but he knew Parkinson had noticed him looking. Fuck. But she shouldn’t think much about it, right? She’d been part of Dracos entourage for as long as they’d been at Hogwarts, and thrown her own fair share of insults his way. It wouldn’t be all that weird, right? She probably thought nothing special about it. 

He and Ron managed to save some of their potion, even though it didn’t work exactly like it were supposed to, but it was good enough for Snape to not pull any more points from their House, which were success enough. Hermione had seemed to make a perfect potion, with the help of Lavenders chopping skills, and got some grumpy noise as thanks when they showed Snape. They cleaned up together, the four of them, before Lavender said bye and walked off with some other Gryffindors. Harry turned to talk to Hermione, and noticed that Parkinson had stayed behind when Draco, Crabbe and goyle had walked out, and were now looking at him. 

”Potter, could I have a word please?”

Both Hermione and Ron turned, and when they saw who were talking to him, they immediately became defensive, and Ron blurted ”What do you what, Parkinson?”

”I want to talk to Potter, but I see now that you’d have a hard time making that connection, as I didn’t even include pictures.”

”Hey, you should…!”

”Ron, don’t make a scene. I’ll see what she wants, at least.” Harry said. 

”But Harry…” Hermione said, glancing at Parkinson, holding her books close to her chest. 

”Don’t worry Granger, I won’t eat him. I’m not hungry anyway.”

”I’ll scream if I’m in trouble. Promise.”

Hermione glanced at Parkinson, but nodded, and pulled Ron with her out of the classroom. Snape had left them after the class ended, so Harry and Parkinson were alone in the room at the moment, but they could still hear the other students outside, because of the door still being open. 

”Hey, Potter, sorry for making you diss your friends, but I’ve no idea of what you’ve told them about anything, and I know you’re all real close but this is way too personal.”

”Okey” Harry said, very doubtful about what this were all about, but willing to at least give it a shot because of Draco. 

”Ehm, okey. So, I’ve… You know I’m one of Dracos best friends, right?”

”Well you hang out all the time, and everyone keeps thinking that you’re a couple.”

”We aren’t, not anymore, but it’s handy to have people think that from time to time. Keeps most Casa-idiots off my back, at least. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. It’s…” She clearly hesitated, and lowered her voice enough that Harry had to lean closer to hear what she said. ”I’m thinking that Draco needs close friends, especially now. I’m not all sure what’s been going on with him and his family, or why Dumbledore seems to be taking a personal interest in him all of a sudden, but I… Seriously, you _need_ to keep this secret, even from Draco!” She stared so intently into his eyes at this that he instinctively recoiled, but nodded anyway, since she seemed really sincere. 

”Okey, I’ll promise, unless it’s something really bad, or illegal.”

”Well, it’s a good enough promise. So, here’s what: I know you’ve been… ’hanging out’ with Draco since you two disappeared… Oh don’t look like that, no one else knows or even suspects either of you, so you don’t have to worry!” 

Harry still weren’t calmed, and looked around a few extra times, but no one were even in the room and they were both speaking in hushed voices. He did his best to lower his own voice even more though, just in case. 

”Has he told you?”

”Not voluntarily, he’s a very secretive bastard, but I’m good at information-gathering. It’s not for nothing I’m known as a Gossip Queen. But this isn’t anything like that - Draco is a close friend of mine and I don’t want to see him hurt. Which brings me to why I wanted to talk to you.” She made a small paus. ”He’s not feeling well, as you might have noticed. It’s many thing behind it, but I’m sure all that’s been happening, with… eh, his father, and you, have only made him feel much worse, lately.”

”Oh. Do you want me to… step back?” Harry felt hurt, but it made sense. How well did they even know each other? Was it worth all this, just because Draco actually understood?

”Oh, no, not at all, the opposite! Seriously, I’m not gonna go playing love-breaker, and you two should be really cute together when all the bad stuff is done, but right now - I just want you to look after him. I’m doing my best, but I can’t always be there for him, and he seems to have really bonded with you after that trip to the woods. I heard you even came seeking him out in the Slytherins Commons Rooms, sorry for interrupting that, by the way, I wouldn’t if I’d known… Oh, Potter, stop it! There’s not much going on that I don’t know about, at least not with my best friend.” 

Harry felt his face fall and a burning fire replace it. ”Eh, what, I didn’t…!”

”Stop it Potter, we both know you were in the bathroom stall with Draco making squishy-faces at each other, and I don’t oppose that, never, but what I’m asking is… okey, here it is: please, if you notice him getting worse, tell me. I’ll do the same, if you’d feel better about it. And remember; this is for Draco. We’re doing this to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid, like killing himself, okey?”

”Eh… okey, yeah, it makes sense. But…”

”Yes, you can trust me. Maybe not with your life, but with this, yes. It pains me to admit, but I actually do care about Dracos wellbeing, and I know you do too, the way you two keep seeking each other out, no matter the odds.”

”Eh…” Harry just didn’t know how to handle the situation. Whatever he’d expected, Parkinson asking him too keep an eye on Draco were not among them. 

”I’ll take that as a ’Yes, I understand, I’ll obey your every word my dear Mistress’. Good. Then we have that settled. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a Herbiology class to prepare for, and I need to make sure that my friend doesn’t jump from a tower while I’m away. If you need to reach me, I’m usually hanging about the garden at the east side of the caste, of in the Slytherins Commons rooms. If I’m not there, I’m probably making some rounds with friends, but you can usually find me there sooner or later. Now I need to go, before I make a complete Hufflepuff of myself.”

With that, she were gone, and Harry stood there for a while and just wondered what the fuck had just happened. 

 

Outside of the Potions classroom, Draco felt a hand on his shoulder and looked back to find Snape standing there, indicating he should follow into the Professors office. Excusing himself to Crabbe and Goyle, he followed Snape, and stood in the office as Snape closed the door behind him. 

”I noticed that you where particularly ineffective at the class today. Why?”

Draco didn’t answer, instead looked away at the strange potions and ingredients along the Professors walls. 

”Hm” was all Snape responded to Dracos silence, before he walked over to a cabinet by the far wall, and began rummaging for something. Draco stood still, wondering if he should bolt for the door, but knew it weren’t any point to it. When Snape found what he’d been looking for, he walked up to Draco and held another potions, like the one he’d given Draco before, when he’d learned of his self-inflicted wounds. 

”Drink” Snape said, in his usually hard voice, but in a much softer tone, and Draco became a bit sceptic, and thought about refusing, but looked up into Snapes eyes and remembered last time. He took the potion, not meeting Snapes eyes, and held onto it. But of course Snape didn’t turn away, but just continued to stare at him until he’d begun drinking the potion. 

”All of it” were all he said, and Draco scowled, but did. 

When Draco were done, Snape nodded, took the potion, and gave him another container, this one like the poultice he’d given Draco earlier, as well. 

”Just in case.”

Draco muttered something, but put the container in his pack, before standing there, not looking at Snape, forcing an uncomfortable silence. 

Snape looked him over, then dismissed him. Draco went out the door before the Professor changed his mind, and meet up with his gang again, to walk to the next class. Pansy stood by them, waiting for him, and he only gave her a scowl and marched right past. Of course, they followed, thinking nothing particular that Professor Snape had wanted a private word with his godson. 

Harry were nowhere to be seen, of course. Not that he’d looked for him. 

Draco spent the majority of their Herbiology class in the same silence as Potions. 

 

”What did she want?” Hermione said, at their Transfiguration class. They sat at the back, far enough for no one to overhear them easy, but not enough to gain too much attention from McGonagall. 

”Did she threaten you?” Ron asked, trying to get his frog to stand still long enough to point his wand at it. 

”Well… actually, she wanted me to look out for, eh, Malfoy.”

”What?” Rons frog managed to jump down onto the floor, and he didn’t even notice. 

”Apparently he told her… some… of what happened when I were taken, and that we both spent time together, and that we talked, so I guess she thought I could help.” 

”But… why? Why you and, just, why?” Hermione managed ’ _Accio’_ back Rons frog, not that he took his eyes from Harry, who felt he maybe should have chosen his words more carefully. 

”And since when do you call him by first name?”

At that Harry blushed, and couldn’t stop it. ”Eh… we did talk a lot, and I guess you can’t spend so much time together without, you know, either kill each other or become friends, right? Anyway Parkinson asked me to tell her if anything seemed… wrong, with D-Draco, in case he, eh, well, told me anything.”

”Yeah, but you haven’t even talked much since you came back, right? Only with Dumbledore involved.”

”Yeah… yeah. I guess she just, well, I don’t know really.”

”And she didn’t ask anything else?” Hermione asked, her frog already turned into a perfectly fine teapot, which she studied thoroughly. 

”Well, no, not really. I mean, I’m pretty surprised myself. Seems she and Draco are pretty close after all.”

”More like accomplice then friend though. Maybe she thinks you two fucked out there or something and she’s just jealous.” Ron said it causally and turned to his frog again, trying to swing his wand in the recommended arch, and only took Harrys choked sounds as some kind of chock at the thought of _him_ with _Malfoy_ , without noticing how red Harry’d become. 

Hermione, who still hadn’t abandoned her teapot, seemed to be lost in her own thoughts, and Harry sighed of relief inwardly that neither of them had really noticed his reaction to Rons statement. 

”She and Malfoy are still a couple, right?” Hermione asked. 

”I don’t think so, no. They were, for a while, but now they’re just like friends.” Harry answered, looking intently at his own frog, who showed some porcelain-like texture, but was still far from perfect. 

”’Friends’, right. You’ve seen how they hang about each other all the time? How they whisper conspiratorially all the time?” Ron said, with a bitter voice. 

”But I’ve heard that they never act like a couple, and that should say something, right?” Hermione asked. 

”They’re Slytherins, ’Mione. Of course they’d keep secrets and stuff. It’s what they do!” Ron had gotten his frog to grow a trunk-like appendage, but i still had legs. Harry were somewhat more successful, but his teapot were still slimy and gave of the occasional croak. 

”But…” Hermione hesitated, and didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence, as McGonagall showed up at their table and commended her for the perfectly formed teapot, adding 10 points to Gryffindor in the process, and the announced that the class were over. 

They gathered their things in somewhat silence, since Harry didn’t know what to say and Ron still seemed irritated by his frog/teapot, or just the thought of Draco being romantic with anyone, so there weren’t really much to talk about. 

 

”So what did you talk about with Snape, I wonder? Was it about some particular potions and poultices, maybe?” Pansy were hovering over Draco, which she’d been most of the day actually, and now it did nothing to help him focus on pruning his Flitterbloom, which they’d gotten as todays assignment. 

”What do you think?” He didn’t really feel like talking about it. Or about anything. His plant grabbed at his pruning scissors, and he had to force its tentacle-like appendages open to get it back, damaging the plant while he did. Professor Sprout gave him a stern stare, but he just scoffed. 

”Don’t be boring Draco, I’m just curious!” Pansy just poked her plant with the scissors, only making it twitch in irritation. 

”Then don’t be so fucking irritating.” Draco made another stab at his plant, which made it recoil and damaged its main stem badly enough for Professor Sprout to glare at him, and even pull 5 points from Slytherin, with a remark on handling the plants with more care. 

Pansy didn’t respond, and they stayed quiet. Draco made a few more stabs, not making the situation with his plant better, while Pansy seemed to just give up with hers. Crabbe, who were sitting next to him, seemed to actually be doing quite a good job at handling his plant, which made him get a compliment, but no points, from Professor Sprout. Draco just glared. He didn’t feel like anything today. 

 

The evening came, and dinner, and homework, and Harry thought about what Parkinson’d said, about taking care of Draco, making sure he didn’t hurt himself, but what could Harry do? Right now he couldn’t do much more then sneaking away from his friends to be with Draco, and while he really, really wanted to do just that, he didn’t want them to worry. The last time he’d disappeared on them they’d been fighting, and now most seemed to be back almost to normal and he didn’t want to damage that by sneaking off, but if he waited until they’d gone to bed then he’d have no way into Slytherins dorms, and he had no reason to believe Draco wouldn’t stay in there tonight as well. 

How’d they’d met last time? Draco had scared off Neville, and they’d gotten a private room. Before that Harry had run away from Hermione and Ron. Neither of that seemed to be happening today, as he were sitting quietly in the Gryffindor Commons Rooms, watching Ron play chess with some new Gryffindor he didn’t know the name of yet. Harry had no idea who were winning, but he guessed at Ron, since that were the usual ending. 

Hermione had grabbed a book and sat in a corner reading, and Harry didn’t want to disturb her. It seemed to be a interesting book; she’d been stuck in it for a while now, totally ignorant to her surroundings, and Harry wished he could do the same. But all he could think of were Draco, and what Parkinson had said, and that he should do something, but he didn’t know what. 

Maybe he could excuse himself and go for a walk? Just by himself? Some time to think, maybe. 

But he dismissed the idea. He’d been grabbed by Death Eaters when walking alone, so he didn’t think either of his friends would let him just wander off, especially if he didn’t tell them were he’d been, and that, no, he wouldn’t be alone, if everything went according to plan. 

Should he tell them? He’d thought about that a lot. But what could he say? ’O yes, you know when I were pissed at you earlier? Well I went and jacked Malfoy off, it was nice, I even offered to suck him, but we didn’t have time, you know how it is.’ Ron would love that, Harry thought with a dry smile. He weren’t all that sure about how Hermione would react though; she’d always been the more diplomatic of the three of them, but even she had her reasons for not being too fond of Draco and his gang, so Harry didn’t want to hope too much. Which meant that if he said anything, they’d most likely not understand, and they’d have another fight like the one earlier, and they’d just hurt him by trying to do ’right’. By being ’nice’. 

Harry ended up doing nothing. Just going to bed early, laying awake for longer then he should, and not getting a good enough sleep to make him feel refreshed when morning came. 

 

Pansy continued to hover around, much more then usual, and Draco snapped at her a few times, and she still relented. He knew he was being an ass, and that he had no right to, and that she really was being an awesome friend by keeping him under friendly observation, but he didn’t want it. He didn’t want her to help him, to make it better, to… to change anything! What was the point? 

He thought about Harry. About them not seeing each other for over a day. That they’d only seen each other during Potions and mealtimes. How much he wanted to be close to him, and how fucking bad he felt about that. How he wanted to be with Harry and not, at the same time, how he wanted to abandon everything and just… he weren’t really sure. What did he want to do?

He wanted to go home. To see his family, to have his father hug him and tell him how much he loved him, to see his mother do the same, to have them both explain why they’d been acting like abusive parents when they were really, deep inside, just loving and wanted what were best for him. That was all he really wanted. 

But even thinking it sounded absurd. He really should know better - they’d done nothing to deserve him, to deserve his love and affection. And even though, it didn’t change anything. 

He still just wanted to… be home. 

And his feelings for Harry made nothing better. 

Sitting alone in the bathroom, he put his face in his hands, and tried to cry. Nothing happened. In the end, he went to bed, trying to imagine a perfect world, and failing miserably.


	15. Saving friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Common 'friends' could connect the most fierce rivals, especially when said friend is in trouble.  
> Pansy comes to find Harry, figuring something might be wrong with Draco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello <3  
> Still quite a few chapters left (I've evidently written A LOT about this... wtf?) but I'd say there's less then half left. (I write too fucking much)  
> 

During breakfast next day, Harry actually got some really good news. Hedwig came to give him a package, which he put in his bag directly, telling Ron and Hermione that he’d tell them later, and actually smiling widely for the whole breakfast after that. He tried to find Draco, but didn’t see him, which made his mood fall a little, but he had such good news it didn’t do lasting damage, since Parkinson weren’t there either, so Draco were probably not alone. 

Later, on their way to their first lesson, History of Magic, they took a detour and Harry showed them the package. As he’d thought, it were from the store he’d sent Hedwig to, and among a lot of humorous notes and even som beef jerky for Hedwig, there were the two cellphones he’d ordered. Carefully folding and putting the receipt papers away in his bag, which Hermione forced him too, telling him they’re ’too important if something happens’, he got to unpack one of the phones and they sat there, marvelling at it, Ron being really fascinated, but even Hermione found it really interesting, not having a modern phone of her own. 

”Mine doesn’t even have 4G, it’s totally useless out here, I mostly bring it to be able to call them once I get close enough to home, so they can pick me up.”

”At least you have one, I’ve barely touched a cellphone before.”

”But Harry, why did you get two? You ever only need one, really.”

”Well, eh, in case of emergency, I guess?” Harry hoped he didn’t blush, and that Hermione accepted his excuse. She just gave a shrug, apparently excusing his careless shopping with the fact that he had never owned a phone, or had the money to spend before, which Harry were appreciated about her, that she didn’t push the question too hard. But it seemed to be more because she were as fascinated by the new device as he were, which made him smile. 

”What’s ’internet’, by the way? Or a ’charger’?” Ron asked, trying to read the long instruction manual. 

”Oh it’s this network where there’s pretty much all information in the whole Muggle-based world, and maybe even some of the Wizarding world as well, since there has to be a few Muggle-borns who’d know how to make websites and such! Oh, this is so exciting, I wanna get one too!”

”Charger is the thing you use to charge the phone, obviously. It needs lots of electricity.”

Ron seemed completely confused by everything Hermione and Harry said, and even more when he tried to read the instructions, and Harry tried to understand his new phone, but they were going to be late for their class, so he had to put it away as they hurried along the corridors to their class. 

During the entire lesson he had the phone in his hands, under the table, Hermione trying to pay attention to the class whilst transfixed by Harrys new ’toy’ and Ron seemed to have given up on both. Harry managed to learn his number, and start the phone, and to do some basic configurations, and with Hermiones help they managed to actually get it up and running. Sadly, no internet connection, or anything more then basic network-connection, but he didn’t really care, since he hadn’t gotten it for all its fancy add-ons. 

After class, he excused himself and told them that he’d run up to the Gryffindor tower to leave the boxes and everything he didn’t need, which were indeed true, but he also wanted to the the Marauders Map, to be able to locate Draco when he got time over seek him out. 

 

When Draco woke up, he didn’t feel like breakfast. He excused himself to his roommates that he weren’t feeling well, and that he’d go to the Infirmary as soon as he’d gotten dressed. When they’d all left for breakfast, and later class, he stayed behind, alone. 

For a while he just lay in the bed, staring at air, until he got up to lock the door to the bedroom, just in case Pansy or someone came to look for him, and then he pulled his trunk out from under his bed, opened it and began to carefully extract the old robe and it’s contents. Carefully unwrapping the wooden box, formerly used for potions and ingredients, but now when he opened it there were a strange mix of things in it. Quills, parchment, bloodied bandages, unused bandages, and a container half-filled with poultice. 

Dracos hands shook just a little as he reached past everything else, and pulled out the container, and started to prepare his arms, before he remembered that he had wounds on his legs now as well. For a moment he hesitated, and didn’t know how to pick himself up afterwards, but he took a deep breath, and undressed down to his boxers. Sitting on the cold stone floor made him feel more awake, enough to be able to focus on just taking care of his wounds. 

Snape had been right, they were healing pretty fast; most were scabbed over and a few, shallow ones were not much more then red marks. The ones on his thighs were worse; it had been easier to cut deeper there, and the wounds had bleed through the bandages during the night. He took extra care to massage the skin around the wounds on his legs, and when every wound had been taken care of, he made a quick check, counting them. 27. Not so bad. Almost twice his age. He smiled, laughed, giggled a hollow and humourless sound that echoed between the beds and walls. 

For some time he just inspected every single wound, looking them over, noticing which ones were still bleeding somewhat, which were healing properly and tried to identify the infected ones, but he guessed that Snape really did know his potions, because he couldn’t find any. 

Reaching for the wooden box again, he hesitated, because he didn’t want to cover this. Sitting still, for a while, he focused on not thinking, and lay down on the cold floor, limbs spread out, feeling the cold through his body, the humid air around him, heard the soft sounds of the lake outside, and felt the sticky poultice on his skin, making his wounds itch a little. Focusing on all that, he lay still, no thinking about anything. 

 

Harry had only gotten out of the tower and were walking down the corridors to his class when he heard his name being called, and he turned to see Parkinson head towards him. 

”Harry, have you seen Draco? I haven’t seen him since yesterday and he’s not been showing up for classes today. I just checked the Infirmary, but he hasn’t been there either, even though Goyle told me he’d said he’d go.”

Harry felt an ice-cold chill down his spine, worrying about what might have made Draco lie to his friends. ”No, I haven’t seen him.”

”FUCK! That fucking shitheaded bastard!”

”Eh…”

”Do you have _any_ idea of where he’d be? Any at all?”

”Eh…” Harry kept thinking fast, but he were too worried; he had to find Draco. ”Yes. I have a way of finding out.”

”Oh Merlins beard you do?!”

”Yes, but please” Harry looked around, and they were alone and no one should be around since most classes had already just started, but he still didn’t want anyone to overhear, especially any of the Professors or worse, Filch. ”Please keep your voice down!”

”Oh, no worries, come!” She dragged him along, with a very firm grip Harry noted, into an alcove, facing a part of the Forbidden Forest. It were far from isolated, but it did get them some privacy from sneaking eyes, and they could keep their voices down. ”How can you find him?”

”Well… It’s really a secret, and…”

”And you don’t trust me, I know, I wouldn’t either. But you can find him? Eh… will you try to find him?” She pulled back, like the thought had just hit her that Harry might not want to be part of this, and she hesitated, worry clear in her eyes, and Harry were quick to respond.

”Yes, yes I want to find him, of course! I… I do care for him as well…” He focused on digging through his bag, feeling his face turn red, and noticing how Pansy shined at him. ”Is it ok if I call you Pansy?”

”Oh!” She made a dismissing gesture. ”Of course, by Merlins beard, of course. We’re trying to locate a mutual friend, all by our own, and I’ve already been calling you by ’Harry’ with Draco. I hope you don’t take offence.” Pansy said, with a crooked smile and eyes that said she didn’t really care what Harry actually thought, but he just smiled relieved at her. 

”okey, no worries. So…” He thought, for a moment, about keeping the Map secret from her, but she’d trusted him with the safety of her best friend, despite their history, and were serious about finding Draco and helping him, so then it didn’t matter much that she were a Slytherin. Not now anyway. ”okey, so this has to be a secret. I need you to promise me that you’ll keep this secret - only a few other people know about this, and I’m gonna keep it like that.”

”I promise on my Slytherin honour to not divulge this secret that you’ve entrusted upon me. Now show me!”

”okey, so… This” he held up the Map, ”is the Marauders Map.”

”It’s a piece of old parchment.”

”Yes. Because it’s a secret. Ehm… I’m gonna open it, and I don’t want you to think anything, but…”

”You want to keep the opening secret, no worries. Should I walk away, or something?”

”No, you can just close your eyes and hold your ears for a moment.”

”okey!” And she did, with a bit too much animation, blowing up her cheeks and pressing her entire face into a grimace, which made Harry smile despite the situation. He pulled out his wand, whispered ’ _I solemnly swear I’m up to no good_ ’, and nudged Pansy as the Map reviled itself, after he’d put his wand pack in his pocket. 

Pansy looked up, then down at the paper, stared for a moment, then said ”That’s fucking awesome!” Which made Harry smile, again. 

”Yes, it’s a really handy map. So, help me find ’Draco Malfoy’.”

”Yes, there he is! In the Slytherin Dorms, I even think that’s his bedroom. Fucking ego-centrical asshole!”

Harry didn’t respond, just tried to imagine what Draco were doing, before getting up to his feet, right after Pansy. 

”I’m gonna fucking kill him if he’s dead, that fucking shit!”

”Do you know the best way there?”

”Yes! Come!”

”But…”

”COME!”

Without another delay, Pansy bolted down the corridor, and Harry had to hurry to follow her, thinking that maybe he should get his Invisibility Cloak, or alert someone, but Pansy didn’t wait, and he didn’t have the option to hesitate if he were going to follow her. As they almost ran down the corridors, all he could think were _what if…_

 

Draco had packed away most of the things back into the little wooden box, and were now sitting with it open in front of him. He’d bandaged his arms, and thighs, and checked his flexibility, still sitting on the floor, still keeping the wooden box open, still staring at the blooded bandages and the now battered quill, and the razors he’d taken from his nightstand and put in their own packaging inside the box. Most of it were now back in his trunk as well, but he still had it open in front of his, the old robe laying spread out over his things, the wooden box on top, open to display his belongings. 

For a moment he thought about finding Pansy, but he pushed the thought away, as he didn’t even have the energy to put his box and trunk away; how could he talk to her, or even get out of his room?

While having a few, slow thoughts wander his fogged mind, by pressing his fingers gently over his bandages, to keep the worst thoughts and feelings away, he heard something. First he dismissed it as nothing other then students back to get something they’d lost; there’d already been a few of them, mostly first-years if he’d guessed right, but then he heard heavy footsteps that seemed aimed toward this part of the Dorm, and he looked up, suddenly aware of his surroundings. 

He stared at the door, and then he heard the footsteps stop outside of it, and someone banging heavily, whilst calling for him. 

Pansy. 

Of course. 

He pressed his hands harder against his thighs, winced at the pain, but didn’t get up. 


	16. Take care of him, promise?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pansy has found Draco, and won't let him stay alone for long. She leaves him with Harry, and Harry is left alone with Draco.   
> For comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings <3 A lot of love to all of you, and leave kudos/comments if you want, and be warned - this might get a bit NSFW :3

”DRACO! I fucking know you’re in there, you shit! Open NOW!”

”Pansy, wait…!” Harry tried to interrupt, to no avail. 

”If you’re fucking dead in there I’m gonna kill you, you hear me Draco? Fuck you! Open up!”

Harry stood just a step back, having followed Pansy down to the Dungeons, and with a quick check on the still open Map that no one were near, he’d followed in after her through the hidden passage to the Slytherins Commons Room. He’d already gotten his wand out, when the lock in the door turned, and Pansy burst through the door to find Draco, grabbing his shoulder and staring at him. 

”Draco what the fuck? You’re supposed to tell me, to warn me or something, you’re supposed to…! Fuck you, I’ve gone all Hufflepuff over you, I even got Harry to help me find you, you shit!”

”Well hi Pansy, sorry for being such trouble.”

”O fuck you Draco!” She said as gave him a big hug, before pushing him further into the room and letting Harry close the door behind them. 

Draco were wearing a simple pyjamas, pants and shirt, and as they entered Harry followed beside him and hugging him closely. 

”I didn’t see you at breakfast and I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you more the last days and I’m sorry for not being here until now, for not searching you out until Pansy made me.”

Harry held onto Draco for a long time, and Draco ended up hugging him back, harder and harder, and Harry were just so relieved to have found him. 

”I’m sorry but I were so scared I might find you again, Draco.”

”You said you were gonna go to the Infirmary, you said so Draco! Why didn’t you just tell me, or, fuck… It’s all your fault I’m this much Hufflepuff, Draco, all your fault.” Pansy were pacing the room, alternating between looking around and just standing, but couldn’t seem to keep still. 

”I… I’m sorry for making you worry, I guess…” 

”You fucking should be! Draco, I…” Harry let go of the embrace but held onto Dracos hand, as they turned to glance at Pansy. ”You can’t fucking leave me here, Draco. You can’t.”

They all stood silent for a while, Pansy hugging onto herself, not meeting their eyes, and Harry squeezing Dracos hand, and Draco just looking at Pansy, while holding onto Harry. For a moment, silence were everything. Then Draco began to talk. 

”I’m not gonna leave you, Pansy. I promise you I won’t.”

Pansy stared at him, face stuck in a scowl but her eyes were filled with something alike fear, and Harry thought that were one of the most intimidating things he’d seen in this school; the hurt, and anger, that were hidden behind those superficial feelings of anger. 

”I… yes, should have told you, but… I couldn’t. I’m… I’m happy you came to find me.” Draco glanced at Harry, who smiled at him. ”Both of you.”

Pansy seemed on the verge of talking, but hesitated and ended up punching Draco on the shoulder instead. ”Fuck you, Draco.”

Draco just smiled at her, and Harry almost felt out of place, like a third wheel, but then Pansy turned to and looked directly at him with clear eyes. ”Thanks for helping me find him, Harry. I’m… I’m gonna go now. I need to be alone. This is just too emotional for a good day to start, but I’m happy it didn’t end out worse.” She gave a thin smile at Draco. ”Keep track of him for me, okey? I’ll take him when you’re done, promise.” 

Harry smiled, then realised the hidden meanings, and blushed, and looked down at his feet, but Pansy just laughed and gave him a hug; kind of uncertain, and a bit awkward, like this weren’t something she usually did, but he felt warmed inside by it anyway, and when she pulled away she turned to Draco, stared at him, told him a few words in whispers about not leaving her, but Harry didn’t really listen. He tried to let go of Dracos hand, but the hold were stronger then he’d thought, and Draco held on even when Harry took a step away to let Pansy give him too a hug. It looked a bit less awkward then it had felt, but maybe it were just because of them both being Slytherins, Harry thought. 

Then, collecting her bag and giving them a last smile/frown, she walked out the door. 

Harry turned towards Draco, and they stood silent for a while, not doing or saying or even looking at anything. 

”I… I have something for you. Think it might come in handy.” Harry almost let go of Dracos hands, but Draco looked up with somewhat empty eyes, and Harry stopped whatever motion he’d thought, and met those eyes. 

”Harry… Why are you here?”

”I… I came to find you.” Harrys voice were thin, on the verge of cracking, at the empty eyes and the question. 

”Because of Pansy?”

”No! I came to find you. I thought, when I didn’t see you at breakfast, that you were with Pansy, because she weren’t there either, but then she came to find me and… I feared that you’d…”

Draco tilted his head somewhat and looked at Harry for long enough to make him a bit uncomfortable. 

”And… I’ve missed you. Only reason I haven’t been coming to see you every night is because, well, if this is gonna be a secret, then I can’t tell Hermione and Ron, because I don’t think they’d understand, and… It’s not easy sneaking away from them, you know. They’re quite used to me getting in trouble now, so they’re always keeping an eye out.”

”Didn’t you fight with them?”

”Yes, I did, when I came to find you… here… eh, I sneaked out on them, twice actually, and I were… quite mean to them, before getting to the Library. But then, they apologised, and… they don’t get it, but they don’t try to either. And they’re really good friends, and I’ve been so mean to them since I came back, and I didn’t want to ruin that…”

Harrys monologue were broken when Draco put his lips against his; the kiss caught him fully by surprise, being sweet and gentle, but he fell into it and forgot whatever else he’d been thinking. Now he didn’t think, just keeping his hands and arms around Draco, holding him close, letting his lips press against his own and just breathing together. 

Their lips separated but they stayed as close, foreheads touching and just holding each other. Harry had his hand on Dracos neck and felt Dracos hands on his lower back. Dracos heart were beating against Harrys chest, a calm and gentle breathing as his lungs pressed softly against Harrys body and the breath bouncing of his face. 

”Thanks…”

Harry smiled and held him closer and didn’t know what to respond so he didn’t say anything, and Draco hugged him back wordlessly, but his breathing became jagged, and Harry held him close, protected. 

”Fuck you Harry.”

”W-what?” Harry laughed, turned to look at Draco and were met with another kiss, deeper, pressed lips against his own, then separated and a tongue touching his, and Harry let him. Harrys hand were holding onto Draco, pressing him and his lips closer, their tongues playing, their breathing both shallow and deep, irregular as his heart sped up to the pace their lips sat, and their hands, touching each other, holding close, pressing, seeking inside of clothes, Harry sighed as he felt skin against his bare hands and heard a muffled moan from Draco as he let both hands run up Dracos back, then letting one stay on his lower back while the other held his neck firmly. 

They paused, for a very short moment; hands on Dracos back, touching his skin, both breathing deeply, Harry feeling his heart beating fast, Dracos hands inside his robe, and then he felt his own hands move, grab onto Dracos shirt and gently, slowly, pulling it up. Dracos eyes met his and he hesitated, ready to apologise and back off and away and never ever do anything ever again but then Draco raised his arms and Harry let the shirt slip up over his head, dropping the shirt and letting his hands stroke the pale skin of Dracos upper body while following them with his eyes. As he looked up at Dracos face again he saw how Draco were blushing, and it made him look so incredibly cute and vulnerable in such a positive way, so he pulled him close and kissed him, deeply. 

Their tongues circled and their lips moved, Harry licked Dracos lip and bit gently on it, feeling Draco smile and press against him, feeling a hard impression press against his abdomen and he moaned and pressed himself against it. Their hand moved over their bodies, and Harry felt his robe come off, his shirt unbuttoned, the soft fabric of Dracos bed as he put his hands on it, momentarily letting Dracos lips go and meeting his eyes. 

Harry stood bent over the bed, pushed up by his arms, while Draco were laying down, elbows pressing him up and smiling, looking deep into Harrys eyes and when Harry were about to lean in to kiss him again, he pulled himself back, up against the bed, and Harry smiled at him, following his movements but still standing beside the bed. 

Harry looked away, realising what he’d been about to do and felt ashamed; he’d come here to help Draco, to keep him from hurting himself badly, and now he were standing over him, like this? 

”I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

”No. Come.” Harry glanced at Draco. ”Please.” 

Turning to look at him he saw the fresh bandages on Dracos arms, the pale skin of his chest, the unkept blonde hair and those piercing, grey eyes. ”But… you’re hurt.”

Draco sat up and reached for Harry. ”It doesn’t matter. I want to kiss you. If… if you want to, that is, eh…” Draco didn’t meet Harrys eyes, but it didn’t matter; Harry heard what he’d said, but he didn’t really dare to think it true. But he remembered the Library, when he’d pulled back and Draco had invited him in, the time in the bathroom when they’d made out and Draco had been the one pushing him back against the wall and he just looked at Draco now, and saw him, and loved ever bit he saw. 

He put a hand under Dracos chin and turned his face up, to kiss it, to feel his lips meet with Dracos and he didn’t even push; Draco grabbed onto his half-open shirt and pulled him back down onto the bed with him, their lips never leaving each other and suddenly Harry lost his fotting and he were laying on top of him on the bed. Draco moved under him, adjusting his legs to let Harry rest between them, wrapping his arms around his waist and those hands pulling at his clothes; his shirt, then his belt, then his pants, and Harry kissed him, deeply. The belt disappeared and the zipper were pulled down and Harry pressed his hips against Draco and kissed his throat as Draco arched under him, head leaned all the way back, exposing his neck and chest and Harry felt his erection press against his stomach, and his own pressed against Dracos crotch. 

”Fuck you…”

”If you insist.” But Draco just laughed at that and began pulling Harrys pants down and Harry were already onto Dracos pyjamas-pants, untying the knot and pulling them down, not far as he himself were in the way, but he reached down Dracos crotch and felt the throbbing erection under his hand, heard Draco let out the last breath in his body, spread his legs a little bit more and grabbing hold of Harrys ass. 

”Uh…!” 

Harry felt the press of Dracos hands and obliged, pressing closer and their bodies touching, their naked chests against each other and Harrys arms around Dracos neck and by his sides and he felt hands squeeze his ass and he moved against them before pressing down again, meeting Dracos lips with a hungry kiss, feeling hands reach inside his pants and inside his boxers and began pushing them down. 

With a last kiss Harry rose to stand on his knees, and pulled at Dracos pants. Draco moved his legs up, to let Harry pull them all off, and Harry saw the shy, flustered expression on his face, felt the heat on his own face, but when he pulled the pants up he saw the bandages, and the spots of blood on them. He paused, looked, dropped the pants, met Dracos eyes, who looked away. 

”Did you… do that, now?”

For a moment everything were silent. ”No… I just put on new bandages. Earlier.”

Harry looked down at the bandages, Dracos legs now folded against himself, feet on the cover of the bed, and Harry reached out to gently stroke them. 

”I… I hate that you have to do this to yourself, but… it’s okey. It’s your way of coping, I guess, and it’s okey, I won’t… I wished you didn’t have to, but I’m not gonna judge you for doing it.”

Draco still didn’t look at him, so Harry moved his legs and let them fold out beside him, and lay down next to Draco, putting an arm over his stomach. 

”I’m… I’m happy to be here with you, and that… that you’re still here. I love you. And I’m not gonna stop doing that.”

He noticed that Draco closed his eyes, and Harry put his face into the bend of Dracos neck, kissing his skin and holding him close, smelling his skin. ”I _do_ love you, Draco. That’s not just something I said earlier. I do.”

For a while, there were no other sound then their breathing, and Harry were content, laying this close to Draco, feeling his skin and warmth and smell, and he smiled, hidden against Dracos skin. When something moved, it were Dracos head, turning to face Harry, and then his arm, to touching his cheek, and then his body, to face Harry, legs stretched to be able to be as close as possible. 

”okey.” He said. 

”okey what?”

”That you love me. I think I actually can believe that.”

Somehow that made Harry smile, more then anything today, more then anything else he could think about right now, and He pulled Draco closer and hugged him tight, his head leaning on Dracos and one leg between his. 

”Thanks.” Were all he could think of to say, before looking into the grey eyes, smiling, and then leaning in for another kiss. 

Like nothing had happened, they were back were they let off. Hands over each others bodies, searching and touching, lips and tongues playing and smiling and kissing and licking and Harry let his kisses trail down over Dracos neck, and heard a moan that made him pull closer, pressing his erection against him and his face against Dracos chest. Their legs were tangled and Harry felt Draco tug at his pants, which were halfway down his thighs already, and when Draco couldn’t reach them Harry pulled away and gave him a openmouthed look, a small smile, and pulled both his boxers and pants down before quickly getting up to face level with Draco again. 

The blush that spread over Dracos face were almost enough to counter his own, but he felt so self-conscious and a little bit ashamed, because what if he’d gone too far, if this were too much, what if Draco really didn’t want to and what if… 

But Draco, still with cheeks burning red, pulled him close and Harry felt a hand trail down his stomach, and as their lips met again he felt fingers gently brush past the soft skin between his hipbones, almost touching the hair gathered lower down. Harry let out a low, long moan and grabbed onto Dracos hair, holding his face close to his own, moving his hips against Dracos fingers, but without letting his erection touch them. He didn’t want to be too… but then he felt fingers gently touch the skin, softly circle the outside of it and trailing up the shaft. Holding onto Dracos hair but letting go of his lips, he couldn’t contain the sound that came out of him, and when Draco let his fingers slowly, slowly circle up over the foreskin, gently pulling it down, touching the head, then Harry looked up to find those grey eyes looking at him, smiling. 

”You make so many noises. And expressions.” Draco said, holding Harrys eyes. ”Like this…” His fingers circled the top of the shaft, holding it in a soft grip, and Harry closed his eyes and heard a moan he didn’t know he could make. ”Just like that. You’re so cute when you make that face.”

”Well… fuck you.” Was all carry could think of to say. 

Draco just smiled, and moved his hand down along the shaft, letting Harry curl against him as he began to move his hand in steady movements, pulling the foreskin up and down, and Harry felt it all throughout his abdomen, his stomach-muscles testing, his back both arching and pulling together, he pressed his head against Dracos chest, closed eyes, Held hard onto Dracos arm and hair, still, while trying to stay still. 

”You’re so beautiful like this, Harry. Just like this.” Draco said, and Harry wanted to say something but then his legs tensed and Draco continued to move, faster now, and Harry felt himself breathing in time with those movement, and he looked up at Draco, face close and stretched against his body, looking with wide open eyes into Dracos grey ones. 

”Do you want to say something, _Potter_?” Draco said, with a hint of his commonplace snarling voice, and the smile he did were just too much and Harry felt himself grabb onto Dracos arms, presage him down against the bed and placing himself on top of him, their lips meeting in messy and hasty kisses, Harrys hands already down Dracos body and pulling at his boxers. 

”Oh.” were all Draco said when Harry stood up on his knees between Dracos legs, seeing Draco lay there on the bed, almost naked before him, and he just looked for a moment, but then Draco pulled his legs up and Harry quickly pulled his boxers off him and lay down between those pale legs, holding himself up with his arms on either side of Dracos head, holding their eye-contact while he gently pressed his crotch against Dracos. He could feel the erection next to his own, touching his stomach, as he pressed his abdomen down against Dracos, then his chest, still holing eye-contact, but Draco broke it when he pulled Harrys body closer by hugging him, with first arms then Harry felt legs circle his own, Dracos body shifting under him and he moved with it, their cocks rubbing against each other, their lips in messy, demanding kisses, their bodies pressed against each other, polling sweat between them. Harry held Dracos hips, pressed his own hips down, hearing the moan Draco pressed out between both their lips, before moving his hips back and forth, slowly, small movement, but it felt a thousand times more. 

”Fuck, Harry!”

”Well fuck you, pale-ass.”

”Fucking scar-head.” were the last words but not the last sounds, pressed out of them with every movement, every breath, and Harry didn’t want to stop but he wanted more; he wanted to _feel_ Draco, he wanted too do things to him, he wanted to… fuck… him.”

Harry paused, just enough for Draco to notice, and open his eyes and look up at him. Harry could’t really meet those eyes, those thoughts he were thinking were too much, but he felt his cock grow even harder as he thought them. For a moment they were still and Draco looked at him and Harry leaned in to kiss him but Draco put a hand on his chest, and didn’t really meet his eyes. 

”I… I want…”

”Wha… oh! Oh. Eh… I, eh, I want, too…”

”But… uh, I don’t… how…?”

”Eh…” Harry tilted to the side, and Draco turned with him, so them both were laying on their sides again, facing each other. Harry felt his erection throbbing uncomfortably, so hard it hurt, but he didn’t dare touch it, so he held his hand under his head and the other on Dracos hip. ”I’m… not sure.”

”Oh.”

”Maybe…” Harry thought about all he knew about sex, which were pretty limited he had to admit, and most he’d ever heard about it were from Dudley, which were a very bad source of information about it since most had been slurs and threats. ”Maybe… uh, I think, hm… lube?” He said it low enough so that Draco maybe didn’t hear, but of course he did. 

”Like… to have, down there?” Dracos face were red beyond red, and he didn’t meet Harrys eyes. 

”Yeah, to… eh…” Harry just couldn’t get any more words out. His face were burning and his erection had begun to shrink; still hard, and ready, but at least it didn’t hurt anymore. Maybe it were better this way, if he’d just let it go and they could get their underwear back on and then like, just hug or maybe go out and down to the Library, maybe Harry should seek out Hermione and Ron, they would be worried for him by now, and then there were classes to go to. But even with all these thoughts he just didn’t do anything else then lay perfectly still, not wanting Draco to know that he really, _really_ , wanted to do this, but thought that maybe they shouldn’t… 

Draco were as quiet as him, just laying there, the back of one hand on Harrys chest and the other pressed against his own, and Harry noted the bandages on both of his arms, and felt the bandages on his hips, and saw how Draco didn’t really look at anything. 

”Are… are you okej?”

”We… we shouldn’t do this.” Were all that Draco responded. 

”I… I guess not.”

Then they lay quiet for a while, not daring to move, to accidentally break the moment they had, and what could come of it. 

”I…. I can’t fucking do this.”

Harry looked at Draco, who were staring into the covers, hands pressed against himself now, and Harry just felt his heart break. 

”This… I want, but I shouldn’t, and I hate it, but I don’t know what I want, and I don’t even know what I’m thinking and it’s just…”

Harry didn’t know how to break Dracos monologue, so he let his hand stroke Dracos cheek, and then pulled him closer to him. Not like before, with certain part of their bodies pressed against each other, but just a full-body hug. Harry circled his hands over and under Dracos body, put a leg between Dracos, holding him against his chest, with his lips on Dracos head. 

”I just… I just wished he’d… Why can’t he just talk to me? Why has everything have to be… to be so fucking black and white! I… I wish I could just…”

”Your father?” Harry asked, softly. 

”Yes. I wish… I wish …”

Harry kissed his head. ”I wish to get a blanket. It’s colder here then in the Gryffindor Commons Rooms.”

Draco snickered. ”Yeah, it’s cold sometimes.”

Harry moved to get the cover, which were at the bottom of the bed by now, when a thought hit him and he froze. 

”Eh… Draco? Did we, eh, lock the door?”

By the surprised and startled face on Draco he took it as a ’no’, and quickly darted up towards the door, pulling the lock shut, and then leaning against the door. 

He thought about saying something, but he just didn’t find the words, so he began to laugh instead; the relief after those few moments of pure fear that they’d done _this_ when someone could have just walked in on them, and the absurdity of the situation they were in. 

”Could you imagine, if someone had come byt and found _us_ , like _this_? Merlins beard and long nose that would have been hard to explain.”

As Harry turned towards Draco, he noticed how Draco’d turned on the bed to look at him, and how fast the look on his face became red and how he looked everywhere except Harry. And suddenly Harry became aware that he were indeed naked, in a locked room though, but with an almost as naked Draco Malfoy lying on the bed, obviously Not Looking at him. Suddenly he were more self-conscious then he’d ever been, since first day of Hogwarts at least. 

”Yeah, yeah, it would’ve been hard to explain… I mean you’re not even a Slytherin, and that’s something you just never to, to invite someone from another House into our dorm.” Draco said, as Harry thought about what to do. 

Amidst in all he suddenly saw the situation as from an outsiders eyes, and it were so absurd that he just couldn’t contain a small giggle, which grew to laughter and then he had a hard time breathing and almost fell down onto the bed next to Draco, who were also giggling and failing to keep a straight face. They ended up laying on the bed together, again, this time with a blanket and laughing wildly and holding onto each other. 

”What if… oh, what if Snape had come? To look how you were doing, and then saw us, like this?”

”O please don’t make me think about that, I really don’t want to think about my godfather right now, oh the look on his face if he’d seen me earlier, with you on top of me!”

”Do you think he’d curse me first or…?”

”You seriously believe he’d actually stay long enough for that?”

”Point. He’d turn the moment he even saw my naked butt to even realise it were mine.”

”Your pale naked butt has the power to turn a Hogwarts Professor and Head of House Slytherin.”

”The Boy with the Pale Butt.”

”Pale Butt-boy.”

”Paler then anyone else!”

”Is that even grammatically correct?”

”I don’t fucking know, and that’s seriously the thing you’re gonna think about?”

”No.” Draco said, and looked Harry in the eyes. ”I’d rather think about this.” And then he kissed him. 

The lips were soft and warm and comfortable, and Harry just lay still on the bed, and would have been smiling had his lips not been occupied. Both his hands moved and carefully stroked Dracos body under the blanket, over his bandages and the wounds underneath, looking into Dracos eyes and just understanding. He could feel the comfort from Draco as well, that they were both okey with this, with just laying here, with not being anywhere else. 

But of course Harrys body didn’t really believe the same, and he felt his erection grow, which made his face turn red and his hips to pull away from Draco, but he felt fingers dig into his thighs, holding him still, close enough for Draco to notice, and for Harrys penis to actually grow faster, and touch Dracos stomach. 

Harry wanted to look away but Draco held his cheek, and smiled. The smile turned wider, more pointed, when Harrys erection became more and more prominent, and while Harry continued to feel his face burn. The hand left his cheek, and began to slide down his chest, and lower. Dracos eyes followed, and Harry glanced away. 

”Can I… touch?” Draco asked, clearly amused about it being Harry who were the shy one right now, and that made Harry shy away even more, but he still smiled, and nodded slightly. He felt the hand reach his hips, down his stomach, lower abdomen, touching. Draco let his fingers lower over the foreskin, and Harry drew a sharp breath, and looked at Draco while he felt fingers circle and grab around his now rock hard erection, and he bit his lower lip to not make a sound when Draco began to move his hand, but he couldn’t stop a pathetic, almost whining moan, that came out between his teeth. It made Draco smile, pull closer, grab more firmly around Harrys cock, and when Harry closed his eyes he felt a warm kiss over his lips. He kissed back, but not for long; he couldn’t, and wouldn’t, hold back his moans, and felt the kisses continue over his face, his throat, his shoulders as Draco pulled closer, as he himself moved with the movements, arched his back, hugged Draco closer, felt another erection press against him, pulling his head up to kiss Dracos ear and let a soft moan right into Dracos ear. Draco responded with moving even closer, his whole body shivering and holding Harrys erection firmer, pulling faster, kissing him deeply. 

”Curse you Draco, I want to uh!… I want to do so many things to you right now.” Harry let his hands grabb Dracos ass, one cheek in either hand, and Draco arched against him, pressing against both his hands and his chest. 

”I want it too. I want it a lot.” 

It were hard to think, as Harrys mind were filled with a lot of thoughts and even more feelings, but then he actually understood Dracos words and just looked at him with a smile that met Dracos own, shying smile, and Harry grabbed Dracos hair with one hand and kissed him deeply. 

”I… I want to fuck you Draco.”

He said the words between breaths and kisses, and then paused long enough for Draco to bite his lip, fluster somewhat, but meet his eyes with determination. 

”Okej.”

That simple word were enough for Harry to press Draco down against the bed, rolling up on top of him, kissing him deeply and position himself between Dracos legs, which parted eagerly for him, and bent around his legs, moving and shifting under him, just as his hands did over his body. 

”I want to…” Harry held his erection, standing on his knees and leaning on his hand that were positioned next to Dracos shoulder. ”… to just… press in, and…”

”Do it.” Draco moved his hips down, towards Harrys cock, spreading his thighs even more, but Harry pulled back a little. 

”But… what if I hurt you?”

”I guess… you could use, eh, your fingers… first… If you want…” 

Harry thought for a moment, but only a very short one, before he took one of Dracos legs and put it on the other side of him, letting Draco turn by himself to lay on his side, looking up at Harry, and turning his back so that his ass were pointing sightly up towards Harry, who bent down to half-lay behind Draco, supported by his elbow and using his other hand to stroke those pale cheeks next to his crotch. 

His hand and fingers stroked between the cheeks, down the crack, pushing in softly, feeling Dracos ball-sack, the hairs around it, traveling up between the cheeks, and he let his finger rest a bit longer over Dracos anus, smiling at the glance and low, long moan Draco made as he did. 

Very carefully, he began to rub the opening, and felt it open for him easily, enough to almost suck the top of his finger in. The sounds Draco were making were low, almost inaudible, but they made Harry more lustful with every breath, every movement, and his erection were pulsing hard now, ready and willing, but he kept his attention on Draco, looking for any small sign of uncomfort or anything. 

”Do you like it?” He whispered. 

”Yes!” Were everything Draco answered, at least in real words. 

”Should I use some saliva, maybe? To make it… easier?”

”Yes, do… uh! Do that!”

”Okej, beautiful.” Harry kissed Dracos blonde mane, then got back up to his knees and Draco followed, but only with his backside, putting his ass up against Harry, who grabbed the pale cheeks and let a carefully aimed drop of saliva fall down on Dracos anus, all while he held the cheeks separated gently but firmly. Draco moaned again. 

”Does this hurt?” Harry asked as he let his finger rub against the widening opening, gently and very carefully pushing it in. 

”No. More.” Draco answered, and Harry followed the instructions, pushing his finger deeper in, feeling like it were sucked deeper, and then when it were all in, Draco bent and arched his back and made noises Harry hadn’t heard before and they made him almost loose breath, with how sexy they were. 

”Is this… okey?”

”Yes!” 

Pulling out, slowly but not fully, Harry let another finger rest by the opening, then carefully twisting his hand to get his fingers to push inside; which were almost unnecessary since Dracos ass seemed to both open and suck them in at the same time. 

”Curse you for how much I love your ass.”

Draco didn’t answer anything, not any words anyway, but made quite a few sounds as Harry pressed the fingers all the way in, up to his palm, hearing Draco turn almost quiet as he seemed to bit his lip, and Harry just couldn’t take it; his erection hurt by being so hard, fornso long, without any touch, with this beautiful and inviting ass in front of him. He pulled his fingers out, heard a whining moan from Draco, and bent to drop a few parts of his saliva onto his own cock. 

Using the same hand whose fingers had just been in that ass, he began to slowly cover his cock in a layer of sticky water, while the other hand held onto Dracos ass-cheek. 

”Harry, don’t stop…”

”No. But… I want more.”

”Yes! I… I want you inside me.”

His cock spasmed a little at him hearing those words. ”Eh… Like, my fingers…?”

”No… your…” Draco pushed back a little, touching his ass to Harrys crotch. ”That… inside me.”

”Oh.” Harry still held his cock in his hand, holding the foreskin but not moving it, feeling his heart beat hard inside his chest, as Dracos words finally hit home. ”Do you… want me to fuck you?”

”Y… y-yes! Yes!”

”O-okej. I… I want to fuck you, too, beautiful.” 

”Then… do it. Please.”

”Okej. Uhm… tell me if I’m, eh, doing anything wrong. Like, if it… hurts, or something…”

”I will. Fuck me.” 

Draco pressed harder back against Harry crotch, and Harry didn’t know anything else to say, to ask, and his body demanded that he do as Draco said. His erection hurt, and he pulled the foreskin back, letting more saliva cover both the anal opening, now bigger and quite inviting, and his own cock, before gently placing it in between those cheeks in front of him. He grabbed both cheeks with his hands, firm but gently, ready to pull back in case of any little sound or movement, but Draco made no other sound then pleasure, so Harry let his cock glide between the cheeks, over the anus, getting different kinds of sounds with every movement, making some himself, before he couldn’t handle it anymore and grabbed his cock, placed it in the opening, and gently put pressure behind it. 

”Oh! Oh, yes! Oh, Harry!”

Harry himself could barely think, as he felt the tip slide in without a hitch, stopping bent over Dracos back and ass, mouth open, breathless. 

”Fuck! By Merlins beard Draco! This… this feels so good!”

”Yes, so good! Press more!” 

So Harry did. Gently, of course, but it weren’t needed, as Dracos opening widened for him, sucking him in deeper, and he felt the whole head of his penis inside that tight ass, and it were all he could do to not cum right then. He stopped, holing Dracos ass both for stability and comfort, waiting for his blood to calm down, which Dracos moans weren’t doing anything to help with. 

”Why are you so tight Draco? Feels… uh, like I’ll cum before I even start.”

Draco didn’t answer with words, but instead pushed back, his anus enveloping Harrys cock, making him suck for breath, but there were nothing left now, nothing left outside of Draco; his whole cock were inside Draco. 

”Oh… oh! Harry…!”

But Harry couldn’t answer. His mind were blank, filled with nothing except the feeling and knowledge of why he were feeling like this; his cock deep inside Dracos ass, which were pulsating around him, pulling him in and pushing out at the same time, and even though they were both still save for heartbeats and breathing, it never stopped moving around him. 

”D… Draco! Fuck!”

They didn’t need much more ords, as Harry began to move his hips, hands steady on Dracos hips, and face leaned in over Dracos neck. 

”Fuck, Draco, this is… fuck!”

Harry continued to move, but couldn’t get a rhythm in his movements, couldn’t match his movements with those Draco made, so he stopped, resting on top of Draco, kissing his neck and throat and hugging his waist with his fingers. 

”On… on the side, so we’re laying down?”

”okey.” Draco said, and they moved awkwardly, every little movement filled with pleasure and Harry did his best to focus, to not be too early. He wanted this to last, he didn’t want to be… 

But he didn’t need to worry, not really, as they fell down on their sides, clumsy and awkwardly, both giggling a little between shallow breaths, Harry hugging Draco close to him. 

”Fuck, Draco, I fucking love you, this…. this is awesome!”

”Yes, I know, oh… Harry?”

”Yes?”

Draco looked back at him, met his eyes, looked into them for a moment and kissed his lips; a bit awkwardly, as they both couldn’t really reach and didn’t want to move too much, in case Harrys hard cock slipped out of Dracos ass, and they didn’t want to hurt the other. Their limbs were tangled and held at uncomfortable angles; Harrys arm were stil under Draco, stuck under his hip-bone and loosing blood flow, but he didn’t move it, and Draco were leaned back towards him, twisting his neck and shoulders in a way that had to be uncomfortable, just to kiss him, but he still did. 

As the kiss needed, they both lingerd, feeling each others warmth and breath, looking at each other but with lazy eyes, unfocused, and Harry shifted his hips to lay more comfortably, and Draco gasped, and Harry felt his hips move with his own, so Harry put his hand back on Dracos hip and held gently onto his prominent thighbones, and began to move his hips a bit more. 

Draco were still turned awkwardly with his face to Harrys, and they both kept their lips and faces close as Harry began to move, slow but faster, without any real rhythm but doing his best to find one, and they both breathed in moans, Draco gritting his teeth as Harry pushed even deeper, a slow and strained breath let out between clenched teeth, and Harry looked at him, worried, but Draco moved back towards his crotch with a deep moan, and Harry kissed his neck and cheek and tried to kiss his lips but missed, and felt himself move inside of Draco. 

”does it feel… ok?” Harry asked, and Draco opened his eyes and looked at him sheepishly, and nodded before closing his eyes again. 

”Are you sure? It doesn’t… hurt?” 

”N… no.” Draco answered, eyes still closed and, Harry felt Dracos body shift against him, place his hand on top of Harrys and the other grabbing onto the pillow with white knuckles. Harry weren’t sure, he didn’t want to hurt him, not more, and…

”Should I go slower, or…?”

”No. Just… continue.”

”Like this?”

”Ah! Yes, like… like that.”

”okey.” Harry said, and burrowed his head into Dracos neck, held firmer onto his hips, and moved his hips to press deeper into his ass. And his whole abdomen shivered with warmth and electricity and lust and he actually found a rhythm, moving his hips back and forth on the bed, pulling Dracos hips back against his crotch, hearing the gentle but deeper moans with every movement, feeling the warmth and soft wetness spreading down his thighs, his toes curling and legs bending to get a better grip on the bed, to move more steadily, to not loose momentum just because the mattress didn’t work with him. 

”Harry… Harry! I think… I think I’m gonna…!”

Harry heard and moved his hand down towards Dracos crotch, touching his erection, and nibbling his earlobe with his lips. As he began to stroke Dracos hard cock, he whispered into his ear. ”You’re so fucking hot Draco, if you cum I’m gonna do it too, you’re so warm and sexy and I love your sounds, I want to watch you cum, I want to cum in your ass, can I do that, please, can I cum inside you Draco, I think I’m gonna, soon, can I…?”

Draco looked back, nodded, kissed him deeply, and Harry felt his body shift, tense, like every joint suddenly froze, and he continued to hold Dracos erection, continued to fuck him, still moving his hips and feeling his cock slide in and out of his tight anus, and Harry closed his eyes and kissed him back, deeply, and felt Dracos lips move as in slow motion, stuck in time, as his whole body bent and convulsed against his own. He pressed deeper, harder, holding Draco firmly around his waist, hearing Dracos cry as he came, thick sticky cum spraying onto Harrys arms and the bed, and Harry couldn’t focus, he couldn’t do anything else then move, and breathe, and he were so close, he felt his whole body; his legs and hips and stomach pressing his cock deeper still into Dracos ass and he felt like every muscle in Draco focused on the same spot, and Harry could barely move his cock inside him and with a loud moan, or some kind of noise from the deep of his throat, he felt his ballsack press together, as the orgasm racked through his whole body, and his vision blacked out. 

When he came back again, his cock were still hard and deep inside Draco, his arms were tightly wound around his waist and stomach, and the arm under their bodies had lost most of its sense of touch, and he noticed he were panting real hard. As did Draco. 

Harry leaned in towards Draco, too tired to kiss him, and just lay still for awhile, a smile stuck on his lips. 

”Wow.” were all he could say, when he got his breath back. Draco shock slightly, like laughter, but too exhausted to follow it through. 

”Yeah.” Draco answered, and turned slowly and clumsily towards Harry. Laying awkwardly on his side again, but with his ass still against Harrys crotch, they shared a look and Harry saw the same exhausted smile on Dracos face as he felt on his own. He wanted to lift his hand to stroke his cheek, but only got it high enough to touch his breast, and he gave it a slight squeeze, for good measure. 

”What the fuck?”

”Couldn’t reach your face.” Harry said, hiding his mischievous smile against Dracos neck. 

”Lazy git.” Draco lay a hand on Harrys chin. 

”I actually think I did pretty good, you know.”

”I guess it’s okey, since it’s your first.”

Harry just sighed. ”If I weren’t so fucking worn out now I’d fuck you all over again.” A soft kiss against Dracos neck. 

”Guess you need to work out more, if you can’t even do it twice.”

”You’re the one to talk, you didn’t even do anything.”

”Of rouse I did! Compared yo you…!”

”Oh really?” Harry leaned in closer, getting up on his elbow and hovering over Dracos face. ”You talk like you _want_ me to fuck you again.” Smile, mirrored by Draco after a short burst of uncertainty. Then another kiss. 

Harrys cock had begun to shrink down, but were still big enough to stay inside of Draco, and now while they’d been talking it had begun to grow, and with the kiss it were once again rock hard, throbbing, and Harrys hand reached down over Dracos chest, stomach, abdomen, and felt the hard erection, once again big and hard. Harry smiled during the kiss, deep and soft, and began to stroke it, moving the foreskin and stroking it over the shaft. Draco moaned softly into their kiss. As Harry began to thrust his hips, Draco had mostly turned away again, and Harry kissed his neck, even bit it when he got deep down into Dracos ass again. 

”Fuck Harry. This… this feels so good.”

”I know. I don’t want to stop.”

”Then don’t.”

”Okey.” Harry let a last kiss onto Dracos neck, biting his shoulder as he pressed in again, deeper, thrusting harder then before, and Draco leaned his head back, mouth open, placing a hand on Harrys hips as Harrys were still stroking Dracos cock. 

The bedding had folded itself underneath them, and it quickly came between their bodies, hindering Harry from pushing as deeply as before. 

”Draco, could we… like before?”

”What?”

”You know… with me on top?”

”Oh. Yeah, okey.”

”Okey.”

Harry began to move, not wanting to leave his place inside Draco, but not sure how to handle his legs and limbs and then accounting for Dracos as well. H tried to move his legs first, but felt he began to slide out, so he got back down, but Draco had begun to move so it didn’t do much, so he moved again, just as Draco moved another limb, and he laughed awkwardly. 

”Wait, if I do this…” Harry tried to get up on one leg, but failed and fell down on the bed again, still inside Draco, who tensed around him, and he let out an involuntarily moan. 

”Yeah, I get that, but didn’t you want to change position first?” Draco smiled back at him. 

”Shut up.” Harry answered with a smile, and gave him a small kiss. ”If you, like, roll over, as I do this…”

They tried once, failed, laughed a little, Draco bit his lip as Harry moved inside him with every move, Harry tried to focus on shifting his position before continuing, and the second try went better, with Draco now laying on his stomach and Harry awkwardly placed on top. They were both panting, not because of exhaustion, but because Harry were still inside Draco, still hard, and every movement only made the feeling more intense. 

Draco got up on all for, then his knees, and turned his head towards Harry, searching for a kiss, which he gave him. For a while they stood like that, both on their knees in Dracos bed, kissing deeply, as Harry began to move his hips again, and Draco tried to continue the kiss, but couldn’t contain the sounds of pleasure his body forced out of him, which only made Harry breathe harder, and push harder, reaching deeper, and Draco had to change his footing, spreading his legs, bending forward. Harry had his hands firmly on Dracos hips, pulling them back as he pressed forward, and he heard Draco give off a sudden sound, almost like a wordless shout, as he pressed deep inside him again. Harry placed his knees closer, Dracos spread his legs even more, bent forward to lean against the bed frame, holding it with his hands and leaning his chin against it, all while making sounds of pleasure, moans and whimpers and it pushed Harry to fuck him harder, faster, letting his cock slide quickly in and out of Dracos ass, lubricated with his own cum from earlier, the anus spread wide but still tight around his cock. He could feel the insides move and shift and tense and relax in time with Dracos sounds, and he pressed himself harder into him, digging fingers into the skin and muscle around Dracos hipbones, pushing him back hard with every move, helped by Dracos own movements, seemingly eager to get fuck by him. 

Harry wanted to say something, perhaps about how hot Draco were, how intense his sounds were, how much he wanted to cum just by hearing him, how tight his ass were, and a lot of other things that made him hard, but he couldn’t get anything else then quick moans out of him, and he couldn’t focus enough to assemble whole sentences, and he wanted to kiss him but couldn’t let go of his hips, his waist, so he leaned in closer and Draco were pressed against the bed frame and wall behind it, grabbing it with white knuckled fingers, turning his head back to glance at Harry, with eyes dimmed by pleasure. That look made Harry thrust harder, his gaze stuck in those dim grey eyes and he tried to lean in to kiss those lips and Draco leaned back and bent his neck weirdly, Harry smiled and took a few small steps closer, pressing Draco harder against the bed frame and wall, and Ddraco bent his spine so that his ass were tilted back towards Harry, who held onto his hips stil and thrust harder, faster. Draco pushed back against him, and Harry felt himself getting closer, again, pushing deeper and loosing focus. 

He kissed Dracos neck, breathed heavily down his shoulders and almost didn’t pull back at all, just pushed deeper, deeper, leaning closer, his chest resting over Dracos back, their sweat mixing and dripping down his skin, every kiss on his skin tasted like salt. 

Draco pressed back and clenched his anus, and Harry money with open mouth, forehead reasting against Dracos hair, his back bent to fill Dracos ass and he felt his whole body just loose focus, every part were filled with pleasure and he just sighed, breathed heavily, leaned in over Draco as his cock continued to pump his scum into him. Harry tried to say something, maybe about how hot Draco were, how good it felt, but h couldn’t find the words, couldn’t find the meaning behind the question Draco asked him, and just nodded and pulled at Dracos waist, hugging him tight enough to break his ribs (well, almost) and feeling his cock shrink to a more manageable size. 

”Fuck, Draco… fuck.” 

Draco just snickered, but Harry could hear how out of breath he were, almost as much as Harry himself, and it made him smile. 

”Can I… pull out?” Harry asked, between breaths. 

”Uhm…” Draco clenched his ass, Harry gasped, Draco smiled. ”Yeah, I guess. Just… do it slowly.”

”Okey.”

Harry tried to lean back and balance himself just on his knees, which were wobbly and unstable after this much workout, but he began to pull ack, and with every small bit he pulled out Draco whimpered a little, with pleasure, a slight moan escaped as he pressed the tip out. 

Harry gasped as he sat down, and looked up to see Dracos ass in front of him, still open and with cum trickling out of it, and it were so sexy, but Harry didn’t have any energy left to respond to that feeling, that desire, so he just leaned back on his arms and watched as Draco slowly tried to sit down. Draco turned around, every movement slow and careful, and tried to sit down but made a grimace and pushed himself back up with his hands, and sat down again on just one side of his hip, and laying down, almost. 

They shared a look, and Draco smiled, and Harry couldn’t help but snicker, and Draco began to giggle, and they just sat there on either side of the bed, giggling at each other, at themselves, at the mess they’d made of the bed. 

”Are you, eh, sore?”

”Like I’ve been stuck by a poisonous plant or something.”

”Oh, sorry…”

”But, like, in a good way. Don’t think I’ll be able to walk away from here without drawing major attention to myself, at least not for a few hours, but…” Then he just smiled at Harry. and Harry blushed. 

”Oh curse you Draco.”

But he smiled as well, and got up on his knees again, reached for his wand and cast a quick cleaning charm on the bedding, and then lay down next to Draco, staring into each others eyes, and even holding hands. 

They were quiet for quite some time, just happily laying there, exhausted. 

”I still can’t really believe this.”

”Me neither.”

”Good. Then maybe it’s not even real, and everything is just weird strange dreams, and we’re gonna wake up to perfectly normal lives soon.”

”Without Voldemort, or wars, or hurt and death and… abuse. There’s only gonna be roses and rainbows for everyone, all the time. And this will be a really fascinating nightmare.”

”Yeah. Sounds nice. And with good, living parents that don’t mistreat you.”

”Yeah. Perfect.”

Draco lost his smile as he said the last word, and Harry saw how he looked away, down at his bandages, and Harry didn’t let his thoughts linger; he pulled Draco closer, so close he comfortably could, and held him against his chest. 

”It’s gonna be alright, in time. At least we got this moment. And I’m not letting you go.”


	17. Cellphones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco has a cellphone, and wonders how long he can keep up pretences that he hasn't changed at all.   
> Harry meets up with friends, who're starting to get worried about him, but gets a much more important call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello humans <3 I've got a tumblr! :D  
> http://insanitysqueen.tumblr.com  
> I'm posting fandoms there, weird stuff, awesome stuff, and links to lots of other works available online. Writing is what I do, and apparently I do it A LOT, so what's the point keeping it locked up in some hard drive?  
> Leave comments and kudos and talk to me, if you want to. About kind of anything.   
> Be safe <3

Draco held onto the cellphone and didn’t really know what to do with it. Harry had shown him the basics, like how to call and text and use the calendar and some other things, but it were still… weird. Not like magic, and not like anything else he’d known about; just undoubtedly weird. 

They had spent the majority of the day together, hidden under Harrys Cloak or cuddling in Dracos bed. No one had bothered them, and they had let the rest of the world out of their minds for the moment, and just spent the time doing nothing. Pretending that what they were doing were okey, and that no one else could demand anything from them. Like there weren’t a war going on out there. 

But in the end, they’d needed to break out of their bubble, and get out into reality. Harry had left him with several kisses and new bandages, which he’d gently and calmly unwound to take care of Dracos wounds, and then patched them up again. Draco had been reluctant, but Harry had treated the subject with such respect and understanding, and he did need to change the bandaging anyway. Their… intimate… time-passing had left the bandages somewhat ruffled, and some blood had coloured the sheets. During the… sex, or intercourse, even though it felt strange and… nervous to think it, the wounds had been somewhat painful, but only a dull, sometimes sudden pain that quickly receded, and it had done nothing to change Dracos experience. He still smiled ever time he thought of it, and a jolt of energy went from his mind down to his privates with each little memory, no matter how small or insignificant. He felt like he should be more ashamed of it, but Harry had said several times that it weren’t anything wrong, not even anything special with it, and even though Draco knew his father… Lucius… would punish him if he knew, he still felt a conflicted sense of pride over it. And a very clear arousal. 

Looking down at the phone again, he wondered about what Pansy had said. Harry had been gone before Draco dared leave the room, and Pansy had been sitting in the Commons Rooms with Blaise Zabini, doing homework, while Crabbe and Goyle lounged nearby. Pansy had given him a quite regular smile, and Blaise had asked if he felt better now, and Pansy had explained that she’d told their friend and the teachers that Draco had become suddenly sick, and needed some rest. Draco played along with it, careful not to let his wrists show, and gave Pansy a grand ’thank you’ in his mind, and a smile when no one else saw. 

Later, Draco had shown her his new phone, which Harry had left with him before getting back to his friends and the few classes that remained, and she’d been just as perplexed as him by this small, but powerful Muggle-devise. They’d played around with it for a while, with some other Slytherins looking curiously, before deciding it where getting too close to dinner, and made their way to the Great Hall. 

Draco had very pointedly Not Looked at the Gryffindor table as he entered the Hall, and focused on letting Pansy choose their seats and just following her lead. They’d had dinner with some small-talk with other Slytherins, some of which were concerned about Dracos well-being (’You’re sure it’s nothing serious? What if it’s a lingering curse of some sort? Remember touching any strange object of late?’), but mostly they talked about classes, and Quidditch, with a side-dish of gossip. Maybe it were because Draco expected the school to make their own conclusions and get onto the ’scandal’ that were his and Harrys relationship, but people just weren’t talking about Potter. A lot of intrigues in the school were about Dumbledore, and the Dark Lord, and students that may or may not have had affairs and cheated on tests, and pranks on teachers, and whatever Filch were up to lately. Draco were relieved, but… they’d all seen or heard about Harry actually holding his hand. Shouldn’t that be more of a subject for gossip? What if they just didn’t want him to hear, and they already…?

Suddenly Dracos mind turned dark, and the old paranoia came back. What if they were all pretending, and they all had their facades up and just tried to act normal, but when he turned away they all knew, they all shared whatever secrets he had and they could see it in his face, in how he walked, _they knew_. 

He didn’t want to be part of the conversations anymore, and completely lost appetite. It didn’t take long before Pansy noticed, and nudged him to get his attention. He didn’t respond, and looked away when she tried to meet his eyes. 

Ha wanted nothing else then to leave, because now everything he heard were just lies, fake smiles and hollow wishes of wellbeing, gossip that no one really wanted to hear and people who were faking studying as they bent their heads close together and exchanged stories about how Draco were a useless, self-harming fag. 

_How long until father knows?_

The dark thoughts in his head just became darker and more insidious and he couldn’t stand it, he stood up and excused himself and walked away before Pansy had a chance to interrupt or stop him. She watched him go, and he gave her a halfhearted shrug to tell that no, he weren’t gonna end up dead, he just couldn’t stand this anymore. With a hurt look she stayed, and Draco turned away and just walked out of the Great Hall. 

And now he sat here, hidden in some obscure bathroom stall, staring at the blue-tinted screen in front of him. It only had one number, and just a few messages, saying nothing more then ’test’ and ’hi’. He didn’t know what to write, and it just felt heavy and cumbersome in his hands, with the letters spaced out in illogical and asymmetrical ways. How did Muggles even do this? They make a device to contact each other over the whole world, and the letters aren’t even alphabetical? Maybe father were right, and Muggles were a plague, but Draco didn’t really linger at the thought. If this little device were as useful as Harry had made it seem, then they couldn’t be all that stupid. 

Draco pocketed the phone. He stared into the closed door. He put his face in his hands. He felt like he were going to break. 

He didn’t want to make it worse, he didn’t want to make Snape give him potions to drink and poultices to use, he didn’t want to be forced to watch the wounds heal and beg Pansy for help in bandaging them, he didn’t want any of that. But he needed to do it anyway. 

No one were around, and he’d packed his razor-blades after Harry had gone. They were awkward and clumsy to hold, but much more effective then the quill. The blood ran down over his bandages, and it were mesmerising. At least until he realised what it meant. 

He took the phone back out. 

 

Harry lay in his bed, staring into the roof. He’d left the Slytherins Commons Rooms after he’d given Draco the phone, and they’d both tried to understand it, and he’d left under the Invisibility Cloak. It felt wrong to leave Draco by himself, but Harry knew he couldn’t stay there, and classes were about to end soon and by then people would come back to their dorms and leave or get stuff before heading to dinner. He just couldn’t stay, even though he wanted to, so he’d kissed Draco a last time (several last times) and gotten out. He’d seen Pansy in the Commons Rooms, which had made him feel somewhat more secure in that Draco wouldn’t do anything really bad. 

But once out in the castle halls, he didn’t know where to go. If he went to the last class they had, he’d probably be forced to answer questions about where he’d been, why he’d skipped class, and a lot of other things from their professors, and he just couldn’t handle that right now, not in front of people. What could he say? ’Sorry I missed class, I were busy fucking Malfoy. No, not that kind of fucking. The sexual kind of fucking.’ If Harry had to take a wild guess, he thought that no one of their teachers were gonna accept that as a valid excuse for skipping half a day of classes. 

So he’d made his way to the Great Hall, some time before dinner were to start, just to have somewhere to go. Ron and Hermione had to come here sometime. 

The Great Hall were pretty much deserted, so he took the time to get his books on the table, and carefully wrap his Cloak from under his shirt into the bottom of his bag, before settling to do some homework. But he were distracted. He kept being anxious about the classes he’d missed, and the homework he’d have to do, and that made him think of why he’d missed classes, and that made his face turn red and that made him smile and shy away and hope that no one could actually read his mind and realise that he were here while he stil had classes and then speculate in exactly _why_ he were skipping classes… 

After a long while of failed homework, he were drawn out of his thoughts by hearing his name called, and he looked up to see Rons smiling face and Hermione beside him. At first, Harry smiled, but he felt his smile turn fake as he realised he hadn’t thought at all about what to tell them as to the reasons he’d pretty much abandoned them. 

”Harry! Where did you go? You’ve missed like 3 classes!”

”Sorry, I… eh…”

”You said you’d be right back! What happened?” Hermione spoke in a forceful whisper, which did little to avoid drawing attention to their conversation. 

”I… eh… sorry, I just got stuck and…”

Both of them were sitting next to him now, and Harry picked mindlessly with his papers, trying to have something to occupy himself with. 

”Harry, what’s happening? Did we do something?” Hermione asked. 

”No! No, it weren’t your fault, not at all!”

”Were it those Muggle-things you got? Did you just skip everything and play with them or something?” Ron added. 

”Eh…” Harry thought, that weren’t such a bad idea. ”Yeah, well… kind of.”

”But Harry! You missed at least 3 classes! Don’t you know what that can do to your grades? And you’re lucky I took extensive notes, else you’d not even know what homework we had! How can you be so mindless?” Hermione continued, distraught at the thought of actually _skipping_ classes. 

”He could just copy your notes, right, ’Mione? And those things were bloody strange! Did you learn anything about them?” 

”Ron, this is serious! Harry can’t just skip classes because he feels like it!”

”But that’s why we have you, right? It’s not like we learned much today anyway.”

”Hermione, it’s okey, I’ll do all my homework myself, no worries. I just, well, got stuck and… lost track of time, I guess.” Harry tried to look somewhat ashamed, which weren’t too hard, considering that he were actively lying to his best friends. 

Hermione looked at him with a very conflicted look, but neither of the conflicting feelings seemed to be to Harrys gain, and he didn’t look up from his books for a second glance. 

”okey, but only if you promise that you’ll either never skip classes again, or at least tell us if you do. We’ve been worried sick about you! I thought that maybe I’d said something, like when you got back, and… I thought you were mad at us, at me, for something.” Hermione looked really hurt. 

”No, that’s not it at all! It were nothing you said, it… sorry, I guess I’ve just been too distracted, and, well… I needed time for myself…” Harrys cheeks burned, but his friends seemed to think it were because of what he said, while it were really all about what he kept from them. It really felt wrong to lie to them, but they wouldn’t understand, he knew it. Thinking about how they reacted earlier, when he’d told them about his childhood, and… Wait, what had he said? ’ _That’s why… fuck, that’s why I can’t stop thinking about him.’_ Suddenly he felt all colour drain from his face. _I… I actually told them… and now I’m lying?! About that? I’m… I must be the worst friend ever…_

”Oh” were everything Ron said, and Hermione took a moment of thought before she leaned in and put her arms around Harrys shoulders. Harry didn’t respond, but that only made her hug harder. 

”I’m sorry, Harry. I’m sorry for not understanding, for not… for not being the friend you need, when you need it the most. I’m… so, so sorry.” 

”No, Hermione, don’t be, please! It’s not you, it’s, I just can’t, you know, I’m…” Hermione had pulled back, and Harry thought about what he could say, but nothing came and he just let his shoulders drop, his head hanging. ”I’m the one who’s being a bad friend.”

”Harry, you’re not a bad friend. Not at all. You’re the most awesome person I know, you know that. I’d do anything for you, and I’m not exaggerating when I’m saying that.” Rons eyes were big and focused on Harry, but he couldn’t meet them, and just stared down into the book before him, not seeing anything. 

Hermione held a hand on his shoulder, but other then that just sat still and quiet, looking at him for a while after he spoke, then looking away, eyes unfocused, and used her hand to pick with the fork before her. Somehow this made Harry feel even worse. 

”I know, I just… Like, so much is happening at the same time, and…”

”Harry, mate, it’s okey. Take the time you need, just tell us before, okey? We’re here for you, you know that.”

”Yeah… sorry..”

They began talking about the classes Harry’d missed, and how the Quidditch-season were coming along, as they got food onto their plates from the suddenly filled serving plates in front of them, and finished quickly before getting down to the Library to catch up on what Harry’d missed. It weren’t so much, as Ron’d said, but they had a lot of new homework and it were stupid to let it get worse, as Hermione kept reminding him. She’d been unusually quiet during dinner, and now only kept talking about homework and just not looking directly at Harry. It felt a bit strange, but Harry didn’t know what it meant or how to handle it, and Ron seemed oblivious to any problems so he just played along, talking mostly about Quidditch. 

Later they’d gone up to the Commons Rooms and taken a place next to the fireplace, talking to some of the other Gryffindors and Ron getting into a game of chess with Seamus (who lost)when Harry felt something vibrate in his pocket. At first he froze, not sure what it could be, but as he remembered the phone, and heard the quick sound of a message, which he’d actually managed to choose all by himself with Draco by his side, he relaxed a bit, before growing even more worried. What if something’d happened? He excused himself and quietly snuck into the bathrooms, were he took out his phone to see what it were up to. 

As suspected, it were a message from Draco, and Harry smiled. It said nothing more then ’Harry?’, and while Harry began to write a response, another one came through, reading ’HARRY?’. He felt his smile falter, because he could guess why Draco were so insistent on contacting him. 

’Hi Draco. What’s up?’

’Harry. Nothing. Just wondering.’

’Where are you?’

’Commons rooms, dungeons.’ Somehow Harry didn’t believe this, and hesitated before answering. 

’Are you ok?’

’I’m ok. What you been doing?’

’I went to dinner early, met friends, then went to library. You?’

’Nothing. Pansy’d told people I’ve been sick. Then dinner.’

’Is Pansy with you?’

This took a while, and Harry stared at the phone, getting more and more anxious, before a response came through. 

’No’

_Fuck._ ’Where are you? I’ll come to you.’

’No. Not now’ Harry felt his heart fall as his fears were confirmed. 

’Draco don’t do anything bad. I don’t care about what you’re doing, or where you are, I just want to be with you. I’ll bring some chocolate.’

’No, I don’t want to. I’m not presentable.’

’I don’t care.’ Harry hesitated before sending, and quickly added ’I love you’ before sending. Then he sat still, staring at the phone, feeling nervous and anxious and what if Draco didn’t respond and… 

’Why?’

’Because you’re beautiful, you understand, and you’re good, deep down, and they try to break you but you’re still here and that makes you the strongest person I know.’

Harry meant every word, and wanted to write more, but didn’t dare. He felt he needed to send it before finishing, to get it to Draco before anything more happened, and he felt so incredibly worried that something bad had happened. 

’Where are you?’ He sent, before Draco had time to respond to his last text. Harry almost sent another text before he got Dracos response. 

’Bathroom, east wing, 3rd floor.’

’I’ll bring chocolate!’ Harry sent, before getting up and out, but he stopped by the door. What were he supposed to tell Hermione and Ron? He couldn’t just blurt everything out now, when he’d lied to them just hours earlier. _Fuck!_

But he didn’t have time to wonder, not when Draco needed him, so he went out and up to his dorm, pulling clothes out of his pack until he found a battered chocolate bar, which he stuck down his pocket and then went out to get his bag. Even if curfew hadn’t begun yet, he couldn’t be too careful, and it were easier to carry the Map in it. 

His friends still sat by the fire, sharing notes and chatting with a few Gryffindors, and he gave them a shallow nod and tried to look neutral as he began gathering his things. Ron continued chatting with Seamus, but Hermione noticed right away, and Harry couldn’t ignore her confused look. 

’I’ll need to go, I… eh, I forgot something, just gotta go look for it…’ It sounded hollow, even to his own ears, but there weren’t much to do about it. Surprisingly, Hermione gave a thin, almost unnoticed smile at this, and just told him to be back before curfew. Ron just waved as he got his bag and went out, not sensing anything strange, for which Harry were somewhat grateful. He were a bit confused by Hermiones reaction, but didn’t have time to think about that now. It didn’t take him long to get out of the Tower and walk hurriedly through the castle, toward Draco. 


	18. Empathy and worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry goes to check on Draco, worried that he'd done something destructive.   
> It takes a while, but with the help of a particular map, they find each other, even though Draco didn't seem to want to be found.   
> TW: Self-harm, detailed description of wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O hai <3  
> Sorry for the hiatus. All the stuff going on. Also, not been feeling well. Life not going my way, all that.   
> Still, I AM going to finish this, no matter what :P Almost have the ending done, so it's just a matter of posting the remaining chapters and we're off to a happy ending. Of sorts.   
> Like and comment if you want, and thanks for waiting <3

Draco kept thinking about his family. Both his father and mother could be kind - they could be close to perfect parents when they wanted to, or just needed to. He wanted to remember that. 

He kept thinking as well about You-Know-Who. That never made him feel better, but it kept turning up into his head, and he couldn’t get it out. The sight of the Dark Lord walking down the Malfoy Manor, his father at his knees before him, the look he gave Draco… 

No, he couldn’t think about that. _Focus. Look at your arms. You need to change the bandaging. You need to stop the bleeding. You need to scourgify the floor, and your clothes. You need…_ But he kept seeing those slits of dark eyes in that blank face, and he kept loosing focus. _I can’t continue like this._

The razor clattered as it bounced against the stone floor, but Draco didn’t try to pick it up. He just sat there, motionless, stuck in his thought, stuck in where he were supposed to go, what he were supposed to do. _What if they come here… Couldn’t they easily do it again?_

His breathing were fast, ragged, uneven, he felt shallow, with a heavy chest, he couldn’t breathe enough to get air down his lungs, into his body, he felt stuck in himself, like a full-body paralysis, his eyes didn’t close ad when they did, he still saw the same thing: snakelike eyes over an emotionless smile, the raging hate in his fathers eyes, the unchecked distaste in his mothers voice as she told him what he’d done wrong. He got down to the floor, getting the razor, cutting his fingers on it’s edges, holding it tight in his hands as the voices echoed inside him, mixed with his own thoughts, that he were disgusting, unworthy, pathetic. He got his razor in a somewhat solid grip, and cut another slit on his bicep, watching the blood pool and fall down in big drops, cutting another wound, deeper this time, the blood running down his arm almost instantly, before he got the razor away. It were fascinating. 

He shifted hand, more careful this time, but the blade were bloody and a bit slippery, he needed to hold it tighter, as he cut into his other arm, another wound after another, until he saw his arms streaked with blood, and realised his head were getting dissy, that he were loosing his grip on the small blade. He stopped and came back to reality; blood were falling to the floor, slow but steady streams, and his whole body felt weak, he felt tired, he really should stop this, he didn’t want but needed, he set the razor down and inspected his wounds, hopefully none too deep, he felt a headache creeping up, he wondered if he had any of the potions or poultices Snape had given him, but he didn’t want to go through his bag with bloody fingers, what if someone would ask questions later, . Not having much else to choose from, or at least it were the only thing he could think of, he got of his robe and the shirt underneath, looked it over before gently setting it on top of the toilet, as he himself were sitting down on the floor now, careful not to get blood on the white shirt, before removing his tank top as well. It were good enough, and wouldn’t be missed. 

As he began to tear the fabric into strips of cloth, he heard the bathroom door open, and he froze, terrified. But then he heard Harrys voice, gently calling his name, and he remembered that he’d told Harry where he were, and that made another, entirely different wave of fear creep over him. _He can’t see me like this, he can’t…_

”Draco, are you there?” Draco saw Harrys feet come closer to the only locked bathroom stall, and then sit down opposite of the door. ”Draco, if you don’t want me to look, that’s fine. I’ll sit here until you want to come out, or if you want me to come int, either way. I just want to know that you’re there.”

”I’m…. here.”

”Hi, Draco. I’ve missed you.”

”We met just hours ago.”

”I know, but I’ve missed you either way. Here” Harry sent a small package under the door, which Draco hesitated to pick up, but did. It contained some probably newly transformed bandages, and chocolate. Draco almost smiled. 

”Thanks.” He heard how thin his voice were, and suddenly the headache were there again, and the tired limbs and dizziness. He tried to open the chocolate bar, he tried to just sit up straight, but his whole body were like jelly, he couldn’t get his arms to move properly. ”Harry…” His voice were so thin, he were surprised that Harry even heard him, but he noticed how Harry sat up straight on the other side of the door, calling his name in a low but worried voice. ”Harry… can you… come?”

”Is it locked?” Draco heard the worry in his voice clearly, but he couldn’t get himself to reach up to the door and unlock it. With a grunt he tried, and gave up, and that seemed enough for Harry to stand up and then whisper ’ _Alohomora!_ ’ and the door swung open. Draco realised he should cover himself, but Harry were quicker, and by no time he sat by Dracos side, gathering his clothes and getting some cloth to try and dry away the blood. 

They were both quiet, and Draco let Harry continue. Not that he could have done much to hinder him, now that a bone chilling cold were upon him, but he felt… safe. Safer. Harry were careful, and methodical, and got Dracos wounds clean and then put a light layer of cloth over then, to stop the bleeding, before he reached down and picked up the candy, unwrapping it and holding it to Dracos mouth. 

”If you want, I don’t know if you have any allergies, but it will make you feel better.”

Draco took a bite, and as the chocolate melted in his mouth he felt a bit better, but if it were just because of the chocolate weren’t clear. He wanted to smile. 

Harry looked back to his arms, concern in his eyes. ”Draco, I think that some of those needs to be healed. Some were quite deep, and I don’t want you to loose more blood. You look really pale.”

Draco didn’t answer, just looked at Harry, who looked back for a while before continuing. ”Is it okey, if I…” He trailed off, but Draco got the question, and nodded. Harry looked relieved, but still asked ”Are you sure? I’ll only really heal the ones that are the worst, and stop the bleeding, okey?” and Draco nodded again, a very small and shallow nod, but it were all he could do unless his head should explode or fall off. 

Getting his wand, which had been carelessly stuck in his outer pocket, Harry began to whisper a healing charm, moving his wand over Dracos right arm, and Draco felt the throbbing pain slowly fade away, until it were a much smaller part of his conscious mind, before Harry moved over the his left arm, doing the same. When he were done, Draco still felt dizzy and cold, with a headache and incredible thirst, but all he could do was whisper ”Water…”. Harry got the need either way, and went out to come back with several mugs of water, and a bringer he’d just transformed. He helped Draco hold the mug, and got another one ready before Draco had to ask. 

They’d put the bringer on the toilet seat, on top of Dracos shirt and robe, and closed the door behind them, pressing them into the small stall, both sitting on the floor, Harry on his knees and Draco laying down as much as were possible. He were beginning to feel better, and with Harry over him, taking care of him, he despised to think it, but it made him feel good. Which meant his more regular, sarcastic humor were beginning to crawl back. 

”Remember the last time we were locked in a bathroom stall together?” Draco smiled as Harry blushed. ”Nice times, right?”

”That were like, yesterday.”

”Yeah, but that’s a very long time ago. Just a few hours ago, you were inside me.”

Draco tried to not laugh as Harry froze, cheeks burning red, and with a strange sound like clearing his throat mixed with a scoff. 

”Yeah, well… ”

”You’re cute when you’re flustered.”

”Eh…” 

”And when your glasses slide down your nose like that.”

He mindlessly pushed them up, Not Looking at Draco, who smiled mischievously. 

”And especially when your speechless like that.”

Harry looked down, busy with twirling his wand, and Draco felt warm despite the blood-loss induced shills. 

”Nothing to say, Potter?” Draco leaned in a little closer to him. ”Scared, Potter?”

”Fuck you Draco!” Harry blurted out, shying away, smiling. 

”You already did, or are you too weak-minded to remember?” Draco just smiled at all the different feelings and thoughts he swaps through Harrys face. 

”You’re such a git.” Harry shook his head, cheeks still red. 

”And you like it, don’t you? Isn’t that why you’ve been so obsessed with me all this time?”

”Ass.”

”Bastard.”

They leaned in closer, which weren’t much as they were quite cramped into the small compartment, and shared a gentle kiss, nothing more then lips briefly touching, and lingering, before pulling apart again. 

Harry stayed close and put his hands on Dracos cheeks, looking into his eyes, and Draco felt himself wanting to shy away, but didn’t, and held his gaze. 

Harry hesitated, gathering his breath, opening his mouth, closing it again. Draco waited. 

”I… Draco, we’ve done a lot together lately, and a lot has changed, and still, everything’s the same, and it’s strange, and it’s pretty much weirding me out, but…”

With each word Dracos smile fell, his happy warmth fell away, because he thought that maybe he knew what Harry were gonna say; that they were too different, too unstable, that this would never work, that he couldn’t leave his friends like this every time Draco needed him. 

”It’s… okey, Harry, I get it…”

”No, no, it’s just that, uhm, even though it’s been weird and strange and… almost stupid, in a way, I mean we pretty much had to get kidnapped and stuck in a fucking forest before I even saw you as anything else then… eh… but I just want to say that it doesn’t matter! I’m… happy it turned out like this.”

Their eyes met, and Draco waited for something bad to drop, for Harry to break it off, for Snape or even Lucius to burst in and find them like this, or something. This felt… strange. Just like Harry’d said. 

”I just want to say, that… I want to continue this. To… meet you.”

”Okey. But maybe another bathroom next time?”

Harry laughed, and Draco smiled again, the words beginning to hit him, and he really looked at Harry now; his eyes, his scar, his hair, his thin shoulders and bony arms, his chest… 

”Okey. I’d… like to meet you too. Again. Somewhere that’s not a bathroom.” 

”Deal!” Harry said, smiling, and Draco smiled back, and they kissed, again, lips pressed firmly but softly against each others, slowly separating and Draco felt Harrys tongue touch his lips, and inside his mouth, and he let his own tongue touch his, sliding gently along the top, along their lips, as Harrys hand reached down to rest at his waist. 

 

Harry helped Draco cover up his wounds properly, that to get his clothes clean, and get dressed. He tried to tell himself that he didn’t stare that much, but seeing Dracos bare chest reminded him of earlier, when they’d both been naked, and when they’d been in the Library, and Harry tried to focus on the tasks at hand, at least until Draco were dressed and on his feet. 

They talked somewhat about their texting, about how confusing it were to write on that small device, and how well it seemed to have worked out. And yes, they kissed a few more times, but only small kisses. Draco were still way too weak, and Harry didn’t want to do anything now, no matter how many invites he got. 

Their banter, though quite lovingly, continued when they’d tired of talking about phones and anything else, and it made Harry feel better. When he’d come down here, finding a locked door and hearing Dracos voice, he’d been scared. When he’d opened the door, he’d been terrified, but kept it together, seeing that he needed to help. But now, when they were both up and Draco’d been dressed again, he felt how weak his knees were, and that the chock were catching up with him. Seeing Draco on the floor like that, it hurt him much more then he could admit. And he couldn’t show this to Draco. He had to stay strong. He had to take care of him. 

”Hey, Harry, are you okey?” Draco asked, looking him over when they were both standing by the sinks. 

”Why do you ask?”

”You seem distant. And, I guess… this doesn’t help.” Draco indicated his now covered arms. 

”Well… I’m just worried for you. I don’t… I mean, what if you hadn’t contacted me? What if you’d been here all night, alone? You… I just can’t think of that, Draco. I… I don’t want to to disappear.”

Draco didn’t answer, and when Harry finally looked up he saw that Draco were watching him, almost studying him. 

”What?”

”It’s just… I don’t think I’ve had someone say that… like that.”

”That they don’t want you to die?”

”Well…”

”Pansy did. A lot. She were fucking pissed at you when she came to find me, and realised you were on your own.”

”Well, Pansy’s different.” Draco smiled. ”She’s… she understands. You know?”

”Why you hurt yourself?”

”That, and… you know, _you_.”

”Oh.” Harry thought for a while, remembering the times he’d seen Draco and Pansy together, how they’d acted a couple on and off the last year. ”That’s why you were playing lovers?”

”Well, not really… that were more because of parents, and… it were easier that way. People give you a lot more privacy when they think you’re… you know.”

”Yeah, I can believe that.” Harry shared a glance with Draco and both blushed and snickered a bit, and Harrys hand found Dracos, squeezing it lightly. 

”But actually, I… didn’t know, about her. It were first when I… told her, you know, about the forest, and she just, well, let it out. I guess it makes a lot of sense, she never did have any patience with suitors, but I really didn’t know.”

”So… you’ve only known for a day or so, then?”

”Yeah, something like that. As long as she’ve known about… us, basically.”

”Hm. Did… eh, did she tell you anything… no, wait, that’s not for me, and I don’t really need to know. I’m just curious, because, well, she’s like us then. No wonder you two make such good friends.” Draco gave him a quick smile, and Harry looked at him, smiling, thinking about how lucky he were to have her. ”She’s a really good friend, it seems.”

”She’s a total ass, but yeah, I guess.”

”You’re a total ass sometimes.”

”Maybe that’s why she’s such a good friend then.”

”Git.”

”You know you love me for it.”

”I do.”

Draco blushed intensely as Harry responded, and Harry smiled at him and leaned in for a kiss. 

”I do love you, even though you still think it’s a joke.”

”I, I don’t, I’m just…”

”It’s okey. Take the time you need. At least you have me by phone now.” Harry took a step closer and put his other hand on Dracos cheek, still holding his hand with his own. ”I just want to be with you.”

Draco looked into his eyes, and they were clear and grey and beautiful, especially so when he said ”I want to be with you too.”

Harry grinned like a child, and continued to smile even as Draco leaned in for a kiss, and their lips finally met again, already parted and Harry felt the tip of Dracos tongue touch his lips, then his own tongue as he pressed closer, mouth open, more then a simple kiss now; he still held Dracos hand, and the other held his waist, and he loved the feel of Dracos warmth and the movements of his tongue and his scent and everything. 

As they parted, they looked at each other, Harry admiring those soft lips and wanting nothing more then to continue kissing them. But Draco had gone from happily blushing to a more thoughtful look, and it made Harry ask ”What is it?”. 

”It’s just… how do we do this? Out there?”

That question took Harry back, and almost got the smile off his lips. 

”I mean, even though my father isn’t welcome here anymore… what about the rest of the school? It’s not like we’d be the ideal couple, anyhow.” Draco continued, looking out into the air. 

”Does it really matter? At least they can’t really hurt us here. You heard it yourself, that Dumbledore would help us, and…”

”Yeah, because having that idiots help makes me feel so much better.”

”He’s not an idiot! I know you don’t like him, but…”

”He’s mad! He sent us, as first-years, into the Forbidden Forest! Instead of detention! Seriously, how can that be for anything but a mad mind?”

”He’s strange, and sometimes weird, but he’s…”

”It’s just because you never had to grow up with his idiocy around you at all times. Ever since you were born you’d been hidden away, and then he’ve always been by your side, no matter what, and you’re not the one who had to endure the shit the rest of us has to put up with because of him.”

”Draco, stop. Please. I know he’s not the perfect headmaster of anything, but I do respect him, and nothing changes that he’s pretty much the only one that Voldemort fears.”

”Because his idiocy makes him fucking unpredictable, that is.”

”Still, maybe that’s what we need, to bring the Dark Lord down? Some outright lunatics?”

”But that’s… wait, no, I don’t want to think of this, can we just…”

”Oh” Harry took a step back. ”I’m sorry, of course. We should… I don’t know, get you back, maybe?”

”I… I’m really tired. And cold, actually. Maybe… Snape?”

Harry gave Draco a doubting look. ”Should I go fetch Professor Snape?”

Draco’s legs seemed to waver, and Harry help set him down onto the floor, making sure he had water nearby. 

”Yeah, I guess… He gave me a potion last time, and I think maybe I’d need that, or something. For… the blood, you know.”

”Like a blood-replenishing potion or something?”

”Yeah, maybe.” Draco took a glass of water and downed it, and Harry took the glass to refill it. 

”It’s okey, I’ll leave you here and go get him, I’ll be quick and…”

”No!” Draco said. ”No, don’t… I don’t want to…”

Harry had shied back at Dracos sudden change in tone, but leaned in closer now and stroked his cheek gently. ”It’s okey, I don’t think he’ll judge. You already showed him this, right? Maybe not intentionally… But if he’d given you this before, and the poultice, without alerting Madam Pomfrey, then maybe he’ll accept you like this.”

Draco looked at him for a moment, and then just smiled. He tried to hide it at first, but it got the better of him and he had to look away. 

”What?” Harry asked, a bit confused. 

”You just really don’t know Snape, and well, it’s just funny imagining you, of all people, trying to convince Snape to follow you to help me. Seriously, what kind of sick dream are we living, really?”

Harry gave Draco a tired smile. ”You just stay here and don’t do anything stupid, okey? I’ll be as fast as I can, promise.”

With a last kiss, Harry stood to walk out of the bathroom, but refilled the water and transformed some blankets for Draco before he left, and with a last look and some words about how he shouldn’t be long and don’t do anything strange, Harry left. 

 

Draco sat in the quiet room, just listening to the silence. It were comforting; having been patched up, feed a lot of water, and then been left alone, to think, or not think, as he did now. The quiet were comforting. 

He really hadn’t wanted Harry to come down and see him like this, he’d been downright terrified about it. What if he brought Madam Pomfrey, what if he turned and didn’t come back, what if father saw him like this, what if… But nothing of that had happened. Harry’d been chocked, but also been quick to cope and help. And that were much more then Draco could have thought of. He’d thought Harry’d run away, or not even come here, but he did. 

And now Draco sat in the quiet, and just enjoyed the dull pain and shivering from the cold. 


	19. Don't help me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry helps Draco out of his dark space, and shares some of his own feelings.   
> Draco throws a fit because... why is Harry so fucking nice to him? Fuck that bastard.   
> Hugging ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O hai <3 Another chapter, another confrontation, and these two dorks have a lot of shit to go through.   
> I'm on tumblr: InsanitysQueen.tumblr.com  
> I post a lot of different shit, not sure what I'm doing there yet :D  
> Comment and leave kudos if you want, and hugs to all that want them <3

Harry’d left his bag and everything with Draco, which might have been a misstake, as he didn’t have the Map with him now. Professor Snape were probably in the Dungeons, in his office, but Harry didn’t know were to look if he weren’t, and it were quite a long way down there. But with no other idea of were to go, he set off down. 

On the way he tried t think about what to say. He couldn’t all well just tell Snape that  Draco had cut himself, right? Even if Snape knew, this were pretty bad… but maybe Draco did need more help? I mean, Professor Snape and himself could only do so much, even with Pansy too look over Draco while they couldn’t. 

Harry thought that it would be s much simpler if he didn’t have to lie o Hermione and Ron about this. Not only did it feel wrong, it just… they could help Draco so much better if they could all be friends. Then it wouldn’t be too much on Harry and Pansy to handle, with the occasional potion from Snape. 

But Harry didn’t really believe it would work. They’d been enemies for too long, and Ron hated Dracos guts, and Hermione gave all those strange smiles and looked away everytime Draco and his gang were near. She’d even hit him, once, and well, Harryd done the same, but… that had been a bit different, hadn’t it? 

And even if they did accept Draco, then what? The whole school were bussing with rumours about where they’d both been, during those dys, and how different they’d been when they came back, holding hands and all. Even though it had been real short, but still, such things stuck in the collective mind, it seemed. Especially with Dumbledore meeting them and all that. It were just too much to just brush aside, and Harry hadn’t been the best at keeping his face either. He wondered what people thought, even now, when he walked along though the school, headed for the Dungeons, alone. It felt like he got weird looks from everyone he met, even the statues, even thought he knew that were wrong. Well. Not much too do about that now anyway; he had important things to attend to. 

As he stood outside of Snapes office, he hesitated. No matter how close Snape and Draco were, or the nature of their relation compared to Harrys, it were still _Snape_. But Harry shook of his hesitation and pounded loudly on the door. 

There were a ruffle on the other side of the door, and then it opened, to a quite surprised, but still visibly disgruntled Professor. 

”Potter? I don’t remember giving you a detention, and if so, you’re hours late.”

Harry bit down his first instinct, to give a sharp reply, and took a deep breath before saying: ”I’m here because of Draco, sir. He…” _Fuck! What could make this look different from what it were?  How could he tell Snape about Draco needing help, without mentioning why_ he _were the one asking for it?_

Snapes piercing stare did nothing to help him, especially now were he tried to be civil and diplomatic, for once. 

”If there’s something the young Malfoy needs, he can ask for it himself. Why wold I ever let you act as a middle-man? Besides it obviously being below your _elevated_ throne.”

”He needs a kind of blood-replenishing potion! And maybe some more of that wound-healing poultice of whatever it is.”

Harry felt his cheeks turn red, with held back anger and disgrace, and felt some accomplishment as Snape seemed surprised by what he’d said. 

”Why would _you_ help with… that?”

”Eh… I were the only one, eh, close by, and…”

”Spare me your lies, Potter. Why would Draco Malfoy send you, the infamous Potter, to get these things from me?”

Harrys mind blanked, but then Snape seemed to reach an understanding of the situation, and took a step back and motioned for Harry to come in. Without really understanding what were happening, Harry followed, and Snape closed the door behind them before walking over to his desk. 

”What happened between you two out in the forest, Potter?”

The question were so sudden, and the gaze Snape gave him were so different from the regular disdainful one, that Harry just opened and closed his mouth, still with red cheeks, and that he noticed this himself did nothing to help him, as all he wanted were to act normal and not like he’d been caught red-handed. 

To his great shame, Snape seemed to take this as an answer, and nodded lightly before walking over to his potion-filled cabinet, getting a potion that Harry thought looked just the same as all the others, and came over to Harry were he stood frozen, at the middle of the office. Snape reached out and gave him the potion, which Harry took without looking up. 

”I’m not gonna ask for any details, but I must know this: Did your relation to Draco Malfoy change greatly during the time you two spent in the forest I sent you to?”

Harry didn’t trust his voice, and didn’t know what to say. He swallowed and gave a thin ”Yes”. 

”Hm. Do you trust him?”

”Yes. I… trust him.”

Snape were quiet for a while, enough for Harry to become curious, and when he looked up to Snapes face he saw something he didn’t think he’d ever seen; Snape in a thoughtful mood, and not a hint of the trademark snarl, not even the special one he reserved for Harry. It didn’t last though, and Snape turned around as soon as he noticed Harrys look, and went to another cabinet to get some ceramic container, which he also gave to Harry. 

”Make him drink the potion first, before you do anything else. Then, if he still have bleeding wounds, massage some of this into the skin around the wounds, and carefully wrap them up in sterile bandages. Do you know how to make sterile bandages?”

”Yes, sir.”

”Good. This should be enough for now, but you should tell him he needs to come see me tomorrow morning, before classes. Understood?”

”Yes, sir. I’ll tell him you said that.”

”Good. And… is he okey?”

”Eh… well, better. I… helped him.” Harry didn’t really know what to say or what Snape wanted to know, and didn’t really dare look at Snape in case he saw the care he had for Draco. 

Snape was quiet for a while, and Harry felt his eyes upon him, and didn’t really dare move but didn’t want to stay, and he began to feel irritated, because Draco needed help _now_ , and Snape were here just looking at him like it were a regular day and nothing were different and Harry just didn’t feel it were okey. 

”You can go now.” 

”Yes, _sir_.”

Harry were quickly out of there, and almost ran up the castle, taking stairs 2 steps at a time, and didn’t even wonder why Snapes voice had lacked the regular dismissive drawl in the last statement. 

 

Draco had closed his eyes and sat leaned against the wall. He’d tried laying down, but then his head had began to feel heavy and there’d been a growing headache, so even though the wall were cold and uncomfortable, it were the only choice right now. At least then the headache weren’t head-shattering. He’d tried to use his coat as a pillow of sorts but then he got too cold, which he were either way but still, more then it was worth. 

As the door opened to the bathroom he froze, but he saw Harry come in and relaxed, even smiled a bit, and Harry quickly came over to him and sat down next to him. and getting a potions-flask from inside his shirt. 

”Here, I got this. You were supposed to drink it right now. Here” Harry said, holding the potion to Dracos lips. 

Draco tried to hold the potion himself, but Harry didn’t let go, and he didn’t have the strength right now anyway, so he swallowed down the potion in small gulps as Harry carefully helped him, and held his hand while doing so. 

When the potion were gone, Harry put the flask down and looked at Draco with worried eyes. ”Do you feel better?”

Draco thought about it, and it were almost like he could feel the potion hitting his throat and spreading out through his bloodstream, taking the worst cold and weariness out with it. ”Yeah, a bit. Still got a bit of a headache.”

”Did you get more water?”

”Only what you left me.”

Harry looked at the container and Draco took a moment to look him over. He really seemed worried about him. It felt… strange, but in a good way. As Harry looked back at Draco his reflexes were too slow to wipe the smile of his face or avert his gaze, so Harry noticed his staring, but only smiled back and leaned in for a gentle kiss. Draco blushed, but only a little. 

”You look better already.”

Draco wanted to give a sharp response, but his mind seemed filled with cotton, and he just snarled a little, which only made Harry smile, which felt really strange. 

”You never smiled like that when I made that face before.”

”Well, you were quite an idiot then. Might have been why.”

”Like you weren’t.”

”Okey, so we were both idiots. But you were all ’pureblood is better’ and that were quite provocative.”

”And you were all ’I don’t know shit’ and… well…”

”Anyway. Does it really matter? And, do you feel better now?” Harry looked him over, holding his hand firmly, and Draco felt the warmth inside him spread. 

”Yes, a lot, actually. Still cold and tired, but better, and the headache is almost gone.”

”Perfect!” Harry smiled a genuinely happy smile that were highly contagious. ”Do you think you wanna go back to your dorm? I don’t know the time, but it should be close to curfew anyhow.”

”Yeah…” _Pansy’s going to be pissed with worry about me,_ Draco thought as Harry helped him stand up again, and packed their things, and transformed the glas and canister back into their original form, and cleaning up a bit. Draco shied away from looking into the bathroom stall he’d cut himself in, but he saw blood on the floor, and he felt bad, for Harry to cleaning up after him. 

”I can do that, if you don’t… want to.”

Harry just looked at him and told him to make sure they didn’t forget anything, and cast a thorough cleaning charm over the stall and the parts were Draco’d sat down, waiting for Harry to get back. 

”Oh yeah, Snape wanted you to come see him tomorrow, before classes.” Harry looked at Draco and clearly saw something, because he quickly added ”He didn’t seem angry or anything, more like he wanted to give you another potion or, I don’t know, but he didn’t seem to want to lecture you or anything.”

”It’s okey, I guess I’ll have to go see him anyway. I feel quite weak still.”

”You really don’t want to see Madam Pomfrey?”

”No! No, she’ll probably… There may be rules and such, in case students hurt themselves, and maybe they have to tell the… family, and…”

”Oh.” Harry stood close by him now, their stuff gathered into his bag and he even held Dracos on his other shoulder. ”Draco, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Snape seems to respect your choice to not tell her, and I’m not gonna tell on you, but you need to… well, not need, but I really, really want to know if you ever hurt yourself again. At least if it’s this bad. I just… I’m worried for you and I really _really_ don’t want to… ”

”It’s okey, Harry, I’m not gonna kill myself, I’m pretty sure, it’s just…” But how could he explain that? The mind numbing darkness inside, how it felt to have his heart torn out and petrified, only to have it shoved into the dark hole in his chest again. He felt to hollow inside, but he had no real words to describe it. The whole situation felt… unreal. 

Harrys arms grabbed him, pulled him close and into a big, tight hug. Draco didn’t have time to move his arms and now they were pressed against his sides and he couldn’t really do anything, and it all just felt nice, so he rested his head on Harrys shoulder, letting his breath out and a lot of tension with it. 

”I’ll walk you to your dorm, okey? And make sure Pansy knows you’re alright, so she doesn’t scream at me again.”

Draco just nodded lazily against Harrys shoulder, and then took hold of his hand and lead him out of there. The thought that they might be seen went through Dracos head, but he were too tired and mentally exhausted to care, and if the thought had struck Harry he didn’t let it show. 

They walked side by side for some time, through the smaller corridors of the castle, down some of the moving stairs, without seeing a single student or teacher out. Harry turned to Draco and gave him a look that were a little worried. 

”Do you think the curfew started yet? It’s really empty…”

Draco shrugged, and Harry got his wand from his pocket and cast a Tempus, which told them they still had at least half an hour left. 

”Were are everyone?” Harry asked out into the air. 

”Homework, maybe?”

”Well… but it’s just too quiet. I mean it’s not like the big tests are coming up soon or anything, it shouldn’t be…”

Harry quickly got quiet as Draco pushed him against the wall and pushed his lips against his, his body against Harrys and kissing his neck and chin and lips and cheek and letting his tongue touch every same part as his lips. 

Holding his hands softly pressed against Harrys waist and hipbones, he felt Harrys hands grab onto him, sneaking around his chest and waist and grabbing his cloak before pushing him away. 

”Draco, what the…? What if someone…?!”

Draco looked around and didn’t see anything and lay his head down on Harrys shoulder, hugging him close.

”I don’t give a fuck. Fuck everyone.”

”But, Draco…”

”I just don’t want to do this anymore. Pretend and play nice and tough and being the perfect pretty little dark minion and fuck them! Bloody ’Pureblood’s’ and ’Mudblood’s’ and this whole fucking war! I just want to fucking live! I just… And fuck you too Potter! For being so damn understanding! And cute! Fuck you!” Draco had taken a few steps back and it all just felt overwhelming. He wanted to do so many things, but all of them wrong, and it felt like his whole life and every small little held back feeling had to come out now, exactly _now_ , and he just couldn’t stop it. 

”Draco…”

”No! Fuck you! Fuck you the most off all! You had to just… you ruined everything! I should have been chosen! I could have been happy, and special, and we’d cleanse this fucking world of all the mudblood’s and I’d been happy and normal and everything and now it’s just fucking gone and fucking look at me! I’m fucking _cutting myself_ and who the fuck does that?! I’m a dirty fucking fag and you’re the reason for it! Fuck you!”

He tried to say something more and he wanted to punch Harry, to tear that stupid black hair from his head and claw out those beautiful green eyes and humiliate him and scream at him and just get this feelings off him and onto something else, someone else. He wanted to hurt something, break someone, he just wanted to disappear, to go back to how everything used to be, because then he at least knew how to act, and what to expect, and now everything he had were Harrys arms around him and he put his own arms around Harry and the floor were cold under his knees and he felt strange, drained, and he thought Harry might be talking to him, saying strange things or maybe it were something else, but it didn’t matter. Everything were gone and nothing would ever be the same and he hated that because he didn’t know how to handle anything anymore. 

Harry kept talking to him, and he heard some of the words, but it didn’t matter. All energy had left him and he just didn’t know what to do anymore. After a while Harry hugged him less tight, looked at him and Draco looked back into his eyes and felt nothing, so Harry hugged him even tighter. Then he stood up, dragged Draco with him, and Draco didn’t object but didn’t feel like he had enough energy to stand on his legs, which might have been true, considering what he’d been doing earlier. 

”I’ll take you to your room, okey? Come, I’ll help you, careful…”

 

When they neared the Dungeons, Harry hesitated, but Draco didn’t seem to notice. 

”Draco, I can’t follow you into the Slytherins Commons Room, not like this. Should I get my Cloak, or should we… I don’t know.”

”I don’t care” were all Draco said, which only made Harry more concerned and a bit stressed. How could they even do this? He couldn’t just take Draco into his room, but he were not going to leave him like this, no matter if Pansy were there or not, and he didn’t know were else to go, and the curfew were probably active now. 

”Come, let’s… I’ll hold the door, can you walk?”

”Yeah, thanks.”

Harry held up a door to a room adjacent to the corridor they were in, and Draco walked in and found a chair to slump down in, careless of his shirt and robes getting wrinkled and dusty. Harry closed the door and put the bag on the floor, digging it through to get the Cloak up from the bottom of it. 

”What are we even doing, Potter? Why are you here?”

”Draco, please, not now. Let me just get you back.”

”You’re not even raised like a wizard. Why are you even here? You shouldn’t even be alive. You just ruin everything…”

”Draco, stop! Stop! You don’t mean this, please shut up…”

”But why? Why do you do this? You came here, only to bandage my arms and listen to me yelling at you? Why do you keep doing this? Why can’t you just fucking go?” Draco were staring at Harry and Harry just stood there, holding his bag and staring back at Draco and didn’t know what to say.

”You’re just a Mudblood, like everyone else, just a lucky fucking faggot and…”

”SHUT UP! I’m here because I fucking _care_ about you! Because I fucking _want to_! So shut up and, fuck, just SHUT UP!” Harry yelled back. 

”YOU SHUT UP!”

”NO, fuck you! Why I’m here? I’m here because I fucking love you, you ungrateful spoiled git! I’m here because I don’t want you to die!”

”But why? Why would you love me? Why can’t you just let me die?” Dracos voice were lower, but still aggressive and his eyes intense. 

Harry just stood there, looking at Draco. Just looking at him. Then walked towards him, and Draco got up from his chair but stumbled and got the chair behind him and couldn’t take any steps back, and Harry were faster and put his arms around him and hugged him so tight he couldn’t move away, and Draco said something more but Harry held him really hard and he struggled and Harry burrowed his face in Dracos robe and shoulder and felt his eyes tear up even though he had them closed shut and Draco stopped struggling. 

”I fucking love you, you bloody git. I fucking love you.” Harry said, into Dracos shoulder. 

”Fuck you Harry… fuck you…”

The force left Draco with those words, but Harry didn’t let go, and they both just kneeled down on the floor and fell over, Harry cradling Draco against his chest and feeling how Draco shuddered against him, his breathing ragged and it sounded like he were crying but there were no tears and Harry just held him closer because of it. 

”It’s not your fault, you’re not wrong, you’re not broken, you’re fucking beautiful with your blonde hair and grey eyes and cute smile and nice ass…”

”What?”

”Sorry, didn’t mean to say that out loud, I meant nice, eh, waist?”

”Fuck you.” Draco muttered into Harrys robes, and Harry smiled a little, because Draco seemed to be shuddering less, and now it were mostly his breathing that made him move. 

”But amazing looks aside…”

”Hmpf!”

”… and you really are awesomely beautiful, but that wasn’t what I were about to say. You are… well, you are nothing more then you make, and you want to be. Merlins beard that sounds cliché, but it’s kind of true as well. People can hurt you all they want and it’s okey to break down and cry, but you can’t continue forever, you know? They haven’t changed you. Maybe added a bit to who you were, like given you a new view on reality and themselves and even yourself, but they haven’t really changed anything. Just affected you. Maybe steered you in another direction, but you can get back, if you had a goal. Eh… What do you want? What is it you really want? And why haven’t you gotten that yet?”

”Fame and fortune, and immortality, please.” Draco mumbled into Harrys clothes. 

”Ass” Harry said as he kissed Draco on top of his head. ”No, I mean like friends, and goals and such. Is money really everything you want? Why? Isn’t it really just the thought of being able to buy whatever you like that you want? Or freedom to own cool stuff? Or, I don’t know, freedom to travel and not care about economics, maybe? And isn’t there any other way to get that?”

”Don’t go all philosophical on me now, seriously, I’m bleeding over here.”

”You started it.”

”Did not.”

”Yes you did, you fucking git.”

”Ass.” But there were no anger in Dracos muffled voice, and Harry hugged him close, nuzzling his own face into Dracos hair, which made him give off some disagreeing squeals. 

”Not the hair, I need that.”

”What do you think I’m doing to it? You’re still gonna have it later. I’m not fucking eating it over here.”

”But you’re ruining my style…”

”Because laying on the floor is so good for you style. Pompous git.”

”At least it’s better then you eating my hair, seriously, what are you doing?”

”I’m NOT eating your hair!”

”Then stop doing that!”

Draco struggled and Harry held him, pushed his face into his hair just out of spite and hugged him close, even when Draco complained, because he could hear the smile in his voice. 

”Merlins beard Harry, let me go.”

”No! Never!” But he let his arms relax a little, and Draco squiggled up a bit, enough for Harry to not be able to reach his hair easily, but instead placed his face right in front of Harrys. Harry smiled happily at him.”

”Why hello there beautiful. Come here often?”

With his free hand, Draco slapped the top of Harrys head as he finished the sentence, but Harry just curled up a little and giggled some, and saw that Draco too were smiling, even though he tried not to. 

”You’re insufferable. I don’t even know why those Gryffindor brats like you so much.”

”Maybe it’s because I’m such an insufferable brat? They aren’t known for their smarts, you know.” Harry glanced mischievously at Draco, who made a grimacing face in response. ”Except Hermione, of course. But she’s kind of stupid as well, choosing to be in Gryffindor instead of Ravenclaw and all.”

”Yeah…” Draco said, loosing his face and glancing down. Harry looked him over for a while, resting his head on his arm while the other still held Draco, before he leaned in close and put his forehead to Dracos chin. He felt Draco hesitate, but then they embraced, and Draco held him close, even leaned over to the side to let Harry rest on his chest, somewhat awkwardly, but too comfortably close to Dracos heartbeat and warmth for Harry to want to move. 

”Do… Hermione have any love interests? Like, what happened between her and Krum after last year?” Draco asked, a bit later. Harry thought for a moment before answering. 

”I don’’t know… I don’t think so. We’ve done a lot together, but except Krum last year, I don’t really know.”

”Oh. Well, how did it work out between them then?”

”I think they just didn’t work together. Like, he were too forward and she didn’t want a long-distance relationship anyway, so it just weren’t meant to be or something.”

”Hm.” When Draco didn’t ask any more questions, Harry shifted a bit on his chest to get a better resting place, and asked his own question. 

”Why did you wonder, anyway?”

”Oh, eh, well… Just curious. She’s kind of special, really. Mystical, even, if you’d ask the fourth-years. It’s like she’s a bit of a celebrity, even with you here, and a lot of Slytherins just really, eh… admire her, I think. At least, they talk a lot about her, but she’s always so secretive and… well, unreachable.”

”Yeah, I guess… I haven’t really thought about it… Krum did come to me to ask about us, like if me and Hermione had something going, but other then that i’ve never really thought about her in such a way. Guess we’ve just been busy.”

”Yeah, you’ve been running all around the place, fucking shit up.” There were a little snort after that sentence, and Harry didn’t distinguish if it were sarcastic or not. 

”Another person might say ’saving the wizarding world’, but I guess that’s just exaggeration anyway.” Harry answered, with a little more spite in his voice then he intended. 

”Hey, you don’t think I’m interested in her, do you? Because I’m not. I’m just… asking, eh… but not for me!”

”If you say so. It’s just a weird subject to bring up right now, if you ask me.”

Draco shifted, and Harry pulled away a bit, and then they both sat up, Draco looking intently at Harry, while Harry were just looking down at his hands. 

”Well, what else would you want me to talk about? How it feels to drain your own blood? How it’s like to have and abusive and controlling family? How everyone fucking hates me, just because I say the wrong fucking words? Would that be more _fitting_ right now?”

”No, I didn’t mean it like that, I just…”

”Just _what,_ Potter? Just thought this whole fucking thing were a charade, a cheap trick? That I’d cut all ties to my family and get fucked by you, just to get closer to someone else?” Dracos voice were rising, and Harry wanted to look him in the eye and just say that no, that’s not what he meant, but he couldn’t get his face to turn upwards. He just couldn’t bear facing those hateful eyes of Dracos, or that twisted face that accompanied it. 

”Draco, no, I… I just…” Draco didn’t spew any other words, but Harry felt the gaze on him, burning with anger and hurt, and it made it hard to continue. He did barely know what to say. ”I just don’t know you all that well I guess, and… I don’t want to loose you…” The last words were low enough that even Harry had a hard time hearing them. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pro note: don't eat hair. It's disgusting. Believe me.


	20. Comforting denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Draco is self-destructive concerning sexuality. 
> 
> Harry want to comfort Draco, but he doesn't always know how. And Draco isn't one to let himself be comforted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it continues.  
> Sorry for not updating more often. Personal problems.

The air in the room were a bit stale, smelling of dust and old leather, and the silence were deafening. Draco felt the anger inside him, hurting and burning and melting down his spine, mixed by the chilling sensation of fear and shame, as always. The anger burned, but the other feelings were still there, and with Harrys words they mixed into new, weird feelings and Draco didn’t know what he felt. 

”You can’t disappear, not now… I’ll miss you too much…”

Draco stared at him, not sure what he should say or how to react. He’d been so stuck in his way of thinking, in the anger that Harry might not be serious in this, that everything were gonna disappear, and this weren’t anything he knew how to handle. 

Usually, when he got angry, people would back off. He’d have fellow Slytherins at his back, those few that thought it okey to bully the muggle-born newbies, or he’d have something to blame, something to destroy, to make the pain go away; or, as of lately, when his anger just didn’t rise with the anxiety, someplace to hide and hurt himself. 

The look Harry gave him, however fleeting, were enough to bring him down. Draco slumped, loosing his fixed posture, his body relaxing against his will and he sat on his knees, drained of anything but a few thought. 

Harry looked up, again, noticed the change in his appearance, and got to his knees as well. 

”Draco, I’m not worried about you not caring for me, or… I’m sorry for what I said. It was stupid and I should know better. I’m just… scared, I guess. Like, fucking terrified. There’s so much going on, I mean we might be getting ready for war soon, and I’ve never done something… and it’s _you_ , I mean, Ron probably still hates you and I did too, just a some days ago, and now…”

Harry lost his words and shrugged instead, shaking his head slightly, looking up at Draco with a small smile. He got ready to say something, but didn’t, and instead just hugged him; Draco tensed against him, only to go limp the moment after, falling into his arms with his head over Harrys shoulder. Harrys arms were tight around him, and Draco felt his hands stroke his back slowly, and his breath over his back. 

”I just don’t know…”

Draco barely noticed that he’d said the words, and didn’t really care. Harry hugged him, and Draco just didn’t have the energy to continue talking, to explain what he’d meant, but Harry just hugged him, sitting on his knees in this strange part of the castle, and they both just sat there for a long while. 

”Harry…”

”Hm?”

”Don’t leave…”

The words were heavy, and Draco wanted to say more, but he couldn’t get his voice to work; there were lumps in his throat, his face were hurting, his whole body felt numb and painfully distant. Harry held him the same, close and almost as distant and limp, and answered in a very low voice. 

”I wont.”

Draco didn’t know what happened, his body just convulsed, and he hugged Harry so hard his fingers hurt and Harry held him the same, breathing down his neck and holding him as Draco shook, his body not under his control right now, and every breath were a struggle. Harry whispered some things, Draco noticed, but he didn’t hear what and couldn’t really think; his eyes hurt and he pushed them closed, pressing his face against Harrys robes and just trying to breathe. 

The soft voice in his ear were the only thin keeping Draco anchored, or else he’d be swept away by feelings and thought and memories and just the pure press of air around him, but Harrys voice were slow and steady and Draco focused on that, nothing else, and slowed his breathing, his thoughts, and his fingers slowly relaxed enough to dig his nails out of Harrys robe, and he felt completely drained. 

Harry laid him down onto the floor, laying next to him and holding him close, spooning him with his whole body, and Draco reached up to scratch an itch on his face and noticed water on his cheeks, his face all wet, tears still flowing from his eyes. 

A Malfoy never cries. 

That thought only made him cry harder again. All while Harry holding his shaking body close, whispering simple words in his ear. 

 

Draco were shaking in Harrys arms, trying to breathe and just continue existing, and Harry sat by him, holding his head in his lap and stroking his hair and cheek. He sat up some time after the worst had passed, leaning against the wall and trying to make them both as comfortable as he could, but with Draco so tense it weren’t the easiest. The few times Draco tried to get up, saying things like ’I have homework, chores…!’ Harry gently pushed him back down, and held him closer, whispering that it were all right, they didn’t need to do anything right now, they could stay here forever, and that he’d stay with him as long as it were needed. It wasn’t easy, but Draco didn’t have the energy to force his way out, and fell down into Harrys lap again. Harry held his head, helping him focus. 

They both became calmer, slowly, and Harry used his wand to fetch a book from his bag, to keep his mind somewhat focused and hindering it to worry about Hermione and Ron, and homework, and his own ’family’, and the winter-break coming up. With a Levitation-spell he had the book hovering beside him, as not to use Draco as a support, and it left his hands free to cradle Draco whenever needed. 

It took quite some time before Draco got his breathing down to somewhat normal rhythm, and Harry were almost halfway into the current chapter in his homework when Draco turned around and looked up at him. 

”Hey pretty-face. Do you know which wizard were the first to make antidotes with mistletoe berries? I can’t find it in the book.”

”Have…’ Dracos’ voice broke and he cleared his throat before continuing. ”Have you checked the 3rd chapter? I don’t remember the name…”

”Well…” Harry flipped a few pages, and skimmed the chapter, without any luck. ”Nope, nothing. It’s not that important anyway, I just wanted some extra points, you know.” Harry closed the book, let it drop to the floor, and turned to focus on Draco, who were still laying n his lap, but now on his back, looking up at Harry. ”Hey there. Are you okey?”

”Yeah… I guess. I think I need some water tough.”

”No worries.” Harry had packed a bottle earlier, and used _accio_ to make it fly over, before opening it up and carefully putting the opening to Dracos mouth. 

”Hey, I can… Hmpf!” 

”Now now, you’re exhausted, and tired. No need to make it harder for you, right? Just lay still, okey…?”

With gentle movements and a very slow trickle Harry poured water into Dracos mouth, after getting a somewhat offended gaze from Draco, to which he only smiled. 

”Better?”

”Damn git. I don’t need your help to drink.” Draco seemed a bit muffed, but not outright offended or anything, so Harry smiled a little. 

”I know. I just wanted to watch you. And you’re quite comfortable, since you’re so warm.”

Draco shot him a piercing glance, but Harry saw the smile that hid in the corner of his mouth. Harry bent down and hugged Draco close, pulling him up a little from the floor, and after some hesitation, Draco pulled up his arms and hugged Harry back. For a while, they sat like that, holding each other, until Harry felt Dracos head move a bit, which made him too turn his head, and suddenly he were staring into Dracos grey eyes, puffed and bloodshot, but still grey and beautiful. He leaned in to kiss him, and Draco let him, closing his eyes and parted his lips some, and Harry felt the same kind of electric discharge course through him as when they’d frist kissed, out in the woods. His body tensed and relaxed, with a comfortable shudder, and his hands found Dracos. The kiss grew into more then just their lips, as Draco pulled him closer and Harry responded by parting his lips some more, letting his tongue taste Dracos lips and the air around them, as he pressed his body against Dracos. He could feel his crotch tingle, and the now common warmth that told him that blood were beginning to pool there, and as he gently pressed his stomach against Draco, he felt the beginning of an erection from him as well, and his body tensed. 

But even tough his body (and mind, really) wanted to continue, it weren’t the time or the place, and he broke the kiss. 

”We need to get back…”

But Draco didn’t listen; he barely let Harry say his words before pushing his lips down upon Harrys again, pushing his tongue into his mouth, letting go of Harrys hand to seek a way inside his shirt. Harry tried to stay passive, even tried to gently push Draco off by putting his hands up between them, but he could feel how hard Draco were, and how soft his lips were, and it made his own erection rock hard, dangerously fast, and as Dracos hands began to unbutton his shirt it was all he could do to not reach down and touch it, or let it out of his pants. 

”Draco… We should get back…”

The words got lost in their kiss and Draco were now pulling Harrys shirt over his shoulders and down his arms, and Harry didn’t do anything to stop it. The only thing he did were hold up his arms as Draco pulled the tank top over his head, before quickly continuing their kiss, which Harry hungrily returned. 

With a mind filled with thoughts like ’we should really get back’, ’curfew must have gone active long ago’, and ’I didn’t even get a book to show Hermione…’, Harry leaned back and let Draco unbutton his pants, and pull down his boxers. With only a quick glance before reaching for it, Draco began to gently pull at the foreskin, and Harry gasped for breath as he did. 

Harrys body jerked a few times, his hips moving uncoordinated with the rest of his body, and one hand grabbing hold of Dracos shoulder, before his breathing and hips feel in rhythm with Dracos hand-movements. Harry leaned his head against Dracos, who were looking down at his hands, and Harry drew a short breath as Draco wrapped even his other hand around his dick. 

”Fuck…” Harry whispered between breaths, before his breathing got deeper and he pushed his crotch forward, pushing himself up by holding Dracos shoulder, and then shifting to hold his head against his chest for a while. Draco kissed his chest, slowed the movements of his arms, and continued kissing Harrys solar plexus, down onto his stomach, and Harry leaned back to watch him, as his lips slowly reached down and touched the tip of his penis. 

”Draco…” were all Harry could think to say, as Draco looked up at him with a small smile and with one hand gently pressing his chest down, until Harry shifted his legs and leaned back on his arms, mouth somewhat open as he drew heavy breaths and watched Draco kiss his abdomen, the naked skin around his crotch, and even letting his tongue pick a gentle trail up the shaft of Harrys penis. Which made Harry gasp, and arch his back, all while trying to keep his eyes on Draco. 

”Oh… hm, you don’t need to… hm!” Harry got out, before Draco again let his lips kiss the top of his penis, but this time he didn’t let go; he let his lips linger, closed, on the top of the shaft, and Harry felt his whole body crave more. It was all he could do to not press his hands on the back of Dracos neck, only to get him to part his lips. 

The warmth of the lips disappeared, and Harry were about to look down again when he felt the soft, sticky warmth of Dracos tongue, gently circling the head of his penis, and Harry forgot how to breathe. 

Draco shifted his position somewhat, and Harry got his breath back, only to have it taken away again as Draco let his whole mouth down over Harrys dick; encircling it with his lips, letting his tongue rest at the back of the head, and Harry let out a slow moan and lost grip with his hands. As he slid down on his back, Draco began to move his hand around the base of the shaft, all while his mouth still held the top, down to were his foreskin started, moving his lips only somewhat, but circling his tongue around the hole and the small string of skin on the back of the head. Harry closed his eyes, opened them again, arched his back and forced his hands down at his sides, trying to keep his legs still, all before he remembered to breathe, as well. 

”Draco… fu-… Draco!”

But whatever Harry had to say got lost in thoughts as Draco began to move his head, his lips and his tongue in the same pace as his hands, now both encircling Harrys penis; slow, but steady, all while pressing on, deeper into his throat, and Harry let his eyes roll back, his back arch, and tried to control himself. 

As Harry lay on the ground, Dracos tongue worked circles around the back of the head and shaft of his penis, his hands firmly moving the skin up and down over his rock-hard dick, his lips moist and moving in rhythm deeper down over his penis. It wasn’t unlike fucking him from behind, except that it were nowhere near the same thing; Harry didn’t have Dracos hips under his hands, or his whimpering moans with every movement, or the all too sexy view of Dracos pale back and firm ass before him. Now he were the one laying on the floor, all to the mercy of Dracos’ movements, and even if he could do something; move his hands, his body, thrust his hips, change the position, he didn’t. This weren’t his show, and he were happy to just lay back and enjoy that tongue, which were now working up a steady beat up and down his penis, and those lips, gaining speed as well as those hands, and Harry let out a long, interrupted breath and focused on being relaxed. Which were a lot harder then he’d thought, as he were just on the edge of orgasm with every stroke of those lips over his dick. 

”Dr… Draco I’m… Fuck, stop, I’ll… I’ll!” But Draco didn’t stop, and Harry tried to control his body, but lost the struggle; he put his hands on the back of Dracos neck, and on his shoulder, guiding his movements and pressing his head down, very gently, as he pressed his hips up and strained his legs against Dracos body as he felt his dick touch what should be the back of Dracos mouth. 

Harry whispered some words, he didn’t know which ones, and held his hands on Dracos head but let go of the force he’d put behind them, but even then Draco didn’t pull back. Instead, he pressed himself deeper down, and Harry felt the push of Dracos throat around his penis, and he moaned, and he tried to speak, but there were only strange and loud noises coming from his mouth and as Draco pulled back, only to push down harder, Harrys body arched, convulsed, and he let out a slow, low moan not far from a scream, followed by several disrupted tried to inhale, as he felt his sack contract and expand, pushing semen up his shaft, into Dracos mouth, pressing against the inside of his cheeks and filling it up even more then the dick already pressed between them. Harry moaned, shifting some of his weight, pulling at Dracos hair, straining his legs and arching his back. Even his eyes shifted, rolling up into his skull and he barely felt what his body were doing, and could only focus on the pulsating erection and how Dracos lips were still pressed against his stomach, tight around the base of his shaft. 

Harry moaned, a low and slow moan, that only grew and became louder as Draco let his tongue lick over Harrys dick, stil in his mouth, and Harry saw the roof above them and the walls and all he could think of were Dracos lips around his dick and his tongue circling his shaft and the head and oh fuck it were too much, he couldn’t handle it. 

”Draco… fuck, stop, don’t…”

Draco grabbed Harrys dick with his hand, which had been laying still over Harrys hip, and began to pull it out, while stil sucking and licking and now even massaging his balls and Harry tried to slither away over the floor but couldn’t really control his muscles, which spasmed with every move Draco made. 

”Please, fuck! Oh fuck I can’t…! Ugh!” 

Now only the top of his penis were in Dracos mouth, but that didn’t make anything easier; Draco still had his tongue massaging the back of the head, and the hole on top, and his hand held Harry firmly pressed onto the floor as he sucked his dick into his mouth and Harry were way too sensitive right now and his stomach curled, making him sit up even though Draco still pressed his hips down with both his hands. 

”Fuck Draco, stop!”

Harry placing his hands around Dracos head and pulled him up, pulled him off, and Harry made some really embarrassing sounds as his mouth no longer touched his cock, and he took a moment to just breathe, still holding Dracos head between his hands. 

When he’d gotten his breath back, he looked up to see Draco drying saliva and semen with the back of his hand off his face, and Harry would have become rock hard by that view alone if he hadn’t been so overly spent. Draco didn’t meet his eyes, and Harry let his hands fall down, pressing his penis gently against his stomach and trying to relax somewhat. 

”What… why did you do that?” Harry asked, as Draco turned away and reached into his robe, probably looking to a napkin or alike. 

”Well you liked it so why do you complain.”

”I’m not complaining I’m just… Why didn’t you stop?”

But Draco only shrugged and stod up, gathering his things and getting his clothes in order, all while casting a few cleaning-hexes on himself and on the fluids that had dropped onto the floor. Harry made to try and stand up as well, but his legs didn’t agree with him at first, and his penis were still sensitive and outside of his pants; he tucked it in, pulling up his boxers and pants, doing a hasty buttoning and getting his robe somewhat more straight, before he got up to his feet. When he finally did, Draco were reaching for the door. 

”Wait, what are you doing? It’s curfew and…” _and what about me?_ But Harry didn’t say it, just let the words stay unspoken as his sentence were left unfinished. 

Draco shrugged and didn’t even turn back as he said ”I don’t care.”

”But Draco, wait! Don’t open the door!”

Draco finally turned back towards Harry, and the lovely grey eyes were enough to get Harry quiet, as they were almost completely drained of feeling. Empty. 

Draco opened the door, turned away from Harry, and walked out. Harry stood there, totally bewildered at what had happened and with no idea if this were actually a really bad dream, or what he should be doing now. 

As the initial shock came to rest, he looked around and saw his things laying on the floor; he quickly grabbed everything and stuffed it carelessly into his bag, all while trying to get the Invisibility Cloak around him and opening the door towards the corridor. 

Outside, it were cold, and Harry hurried through the corridor to see were Draco had gone; he hadn’t gone long, just past the next crossing corridor, and Harry ran after him and forcefully hugged him from behind. 

”Don’t leave me! Not like that? Please, what happened?”

 

As Harry grabbed Draco with his arms, Draco almost fell over by the sheer force of Harry slamming into him. 

”It’s nothing, it’s just late, what do you think?” He couldn’t really find the words and as Harry spun him around he didn’t meet Harrys eyes. 

”Draco. Why did you do that, back there? I mean, I enjoyed it, it’s not about that…”

”Then why are you complaining?” Draco said without disguising his irritation and anger. ”Just get back to your friends and let me get some fucking sleep!”

Harry looked almost chocked by Dracos outburst, and even a bit hurt, but Draco didn’t have time to care, he told himself, and tried to get himself loose from Harrys grab around his shoulders. ”Let me go, are you trying to get us both caught?”

”No, Draco, listen. You can’t do stuff like that, like just sucking me out of nowhere and then _leave_ , it’s not okey! I can tell you’re not happy, I can fucking tell you didn’t do that because you enjoyed it, so why did you?”

”It’s none of your fucking business!”

”Of course it is, I’m your fucking boyfriend, how can this _not_ be my business?!” Harrys cheeks turned instantly red, and he seemed to want to swallow his words. Draco took the opportunity to get free from Harrys grip and quickly took some steps away from him. 

”You’re NOT my boyfriend!”

Draco turned away and almost ran, but he could hear that Harry didn’t follow. He didn’t even say anything. After several stairs and turns, Draco slowed down, and realised he were panting, and that his wounds had started bleeding again. As he took out his wand, he noticed that his bag weren’t with him. 

Suddenly everything were just too much, and he sat down in the middle of the corridor and just tried to breathe. 


	21. A Very Cute Ferret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few more chapters <3 Thanks for staying with me!

Harry didn’t know what to do. Or why he’d said that. Or what any of this meant. 

He looked inside and saw that he did indeed think of them as a pair, though still in the closet, as it were, but partners none the less. And he saw that he really did want to be with Draco; it weren’t just the strange isolation creating this. They were back in Hogwarts, they were among friends and familiar routines, and Harry didn’t feel any less for Draco. He only felt his affection grow, even though it were a hard and cracked soil it had been planted in. But it were growing, no matter how Draco tried to root it up, or himself for that matter. 

Everything would be so much simpler if he could just go back to the Gryffindor tower, make some lame excuse, go to bed and continue life as if nothing of this ever happened. They could both resume their smouldering hatred, their game of insults and pride, and he could tell Hermione and Ron the ’truth’ - that is, a version of it, were nothing happened between Draco and himself, but something else that affected him even this long after the abduction. They’d understand, they’d all hug and become close again and try to survive and plan to win the coming war, and everything would be as it should be. 

Everything could be as his friends thought it already were. 

But he couldn’t do it. 

He banged his head against the wall and dropped his bag; this was NOT what he wanted, yet he didn’t want anything else, and he knew he couldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t go after Draco. Harry’d seen into some of the depts of Dracos darkness and he just couldn’t turn away now, just because he’d been an ass to him. Who wouldn’t turn destructive when faced with the probability that their own family, their _parents_ , might want you dead? Harry just couldn’t let it end like this. 

But he couldn’t get himself to follow Draco, either. After all, he were a person, and he had the right to choose his own life, even though it were bad decisions. Harry could only do so much to help, to try and dispel some of the dark that he knew how to deal with through experience, and give some of that knowledge to Draco. And if Draco still wanted to end this, then fine - Harry would back off, they would go their separate ways, and try to not think too much of what could have been. But Harry needed to do this, and if it came to it, he needed to get a clear ending. 

So with a very heavy heart, he pulled the Marauders Map from his pocket, and did his best to locate Draco fast. 

 

Draco lay on his back on the cold stone floor. His wounds ached; they’d bled enough to reach through the fabric of his shirt, and had now dried and coagulated so that it stuck to his arms. Every movement was hurtful, even breathing, though much less then his thoughts of trying to stand up again. And in were comforting… no, more like calming; he could think as he felt the pain from his scabbing wounds, and he thought only of Harry. 

_Fucking Harry._

When they’d entered that room, he had no intention of staying, or barely talking; he’d been angry, furious, and he didn’t even know at what. The more he thought about it, the less sense it made, and instead it made him confused, and sad, and he felt the anxiety rise in his chest, making his breaths more and more shallow, making his heart beat faster, and he tried to move his arms to make some of the pain run through him but nothing changed. The shirt and robe peeled away from his arms and he barely registered the pain of it, and that made it only worse, and the anxiety became more and more like a presence, forcing itself onto him, and he couldn’t breathe. 

Then he felt warmth, through the cold air. Arms circling him and a body pressed against his own. He turned his head, his shoulders, his whole body, and cuddled up in that embrace. And cried silent tears. 

 

Quite some time later, they were both hidden under the Invisibility Cloak, and Harry steered the way upwards. It had taken a long time to get the conversation somewhat normal between them, as they’d both been on the edge of tears and mentally exhausted, but they’d laid on the floor long enough for them both to be way too cold, and to start worry about Mrs Norris finding them. Harry had laid out the idea, and Draco had refused out of habit, before they’d been able to actually talk again. But now, they were both on the way towards the Gryffindor tower, and Draco seemed to become somewhat like himself again, though slowly. 

”Bloody Gryffindors, I bet everything all gold everywhere. You’re not even trying, you know, and it’s really tacky. Think about it, what if another House drowned themselves and their attire in gold? It would seem way to pompous and better-then-thou, and everyone would hate them for it, but as long as it’s Gryffindor it’s okey because they’re _brave_. Oh, yeah, so brave all of you are just a stupid bunch of Muggle-lovers, the lot of you, and don’t tell me you’re any different then the others. You’ve got a Muggle-born as friend, seriously! Have you no respect towards the Wizarding world? Probably got it from your father, who were also a Muggle-lover, just look at you. Don’t you think it would have turned out better if he’d just married a wizard like himself instead? Like, you know, a full-blooded Wizard?”

”Don’t forget that he had Muggle-born friends as well, and a blood-traitor as best friend.”

”Yeah, like, what good would that do? They both just ended up dead or in Azkaban, too. I think they might have been gay, too, or something, just to make it all worse.”

”You’re such a fucking idiot, Draco.”

”You’re the one trying to take care of me. Does that make you an even bigger idiot, or just a Hufflepuff?”

Harry let him talk; there were no spite or malice in his voice, and he were leaning heavily on Harrys shoulder. It all felt like a cheap ploy for himself, to get some kind of comfort in what he did best: complain. Especially about Muggles and Harry. And especially now, when he were nowhere near his old comfort-zone, but as far away from it as was possible. Harry didn’t pity him, but he didn’t feel the need to stop him either. At least he weren’t talking himself down anymore, and that had to be a improvement. 

They’d talked somewhat, after Harry’d found Draco, and mostly about themselves. Draco didn’t want to live, he just didn’t want to handle this; Harry knew, and understood, without Draco having to voice the words, or even think the thoughts through. He just recognised what he himself had gone through, and he’d held Draco close, kept him warm, and hoped it would be enough. 

It had taken less convincing then Harry’d thought to make Draco accept his invitation into his own bed. Not in a sexual manner, he made very clear; he just didn’t want to leave Draco alone, and his own room were always warm, and the bed had curtains to hide them from sight, and he just couldn’t stand not being there tomorrow morning when Ron woke. He’d done that all too much lately. 

 

Draco didn’t even think about what words came out of his mouth; it felt easier to accept the situation if he just didn’t give himself time to think about it. So he talked, just talked, to get the thoughts away from his head, and to try and ignore the now searing pain of the scabbing wounds, over which the shirt with it’s patches of dried blood rubbed constantly. The pain made it easier to focus, to stay his thoughts, but it also made moving and walking so much harder. After quite a few failed attempts to walk by himself, especially tucked under the Cloak with Harry, he’d given in to that welcoming and warming arm and shoulder, and were now leaning as heavily on Harry as his own feet. 

”And you know what, Dumbledore is just the same. He’s so biased and blind to everything that he’d just let everyone, even Death Eaters just enter the school and stay as long as they like, right? Without even informing the families, of even the students! Remember the first year, and he were all ’Don’t go the this specific room’ but you know what? The stairs fucking moves? Thought about that? Maybe someone got to that corridor and room without even meaning ot! Seriously, and he sent us into the Forbidden Forest, by _ourselves_? He really is mad. A nutty old man. He shouldn’t be in charge of a school as honourable as Hogwarts.”

”We’re almost there now.”

”I bet it’s probably something stupid as jump over a cliff to get there… Stupid Gryffindors, always have to prove how fucking brave they are…”

”Sch, people might hear you soon.”

”Yeah well fuck that…”

But Draco did quiet down, and Harry shrugged out of the Cloak as they walked towards the portrait of the Fat Lady, to give the password and to see if anyone would still be up and waiting for them. It had gotten quite late already. 

As the portrait swung open, with a few harsh words from the Fat Lady for being awoken so late, Harry looked in and carefully checked the Commons rooms, but didn’t see anyone. He motioned for Draco to follow him, which were a bit redundant as Draco already had a hard grip on his clothes and were but a hands-width behind him. 

”This is so god damn stupid I regret this you shouldn’t have convinced me…”

”Sch!”

The Commons rooms were deserted, and the fire were almost down to a glowing ember. Perfect. 

”Come, qietly.”

”Fuck you otter this is the fucking worst…”

But Draco were quiet the rest of the way, which Harry were grateful for, but then he started wondering why no one were up. He hadn’t been gone that long, had he? His friends almost always waited up for h, and he were not gonna ask about this in the morning; he had no explanation that weren’t a lie, or he’d be forced to tell the embarrassing truth, and he didn’t even know if they’d believe him, or evenr forgive him. It were just too much, weren’t it?

They mad their way up the spiral stairs, qietly and when they got up to Harrys bedroom the stopped, and listened at the door for anyone still awake. Rons regular snoring were the only thing he heard, so he guessed the coast were clear, and begin opening the door. 

”Harry, I don’t think… Can’t we go back…”

Harry turned to Draco, or at least where he thought Draco were. ”We’ve come this far. Can’t just go back now.”

”But… what if…”

”You’re invisible. It’s no problem. I’ll handle it if it were. Just trust me.”

”Yeah…” Harry felt a tinge of hurt as he heard the doubt in Dracos voice, and were about to say something else, but realised that they really had no solid reson to trust each other yet. They had their own embarrassment, and the secret they shared, but without, what di they really have together? There weren’t much reason for either of them to trust each other, even though Harry realised he really wanted to gain Dracos trust. And it made him feel better, despite the raging nervousness of anyone being awake to see them, that when he opened the door Draco were quietly following him, the grip on Harrys clothes still as firm. 

No one were awake, as Harry’d thought, but every snoring breath or shifting body were enough to send a trickle of panic down his spine. Being caught now would mean nothing, especially if he acted normal; he could just explain away the reason for him being out so late, and if Draco kept quiet no one would even notice him. But no matter how much he tried to tell himself that it were ok, he were still almost shaking with nervousness and a little bit of fear. 

As they got to the bed, Harry pulled the drapes open, and carefully looking around the room several times, held them open for Draco, who still wore the Cloak as he crawled up on the bed. Harry followed, and then pulled the drapes shut and did his best to fasten them and looked several times over that they weren’t loose anywhere. Then he turned around. 

Draco had let the Cloak fall, and it lay around him on the bed, creating a very strange view where parts of him was gone and his waist seemed to hover above the bed. Harry sat down crosslegged, looking at him, reaching out a hand to stroke his knee. Draco looked down at it. 

”I… just don’t know.”

Harry cocked his head to the side, trying to meet Dracos eyes, but his face were turned down. ”What?”

”… anything. About… me, I guess.”

Harry let his hand stay still on Dracos leg. ”You don’t have to know anything. It’s not that important, I think. Sometimes it makes things worse, like when you can’t affect anything. Me knowing I’m a wizard hasn’t done anything better when living with the Dursleys, only worse, since I know I can turn them all into ferrets or something, but I’ll go to jail if I did. Or at least get expelled, which might be worse.”

”It had to be ferrets…”

Harry smiled a litte, and drew a bit closer to Draco. ”You did make a really cute ferret, though.”

”Fuck off…”

Harry kissed him, and Draco kissed him back. His lips soft and warm and comfortable, sitting alone on his bed, the world closed off around them. Only them to think about the world and everything strange happening there. 

Draco broke the kiss, but still held his face close to Harrys and, grabbed onto his shirt. Harry stayed quiet, but vigilant. No matter how good it had felt to get a blowjob, it were only destructive and he didn’t want Draco to do that again, just to dehumanise himself even more. But Draco didn’t do anything like that. 

”I’m… sorry for earlier. I just… Well, it’ can’t get worse, I think, not between us, so I just didn’t want to… think.”

Harry drew him into a firm hug and Draco relaxed against him, leaned his head on Harrys shoulder and let his arms fall to his sides. 

”I just wish I had something, you know? You… you have a scar, and a legacy, and only happy memories of your parents and your demons are not them, their some other family required by law to care for you and everything, but I don’t have that. My parents, my guarding and my demons are the same, and I can’t escape that. I just want them to love me…”

Dracos voice died off, and Harry held him, for what seemed like a very long time. He didn’t say anything, and Draco stayed quiet as well,, and after a long while they fell down on the bed, and Harry did his best to make both of them comfortable, as Draco seemed to already be asleep on his arms. He thought back to the forest and their first nights there, and how different everything were now. With a kiss on Dracos forehead, he lay his own down on a pillow, and thought that he should tell Hermione and Ron the next day. Or at least talk to Draco about it.


	22. There's gnomes in the kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco and Harry share a bed. And some bed-talk.   
> Later, Hermione realises what Harry is about to admit, and knows that Ron wouldn't understand. Not right now.   
> But, maybe surprisingly, she does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This series is nearing its end. It's been a long and unsteady road.   
> Thanks for everyone reading this, and commenting and leaving kudos. Endless love to you all <3

As Draco woke up, he felt strange. His shoulder hurt a bit when he moved it, and his neck were stiff, and there was a black mop of hair in front of his face. His first reaction were that of surprise and fear at who it belonged to and what it were doing here, and it did nothing that the bed curtains were deep red and gold around him, but he soon remembered. _Harry._

A wave of affection made it’s way through him, before he could stop it, and then quickly got collected in his groin-area as Harry moved, and Draco saw the naked shoulder and chest when the cover fell back. He quickly pulled back, and turned around in the bed. 

Which, of course, only made Harry wake up for real. 

”Hi there blondie.”

Before Draco had answered Harry had sneaked a hand around his waist, under the blanket, and pulled him back close to himself, and gently pressed him body against his own. 

”Your hair’s a mess.”

”Well, love you too, sunshine.”

Draco blushed rather intensely, but stayed, and felt Harrys body line up with his own, spooning him under the warm blanket, a plush pillow under his head, and a warm hand resting just at the end of his stomach, but not further then where his boxers began. Which would have been incredibly distracting even if he hadn’t gotten half a boner by just _looking_ at Harry. 

As Harry began to snore again, Draco wondered about what time it was. Couldn’t be that late yet, the room seemed way to dark for the sun to be fully up, yet he felt completely awake. He thought about where he was, and how he’d gotten here, and felt a pang of embarrassment and shame as he remembered all he’d done last night, and how he’d acted towards Harry. He didn’t want to be such a douche, and he didn’t want Harry to think him weak, but he… it were hard. 

So many thought flooded his mind, memories and what could be memories or just nightmares, he didn’t really know anymore, and thoughts about what Harry would think if he knew all this, how he’d be disgusted with him and rightfully so, at how weak and pathetic Draco were, and that spiral of thoughts only dragged him deeper and deeper, until he felt soft lips gently kiss the back of his neck. 

”Hey. It’s okey. I’m not gonna let them take you back. There’s too many dragons there.”

The spiral paused, and Draco listened to what Harry’d said. Harrys body pressed firmer against his own, pushing a leg between his and pressing stomach and groin against Dracos back and ass, while holding him with that one arm still around his waist. 

”There’s gnomes everywhere. Even in the kitchen. Can’t let them get the cake, or else they’ll know.”

”Harry, what…?” 

”Don’t touch that!”

Draco turned his head, surprised, only to realise Harry had his eyes closed, and a bit of drool on his cheek, and that he were most definitely asleep. Sleep-talking. Of course. 

Draco punched him gently, and Harrys eyes fluttered awake, and then to focus on Draco with a smile that were contagious. 

 

Harry tried to walk down without making a noise, but it were harder then he’d thought, or maybe he were just more nervous. They’d talked a bit, at least, after a bout of nervous smiling and kisses, and agreed to that telling Ron and Hermione were the best option. Pansy already knew pretty much everything, and still cared for Draco, and maybe even Harry too, so shouldn’t his friends do the same? People change, they had to know that, right?

They both sat down in the Commons Room, studying or playing chess, and Harry became even more nervous. What if they made a scene? Harry shook his head, clearing those negative thoughts, and went to talk to his friends. 

They hadn’t agreed to any real plan, he and Draco, and when he got Ron and Hermione alone he was for a loss about what to say. 

”Are you okey, Harry? You look a bit pale” Hermione asked, concerned. ”Oh, it’s just… you know, well… Eh okey, I… need to tell something , I guess.”

”You guess?” Ron asked, not sure how to react. Harry looked down to the floor. 

”Ron, stop it. Let him talk.”

”But…”

”Ron! Could you please fetch a blanket or something, I’m freezing.” Hermione threw at him, making him shy back a bit, but with a shrug and a few muttered words  he stood and went away, clearly taking the hint.

”Hermione! What was that for?”

”Harry, he wouldn’t understand. I just couldn’t let him ruin this, and if you… Harry, you know I care for you, right? A lot?”

”Yeah, you’re my best friend, next to Ron.”

Hermione smiled and took one of Harrys hands in her own. ”I… believe I think I know what you’re about to almost tell me.”

Harry sat quiet, still, eyes locked in her brown ones, so understanding and open to him. He felt… should feel scared, but felt safe. 

”I love Draco.”

He didn’t know he’d said it. It weren’t ment to come out, it just did. He flushed an aggressive red, and tried to look away, but couldn’t move. Hermione only smiled at him, squeezing his hand harder. 

”I know, Harry. And you’re probably the cutest couple ever.”

Harry might be hallucinating, but he almost thought he saw a tear form in Hermiones eye. 

”Why… how?”

”Well, after you came back, and you told us… and all that about meeting with Dumbledore, though that really could have been anything, but the way you kept secrets from me and Ron… Harry, I’m really so sorry about how I reacted when you told us you’d been abused, I just… didn’t want to believe it I guess, but I do, I do believe you, and I…. I think I know what it feels like, this you’re going through now, that is…”

Harry gave her a somewhat questioning looks. ”What do you mean?” And when Hermione blushed and looked away, but didn’t answer, he added ”I hope you’re not in love with Draco too, it would be weird.”

To his surprise Hermione burst out in laughter, which actually made Harry smile himself, and that’s when Ron returned to ask them about the joke, but neither of them could really talk about it, and Hermione let go of Harrys hand after a final squeeze. She looked at him with a smile, and Ron began to tell them about his last bout of chess and how he’d tried a new strategy, seemingly forget about not being part of their joke just moments before, and Harry felt a bit relieved by it all. Hermione gave him a look that he interpreted as ’Ron doesn’t have to know right now, It’s our secret for now’, and he smiled. Ron seemed to be happy just having Harry back to talk to. 

But as Harry excused himself, Hermione pulled him aside, and gave him a pointed look. 

”Harry. You know we can’t tell him. He’ll not understand, not yet.”

”But I just can’t… he’s my best friend. And yours. We can’t just keep all this from him.” 

Hermione looked at Harry, then smiled. 

”Well… I’ll talk to him, I guess. I can’t promise anything, but… just talk to me first, okey?”

Harry nodded. 

 

Meanwhile, in Harrys bed, Draco lay staring at the textile-covered roof of the bed, dressed in nothing but his underwear. He thought about a lot of stuff, but mostly Harry, and mostly the last few days, and mostly about what the hell he were doing. 

He’d broken contact with his family, at Harrys initiative, but both Dumbledore and Snape seemed to think nothing strange about it, and it made him feel like he’d made the right choice - but still, he felt he’d abandoned them. He _were_ a Malfoy, after al. He couldn’t just stop being that. 

He wondered about what his parents thought. They should suspect, or even know, what he’d done. Maybe Dumbledore had made it out to be against Dracos choice, or Snape had made them believe he’d been ’innocent’ in this. Maybe. 

Or else, the Dark Lord were plotting revenge, and how to best kidnap or murder him. 

Draco, the loyal son, turned traitor. Also, fucking the enemy. Because why do something half-assed. 

At least the thought made Draco smile. If he were gonna change, he should to it properly. The scars on his arms bering some evidence of that, and the scars on the rest of his body bearing evidence of pain through change. 

It were far from over, though. 

But somehow, it felt like it were progressing in the right direction. Which felt highly ironical, since Draco fucking Malfoy were laying almost naked in Harry fucking POTTERS bed in the Gryffindor-wing. It was past absurd. 

But didn’t really feel wrong. 

Maybe Draco should take a tour of the surroundings? Steal Potters Invisibility Cloak, sneak off to do some mischief, maybe giving that handsome butt a unsuspecting squeeze… But the thoughts were cut off when he heard the door slide open, and he froze, thinking that he needed to get under the cover, become unsuspicious, but if he moved he would make sounds, and that would be worse, right? Fuck… 

”Draco?” came a soft voice as the door closed again. ”It’s just me.”

”Bloody Merlin, you scared the crap out of me, Potter!” Draco still made way to get under the blanket, but Harry were faster and had both pulled the curtain fern around his bed, thrown himself down on it, and pulled the curtain closed behind him before Draco really got the chance. Instead, he embraced Harry, who seemed to violently need quite a few hugs right now. 

”I think I missed you Draco.”

”I’m sure I didn’t miss you at all.”

”Jackass.”

”Half-blood.”

”Bastard.”

”Ass… ” And then their lips met, again, and Draco were still not used to this. That particular jolt that cursed through his body, Harrys clothed chest pressed against his naked one, soft lips parting his own and warm tongue sliding between them. It were on the verge of scary how fast his dick could get erected  by just such small means. And how much he still blushed at it, because Harry were pressed against him, laying on the bed while Draco tried to sit, and Harrys stomach were just over Dracos crotch. He felt Harry smile, pull back his tongue when he did, and push a hand between their two bodies and pushing it down. 

”Harry… what if.”

”Fuck it. No one comes here until the evening anyway.”

”But…” Draco were about to complain, as he felt like they couldn’t do this just now, with students on the floor below, an unlocked door and a few curtains all that kept them hidden from view. But Harrys arguments were persuasive; he’d reached into Dracos underpants and slid his fingers down over the foreskin of Dracos throbbing erection, and still kept kissing him, deeper and deeper, tongues touching and swirling around each other and over their lips and he felt his chest heaving with deep breaths as Harrys fingers closed around his cock, as he leaned back and Harry got up on his knees before him, bent over as to continue kissing him. It were like he didn’t know what to do with himself - he wanted Harry closer, he wanted to touch him more, he wanted to have all of his hands around him and pushing him against his body and holding him closer, closer, pushing up inside him, feeling his tongue over him, his moans bathed over his ears, he wanted more of everything! 

So, it was a really persuasive argument, and Draco didn’t object anymore. 

Harry didn’t break the kiss, only paused it, lips still touching but tongues in their own mouths, breaths mingling, as he pulled Dracos underpants down below his balls, over his thighs as far as he could reach without leaving Dracos lips, and Draco felt the chill air over his genitals, how his balls contracted against the colder air, and how his erection moved with Harrys touch. It felt so fucking good. 

”Do… I want you to fuck me, Draco. I want you to fuck me so hard right now. Do you want to fuck me?”

Harrys voice were hoarse, and Draco felt the solid erection behind a few layers of clothes against his thigh, and he shuddered, and nodded yes, and added a silent whispered ”Yes!” as well, before swallowing. 

Harry pressed himself against Draco, pushing him further down on the bed, and then pulled back to unbuckle his belt and pull off his shirt. Draco didn’t know what to do, or were to look, or were to rest his hands, so he just shifted them around, but taking his eyes of Harry was really hard. Especially when Harrys shirt got thrown to the floor, and Draco saw how he pushed his pants down over his thighs, his knees, struggling to get them off fast, as well as pulling Dracos own underwear clean off, almost. They got stuck around his foot at Draco tried to wiggle them loose as Harry tried the same, which only made it worse, and Harry just let them be. Draco wiggled his toes mindlessly, tried to focus on getting the underwear off, but Harry were sitting atop of him again and his toes kept wiggling without any direction from his brain, as all he could think off were Harrys naked body on top of his own naked crotch. 

As Harry slid up, slower now, and their cocks touched, Draco couldn’t contain a moan, which made Harry lean down to cover his mouth, which pressed Dracos chest further down, pressing much more air out through his gritted teeth, making the sound much louder then it had needed to be. 

Harry looked like he were thinking of saying something, but only giggled instead, putting one hand over his own mouth as well as Dracos, and he looked so sexy right then that Draco could do nothing else then stare, before viciously kissing him. 

Harry didn’t shy back in the least, only pulled himself closer, pressing lips and body against Draco, rubbing his dick against Dracos stomach. The sound Draco made were not even close to being decent. 

Draco felt like he should say something, but couldn’t figure out what, and his mouth were busy with other things, mainly Harrys lips and tongue, and he let the thought pass, and instead rolled over so that Harry were pinned underneath him, between him and the bed, pressed into the soft mattress and somewhat tangled in the blankets and pillows, but neither of them tried to do anything about that as long as it didn’t interfere with their kisses, or Harrys hands stroking their way over Dracos body, over his back and ass, stomach and legs, down towards his crotch, touching his penis, holding it softly and guiding it to a place just below Harrys own, gently pressing it against the soft skin and short hairs there, and Draco hesitated. 

”What about… lube, or…”

But Harry just kissed him, spread his legs, and pressed down around Dracos penis, making Draco exhale even though he were out of breath, and putting one hand over his ass, pressing Draco forward, making him slide gently inside. 

Draco made several sounds right then, and most of them were swearwords he didn’t even know, along with noises not even closely related to any kind of spoken words, and his hips took it upon themselves to move even though he tried to stay still. 

But staying still weren’t an option, as Harry were already moving, shifting his hips and pressing his hands over Dracos ass, pressing him deeper inside, and Draco heard words and noises not unlike his own, only with a much different voice, and they had an direct impact on himself; he’d never been more aroused in his life. 

He pressed down, feeling how Harrys body were a bit reluctant to let him enter, but as he began to pull out he felt even more resistance, muscles cramping down around his cock, squeezing it unlike any other sensation he’d felt, and his hips pressed deeper down and forward, into Harry, making him feel nothing else then the sensation of his whole dick penetrating his ass, down to the root of it, all of it inside of Harry right now. It were almost enough to make him cum, and he felt his body tense as in preparation of ejaculation, but he forced his mind into focus. Not yet, seriously, not yet; if he was seriously doing this then he’d do it wholeheartedly, and he wanted to. So bad. 

He looked down, and saw Harry splayed out under him, and almost lost it. He was so beautiful, so handsome, and so fucking tight. 

Draco closed his eyes and kept still, for a moment, before continuing. 

Harry kept moaning under him, kept moving and shifting and pushing back against Dracos crotch, and Draco felt himself buck up against Harry more and more wildly, messily, trying and failing to keep a rhythm and just loosing himself, and it was so, so much. The feelings, the sounds, everything about this was too much, and he couldn’t focus, couldn’t, couldn’t… 

”I’m coming, Harry, I’m coming, fuck, fuck…!”

If Harry responded with words Draco didn’t catch them. 

Instead, all he could do was push, deep, hard, staying there, gasping for air, eyes open and unseeing. 

”Fuck…”

Harrys voice pushed through Dracos hazed mind, as did the feeling of him still being inside him. And the sound of Harry jerking himself off. 

”Oh Harry, I’m sorry, I’m…”

”Stay still, don’t pull out… fuck, stay inside me, Draco, stay inside me…”

Draco was still hard, and quickly becoming over-sensitive, but he pushed his hips against Harry and did his best to stay there, even as the insides pressed against his dick, punishingly intense, the post-orgasm enjoyment having him gasping for air. 

It didn’t take long until Harrys movements became more sloppy, loosing their rhythm, and Draco felt himself being sucked deeper in as Harry began cumming. 

The moment stopped. Just both of them staying in position, and gasping for breath, and then falling into a pile of limbs and sheets and just sighing while holding onto each other.


	23. Just making conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cuddling has to end sometime, and once again Harry and Draco part ways.   
> Draco spend time in the Slytherin rooms, and realises he can wonder at things that wasn't possible before.   
> Later, at class, Harry decides that his distractions are only because of Draco, all while Draco catches some interesting ideas from a close friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Seems like I'm at the last chapter now.   
> It's been interesting and fun and exciting and fuuuuuuck this is a long fic, and really, it has given me more then a few new ideas and some knowledge about my own writing.   
> Thanks for staying with me. Love you all for reading and commenting <3

As he’d said earlier, no one actually came up into the wing at this time of day, or at least not right now. Both of them had the time to get cleaned up, cuddle, get dressed, and cuddle a bit more. 

It was starting to become more then just hugs; it was seriously hard to keep his hands of Draco, to not look longingly at him, and to not come with small compliments and jabs. 

He really fucking did love him. 

Draco Malfoy. 

Who’d have thought of that just a few months ago. 

But through it all, he kept thinking about Hermione, and Ron. He couldn’t keep it from them anymore, not when Hermione already knew pretty much everything, and when he saw the scars on Dracos body, he just couldn’t keep himself quiet. 

”Hermione knows.”

Draco looked up at him, scared at first, but his expression quickly softened. 

”Did you tell her, or…?”

”I tried to. She already knew. Ron doesn’t, though. Hermione wants to keep him in the dark for now, because… well, he’s from a real old wizarding family, like you, and I guess he’s just more unforgiving, then?”

”I know that feeling, anyway… I think we could have a lot to talk about, actually. Maybe not everything, but… well, he being from a family almost as pure as mine. There has to be some overlapping subjects.”

”Yeah, I guess. And it’s not like I’m going to bring you downstairs and make out with you in front of everyone, you know.”

Draco laughed, at that. ”That would be a sight.”

Harry smiled. 

 

Later in the day, Draco had gotten back to his own rooms, and Harry had gone off with his friends. It was weird, missing him while still being so close, and them seeing each other less then a few hours ago. Seriously, this was so strange. 

But also not that bad. 

Like, he could get used to it. Maybe? 

And the looks they’d get. It would be strange, but stranger then people thinking he was the heir of Slytherin? He practically even bragging about it? Maybe, because now he’d have Harry to worry about… for himself, the looks could be annoying, but rarely more. Words could hurt and tear, but maybe they would be stronger together? 

Harry should be used to it, he thought. He got this all the time. The Chosen One. 

Draco still kinda hated that one. But it was weird - before, it had been the same, hating the titel and hating the person, but now… it was more like he hated the public more. Like, _they_ where the ones to give Harry that title, and Harry had time and time again rejected it, but they kept shoving it back. The Prophet, the teachers, the students… His own family, and all their ilk. 

What would become of them now?

Draco wondered if they’d get caught, ending up in Azkaban and being miserable for the rest of their lives. He wondered if he’d miss his parents, if he’d want to bring them back, if he’d forgive them, if he’d even remember all they did to him?

Maybe they did love him, in their own way. Maybe they didn’t. 

Surprisingly, thinking that didn’t bring him down as much as it used to. He felt his breath hitch and tremble but he could think it. He could bear the thought. 

His clothes smelled of Harry, he noticed suddenly. 

Maybe that helped?

 

Harry sat in class, trying to pay attention. Shared classes, with Slytherin, in the Dungeon. Of course. Draco was sitting a few rows over, not looking back at him even once, but that blonde head was enough to draw his attention from the lecture. 

At least they didn’t have to make another potion right now, because Harry would have botched it from the first ingredient. 

All he thought of, was ingredients and stirring instructions and sitting on top of Draco, looking down and seeing that face, that pure pleasure, just as he came, and that feeling of being full, being filled… 

Fuck. Keep focus. Harry shifted a bit, feeling a blush spreading as his dick began to harden somewhat. Even if no one noticed, it felt like he could have a whole sign up above him, and he didn’t really want that. 

He’d rather have Draco on top of him, but that wasn’t really plausible right now. 

He finished his sentence, and looked up at the board and the text he was copying, his eyes drifting away almost immediately. 

And meeting those grey eyes, surrounded by blonde tufts of hair, and it was as if Draco knew. He knew, and shared the thought, the fantasy and memory of last night, and now there was no stopping it. His erection was filling his pants and his face was full out flushed by now. 

Harry looked down and kept staring down at his pages, trying to remember where he was, what he was doing, something about stirring clockwise 5 times and then… 

”Harry? Are you ok?”

Hermiones voice, of course she’d notice, of course, Harry could feel her eyes on him, feeling exactly as if she knew but she couldn’t and he took a deep breath. 

”Yes, no worries, just… what, eh, after, ehm… Stirring 5 times, eh…?”

”You’re still at part 2? Seriously, I wonder if you’d ever pass first grade if you didn’t have my help, Harry.”

Harry smiled and shifted a bit, still hard in his pants, and his eyes drifted toward the blonde head just a few rows over, blaming him for everything, making a promise to his back that he’d punish him for distracting him. 

Though, what is punishment if you enjoyed it?

 

”Seriously if you keep looking back you might as well tell the whole school you’re fucking…”

”Merlins beard Pansy, be quiet!”

Pansy only smiled as she continued to write. ”Just saying, might as well go public if you’re gonna keep that staring up…”

”Yeah well maybe I’m going to, ever thought about that?” Draco whispered back, mostly out of spite, but felt that it didn’t have the same effect that he’d thought, as Pansy just smiled down at her notes. 

”So why don’t you?”

Draco opened his mouth, and… didn’t know what to say. 

”Eh… ”

”Like, it’s not that your relationship with your parents are getting any better, and really, if you’d unite our Houses I’d be more then happy. Not that I’d enjoy those pompous Gryffindors prancing around our quarters, but anything to get closer to a particular one…”

”Pansy!” 

”What? I’m just being honest, you know. You should try it maybe, I think it could do both of us some good honestly, what’s the use of living behind lies all the time?”

Draco let go of his quill and just looked at Pansy. She was writing and reading like nothing was wrong, but Draco spotted some blushing on her cheeks. 

”Pansy. What’s up with you?”

”I’m just making conversation, nothing much, what about you?”

Draco shook his head, took up his quill and gave Pansy a doubtful glimpse, before continuing his sentence. But through the side of his mouth he whispered at Pansy. ”Later, after lunch? Meet me in the commons rooms?”

”Yeah, sure, whatever.”

A quick glance at Pansy again, noticing her reddened cheeks, her overly focused writing, knowing that there was a lot going on behind those bangs of hers. 

 

”Did you catch that look Pansy gave you when the class ended? Like, what was that?” Ron said, looking at Hermione as if she’d be as confusedly disgusted as he played at being. 

”Well, it didn’t look like anything different, I mean why would she look at me like anything else then another Gryffindor? I mean I’m sure she wouldn’t know I existed if I didn’t hang out with you idiots.”

”Don’t be so hard on yourself, I’m sure she’d notice your hair no matter who you spent time with” Harry quipped in, while Ron seemed a bit sullen and mumbled something about not being an idiot. 

”Yeah because that’s such a comfort.” Hermione pulled some books from her bag and didn’t meet Harrys eyes. 

They’d gone to the library right after lunch, having some free time before the next class and trying to make the most of it. Harry and Ron had been arguing for going outside, maybe watch the lake in case the giant octopus surfaced, but Hermione had some books she needed to return so they’d followed her. 

Harry looked Hermione over, and realised his joking remark might have actually hurt her, and was just about to apologise when Ron hit him in the side. Hard. 

”Ouch, what the…?”

But Ron only gave him a pointed look and motioned to the entrance of the library. And as soon as the blonde mop of hair came into Harrys point of view, he lost his words. 

Draco, with Pansy in tow, meeting his eyes. Openly. Well almost, because as soon as Harry began staring in confusion, Draco averted his eyes and seemed to blush a little bit. 

Pansy barely look their way at all, apparently intent on finding a book on the shelves they passed. Not that she seemed to read the backs of the volumes, because she didn’t turn her head or slow down even once. 

And, yes, they were heading towards Harry and their table. 

”What are you doing, ferret? This table is taken!” Ron called out, and Dracos cautious smile dimmed a bit. But instead, Pansy looked up, on the verge of responding in the same kind, but Harry was faster. 

”Seriously, Ron, we’re not even using half of the table. Also, we both could use some help on that potions essay, right? The one Hermione refuses to let us copy?”

Ron looked at Harry, seemingly stunned by this turn of events, and Hermione look up at the mention of her name, with a response on the tip of her tongue that died as soon as she saw their new company. 

Pansy pulled out a chair, the one next to Hermione, and sat down without even blinking. The other empty chair, between Pansy and Harry, was cautiously pulled out by Draco, who smiled shyly at Harry. 

Pansy began pulling books up onto the table, all while Hermione sat quiet and still in her chair, and if Harry hadn’t been so occupied with Draco sitting down next to him, he would definitely have noticed the blush spreading on his friends’  face. Right now, he only noticed Draco, who sat down right beside him, close enough for him to reach out and touch his thigh under the table. 

”Sorry for bargin in like this…”

”No, no worries, at all. Like, ehm, but, why…?”

The unspoken question, a glance at Hermione and Pansy, Draco’s smile and the stunned silence from Ron. 

”Same reason as you, I guess. Studies. You said something about a potions essay?”

”Eh… yeah, you know, the one from earlier in the week, about, eh…”

”Aquatic-based potions” Ron quipped in, voice completely flat. 

Draco pulled his brow at that. ”I’m sure you mean the paper about aquatic ingredients and their effect on casual poisons?”

”Eh… yeah.”

Draco pulled Harrys opened potions-book towards him, and scrunched his brows while looking at the pages opened. 

”Yeah I realise you need help, this has nothing to do with that…”

”But it says…”

”Just because there’s some water-based ingredients in here doesn’t mean it’s the same. No, you need to look through chapter, eh… Ah, here…”

Draco began showing both Harry and Ron where they’d gone wrong, and even though he used a more derogatory tone then he really needed, he still managed to get even Ron to take some notes, albeit unwillingly at first. Ron resisted quite a while, pulled up his own book and everything, but Harry noticed that he indeed did look through the pages Draco had suggested. 

On the other side of the table, Pansy and Hermione seemed deep in their own conversation about more advanced subjects. At first. Harry noticed that their heads fell further and further together, their chairs pulled closer and closer to look at each others notes and compare illustrations, and their voices got more quiet with every sentence. 

All the while, Draco had placed his hand on Harrys knee. Harry’d looked up, bewildered at first, making Draco remove his hand for a moment, but he didn’t hesitate in grabbing it instead. 

Draco smiled, and squeezed his hand back. 

 

Draco had talked to Pansy after class. They’d both realised some things right then, born from Pansy seeing Draco change after becoming more tangled with Harry. She’d realised life was more then this, then thinking and dreaming and fearing repercussions. That taking the first steps was sometimes more then enough, and that everything fell into place eventually. Or, if not, what did they really have to loose?

Draco didn’t want to go back. Their failed plan, the realisation that Snape was on Dumbledore’s side, spending so much time with Harry… it had changed some parts of his view on reality. 

And that, in turn, had made Pansy think of how things could be. If she only took a chance. 

So, they’d taken courage from each other, and just decided to go for it. If it failed, then all hell would break loose at home, but if it succeeded, if they actually… 

They’d not talked openly about it, but both had seen the other think it. New friends, relations, maybe even… not going home?

It should be possible. With Snape already on their side, with… Dumbledore, and Harry, and… 

Maybe things could be different?

Maybe they didn’t need to live the lives already laid before them. 

Maybe… 

Draco looked over at Pansy, her head almost close enough to touch Hermione’s, Harry’s hand in his, Ron still deep in the book. Maybe this was enough. 

Maybe this was the new change. 

Maybe this was all they needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have tumblr! :D NeverBeenACorpse (for writing) and InsanitysQueen (for... fandoms and casual shit)  
> I have a blog! :D It's in Swedish tho :/ NeverBeenACorpse.wordpress  
> And... thanks <3


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